TONIGHT: RAW VS. IMPACT - WEEK TWO! THREE? FUCK I DUNNO

Are we counting January 4th? Brothers?

I'm not sure what it is about these Monday night back-and-forths I get excited about, but I know I'm shaking with D-Von Dudley type anticipation.

For RAW, I obviously know I'm excited to see Stone Cold, and what happens with only two RAWs to go before 'Mania. But I also know that so often I watch RAW and find myself mouthing the words along with everyone, as if I'm watching Ninja Turtles when I was eight, then I fall asleep face-down in my cereal.

For Impact, I get excited knowing I am going to see some batshit crazy batshit that will make me laugh or smack myself in the face. I'm definitely curious about Hardy/Styles, and apparently Matt Jackson jumps off of some crazy high structure, confirming my earlier prediction for the Bucks/MCMG Ultimate X Match being that it will be bonkers and probably just look like CGI. But I also know that I can't follow what's going on from week to week as a casual viewer, and I feel like I can see the writers' uncertainty right through the TV screen.

So I guess what I get excited about for having both of these shows on one night is that you can mash together both RAW and Impact, so you get your fill of the hilarity, the wrestling, the logical storylines, the illogical storylines, and all the while you get to miss most commercials.

Here's what's on for tonight:

RAW VS. IMPACT

3/15 PREVIEW

RAW (LIVE)

Announced

Guest Host: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin

WrestleMania Rewind: Triple H vs. Randy Orton (XXV)

WrestleMania Rewind: World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels (XIX)

WrestleMania Rewind: John Cena vs. Unified Tag Team Champion Big Show (XX)

Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon WMXXVI Contract Signing

Expected

MITB Qualifier

Batista goes "heh heh"

Won't Happen

The Patriot runs-in during the contract signing.

Please God

Stone Cold/CM Punk segment.

IMPACT (TAPED) - SPOILER-FREE

Jeff Hardy vs. TNA World Champion AJ Styles

Beer Money vs. TNA Tag Team Champion Hernandez

Kevin Nash vs. Scott Hall in a "5 Minute Challenge"

Daffney vs. Angelina Love

Kurt Angle & The Pope vs. Desmond Wolfe & Mr. Anderson

The Nasty Boys & Jimmy Hart vs. Team 3D & Jesse Neal