Monday, March 22, 2010

WRESTLEMANIA WEEK: JOHN CENA

I plan to profile each WrestleMania XXVI competitor up until Sunday, because I am an adult who likes to watch wrestling and this is something a completely sane, totally cool adult would do. Don't judge me.

JOHN CENA
WrestleMania Record: 5-1
WrestleMania Moment: Ending JBL's near year-long reign to win his first WWE Title
WrestleMania History:
- def. Big Show (XX)
- def. JBL (21)
- def. Triple H (22)
- def. Shawn Michaels (23)
- def. by Randy Orton, Triple H (XXIV)
- def. Edge, Big Show (XXV)

JOHN CENA'S
MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA XXVI

Challening Batista for the WWE Championship in the Main Event

JOHN CENA'S
ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA XXVI
Photo - WWE.com

- Had an oopsie when he fell through a table to lose the WWE Title to Sheamus

- Said I AM THE ONE and wasn't the one when Edge eliminated him from the Royal Rumble

- Won the WWE Title at/in Elimination Chamber

- Lost the WWE Title at/in Elimination Chamber (to Batista)

- Befriended Bret Hart

- Started yelling at Vince McMahon for being all about BUSINESS even though he never stops yelling about how much he himself loves this BUSINESS

- Texted Bret his fave stunt man's phone number or something

- Kicked in the nuts by Batista


JOHN CENA'S
PREDICTED ENTRANCE AT WRESTLEMANIA XXVI
Photo - WWE.com

The lights dim. The titantron begins showing images of people in the face of adversity, as various John Cena promo are cut together to sound like a Barack Obama-inspired speech of triumph, ending with the phrase "NEVER GIVE UP," which illuminates in huge block letters across the entire WMXXVI set. Cue Cena's music.


Cena enters already at full-speed, doing suicides across the top of the stage, dressed in his usual attire - but now with ORANGE DENIM. He then begins doing feats of strength, first by clean-and-jerking (lol) a blinged-out barbell to imitate the graphic on his tee, which, upon lifting, sets off fireworks. He then runs through a series of brick walls to the ring.


Then he chucks his hat into the crowd and it explodes into glitter or something.


JOHN CENA'S
PREDICTED SHOWING AT WRESTLEMANIA XXVI
Photo - WWE.com

John Cena def. Batista to capture his 7th WWE Title (9th World Championship)

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