Here's what I want to see.
MONDAY NIGHT RAW
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- 900 Michael Cole fake laughs.
- 900 "YOU'RE! GOING! DOWN!" chants when Ahmed Johnson finally makes his long awaited return and eliminates himself from a battle royale to chase Faarooq.
- 900 e-mail alerts, until John Cena finally snaps and breaks the internet.
- 900 consecutive Daniel Bryan matches.
- A compilation of Road Warrior Hawk piledriving every past guest host 900 times.
- 900 minutes of overrun.
- 900 lbs. of fake boobies (during a nostalgic look at past RAW divas).
- 900 Spanish announce table spots.
- Vince McMahon fire 900 employees, mostly fans and public figures in a spell of senility.
- 900 unseen Beaver Cleavage vignettes.
- At least 900 of the 1,004 holds that Chris Jericho knows.
- 900 of those Lucha matches that 1997 Raw would always have where guys landed on their heads and no-sold it out of pure shame.
- 900 different classes of vehicles driven by Stone Cold Steve Austin.
- 900 consecutive inappropriate gay jokes as delivered by Triple H.
- Edge and Christian reunite for a 900-second pose for those with the benefit of flash photography.
- 900 home invasions.
- 900 appearances of past Superstars via satellite (I'm crossing my fingers for Mini Vader).
- To win any match tonight you must incapacitate your opponent until he can't answer a count of 900.
- The GM changes the Night of Champions WWE Title match to a 900-Pack-Challenge match.
- Okay that's about enough.