SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE IV - LIVE FROM TRUMP PLAZA

Or somewhere in communist Russia, depending on what IV you want me to reference.

This was the fourth time I've left this blog to fend for itself so I can go spelunking (not really), and it's also the longest I've left it without any real updates. The hardest thing about that is trying to get back in the saddle and write like I used to. So herw goesk nothgin.

SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE

I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING

Photo - WWE.com

I was gone for over a month this time, so it goes without saying that I managed to continue the tradition of missing something completely huge. Let's recap, shall we?

SIBG 1: Bryan/Ziggler's MOTY at Bragging Rights

SIBG 2: Miz cashes in, wins WWE Title

SIBG 3: Matt Hardy gets dreadlocks

SIBG 4: ...

WRESTLEMANIA XXVII

DAMMIT

Photo - WWE.com

Of course, I missed WrestleMania. Kind of. Not at all, really. I saw it live in a movie theatre, but in my eyes that's still missing it, because I'd much rather be watching it completely bumshit hammered in the privacy of my own home. Uh, with friends too, to make it (slightly) less pathetic.

It's a little late to do a complete rundown of the whole show (maybe, if anyone's interested, I could do a full-on Like/Dislike for the show some time down the road), and I'm short on time/your attention span. So for now, I'll just mention my favourite and least favourite thing, and they were pretty much one in the same.

Favourite: the main event video packages. More specifically, the one made for The Miz, set to "Hate Me Now" by Nas.

HOLY CRAP. I always knew the WWE were in the video package business, but this is other level shit. Normally you can see through them. Like when Wade Barrett makes John Cena raise his hand in the locker room for no other reason but to reference that exact moment three weeks later in a video package. And it was even worse before that.

The WWE went through a shitty period a couple years back where every video package was the exact same: triumphant, orchestral hits that score John Cena on an unstoppable path to the title until -- EVIL VILLAIN enters and makes the screen go slow motion and hazy and sad Spanish guitar* plays.

* - interchangeable with dissonant Arabic singing.

But when a video package is so good that it's the most memorable thing about a FUCKING WRESTLEMANIA (save for Triple H/Undertaker, which I did like a lot), then you know you're doing something right.

I also liked the John Cena/DMX one, even if it made little sense with all the religion and God-lovin' and junk. But the gospel choir did make sense because John Cena loves his preacher voice.

Least favourite: the main event.

I don't want to get into this, because it's been beat to death a hundred times over (which happened to Michael Cole at WrestleMania, right? I missed that part. ahem.). But here's the bottom line for me: Rock vs. Cena should've been a month ago. Instead, it's next fucking year and WrestleMania 27 ended like a $65 episode of Raw.

Or, a $120 episode of Raw my three friends and I had to watch in public, with children and angsty teens taking sides on John Cena and the Rock all around us. GODDAMNIT

EDDIE EDWARDS

ROH WORLD CHAMPION

YEAH. This footage can really stiffen a nipple or two. Not only do I love Eddie Edwards, but I love a good rollup win - especially in ROH where it's not that common for a title change. Small aside - what do you think of when you think of a rollup win? Bret/Bulldog SummerSlam '92? Steamboat/Savage WrestleMania III? HBK/Jericho WrestleMania XIX? Bret/Diesel possum pin from an In Your House that I can't remember but I'm sure someone (Jason) will correct me on?

But that's not all that happened while I was gone...

CHARLIE HAAS & SHELTON BENJAMIN

DETHRONE THE KINGS OF WRESTLING

Photo - ROHWrestling.com

And also...

TOUGH ENOUGH

DEBUTS

Photo - USANetwork.com

NOT TO MENTION

SIN CARA

DEBUTS

Photo - WWE.com

PLUS

AWESOME KONG

TEASER PROMO

OH YEAH AND

EDGE RETIRES

IRL

Photo - WWE.com

AND THIS HAPPENED

BRIAN CHRISTOPHER

WHAT

Photo - WWE.com

I CAN'T STOP YOU GUYS

TEAM

APPLE

Photo - WWE.com

AND

MANY OTHER THINGS

Photo - WWE.com

My. GOD. There is too much to mention. I've been sitting here looking at this list of shit that happened since I've been gone, just VIBRATING from too much caffeine and this overwhelming task weighing on my shoulders (that I imposed on myself like an idiot).

So there you have it. A bunch of things happened since I last posted here. Now I can get back to talking about things as they happen.

Before I go, some quick shoutouts: thanks to the Fair To Flair fellers for covering for me and letting everyone know I was out on "assignment." And thanks to my blogging DZP (down with Zack and Pri-bro) TH for letting his readers know about my reblogs.

And lastly, some link changes. Brandon Stroud linked me to the new home for the Best and Worst of Raw, which has moved to With Leather. And fellow Fair To Flair contributor K. Sawyer Paul has rebranded The Footnotes of Wrestling to Aggressive Art.

THERE. Done all my announcements. Someone else do attendance while I put my head down on my desk for a while.

ROYAL RUMBLE REVIEW: DESTINY DEF. FAITH

That makes it sound like this PPV was headlined by strippers.

But what it really means is that CM Punk had faith and was eliminated by John Cena and his leprechaun companion, while Alberto Del Rio fulfilled his destiny by winning the Royal Rumble (but you already knew that). And you probably already knew that I was going to say "but you already knew that."

ROYAL RUMBLE WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO

IT'S HIS DENSITY DESTINY!!

Photo - WWE.com

Has one Royal Rumble match ever had so much comedy? Between Hornswoggle's slapstick, Santino's near win, and Cena and Orton's utterly heatless staredown(s!), no gut was left unbusted last night.

In addition to the comedy, there was also wrestling.

WWE 2011 ROYAL RUMBLE

LIKED...

Photo - WWE.com

EDGE VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER

Holy BALLS does Dolph Ziggler bump like Shawn Michaels or what? I'm sure I'm not the first guy to draw that comparison, but watching him fly around the ring reminds me of early HBK (I just watched the '92 Rumble where he bumped like a fish out of water for the whole thing). He might wrestle with more conviction than anyone on the roster right now, save for the ROH alumni I mark like a fangirl (I'm a boy) for.

Ziggler brought out the best in Edge last night - but y'know what brought out even more "the best" (that doesn't make sense) in Edge last night? NOT USING THE SPEAR. With the spear banned, Edge was forced to find new (or old) ways to win, and that made him more entertaining in the ring than he's been in a long time. Maybe that's because he's been in the ring with Kane for a long time. But that's beside the point.

The point is, this was the hottest match bell-to-bell of the entire night. And Dolph Ziggler will find himself in more World Title matches as the year goes on, because he's doing what very few guys can do - overcome brutal gimmicks (Spirit Squad, Dolph Ziggler, etc.) with unmistakeable talent.

ROYAL RUMBLE (FIRST HALF)

When the Royal Rumble kicks off with something that would crash the ROH Message Board ten times over, you know you're in for a good match. Or at least good first half, as was the case last night (for me). You don't need me to tell you how fun it was to watch Punk and Bryan go at it (and when William Regal was thrown in the mix I think my boner leapt off and did a dance), or John Morrison's THE FLOOR IS LAVA THE FLOOR IS LAVA elimination save, or Miz eliminating Cena, or Santino's charisma overdose at the end, or Booker T (holy--) or Diesel (--fuck) or anything, because you know how awesome these things were.

THE BOOKING OF: NEXUS = FOUR STEVE AUSTINS, JOHN CENA = BRET HART

Kind of.

You get to see this every now and then in the Rumble. Punk did it last year. Austin did it in '97. A heel clears the ring and starts chucking jobbers as they come in, one-by-one, until they finally run into their ultimate foe. For Punk (2010) it was Triple H. For Austin, it was Bret. And for Nexus, it was Cena. The entire lead up to that, including Booker T lighting up the entire crowd until they were completely deflated when Mason Ryan eliminated him, was perfect.

ALBERTO DELLLL RIIIIIIOOO!

I could feel the rage-sweat beading on the brows of smarks everywhere when it really seemed like Orton or Cena would win. And then I could hear the nervous sigh of relief when Del Rio dumped Orton over the top, and Ricardo Rodriguez made the six and a half minute winning call.

To point out how crazy this win is, Del Rio debuted in the WWE on August 20th, 2009 - four months and ten days before winning the Royal Rumble. Yokozuna is the only man in history to do it faster, and Del Rio did it about a half-year faster than some UFC guy named Brock Lesnar.

In other Rumble trivia, Del Rio is undefeated in Royal Rumble competition, alongside Lesnar and uh, Vince McMahon (he only has two Royal Rumble functions - go the distance and win or blow both quads).

RANDY ORTON, SOULLESS INDIVIDUAL

I like it when Randy Orton RKO's stupid people. Or when he gets so mad in the ring that smarks thinks he's mad for real. Or when he pitches Alex Riley over the top rope like he's DJ Jazzy Jeff. Or when he gets a look on his face that he might do something psycho like disembowel Vickie Guerrero. But...

2011 ROYAL RUMBLE

DISLIKED...

Photo - WWE.com

RANDY ORTON, HEATLESS INDIVIDUAL

When Randy Orton isn't turbo-RKOing eight people at once, apparently people (and I) don't give a shit about him. I already mentioned it once, but could you believe your eyes (and ears) when the smoke cleared in the Rumble, bodies were everywhere, and John Cena and Randy Orton both turned around to face each other one-on-one... to DEAFENING SILENCE.

Hold that exchange up against Punk and Cena from earlier in the Rumble, or Edge and Ziggler's entire match, or 51-year-old Kevin Nash getting a LET'S GO DIESEL chant, or anything, and you've got a staredown (actually, two staredowns) that no one cares about.

This nose-to-nose showdown acted like a real-time poll of WWE fans everywhere - do you want to see this match at WrestleMania? The answer was a very disinterested "uh, no thank you."

ROYAL RUMBLE (SECOND HALF)

Before I start, I should say that I enjoyed the match overall. It's impossible not to. It's the most fun thing ever and no amount of giggly Hornswoggle offense could ruin it.

But between Randy Orton and Dolph Ziggler inexplicably entering the match (which was totally no sold by the announcers for some reason), a ton of WrestleMania sign-pointing, the Cena/Orton silent staredown (seriously, people didn't even boo to be like "WE DON'T WANT THIS"), and a really tame final four (devoid of any anticipation or drama, until the hilariously done Santino spot), the second half of the match really lost steam for me.

AWESOME KONG?

I don't need to write about this, because K. Sawyer Paul already put it perfectly.

But I should mention that Eve crying after winning the Divas Title was oddly sad. Maybe she just shattered her knees on that moonsault.

THE MIZ VS. RANDY ORTON

I've already touched on Randy Orton (I bet there's a lot of girls out there that want to touch on Randy Orton), but I have this to say about the match itself: I watched it last night and can't remember a thing about it. Pretty much my reaction to this match was the equivalent of the fans' reaction to the Cena/Orton staredown.

As for tonight, WWE has announced that Alberto Del Rio will decide which champion he will face at WrestleMania. Apparently they forgot about their own Road to WrestleMania, which generally features two more matches when another ten guys get a shot at the title.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON WIKIPEDIA: LAUNCHING PADS

Welp, I've done it again. It's three in the morning and my eyeballs are so dry from scouring through Wikipedia that they're scraping the backs of my eyelids. The lengths I go to for professional wrestling. Not even professional wrestling - writing on the internet about professional wrestling. Somewhere my dad is crying.

WOW that got dark fast. Okay, moving on to the post. This one is all about answering this question: what is the most successful way to launch a wrestler's career?

There are a ton of little ways to put your name on the WWE map, but there are only a few things that could be singled out as the one catalyst that sent a wrestler on his way to a World Championship. Such as...

WINNING THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

CURRENT CHAMPION: KOFI KINGSTON

Photo - WWE.com

They've always said that the Intercontinental Title is the belt you win when you're being groomed to be a World Champion. But is it a surefire way to actually become one?

Number of Intercontinental Champions: 66

Number of Intercontinental Champions that have been a WWE World Champion: 23

Success Rate: 34.8%

Believe it or not, out of all of the "launching pads" I looked at... winning the Intercontinental Championship had the lowest success rate. I guess for every Bret Hart and Chris Jericho you had about three Alberts. I was going to use Bob Holly's name in there and make fun of his "Sparky Plugg" gimmick, but I try to avoid making fun of him since he's so fucking crazy. Please don't cover me in fire ants and alcohol Thurman!

BEING THE SOLE SURVIVOR IN A SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH

LAST SOLE SURVIVOR: KOFI KINGSTON

Photo - WWE.com

When Rocky Maivia debuted at the 1996 Survivor Series and was the sole survivor in his match, he was put over so hard that my ten year old self just accepted his future as a World Champion as complete fact. I probably wrote about it in my diary. JOURNAL I MEAN. I was a big loser. Thankfully I grew up into a cool guy who has a wrestling blog with stats and percentages smattered all over it.

Number of Sole Survivors: 22

Number of Sole Survivors that have been a WWE World Champion: 8

Success Rate: 36.3%

If you can overcome the odds and win your match when your team has failed you, you might have a decent shot at becoming WWE Champion some day. But if you could manage be the sole survivor at TWO separate events, then you're literally guaranteed a world title, as every man who has that feat under their belt, has a belt. Randy Orton did it three years in a row for fuck's sake! That was a little overkill. So maybe this is how Bart Gunn could make his big comeback.

So far, the percentages have been a little low. There's gotta be a better way to get yourself on the fast track to the World Title. And there's no faster track than the bearskin rug, right?

JOINING THE KISS MY ASS CLUB

LAST MEMBER: MICK FOLEY

Photo - Life.com

I think there might be a better success rate if we could find out who the members are of the Bearskin Rug Club...

Kiss My Ass Club members: 5

Kiss My Ass Club members that have been a WWE World Champion: 2

Success Rate: 40%

To be fair, Shawn Michaels and Mick Foley had already won their World Titles before joining this esteemed club. And to be fairer, this one was a joke so let's keep moving.

BEING CROWNED KING OF THE RING

REIGNING KING: SHEAMUS

Photo - WWE.com

Now we're getting into the more proven methods. This tournament was at one time a starmaker. Bret Hart, Steve Austin, you name it. Careers get made with that crown. So do royalty based gimmicks. King Harley Race. King Booker. King Sheamus. King Stone Cold Steve Austin.

King of the Ring Winners: 18

King of the Ring Winners that have been a WWE World Champion: 9

Success Rate: 50%

BAM. Now we're talkin'. If you win the King of the Ring tournament and the guy who won it last year still hasn't captured the World Title, you're in luck FELLA. That success rate could even be bumped up by counting Harley Race as a World Champion, but he never won the WWE strap, and he won his World Titles before coming to the WWE. But that doesn't matter in my flawed study here, since I'm just counting World Champs no matter when you won it. Don't judge me.

Now, I think there's a match coming up this month that might take the cake. And I only say cake because I'm watching the Food Network and my wires are crossing.

WINNING THE ROYAL RUMBLE

LAST RUMBLE WINNER: EDGE

Photo - WWE.com

This one should be obvious. Outlasting 29 other top contenders (or, if not top contenders, then fat jobbers that get put over as "who's gonna throw HIM over the top rope?!?") and winning the Rumble automatically puts you in a World Title match, so from there, all you gotta do is win it.

Royal Rumble Winners: 20

Royal Rumble Winners that have been a WWE World Champion: 17

Success Rate: 85%

Crazy high. You have to look all the way back to 1994 to find a Royal Rumble winner who has never won a WWE World Championship, and that was Lex Luger, and he was only half a Rumble winner. But this is still not the most successful World Title "launching pad" for a wrestler...

WINNING THE MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH

LAST WINNER: THE MIZ

Photo - WWE.com

This is the newest and most foolproof way to get a World Championship around your waist, over your shoulder, dangling in your hand, or hooked on your trunks like a floppy codpiece (if you're MNM).

Money in the Bank Winners: 7

Money in the Bank Winners that have been a WWE World Champion: 6

Success Rate: 85.7%

Mr. Kennedy really fucked that one up. So, technically, cashing in a Money in the Bank Briefcase is where it's at. But there's actually an even better method to guaranteeing a World Championship for yourself, and you don't have to go and beat the crap out of yourself in a fifty man ladder match or whatever it is:

BEING STRAIGHT-EDGE

THE ONLY THREE TIME STRAIGHT-EDGE WORLD CHAMPION IN WWE HISTORY: CM PUNK

Photo - WWE.com

Straight-Edge Superstars in the WWE: 1

Three-time Straight-Edge World Champions: 1

Success Rate: 100%

12/10/10 SMACKDOWN! NON-SPOILER PREVIEW

Match listing via LordsOfPain

Smackdown! has become a show that you tune in to see Alberto Del Rio, solid wrestling, things said in Spanish and then said in English immediately after, and Edge and Kane running. If you can manage to tune out anything featuring Edge, Kane, Paul Bearer, and/or a dummy dressed up as Paul Bearer, you'll see a great wrestling show. Then, weeks from now when you see the PPV, you'll get a hilarious video package for the Edge vs. Kane match, featuring a bunch of hijinks and pranks that you can digest in a matter of seconds and be on your way. This is the best way to watch this show. Trust me.

Here's what's up for tonight that you can get buck for:

MAIN EVENT TAG TEAM MATCH

"The Rated R Superstar" Edge & Rey Mysterio

VS.

Alberto Del Rio & World Heavyweight Champion Kane

SINGLES MATCH? (I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO CALL IT)

Hornswoggle VS. The Swagger Soaring Eagle

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Champion Dolph Ziggler

VS.

Challenger Kofi Kingston

SINGLES MATCH

Jack Swagger VS. Kaval

TAG TEAM MATCH

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov

VS.

Drew McIntyre & Chavo Guerrero

SINGLES MATCH

Unified Divas Champion Natalya VS. Layla

Drew McIntyre is a man with no allegiances! He will team with any man! So long as he doesn't point and smile on the way to the ring.

The wrestling should be great on this show. The Edge/Kane vignettes should be hilarious two weeks from now, but unbearable to sit through as they air. I wonder how the camera crew feels as they film them. Seriously. What would be even stranger is if this were real, and the camera crew (like think about it, a lighting guy, camera guy, sound guy, probably some kind of producer or director) were all standing there watching Edge blanket Paul Bearer in chicken wings, and just had to film it. And not do anything.

Thankfully, it's fake and they all just high five after they film it thinking it's a job well done.

I'VE RETURNED AFTER A LONG ABSENCE - NO, I'M NOT WINNING THE RUMBLE

I'm just back! This seems to happen every few weeks, with me getting busier and busier with my job, which as I've mentioned before, requires me to travel quite a bit. In fact, I'll be off again over the holidays and into the new year, which may put my 2010 Year In Review in a bit of jeopardy - but I'm way too excited to let it go totally by the wayside.

But, if I do somehow let my year-end deal get cut short, there is a contingency plan (it's better than Edge's current master plan of dumping chicken wings on Paul Bearer then pinning himself at Survivor Series). It's the first annual Brain Buster Awards!

2010 BRAIN BUSTER AWARDS

BROUGHT TO YOU BY WRESTLESPECTIVE

Image - Jason Mann

The nominations were decided by the WrestleSpective (now Future Endeavours) Power Poll voters, which includes me, and my blogging Chris Jeri-bro (have we used that one?!?) TH of The Wrestling Blog, who I feel like I owe about 1,004 bro-altered nicknames after weeks of missing the Power Poll. Don't worry, bro. I'll get on that in bro time. No time. Whatever.

Back to the BRAIN BUSTAHHHH!!! Awards. You can vote right now by heading over to WrestleSpective and checking on the nominations. I've already sent in my votes, which I'll have a post up about soon - but first, let's get to what's gone down in the wonderful, wacky, don't-tell-my-dad-I-still-watch-it world of wrestling, since I've been gone.

SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE

I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING

Photo - WWE.com

This is hopefully not going to be a monster of a post that Michael Cole puts over to win the Rumble, when you know that everyone's going to band together to throw it over the top rope, but this post will take a bit longer than usual as a lot has happened in the three weeks that I've been gone. Daniel Bryan got his own dressing room for god's sake! And he may have inherited Lance Storm's genitalia.

Either that or submissions are an aphrodisiac. Anyway, what else happened? I know something cool must've happened. What was it again? I remember it being pretty awesome. OH RIGHT

AWWWWWEEESOOOMMMMMMEE

THE MIZ CASHES THE F IN

Photo - Mike-Mizanin.org

The absolute hardest thing about following wrestling while on the road is avoiding spoilers. Because I can't watch anything live, everything has to be downloaded and watched later. Then, without fail, since all I do is watch and talk about wrestling all day everyday, I'll accidentally go to a site, or receive an email, or whatever, and something will get spoiled. Needless to say, Miz becoming WWE Champion was spoiled for me.

I can only imagine how much more awesome it would've been watching it without knowing what would happen. It didn't ruin it for me by any means, in fact it may have saved me from going into cardiac arrest at the prospect of him losing.

But let's take a step back for a second. I'm sure you've already asked yourself this, but did you ever think this guy...

Photo - TheMiz.net

Would EVER be WWE Champion? Even as recently as last year he was still pegged as the Jannetty to Morrison's HBK, what with his douchey gear and stupid face and everything else. But now he's the friggin' Shawn Michaels, and Morrison is the Jannetty, hanging out with R-Truth (the Leif Cassidy, I suppose? All of these comparisons are making my brain hurt).

With Miz as champion, A-Ri by his side, and Michael Cole taking RKOs like his face has magnetic properties that attracts it to the canvas, RAW's main event scene has had a Costco-sized injection of fresh air shot into it. Combine that with John Cena giving Nexus a hilarious taste of their own medicine (which I'll get to in a second), CM Punk on commentary and Bryan Danielson wrestling ANYBODY, and RAW has been more entertaining in the past two weeks than it has been in months.

And one quick thing on Michael Cole. He is giving the kinds of heel promos that Sheamus and Kane and Wade Barrett and every other heel on the roster who speaks at that exact same pacing and pausing that you can't help but tune out, wishes they could give. Last week on RAW he had the crowd frothing at the mouth just by acting like the little prick he is. I don't tune in to hear Cole commentate, but I sure as hell tune in to see him get beat the fuck up. Good. Friggin'. Job.

JOHN CENA IS FIRRRRRRREEEED

KIND OF

And I don't care. Leading up to Survivor Series, all I wanted was two things: one - for John Cena to make good on his promise, and beat the holy piss out of Wade Barrett, and two - for the stipulation, no matter the outcome, to be honoured.

Now, with Cena running around RAW, showing up even though he's fired, you'd think I'd be working myself up into big old smarky stink (I honestly thought I would be too!). But no. This is way better than Cena going away for a few months and coming back anyway, while Nexus wrestles Sheamus or something and creates a series matches entirely comprised of stomps and shoulder moves. I would like to see John Cena beating up a lip-biting David Otunga in his hotel room on repeat for the rest of my life than any amount of Nexus wandering around with nothing to do.

And really, as far as John Cena not beating the holy piss out of Wade Barrett at Survivor Series like he promised, they've just prolonged that, which will make for a great moment when it happens.

So give me John Cena smashing Justin Gabriel's haircut into a car window and winking into the camera, give me John Cena taking advantage of technicalities and bending real life laws, and I'll thank you for not giving me Nexus vs. anyone but John Cena.

THE CORE GROUP

REALLY RAISES IT'S STOCK

So Shane Helms rips on Shawn Michaels, a completely shmammered Jeff Hardy shoots on CM Punk, and Matt Hardy continues his crusade of fucking insanity. I wish I could just spend one night at BCR just to see the kinds of conversations these guys have. Oh wait, I already know!

I will start watching TNA the day that the Hardys, Helms, Shannon More and Kimo are a stable. I am more than positive that they'll create more segments of accidentally entertaining TV than the amount of taunts they do per second.

MVP RELEASED FROM WWE

BAWWWWWLIN

Photo - Online World of Wrestling

I hate on MVP a lot. But I will say that him teaming with Kaval was the coolest shit he's done since his real talk promos about getting out of jail. So it sucks that it seems like he was onto something cool before being released, but in all honesty, I'd had enough of his smiling, pointing, indiscriminate offense, slow-motion wrestling, stutter-step-run-to-the-ropes, and just about everything else for a while now. Hopefully this also means I'll stop having to see him crouch in rubble and point at himself every fifteen minutes too.

ROH FINAL BATTLE 2010

CARD GETS FLESHED OUT, SITE LAUNCHED

Visit the official ROH Final Battle 2010 minisite here

The feud that's been one year in the making (more if you count them teaming before then) is coming to a violent, bloody, emotional end in eight days. Kevin Steen and El Generico's Fight Without Honor at Final Battle may not be the main event of the card, but it's the match I believe that most people are invested in, what with the Mask vs. Career stipulation, and all of the incredible build up since last year's event.

In addition to that almost certain show-stealer, we've got Davey Richards vs. Roderick Strong for the ROH World Title, The Kings of Wrestling with Shane Hagadorn taking on The Briscoes and their old man, Eddie Edwards vs. a returning Kenny Omega, legends Christopher Daniels and Homicide going at it, and a BLOCKBUSTER Women of Honor tag match in Daizee Haze & Awesome Kong teaming to face the "Queen of Wrestling" Sara Del Rey and Serena Deeb.

And there's still Colt Cabana vs. TJ Perkins, and The All Night Express (easily my favourite new tag team name of the year) vs. the tandem of Kyle O'Reilly and Adam Cole, who I saw for the first time in person a few weeks back at ROH in Toronto, and these guys know how to fucking BRING IT.

Do as I do and order Final Battle from Go Fight Live. No one knows how to hype a supercard like ROH, and likewise, no one knows how to deliver like them either.

Also, in one final ROH note, they have moved their Toronto date that was originally scheduled for April 30th, to the next weekend. Why? Maybe because the UFC will be debuting at the Rogers Centre, looking to obliterate their live attendance record by drawing over 50,000 people. Good move, ROH. Now I don't have to make an awkward decision (although to be fair, I'd still go for ROH).

OTHER THINGS HAPPENED TOO

FELLA

Photo - WWE.com

There's still a whole butt load of stuff that happened that I won't get to. Sheamus won King of the Ring (see absurd photo above), Tyson Kidd and DH Smith had a great match on Superstars (and Tyson debuted a new bodyguard on RAW that Brandon Stroud hilariously summed up here), there is dissension in Nexus, Survivor Series also happened (with a stellar Bryan/Dibiase match and a polarizing opening video - I was totally gay for it), Nick Dinsmore will be taping a match for ROH (can't wait to see him as anything but a retarded man), and TNA still exists I think.

But the last thing I want to get to is this:

EDGE VS. KANE

VS. ME

Photo - WWE.com

Just in time for the year end awards, this feud slid in to be the worst thing ever. Literally everything about this feud is excruciating to me. The promos; Kane weirdly passing himself off as a good person in that one promo; Paul Bearer's weird faces; Edge's master plan consisting off covering Paul Bearer in pizza and chicken wings, leaving him in a minivan, then trying to jump on Kane; Edge pinning himself at Survivor Series; the referee counting the pin, which I guess technically makes sense, but they seem to forget about all kinds of other rules, so why couldn't they have forgot this one?; seriously, Paul Bearer's weird faces.

But, the one saving grace of this feud, are the video packages. Not because they're good, but because they are hilarious on a level that even they couldn't possibly understand. If I were to just watch this feud in video packages, I'd be screaming for more, because it is fucking MENTAL.

That's pretty much it. So much can happen in three weeks of pro wrestling. But, obviously, so much more can happen in a year. Which means I'll be getting to my Year In Review any day now, so keep checking back for that. PEACE.