Sunday, January 3, 2010


13 YEARS OF...

Something good hasn't been found for... well, for years. In fact, he's been tied to some of the worst things to ever go down in the history of sports entertainment. Let's take a look at the past decade or so of THEBIGREDMONSTERKANE:

- Jerry Lawler's personal dentist
- was fake Diesel (isn't real Diesel bad enough?!)
- revealed that his facial scars from when he was in a FIRE as a kid, were actually mental scars
- pretended to have Lita's baby until Matt Hardy interrupted and brought REAL LIFE with him
- accidentally aborted Lita's baby
- feuded with Gene Snitsky
- promoted his See No Evil movie when his voices started coming out of the arena speakers saying "May 19th!" - the release date of his movie, which, unfortunately, he revealed was also the day his mother and adopted family were killed in a FIRE. Ain't life funny? Huh!
- fought himself in a storyline with no actual end (fake Kane = Festus (isn't real Kane bad enough?!))
- carried a hook around for a while
- had an off-screen(!) feud with Rey Mysterio
- And, lest we forget, the storyline that shant be named.

The Kane character has been around longer than half of the WWE's audience right about now. That is pretty bonkers.

The thing about Kane is, he always gets tossed in the worst angles (see above) without the least amount of planning or logic involved... and yet he remains consistently over. HOW THE HELL IS THAT? Dude has been the same bald weirdo for like five years. At least change your pants! SOMETHING!

So much could be done with the Kane character that would be cool. Pretty much anything besides what he's doing. And I think 2010 is his year. I've just had enough of menacing, evil, tweening, non-threatening-but-always-laughs-like-he-is Kane.

And my biggest problem is I don't even like Kane that much. He's alright and stuff, but I think I like Glen Jacobs more than Kane. Which, is why I think he could pull just about anything off and do well with it, as long as it's not that same old Kane.

It was awesome when he unmasked and was a little crazy for a while (but believably, not like now) - we need something like that. Er... not need. But it'd be cool.

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