Monday, August 16, 2010


Bryan Danielson just main evented SummerSlam.

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- DANIEL FUCKING BRYAN FUCKING DANIELSON. All day - ALL DAY I was telling myself not to even put that little American Dragon in my mind, because I knew if I got myself all hot and bothered with the idea that he could be the seventh man - and then he wasn't (which I thought was obviously the case), I would be so disappointed and ruin the show for myself.

Instead, the WWE did something that no one has been able to do in forever: work the IWC. At what point it all started as a work, I don't know, nor do I care. This restored my faith in them. As the show was going on, we were thinking of how impossible this would be. There were too many reasons as to why he COULDN'T be the 7th man:

A) Still has indy bookings into OCTOBER.

B) Wasn't mentioned in the LEAST in any of the build-up, and the WWE is all about holding your hand through their storylines to make sure you know what's going on.

C) It would be WAY too big of a rub for a guy who just showed up and hasn't paid his WWE dues yet.

D) It hasn't been leaked. What big return hasn't been spoiled before the show? This was the best kept secret in wrestling.

E) It's going to be Triple H. Even after John Cena announced that the 7th man was Daniel Bryan, I still expected them to laugh and be like, "lol just kidding BRING OUT THE DESTROYER"

And as far as D) goes, I wasn't online trying to see what I could spoil about the show. If anyone is upset about that (I haven't read any reactions to SummerSlam yet), you are pretty stupid. You KNOW that any of the dirtsheets are looking to post any spoiler they can. You should also know that the show is infinity times more enjoyable when you don't know what's going to happen.

Enough about that! Now onto more things about Daniel Bryan that I liked.

- The American Dragon tearing the WWE ring a new a-hole. It was like he was moving at warp speed. Him tapping Darren Young in a matter of seconds welled me up with tears of unbridled elation. He nailed EVERY spot and got a big reaction whenever he chained together his trademark spots.

- The story of the main event Elimination Match. It all made perfect sense. I think in retrospect, Team WWE winning ties that story up perfectly. They had to win. It's been months of Nexus beatdowns and ruining shows - WWE had to overcome, and they did. What will happen to Nexus? Who knows. They'll figure something out.

But the match itself was really well put together and really fun to watch. I like that every guy told the right story - Edge and Jericho were there to ultimately blow up at Cena because they can't put their issues with him aside, Bret is there to get retribution and maybe have an old person moment and forget the rules of the match, Cena is there to be our hero, Morrison and Truth are there to lose early (someone's got to!) and Danielson is there to make me mark out until I have no more breath in my lungs.

- The Miz. That promo was legendary even FOR HIM. When he talks, I listen. I recall even moving to the edge of my seat (not figuratively). He was funny and pissed people off. I also loved how he was so ready to join Team WWE and bask in the thanks from John Cena and Bret Hart… and then he was shot down. I truly almost felt bad for him. When he eliminated Bryan, I was one part pissed, two parts excited - I was upset that Danielson was out (but hey, it was down to him and Superman John Cena) but I was thrilled at the prospect of a continued Miz/Bryan feud that could go to, oh I don't know, Night of Champions for the US Title? Awesome stuff.

- Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston vs. LOOKOUT NEXUS. PERFECT. The match was off to a hot start with Kofi's "I am so aggressive I'll suicide dive on myself" suicide dive onto himself. And the rest of the match was exciting with the fast near falls and just the chemistry that Dolph and Kofi have in the ring. Then having Nexus take this match away for us added that extra heat the live crowd might have needed for them in the main event, and it worked - did you hear those boos?

- Moments of the World Title matches. Orton and Sheamus had a bit of a slow start (I never want to see another stomp again in my life) and Kane and Mysterio had the crowd waiting for Undertaker to get behind anything too much, but there was some fun stuff. Orton's Michael Jackson dance moves before hitting his powerslam get me every time. Sheamus looking like he no-sold the RKO (even though it was just the camera angle) made him look both badass and confused at the same time. His BROGUEGUG kick or whatever it's called connected with Orton's face for serious. Kane and Mysterio pulled out a lot of the spots they strung together in their last off-screen-started feud, but it was still good.

- Michael Cole. Yep. He brought out those long lost feelings of real rage in me whenever he cut down Danielson and praised the Miz.

- So many spots in the 7 on 7 match. From Jericho's C'MON BAYBAY to Cena taking a nap on the concrete from a sick looking DDT, to Bret Hart busting out the inverted atomic drop (I was losing it during his whole run in the match), to Danielson's deadly German suplex… there's too much to mention.

- I feel the need to mention how happy I was when Darren Young tapped to Danielson again.


- Melina. My fucking lord. Every match she's in seems to filled to the brim with those "okay now you go here, no no here, yeah, now I'll put my leg here, k pretend that didn't happen" moments. And the pacing of this match was impossible to follow or comprehend. So Alicia pretends to have something in her eye and the ref checks on her to put the match on hold, then Melina lands on her knee funny and the ref checks on her to put the match on hold, then Alicia works the arm for some unknown reason, then Melina wins without ever selling her knee. She is my least favourite wrestler that doesn't look like a chocolate-dipped John Cena.

- Undertaker's return was totally stupid. Why give it away SO BADLY by bringing a casket to the ring. Didn't you watch the SummerSlam that YOU DID last year? Most AWESOME voodoo Undertaker body-swapping return EVER. This one was so bad that the crowd was letting out a collective grown every time Kane opened the casket and 'Taker wasn't there. But what was even worse was what followed. None of this made logical sense: Undertaker gets in real close with Rey so the live crowd have no idea what's going on, and seem to get quiet and uninterested. 'Taker is waxing poetic, while Rey is pleading his innocence. Undertaker believes him, chokes him anyway, then turns to Kane. Wouldn't he have always known it was Kane? Or at least always known it WASN'T Mysterio? I don't understand this.

- Matt Striker. I don't know if I can take another show of him saying things that surely he doesn't even believe make sense.

- Kane's backstage promo. And how mad he got for being interrupted when all he was doing was talking to himself and gently jerking-off his casket.

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