Sunday, August 15, 2010

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON WIKIPEDIA: TEAM WWE'S SUMMERSLAM RECORD

Ever wonder what Team WWE's combined record at SummerSlam is? Ever spend an entire morning skipping breakfast to rifle through Wikipedia to find out? No? WELL YES ON BOTH ACCOUNTS FOR ME.

Spanning 29 matches on 21 events in 22 years (no one on the team wrestled at SummerSlam '96, but I'm sure Sycho Sid is available to fill that role), the Superstars of Team WWE know their way around the hottest event of the Summer. However, only one member of the team truly knows his way around actually winning matches at SummerSlam. But before I get to that, let's see what Team WWE has in wins and losses, and how that will stack up against the Nexus' 0-0-0-0-0-0-0 record:

TEAM WWE
18 WINS - 14 LOSSES
Photo - WWE.com

Pretty strong record, above 500. But who's carrying most of the dead weight here? Cena? Bret? Jericho? NOPE.

EDGE
7 WINS - 2 LOSSES

1998: Edge and Sable def. Marc Mero and Jacqueline

1999: The Acolytes def. Edge and Christian et al (Tag Turmoil)

2000: Edge and Christian def. The Hardy Boyz, The Dudley Boyz

2001: Edge def. Lance Storm

2002: Edge def. Eddie Guerrero

2004: Edge def. Chris Jericho, Batista

2005: Edge def. Matt Hardy

2006: Edge def. John Cena

2008: The Undertaker def. Edge


Edge went on an absolute TEAR at SummerSlam, winning six consecutive matches, until running into the Undertaker who kinda has a thing about streaks. But I still think Edge has a fair case for being Captain of Team Cena. And who woulda thunk that Edge's first tag team win at SummerSlam was with Sable?


Let's see what the rest of Team WWE was up to while Edge was beating everyone up (including members of his own team):


BRET "THE HITMAN" HART

5 WINS - 4 LOSSES

Photo - Fuck Yeah Hart Family Tumblr


1988: Demolition def. The Hart Foundation

1989: The Brainbusters def. The Hart Foundation

1990: The Hart Foundation def. Demolition

1991: Bret Hart def. Mr. Perfect

1992: The British Bulldog def. Bret Hart

1993: Jerry Lawler def. Bret Hart (DQ)

1994: Bret Hart def. Owen Hart

1995: Bret Hart def. Isaac Yankem

1997: Bret Hart def. The Undertaker


On his own, Bret's much more impressive at 4-2. Maybe teaming up at SummerSlam isn't a good idea? Maybe he should rethink those jorts too?


JOHN CENA

3 WINS - 3 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com


2004: John Cena def. Booker T

2005: John Cena def. Jericho

2006: Edge def. John Cena

2007: John Cena def. Randy Orton

2008: Batista def. John Cena

2009: Randy Orton def. John Cena


Cena has only wrestled one match at SummerSlam that wasn't for a Championship, and he lost it. He's also never teamed with anyone at SummerSlam. He's also a Superman type character. All of these things are worth considering, if you think wrestling is real.


CHRIS JERICHO

2 WINS - 5 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com


2000: Chris Benoit def. Chris Jericho

2001: Chris Jericho def. Rhyno

2002: Ric Flair def. Chris Jericho

2003: Triple H def. Chris Jericho et al (EC)

2004: Edge def. Chris Jericho, Batista

2005: John Cena def. Chris Jericho

2008: Chris Jericho def. Rebecca Michaels' upper lip

2009: JeriShow def. Cryme Tyme


With the worst record of anyone on Team WWE, Jericho probably should've checked his facts before opening his mouth about leading this here supergroup. Although, his only tag match was a successful one, and he does have a history of punching women (heads up Heath Slater).


JOHN MORRISON

1 WIN - 0 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com


2007: John Morrison def. CM Punk


He's undefeated. This could be the start of something HUGE. Or he could get eliminated first. It's a toss-up.


R-TRUTH

0 WINS - 0 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com


:(


I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this Nexus storyline isn't a vehicle for R-Truth's big push and he won't end up as the sole survivor. He's probably going to start off his SummerSlam career as being winless, and maybe exploded out of his shoes again.


But this still leaves us without that key 7th member. Who would benefit Team WWE the most?


THE MIZ

0 WINS - 0 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com


Just like his sometime-nemesis R-Truth, Miz has yet to compete at SummerSlam. He's a wild card for Team WWE, no one knows where his true allegiances lie, and he could find himself more occupied with the Sheamus/Orton match than anything else. Maybe they should consider some more options... like:


THE GREAT KHALI

0 WINS - 3 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com


2007: Batista def. The Great Khali

2008: Triple H def. The Great Khali

2009: Kane def. The Great Khali


Okay, maybe not. OH I KNOW:


TRIPLE H

8 WINS - 4 LOSSES


1995: Hunter Hearts Helmsley def. Bob Holly

1997: Mankind def. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

1998: Triple H def. The Rock

1999: Mankind def. Triple H, Steve Austin

2000: The Rock def. Kurt Angle, Triple H

2002: Shawn Michaels def. Triple H

2003: Triple H def. all (EC)

2004: Triple H def. Eugene

2006: DX def. The McMahons

2007: Triple H def. King Booker

2008: Triple H def. The Great Khali

2009: DX def. Legacy


YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON THE DESTROYER. In fact, Triple H was giving a series of winks and "heh hehs" when asked yesterday if he would join the team at SummerSlam Axxess, so maybe you really can count on him joining the team. Or maybe you can count on him to join your team, then betray you for reasons he'll explain tomorrow night on RAW. Or maybe you can count on him having something in his eye, I don't know.


All I do know is that it's a good thing John Cena didn't go running to the Hardy Boyz:


MATT AND JEFF HARDY'S COMBINED RECORD

0 WINS - 7 LOSSES (WITH 1 WIN BY DQ, 1 BY FORFEIT ON HEAT TO A ONE LEGGED MAN)

Photo - WWE.com


1999: The Acolytes def. The New Brood

2000: Edge and Christian def. The Hardy Boyz, The Dudley Boyz

2001: Rob Van Dam def. Jeff Hardy

2003: Matt Hardy def. Zach Gowen (via FORFEIT on HEAT so DOESN'T EVEN COUNT)

2004: Kane def. Matt Hardy

2005: Edge def. Matt Hardy

2008: MVP def. Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy def. Mark Henry (BY DQ)

2009: CM Punk def. Jeff Hardy


This post has been brought to you buy this randomly generated Wikipedia article.

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