Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Last night's episode of RAW was the most watched sporting event in the history of The Score (the network that airs all WWE programming in Canada). Apparently, about 1 in every 60 Canadians watched RAW last night. That. Is. Crazy.

Is this thanks to Daniel Bryan's triumphant return on Sunday? Or maybe it's because of Undertaker returning at SummerSlam and looking like he'd lived about a thousand lifetimes in his body? Or maybe it's because the Nexus. IS. HISTORRRRAAAAAYYYYY thanks to John Cena? Or maybe it's because the Bachelor Pad featured several girls throwing up after a pie eating contest and that's just not 1 in every 60 Canadian's particular fetish?

I don't know. I'm not a ratings doctor.

RAW - 08/16/10
Photo - WWE.com

- There were really only two things that stood out to me about this show. One was, which should come as no surprise to you if you frequent this pro-Dragon blog: Daniel Bryan. Even though he had to withstand Michael Tarver's flurry of Shane McMahon's daughter's punches, he still stole the entire show.

The attack on Danielson was awesome. I have HUGE heat with Miz and Riley thanks in part to Michael Cole's ENRAGING COMMENTS. He boils my blood with every word he speaks. I can't control it. I know it's a show and I know it's fake and I know he's told to say these things but I INSTANTLY get my back up about it. I love Bryan Danielson like a brother son (my mom called during the replay of the Miz/Bryan segment and I had to hurry her off the phone), and I'll be DAMNED if I let a truly fucking pudgy dweeb in Michael Cole say ill about him!

- The Miz and Alex Riley together form some kind of self-important megazord of douchery. It's amazing to watch, because it truly gets under your skin. These two guys deliver their promos with such real contempt towards their opponents that it actually with resonates you - also because they say valid shit (like Riley's "this is what a real star looks like!" which is true), unlike when Sheamus just calls Triple H a loser.

- Quote of the night is a toss up: The Miz: "HOW. DARE. EVERYONE." or very serious man in crowd: "I HATE YOU HEATH SLATER. I HATE YOU."

- Remember how I said there were really only two things about RAW that stood out to me, named one, then went on an incoherent endless rant? Well, that second thing was Randy Orton's blackout rampage on Sheamus. So many smarks get up in arms when they see Orton yell and freak out in the ring and go "he's maaad!" thinking someone fucked up. He truly is just that awesome. He beat Sheamus like he was silencing a rat in a mobster movie. Like he was tenderizing the whitest, human-sized steak in the world. Like he was-- YOU GET IT. HE WENT CRAAAYZAY. Michael Cole said it was terrifying and I don't think he was fed that line.

No one gets fired up like Orton. Any of these shitty rookies (Michael Tarver) when they scream or beat their chests (or scream at the referee for no reason and run into a big boot like Michael Tarver does every match) have nothing on the Viper. Not that they should. But they still don't.

- Justin Long, Jason Sudekis & Charlie Day. These men are all hilarious. And the Khali segment made me LOL for real you guys for real!

- Chris Jericho putting Wade Barrett over clean. It was the only way to keep Barrett strong as the leader of Nexus. Very impressive.

- Jon Lovitz drunkenly shouting into the camera. Can we do this every week?

- John Cena vs. Darren Young was like when there were two Doinks in the ring at the same time. I was hoping for an invisible mirror spot :(

- I think I might be in the minorty when I say I like the new WWE Tag Team Titles. Cool shape, they look classic. And kind of like big pennies. Which I wish I never realized because it definitely makes me like them less.

- I hate Michael Tarver with a Clay Guida-like ferocity. Tarver coming over after Danielson's big dive onto Miz and Riley just to fumble around, clearly not knowing what he was doing, was embarrassing. Can someone give this guy some tips or something? He's so bogus in the ring that it's not even fun making jokes about him anymore.

- I bet Michael Cole doesn't get this many emails in real life. And his outbursts are so random sometimes. He just got sick of What's Up? with no explanation. I like him (read: hate him) when he's cutting down Daniel Bryan or figuratively deep throating the Miz, but when his heel traits pop up for no reason? I get confused.

- John Cena's Nexus burying promo. It had ups and downs. I laughed at his "lol we beat u" pose when he walked out. I frowned at his Justin Gabriel gay joke. I liked when he put Daniel Bryan over. I disliked when he buried the entire group who have been presented as renegade psychopathic maniacs. I laughed at his "CYABYE." I cried when I realized that the Nexus have gone from unstoppable terrorists to bumbling doofuses in a day's time (although this was rectified as the night went on, partially).

- The booking of the Nexus and how it's suddenly devoid of logic. They were built as this group who were at their strongest when they were united. That's what John Cena and everyone else kept saying. Then they lost, as a group, at SummerSlam, and beat the same group of guys the next night in one-on-one matches (and one tag match). WTF. Whatever.

- R-Truth hitting Otunga with a move that looked like it legitimately hurt the both of them for real.

- Everything is always hilarious when two or more divas are walking backstage, on their way to the ring, and no one is telling jokes. They just laugh (and point) because it is the primary biological function of the WWE Diva.

- Melina taking the worst looking bump onto her face. Worst not as in it looked like it hurt... worst as in it looked like she just decided to jump onto the ground and hit her face off the mat for no reason.

- Essentially, Nexus beat a collective 21x World Champion tonight. 22x if you count John Morrison's ECW World Title reign. More if you count R-Truth's NWA Title reign(s?). Which no one does.

- Pretty sure that Nexus were ready to leave the ring at the end of the show, and referee Jack Doan had to be like "HEY GET BACK HERE" for them to do their show ending pose. Whoopsie.


  1. I agree with all this. The NEXUS are more like they were portrayed on NXT, a big group of buffoons other than Daniel Bryan and Wade Barrett, so I'm cool with that. At least that logic has been restored. I was really pulling for NEXUS to be wittled down to maybe 3 or 4 guys (Gabriel, Barrett, and ...??? someone) and just move into more of a mid-card spot and exist as a stable with a main event leader. I'm really not sure what they are supposed to be now, but it damn sure isn't much of a threat to the existence of the WWE. Danielson getting fired is the best thing that ever happened to him, now he is in a way better spot with more longevity potential and that's mostly what I care about. He makes me want to see Raw. Hopefully him and Low Ki one day lock up.

    I also hate when they book the match to achieve a finish rather than booking a match that makes the finish make sense (did I say that right?) basically I hate the idea "we want Orton to get counted out so we will ignore the fact that Gabriel should've been DQ'd because of Sheamus and just senselessly count him out). I've seen Kofi get DQ'd just for getting fired up. NO LOGIC.

  2. do you like how I started a sentence with a " symbol and closed it with a ) ? I'm not sure what you call that in grammar, but somehow I feel it further emphasized my point about reverse booking.