FANTASY BOOKING: SAVING STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

With the announcement of Stone Cold Steve Austin guest hosting RAW, I began to pray that the ultimate feud could finally happen. But that would require Austin to return to the WWE for more than one night, and be willing to wrestle again. So, that's why this is fantasy booking and not real life booking.

Bottom line is this - this feud is probably at the top of my wish list in terms of feuds I would ever want to see. It makes so much sense, and would Punk so over, and I would cream my jeans if it ever happened.

ON WITH THE SHOW.

SYNOPSIS

CM Punk has built his Straight-Edge Society to a fever pitch, and he now is determined to save his biggest soul - Stone Cold Steve Austin.

STRAIGHT-EDGE SAVIOUR

CM PUNK

BEER ENTHUSIAST

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

PART ONE

CM Punk continues to save more members of the WWE Universe, building a Straight-Edge Society that have an eery similarity to the Twelve Apostles. He transforms each one of them by shaving their heads and having them come to the ring with him when he's about to save someone new.

Then, one week, Punk ends up pulling a young fan from the crowd in a Rey Mysterio mask. As he's about to shave his head, Mysterio comes out and says Punk has crossed a line, and he's had enough of his bogus crusade.

PART TWO

Punk and Mysterio have a feud that leads all the way up until a big Hair vs. Mask match at WrestleMania. In the weeks leading up, Punk continues adding people to his Straight-Edge Society.

PART THREE

Two weeks before WrestleMania, Stone Cold Steve Austin hosts Monday Night RAW. Austin has several segments on the show interacting with people from his past like Bret, Shawn, Vince, Triple H, Jericho and so on, but there would be no interaction between him and Punk.

Instead, Punk would do commentary on the main event, since Mysterio is participating. The match ends with Austin coming out to dole out Stunners to all heels involved, then comes the usual beer-bash. Once the beers start flying, Punk stands up and the camera zooms in as he gives Austin some cut-eye. End show.

PART FOUR

Next week on RAW, Punk claims he'll save his final soul. He ends up pulling a fan in an Austin shirt out of the crowd. He berates him for supporting a man who makes money off of his dependancy on alcohol. He shaves his head. The fan thanks him for making him look more like the Rattlesnake. Punk takes offense, and sicks his Straight-Edge Society on the Austin fan. Consider him unsaved.

PART FIVE

At WrestleMania, Punk loses to Mysterio and has his head shaved with his Straight-Edge Society looking on. It looks crazy and everyone rejoices.

During the show, Austin makes some sort of appearance. He stuns the crap outta some people and gets tossed some Steveweisers, starts downing one, but spits it out instantly... not in his usual way. He looks at the cans. Each one has sXe marked all over it. It's non-alcoholic beer.

Punk's music hits and out walks a newly-shaven CM Punk, surrounded by his not too happy Straight-Edge Society. Austin, near-beer still dripping from his near-beard ((goatee) - holy fuck whatta pun), and the ring is divided in half. On one side - Stone Cold. On the other, CM Punk and an army of sXe skinheads.

In a flash, Punk and his cronies beat Austin down until Punk is handed a barely-standing Stone Cold - to put him out with a GTS. Punk declares, while dousing Austin in beer, that he will now perform his greatest miracle - he will SAVE STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN.

PART SIX

The rest is really up to Austin and Punk. They'd go on to have epic promo battles (this is such a cop out for fantasy booking, but like I could come up with better shit for them to say than they could). It would involve Punk constantly trying to save Austin, only for Austin to explode and take out his SES before Punk can narrowly escape.

THE FINISH

A big match, probably at SummerSlam, between Austin and Punk. All signs point to Austin winning until Punk's disciples hit the ring. Austin clears them all out, only to eventually fall to a GTS.

Punk celebrates, until he turns around into a furious Steve Austin. Austin swings at Punk, but his Straight-Edge Society spills into the ring again, but this time, Austin takes everybody out - including Punk. Austin heads to the back.

... and returns with a beer truck. Yes. Been done before. But it's never meant more than right now. Austin douses every single one of Punk's converts, and Punk himself, in actual beer. People rejoice.

Yay!