- Had an oopsie when he fell through a table to lose the WWE Title to Sheamus
- Said I AM THE ONE and wasn't the one when Edge eliminated him from the Royal Rumble
- Won the WWE Title at/in Elimination Chamber
- Lost the WWE Title at/in Elimination Chamber (to Batista)
- Befriended Bret Hart
- Started yelling at Vince McMahon for being all about BUSINESS even though he never stops yelling about how much he himself loves this BUSINESS
- Texted Bret his fave stunt man's phone number or something
- Kicked in the nuts by Batista
The lights dim. The titantron begins showing images of people in the face of adversity, as various John Cena promo are cut together to sound like a Barack Obama-inspired speech of triumph, ending with the phrase "NEVER GIVE UP," which illuminates in huge block letters across the entire WMXXVI set. Cue Cena's music.
Cena enters already at full-speed, doing suicides across the top of the stage, dressed in his usual attire - but now with ORANGE DENIM. He then begins doing feats of strength, first by clean-and-jerking (lol) a blinged-out barbell to imitate the graphic on his tee, which, upon lifting, sets off fireworks. He then runs through a series of brick walls to the ring.
Then he chucks his hat into the crowd and it explodes into glitter or something.
John Cena def. Batista to capture his 7th WWE Title (9th World Championship)