THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO SEE ON TONIGHT'S 900TH EPISODE OF RAW

Every two years or so we get a new milestone in Monday Night RAW history. Tonight, it's episode number 900 (hey that's a lot of episodes! I wonder who's the longest running weekly episodic television show in blailahcjkdhddddvfjhkgfe!"??!).

Here's what I want to see.

MONDAY NIGHT RAW

900TH EPISODE

Photo - WWE.com

- 900 Michael Cole fake laughs.

- 900 "YOU'RE! GOING! DOWN!" chants when Ahmed Johnson finally makes his long awaited return and eliminates himself from a battle royale to chase Faarooq.

- 900 e-mail alerts, until John Cena finally snaps and breaks the internet.

- 900 consecutive Daniel Bryan matches.

- A compilation of Road Warrior Hawk piledriving every past guest host 900 times.

- 900 minutes of overrun.

- 900 lbs. of fake boobies (during a nostalgic look at past RAW divas).

- 900 Spanish announce table spots.

- Vince McMahon fire 900 employees, mostly fans and public figures in a spell of senility.

- 900 unseen Beaver Cleavage vignettes.

- At least 900 of the 1,004 holds that Chris Jericho knows.

- 900 of those Lucha matches that 1997 Raw would always have where guys landed on their heads and no-sold it out of pure shame.

- 900 different classes of vehicles driven by Stone Cold Steve Austin.

- 900 consecutive inappropriate gay jokes as delivered by Triple H.

- Edge and Christian reunite for a 900-second pose for those with the benefit of flash photography.

- 900 home invasions.

- 900 appearances of past Superstars via satellite (I'm crossing my fingers for Mini Vader).

- To win any match tonight you must incapacitate your opponent until he can't answer a count of 900.

- ARMBAR

- The GM changes the Night of Champions WWE Title match to a 900-Pack-Challenge match.

- Okay that's about enough.