Monday, August 9, 2010


Saddest tweet of the night goes to Goldust: "Maybe next week ill be on raw"

Anyway, Sacramento paved the road to SummerSlam with WHITE HOT uh... well, pavement, I guess. In this particular analogy. Someone needs to seriously check the steel supports on the roof of the ARCO Arena because it was damn close to being BLOWN OFF!

These jokes are terrible.

RAW - 08/09/10
Photo -

- The mental Sacramento fans. Nothing makes whatever illogical, shitty, boring, you-name-it wrestling better than a legitimately hot crowd, and even with watching ECW One Night Stand 2005 earlier today, this crowd still felt crazy hot to me, especially at the end. Say what you will about how odd the booking was, or how devoid of logic the Jericho/Edge stuff was, but when the WWE team and Nexus finally came to blows in the ring, it was like Randy Orton and Stone Cold Steve Austin hit 10,000 RKO's and Stunners from space all at the same time. It was FUCKING crazy! Seriously, there is nothing like watching the hard cam shake like it's the end of the world.

- Also, Evan Bourne gets wild cheers for a vanilla midget, m i rite Kevin Nash?!

- The Miz VS. Evan Bourne. While I do wish this could've been extended into a longer feud for the title, this was still a fun match. From Miz's SWEET counter on one of Bourne's leaping HI-YAH knees, to Bourne's NO FRIGGIN' LOOK top rope hurricanrana (I literally went "OHOOOHHHHOHHHH!!!!" like a big dweeb all by myself), Bourne was making Miz look like a billion dollar bucks. I was initially pissed about Bourne losing, but I guess it just shows that he's the #3 babyface on RAW. Using him to elevate Miz and Nexus (two weeks back) going into SS is the job of that #3 face (I think) since Cena and Orton need to be kept strong for their matches. At least this is the bullshit I tell myself.

- There was literally a fan in the crowd taking off one shirt and underneath he had a Nexus shirt - AGE OF THE FALL TAKEOVER LOOK OUT

- Bret Hart looking into the camera. I like it. More people need to address the camera and stop pretending that this is an actual sitcom.

- Edge/Bret/Jericho segment. Jericho's eyepoke was classic. Really thought this would cement Edge and Jericho as not being a part of Team WWE, but I am obviously completely stupid.

- John Cena: "I gotta go talk to the Great Khali."

- There's a huge turdburglar in the crowd with FOUR replica belts. Why in the FUCK would you ever bring ALL of them?! Even one is retarded. They're heavy. And cost like 500 bucks. What a dink.

- The talking in the Sheamus/Orton promo. Er, what I saw anyway. Came in halfway through. Oopsie.

- Ted DiBiase's "It gets me every time!" when Maryse does her hair flip on the apron.

- Low-Ki on RAW! And a "we want Low-Ki" chant! And he's lighting shit up!

- There's a second "renegade" group in the WWE and they are all wearing Twix shirts! LOOK OUT

- Zack Ryder bringing the intensity the tag match that also featured John Morrison poaching another indy-favourite move: Matt Sydal's Cyclorama. Er, well... it was from the ground, and not quite the same, but it was the same idea. And still looked crazy impressive. John Morrison showed signs of the guy he needs to become in the future - looked aggressive, and actually HIT the Starship Pain. And he has a beard. Neat!

- SummerSlam Recall: I missed the ranting and raving promos of yesteryear. Thank you Boss Man and Mountie. Thank you.

- Miz soaking in the attention from John Cena and Bret Hart, and making a hilarious Nancy Carrigan reference all in one segment. I also loved John Cena's super-clean and polite babyface responses. Miz is all "Oh yeah?! Well I'll make you wait for my answer 'til SUNDAY!" Cena: "Thank you."

- Jericho and Edge appear to have completely awesome matching trunks and tights. Bret Hart appears to have spilled water all over his Batman shirt.

- The beatdown of the Hart Dynasty was a little weird. But I literally find everything the Nexus does as weird. Can't help it when I watched three months of TV where they were built up as big dorks who couldn't make it in the wrestling business. To stand back and look at it, the Nexus beatdowns went from being the most real shit of all time to being more fake than the UFC.

- Michael Cole. He may as well be tonguing Miz's balls when he talks about him. And his way of calling the Divas' match is to go "ooh" in between talking about the Nexus. And does he try to get heat for saying "belly" instead of stomach in the same way that Jericho used to get heat for saying "A-GAYNE" instead of "again"? FRIG

- Can Khali speak English or not?! Can we just make a decision and STICK WITH IT?!

- Here comes Melina with her stupid poses. Goddamn those poses. I counted. She did at least 11, but there's no telling what kind of dumbassery she was up to while the camera wasn't looking. She's literally like a human SVR Create a Finisher a 10 year old makes. With twelve kicks to the groin, a pelvic thrust cartwheel and a thumbs up into a piledriver or whatever. And she almost paralyzed the SHIT out of herself with her finisher.

- Looking at it objectively, and I try not to because it makes it a lot less fun usually, the style of the show can be so weird to digest with it's soap opera cuts: from Jericho and Edge discussing their missteps to John Morrison and R-Truth having a domestic dispute to Mark Henry interrupting them to say he'll hop on Team WWE to the Nexus watching ALL OF THIS on a TV and devising their master plan!

- The dialogue between Sheamus and Randy Orton was good. The action, was confusing. The GM says Sheamus should "do something about it." Sheamus pretends to get mad, only to fake turn and leave, only to turn and fake throwing a punch! - which Orton doesn't flinch to! So Sheamus leaves, but Orton attacks him for being a douche with all his faking, I guess. Then Orton goes for the punt, but it's another fakeout, which Sheamus flinches to about a second too late, making it look kinda weird, and I'm pretty sure it drew a laugh from the crowd.

- I like Husky Harris and all, but does he need to beat Kaval every week? Okay maybe it's only two weeks or something. But why are guys getting punished for being so popular? Crowd: "Hey we LOVE (insert great wrestler)!" WWE: "Uh huh. Welp, consider him jobbed forever and ever." It's not even a big deal. Kaval was the highlight of that match and that's what's important.

But what's even more important is that this show went off the air with a building full of people having fun-seizures because of what they saw in the ring, which should encourage more people to buy the PPV. But there's still Smackdown. And I might have a real seizure by Friday if I have to hear Kane babble into a coffin about vengeance.

1 comment:

  1. i went to watch it. it was cool. i had forth row