SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE VII: ADRIAN'S REVENGE

Uh. Hi.

So I've been gone a long time. Like a long time. Like left for WCW and a fat guy dressed as "Fake Pizzabodyslam" came out and you were like "wtf that's not the real pizzabodyslam, he's in wcw now wrestling under his real name, Grib Tendleman" long.

I've been gone for 683 days. TWO YEARS BASICALLY. I've missed like 87% of a 434 day CM Punk WWE Title run. I've missed the entire undefeated streak, and DEBUT for that matter, of The Shield. I've missed a Once In A Lifetime match and it happened TWICE. I'VE BEEN GONE FOR TWO LIFETIMES. 

Truthfully, I've only really been gone for a few months. I've been mostly keeping up over the past two years, but I legitimately missed a chunk of time when things got too busy. In fact, I've basically seen everything (here and there) right up until SummerSlam of this year.

Actually, I watched SummerSlam too. Well, most of it. I saw the whole thing but paused it right after Daniel Bryan beat John Cena for the WWE Championship. Tears filled my eyes and I couldn't see, so I just called it a night. That show was perfect from top to bottom (well, almost bottom - still gotta finish it! haha but what could happen in like ninety seconds).

BUT, now that I'm back, I can start catching up! Alright, let me get settled here and bring up the DVR. Not sure why I feel the need to watch the very end of SummerSlam... I guess that little WWE copyright thing gives me comfort. Anyway, here we go, time to unpause and watch Daniel Bryan's uninterrupted title celebration of pure catharsis!

...

SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE

I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING

... is this the darkest timeline?

Sidenote: before I dive into this, I should point out that this won't be a typical SIBG post. I've had seven of these suckers now, and normally I talk about all the things I missed whilst neglecting this place. Because there's two lifetimes worth of dub dubby e I need to recap, I'll probably split it up into a few posts, to ensure my first post back doesn't gas me by being 90,000 paragraphs on Total Divas and then I disappear for a Shawn Michaels amount of time.

I don't know if I have much to say on the ending to SummerSlam. In fact, when it happened, of the two camps (the first being the WHAT THE FUCK FUCK YOU TRIPLE H I HATE YOU FOR REAL NOT AS A HEEL THOUGH FUCK RANDY ORTON'S STUPID SHINY BODY camp and the second being the Wait And See Where It Goes™, Brandon Stroud) I fell into the latter.

I so badly wanted to see Bryan have his untouched, unH'd moment of beating John Cena squeaky-ass clean in the middle of the ring. The fact that you can type the sentence "Bryan Danielson beat John Cena clean in the SummerSlam main event for the WWE Championship" and you're not the booker of a "real guys only" e-fed is fucking nuts.

BUT, I thought this was all going to lead to an even bigger moment. Because while I do feel that WWE has ruined basically every guy's "first" WWE Championship moment (the moments that made Shawn Michaels and Stone Cold and so on), by having Money In The Bank or two World Titles and chucking the belt on guys super early, it's the reality of the world (wrestling entertainment) we live in.

So while the SummerSlam moment was tarnished by the taint of Triple H forcing the back of Bryan's head into the mat, I've been solemnly praying to the non-JBL wrestling gods (are you there wrestling god, it's me, pizzabodyslam from internet), that we'll get our sweet, sweet WrestleMania payoff for Daniel Bryan.

That said, it was definitely a shock to my system to watch SummerSlam and then miss almost three straight months of wrestling, and then jump back in at Survivor Series. Seeing Punk and Bryan relegated back to the midcard after putting on arguably two of the best matches of the year on the same night, gave my wrestling boner a sad. And that Orton/Big Show main event? WOOF. Not to mention the next night on Raw featured a guest host, Orton/Cena angles and the commentary team screaming TWERK at nobody or nothing - it was like 2009 gave me a Bronco Buster.

But it all makes sense in my delusional stupid brain (not the bronco buster part). Having Bryan chase the title from SummerSlam all the way to WrestleMania would be brutal, if the goal is to have him finally take it back on the big stage. How rough are three consecutive screwy PPV finishes where he's H'd out of the belt? Imagine like SEVEN or whatever it would've been.

I don't know what will happen. Bryan wins the Rumble, Punk and Bryan both win the Rumble, Goldberg comes back to spear Bryan and hug Triple H, WrestleMania ends with Triple H STANDING TALL holding the unified WWE Title (and all of our collective nutsacks), I DON'T KNOW. But my stupid 11 year old wrestling fan heart is fluttering around thanks to my stupid 11 year old wrestling fan brain convincing me that one of those moments that happens once every few years that is so good it makes up for the relentless soul destroying shit we put up with is just around the corner.

Check back here around April and I'll either be gleefully typing more run on sentences in all caps about SummerSlam being worth it, or I'll have transformed into a real life Bray Wyatt, rocking in my rocking chair, my psyche finally obliterated by the stranglehold WWE has on me.

they been lyin' to you maaaaannnnnn

SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE V - WTF THOUGHT I WAS DEAD LOL EDITION

Hello anyone who has stuck with me despite my sporadic, lengthy and unexplained disappearances. If you continue to read my blog (or Tumblr or Twitter or anything I do on Fair To Flair) even after I abandon it for weeks upon weeks of International super-benders, you are my hero and I thank you. But, I can't promise it won't happen again. I could up and leave at anytime. I'm like your step dad. Unless if you have a step dad that really does leave you all the time. In that case, I'm something less offensive. Because I'd never really leave you! I love you! C'mon, let's go have a catch.

But then after that I gotta go out for smokes (don't wait up). Love you!

SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE

I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING

Photo - WWE.com

During my leave of absence (fifth one, if I counted correctly), as per usual, something HUGE happened and I missed it. For once can't nothing happen while I'm gone? Just send Melina out there to make faces for a few hours, no one will notice a difference. WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S FIRED?

While I try to accept this tragic loss, let's recap what I missed on my four previous wrestling-less sabbaticals:

SIBG 1: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler, MOTY at Bragging Rights

SIBG 2: The Miz cashes in, wins WWE Title

SIBG 3: Matt Hardy gets dreadlocks

SIBG 4: WrestleMania XXVII

SIBG 5: The biggest event of the summer, not without controversy or John Cena putting it all out there for the WWE Universe...

SUMMERSLAM 2011 JOHN CENA EXPOSES SELF ON TWITTER

WE CAN ALL SEE YOU NOW EW

Photo - John Cena's outbox of shame

Here's the part where I, a grown-up man (as grown-up as a wrestling fan on the Internet can be), talk about John Cena's penis (which conveniently rhymes; I expect him to use it in one of his rapping songs [he still does rap songs, right?]). Well, not really his penis. More like his penis region.

For those who don't know (and if you don't know, it's probably a testament to your character as a citizen of the world), John Cena tweeted a very sexualized picture of himself (uh, on purpose). It depicts him completely naked in the mirror, with the photo cutting off just before U Can't See his penis.

I'm not going to call this appalling or offensive or whatever, but I will give you my first, immediate thought:

THIS IS FUCKING WEIRD.

It literally gave me the "heebie jeebies" (eye cancer).

I just found it so bizarre, ESPECIALLY because it came in a string of tweets where he was answering fans' questions, some of which were asking about a future heel turn. He responded in classic John Cena form by saying, essentially "I am me. I do what I do, and you decide my fate" blah blah blah, where he says he's always the same and it's up to the fans whether they like him or not. Then he tweets a picture of his cock. HE'S GONE FULL HEEL! OR AT LEAST HALF-CHUB HEEL.

The weirdest part about it is how WWE TV and John Cena himself have made a point of letting us know that children love John Cena. Obviously women love Cena too, but it's the children that Cena has literally (literally literally!) defended on television. He's given speeches about how proud he is to be a hero to children and how if kids like him it shouldn't be a detriment to him as a man. This all happened recently. He's a saviour to Little Jimmies everywhere, and maybe he wanted to show us his Little Jimmy I DON'T KNOW. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.

Let me put it this way. Had Shawn Michaels tweeted a picture of his penis region (or say, posed in Playgirl), I would be totally on board, because he is called a Sexy Boy; I know what I'm getting into. But if John Cena tweets a picture of his SuperDick, I might go, "hey, um, what the FUCK?!"

I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if Hulk Hogan or Steve Austin tweeted a sexualized naked picture of themselves to their fans, but my brain won't allow me to ruin all of wrestling for myself, so that's not happening. And it's one thing if it was a picture (like this one, or this one) that was dug up and posted on the internet by rabid fans. This was tweeted straight from the SuperHorse's fingertips.

Very strange and out of character both in and out of character.

Also very veiny.

The end.

SUMMERSLAM 2011

THE SECOND BIGGEST EVENT OF THE SUMMER

Photo - WWE.com

While I would love to write several paragraphs about Sheamus vs. Mark Henry or John Cena vs. CM Punk or Kelly Kelly impressing the shit out of everybody, I've already wasted about 90,000 words on John Cena's upper taint. So, instead, I'll point you in the direction of some fantastic reviews of the show, and then you can come back here to read about the most important figures in pro wrestling today, the Ultimate Warrior and Matt Hardy.

THE BEST AND WORST OF SUMMERSLAM 2011 BY BRANDON STROUD (WITH LEATHER)

I rep Brandon Stroud on this blog just a little bit less than Matt Hardy, but it's still an embarrassing amount. Go read his reviews. Derrick Bateman reads them. Do it for Derrick Bateman. Do it for Chicks and America. Do it for Maxine. That last part is for people who follow NXT, which may or may not include Derrick Bateman or Brandon Stroud or myself even.

SUMMERSLAM 2011 BY RAZOR (FAIR TO FLAIR, KICK-OUT!! WRESTLING)

In addition to abandoning this blog for several weeks, I also went missing from Fair To Flair. Thankfully, fellow FTF contributor Razor was there to make fun of WWE Cock Rock and Cee Lo Green, as well as give a very positive and fair (to flair) review.

HOW TO MAKE SOME FANS HAPPY, HOW TO MAKE SOME FANS UPSET BY K. SAWYER PAUL (FAIR TO FLAIR, INTERNATIONAL OBJECT)

In addition to changing gimmicks at blinding speed, K. Sawyer Paul has also provided the most succinct review of SummerSlam in two clever posts. He's also been taking over the sidebar of Fair To Flair with exactly what he promised - the best wrestling stories on the Internet. I can wholeheartedly say that if The Dirtsheets was a VHS tape of wrestling news, I'd be taping over that shit with Int'l Object even if I wasn't a part of FTF.

THE MASKED MAN (GRANTLAND, UH, TWITTER)

He doesn't have an article on SummerSlam, but his thoughts on Twitter are absolutely worth scrolling through. The Masked Man has brought wrestling writing to mainstream sports blogs like Deadspin, as well as Grantland, where he writes about wrestling alongside the likes of Chuck Klosterman and Bill Simmons. He also gives roommate reactions on Twitter, which provides such gems of insight as "He looks like a date rapist (roommate on The Miz)".

EDIT: Grantland just posted The Masked Man's SummerSlam article, Back to Unreality.

SEVERAL SUMMERSLAM POSTS! BY TOM HOLZERMAN (FAIR TO FLAIR, THE WRESTLING BLOG)

I'd be hard-pressed not to mention my blogging Brosa Mendes who wrote a review of SummerSlam, as well as individual posts about Sheamus/Mark Henry, Kelly Kelly and Commercials on PPV. If you want to read about SummerSlam, TH has every angle covered.

ULTIMATE WARRIOR

SMOKING ASS, OR SOMETHING? I DON'T KNOW. SOMETHING ABOUT A GENIUS REAPER.

I think he showed up with a YouTube account to remind us that Matt Hardy eating grapes and tazing women isn't enough to out-crazy the Ultimate Warrior. Jesus, even John Cena is out-crazying Matt Hardy! What happened Matt? Get on YouTube and show us what you're made of already! I do appreciate you burning your garbage and blowing up aerosol cans or getting bumshit hammered or giving cooking lessons to nobody, but do you think that's enough to keep up with the Ultimate Warrior swearing at a fictional lazy person? Or John Cena getting as naked and veiny as he possibly can and tweeting a picture of himself? NO. NO MATT. NO.

You need to pull yourself up by the cargo pant pockets and prove just who really is the craziest fucking idiot on the Internet. Grab your flipcam, kiss your brother, throw Shannon Moore into a pile of syringes, I don't care. Just be the best idiot you can be. I believe in you.

RING OF HONOR + PRO WRESTLING GUERRILLA

TV TAPINGS, DBD IX, STEEN VS. FINLAY

Photo - ROHWrestling.com

ROH taped their first show for the Sinclair Broadcasting Group this past weekend. I didn't read spoilers, since I will be able to watch the show on my actual TV (September 24th), which makes me happy. Okay, I did read one spoiler, but it had nothing to do with match outcomes, so that's fine.

Ring Of Honor also announced the first match for Death Before Dishonor IX in New York this September, which will feature Roderick Strong and Eddie Edwards in a "Ringmaster Challenge" match, that has nothing to do with both guys getting managed by Ted DiBiase and wearing white boots. It's a Two Out of Three Falls match where the first fall can only be won by pinfall, the second fall can only be won by submission, and the third fall, if necessary (it'll be necessary), will be a 15 minute Iron Man match. This will be the kind of match for fans with workrate boners, and they're letting you know ahead of time.

PWG's 2011 Battle of Los Angeles is happening this Saturday, with Kevin Steen vs. Fit FUCKING Finlay as the most notable match on the card. I don't think there's anything left to say. This is going to be the realest shit ever forever hyperbole ever.

HULK HOGAN

REGRETS INVESTING IN MEATBALL MACHINE

Thank you dirtsheets for providing me with this headline, and the endless laughter. You will never top this. Never.

...

That is all.

WWE PPV PREDICTION GAME: SUMMERSLAM - RESULTS!

We have a winner by two whole points this month...

WWE SUMMERSLAM (EVENT #4)

PREDICTION RESULTS

Photo - WWE.com

1. FORTHY (16 PTS)

2. PSO CheZi (14 PTS)

T3. Kastrada (13 PTS)

T3. Mike1494 (13 PTS)

T3. Steve - Burning Spirit (13 PTS)

T3. TheTazDevil (13 PTS)

7. TOH (12 PTS)

T8. Bronsini (11 PTS)

T8. Cory Chaos (11 PTS)

T8. SSJ Storm (11 PTS)

T11. Monkey Man (10 PTS)

T11. SETUP DISK (10 PTS)

T11. PIZZABODYSLAM (10 PTS)

T14. Mario (Not last somehow!) (9 PTS)

T14. Sly Dogg (9 PTS)

T16. bstan80 (8 PTS)

T16. Canadian Vampire (8 PTS)

T18. Arn Anderson (7 PTS)

T18. Crock Misure (7 PTS)

T18. TCU (7 PTS)

T18. TH - The Wrestling Blog (7 PTS)

And you can view the updated overall standings here.

WWE SUMMERSLAM REVIEW: DANIEL BRYAN EDITION!

Bryan Danielson just main evented SummerSlam.

WWE SUMMERSLAM

DARREN YOUNG GOT HIS FUCKING HEAD KICKED IN

Photo - WWE.com

LIKED

- DANIEL FUCKING BRYAN FUCKING DANIELSON. All day - ALL DAY I was telling myself not to even put that little American Dragon in my mind, because I knew if I got myself all hot and bothered with the idea that he could be the seventh man - and then he wasn't (which I thought was obviously the case), I would be so disappointed and ruin the show for myself.

Instead, the WWE did something that no one has been able to do in forever: work the IWC. At what point it all started as a work, I don't know, nor do I care. This restored my faith in them. As the show was going on, we were thinking of how impossible this would be. There were too many reasons as to why he COULDN'T be the 7th man:

A) Still has indy bookings into OCTOBER.

B) Wasn't mentioned in the LEAST in any of the build-up, and the WWE is all about holding your hand through their storylines to make sure you know what's going on.

C) It would be WAY too big of a rub for a guy who just showed up and hasn't paid his WWE dues yet.

D) It hasn't been leaked. What big return hasn't been spoiled before the show? This was the best kept secret in wrestling.

E) It's going to be Triple H. Even after John Cena announced that the 7th man was Daniel Bryan, I still expected them to laugh and be like, "lol just kidding BRING OUT THE DESTROYER"

And as far as D) goes, I wasn't online trying to see what I could spoil about the show. If anyone is upset about that (I haven't read any reactions to SummerSlam yet), you are pretty stupid. You KNOW that any of the dirtsheets are looking to post any spoiler they can. You should also know that the show is infinity times more enjoyable when you don't know what's going to happen.

Enough about that! Now onto more things about Daniel Bryan that I liked.

- The American Dragon tearing the WWE ring a new a-hole. It was like he was moving at warp speed. Him tapping Darren Young in a matter of seconds welled me up with tears of unbridled elation. He nailed EVERY spot and got a big reaction whenever he chained together his trademark spots.

- The story of the main event Elimination Match. It all made perfect sense. I think in retrospect, Team WWE winning ties that story up perfectly. They had to win. It's been months of Nexus beatdowns and ruining shows - WWE had to overcome, and they did. What will happen to Nexus? Who knows. They'll figure something out.

But the match itself was really well put together and really fun to watch. I like that every guy told the right story - Edge and Jericho were there to ultimately blow up at Cena because they can't put their issues with him aside, Bret is there to get retribution and maybe have an old person moment and forget the rules of the match, Cena is there to be our hero, Morrison and Truth are there to lose early (someone's got to!) and Danielson is there to make me mark out until I have no more breath in my lungs.

- The Miz. That promo was legendary even FOR HIM. When he talks, I listen. I recall even moving to the edge of my seat (not figuratively). He was funny and pissed people off. I also loved how he was so ready to join Team WWE and bask in the thanks from John Cena and Bret Hart… and then he was shot down. I truly almost felt bad for him. When he eliminated Bryan, I was one part pissed, two parts excited - I was upset that Danielson was out (but hey, it was down to him and Superman John Cena) but I was thrilled at the prospect of a continued Miz/Bryan feud that could go to, oh I don't know, Night of Champions for the US Title? Awesome stuff.

- Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston vs. LOOKOUT NEXUS. PERFECT. The match was off to a hot start with Kofi's "I am so aggressive I'll suicide dive on myself" suicide dive onto himself. And the rest of the match was exciting with the fast near falls and just the chemistry that Dolph and Kofi have in the ring. Then having Nexus take this match away for us added that extra heat the live crowd might have needed for them in the main event, and it worked - did you hear those boos?

- Moments of the World Title matches. Orton and Sheamus had a bit of a slow start (I never want to see another stomp again in my life) and Kane and Mysterio had the crowd waiting for Undertaker to get behind anything too much, but there was some fun stuff. Orton's Michael Jackson dance moves before hitting his powerslam get me every time. Sheamus looking like he no-sold the RKO (even though it was just the camera angle) made him look both badass and confused at the same time. His BROGUEGUG kick or whatever it's called connected with Orton's face for serious. Kane and Mysterio pulled out a lot of the spots they strung together in their last off-screen-started feud, but it was still good.

- Michael Cole. Yep. He brought out those long lost feelings of real rage in me whenever he cut down Danielson and praised the Miz.

- So many spots in the 7 on 7 match. From Jericho's C'MON BAYBAY to Cena taking a nap on the concrete from a sick looking DDT, to Bret Hart busting out the inverted atomic drop (I was losing it during his whole run in the match), to Danielson's deadly German suplex… there's too much to mention.

- I feel the need to mention how happy I was when Darren Young tapped to Danielson again.

DISLIKED

- Melina. My fucking lord. Every match she's in seems to filled to the brim with those "okay now you go here, no no here, yeah, now I'll put my leg here, k pretend that didn't happen" moments. And the pacing of this match was impossible to follow or comprehend. So Alicia pretends to have something in her eye and the ref checks on her to put the match on hold, then Melina lands on her knee funny and the ref checks on her to put the match on hold, then Alicia works the arm for some unknown reason, then Melina wins without ever selling her knee. She is my least favourite wrestler that doesn't look like a chocolate-dipped John Cena.

- Undertaker's return was totally stupid. Why give it away SO BADLY by bringing a casket to the ring. Didn't you watch the SummerSlam that YOU DID last year? Most AWESOME voodoo Undertaker body-swapping return EVER. This one was so bad that the crowd was letting out a collective grown every time Kane opened the casket and 'Taker wasn't there. But what was even worse was what followed. None of this made logical sense: Undertaker gets in real close with Rey so the live crowd have no idea what's going on, and seem to get quiet and uninterested. 'Taker is waxing poetic, while Rey is pleading his innocence. Undertaker believes him, chokes him anyway, then turns to Kane. Wouldn't he have always known it was Kane? Or at least always known it WASN'T Mysterio? I don't understand this.

- Matt Striker. I don't know if I can take another show of him saying things that surely he doesn't even believe make sense.

- Kane's backstage promo. And how mad he got for being interrupted when all he was doing was talking to himself and gently jerking-off his casket.

A REVIEW OF SUMMERSLAM TOO BUSY MARKING OUT

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OHHHHH MYYYYYYY

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDFKLSDFJSDLKJVBLISABJDAKSBLK

Photo - WWE.com

Tonight the WWE proved that they can still blow your fucking mind. No one saw this coming. And if you were online spoiling it for yourself (even if WWE accidentally had the link up, you still spoiled yourself), you may have ruined what was one of the best things to happen in mainstream wrestling in YEARS.

At least for me. FUCKING CRAZY. I'll have a real review tomorrow, but I better settle down because my mark-out levels have reached OMEGA STATUS. I am THIS CLOSE to overheating and collapsing on my laptopslkdjnsllllllllkcslvldnkvlnsdlvlsssssss;slndvsjbvuvwe29324gvn29ipopeiva.zs

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON WIKIPEDIA: TEAM WWE'S SUMMERSLAM RECORD

Ever wonder what Team WWE's combined record at SummerSlam is? Ever spend an entire morning skipping breakfast to rifle through Wikipedia to find out? No? WELL YES ON BOTH ACCOUNTS FOR ME.

Spanning 29 matches on 21 events in 22 years (no one on the team wrestled at SummerSlam '96, but I'm sure Sycho Sid is available to fill that role), the Superstars of Team WWE know their way around the hottest event of the Summer. However, only one member of the team truly knows his way around actually winning matches at SummerSlam. But before I get to that, let's see what Team WWE has in wins and losses, and how that will stack up against the Nexus' 0-0-0-0-0-0-0 record:

TEAM WWE

18 WINS - 14 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com

Pretty strong record, above 500. But who's carrying most of the dead weight here? Cena? Bret? Jericho? NOPE.

EDGE

7 WINS - 2 LOSSES

Photo - Fuck Yeah, Edge! Tumblr

1998: Edge and Sable def. Marc Mero and Jacqueline

1999: The Acolytes def. Edge and Christian et al (Tag Turmoil)

2000: Edge and Christian def. The Hardy Boyz, The Dudley Boyz

2001: Edge def. Lance Storm

2002: Edge def. Eddie Guerrero

2004: Edge def. Chris Jericho, Batista

2005: Edge def. Matt Hardy

2006: Edge def. John Cena

2008: The Undertaker def. Edge

Edge went on an absolute TEAR at SummerSlam, winning six consecutive matches, until running into the Undertaker who kinda has a thing about streaks. But I still think Edge has a fair case for being Captain of Team Cena. And who woulda thunk that Edge's first tag team win at SummerSlam was with Sable?

Let's see what the rest of Team WWE was up to while Edge was beating everyone up (including members of his own team):

BRET "THE HITMAN" HART

5 WINS - 4 LOSSES

Photo - Fuck Yeah Hart Family Tumblr

1988: Demolition def. The Hart Foundation

1989: The Brainbusters def. The Hart Foundation

1990: The Hart Foundation def. Demolition

1991: Bret Hart def. Mr. Perfect

1992: The British Bulldog def. Bret Hart

1993: Jerry Lawler def. Bret Hart (DQ)

1994: Bret Hart def. Owen Hart

1995: Bret Hart def. Isaac Yankem

1997: Bret Hart def. The Undertaker

On his own, Bret's much more impressive at 4-2. Maybe teaming up at SummerSlam isn't a good idea? Maybe he should rethink those jorts too?

JOHN CENA

3 WINS - 3 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com

2004: John Cena def. Booker T

2005: John Cena def. Jericho

2006: Edge def. John Cena

2007: John Cena def. Randy Orton

2008: Batista def. John Cena

2009: Randy Orton def. John Cena

Cena has only wrestled one match at SummerSlam that wasn't for a Championship, and he lost it. He's also never teamed with anyone at SummerSlam. He's also a Superman type character. All of these things are worth considering, if you think wrestling is real.

CHRIS JERICHO

2 WINS - 5 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com

2000: Chris Benoit def. Chris Jericho

2001: Chris Jericho def. Rhyno

2002: Ric Flair def. Chris Jericho

2003: Triple H def. Chris Jericho et al (EC)

2004: Edge def. Chris Jericho, Batista

2005: John Cena def. Chris Jericho

2008: Chris Jericho def. Rebecca Michaels' upper lip

2009: JeriShow def. Cryme Tyme

With the worst record of anyone on Team WWE, Jericho probably should've checked his facts before opening his mouth about leading this here supergroup. Although, his only tag match was a successful one, and he does have a history of punching women (heads up Heath Slater).

JOHN MORRISON

1 WIN - 0 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com

2007: John Morrison def. CM Punk

He's undefeated. This could be the start of something HUGE. Or he could get eliminated first. It's a toss-up.

R-TRUTH

0 WINS - 0 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com

:(

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this Nexus storyline isn't a vehicle for R-Truth's big push and he won't end up as the sole survivor. He's probably going to start off his SummerSlam career as being winless, and maybe exploded out of his shoes again.

But this still leaves us without that key 7th member. Who would benefit Team WWE the most?

THE MIZ

0 WINS - 0 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com

Just like his sometime-nemesis R-Truth, Miz has yet to compete at SummerSlam. He's a wild card for Team WWE, no one knows where his true allegiances lie, and he could find himself more occupied with the Sheamus/Orton match than anything else. Maybe they should consider some more options... like:

THE GREAT KHALI

0 WINS - 3 LOSSES

Photo - WWE.com

2007: Batista def. The Great Khali

2008: Triple H def. The Great Khali

2009: Kane def. The Great Khali

Okay, maybe not. OH I KNOW:

TRIPLE H

8 WINS - 4 LOSSES

1995: Hunter Hearts Helmsley def. Bob Holly

1997: Mankind def. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

1998: Triple H def. The Rock

1999: Mankind def. Triple H, Steve Austin

2000: The Rock def. Kurt Angle, Triple H

2002: Shawn Michaels def. Triple H

2003: Triple H def. all (EC)

2004: Triple H def. Eugene

2006: DX def. The McMahons

2007: Triple H def. King Booker

2008: Triple H def. The Great Khali

2009: DX def. Legacy

YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON THE DESTROYER. In fact, Triple H was giving a series of winks and "heh hehs" when asked yesterday if he would join the team at SummerSlam Axxess, so maybe you really can count on him joining the team. Or maybe you can count on him to join your team, then betray you for reasons he'll explain tomorrow night on RAW. Or maybe you can count on him having something in his eye, I don't know.

All I do know is that it's a good thing John Cena didn't go running to the Hardy Boyz:

MATT AND JEFF HARDY'S COMBINED RECORD

0 WINS - 7 LOSSES (WITH 1 WIN BY DQ, 1 BY FORFEIT ON HEAT TO A ONE LEGGED MAN)

Photo - WWE.com

1999: The Acolytes def. The New Brood

2000: Edge and Christian def. The Hardy Boyz, The Dudley Boyz

2001: Rob Van Dam def. Jeff Hardy

2003: Matt Hardy def. Zach Gowen (via FORFEIT on HEAT so DOESN'T EVEN COUNT)

2004: Kane def. Matt Hardy

2005: Edge def. Matt Hardy

2008: MVP def. Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy def. Mark Henry (BY DQ)

2009: CM Punk def. Jeff Hardy

This post has been brought to you buy this randomly generated Wikipedia article.