IMPACT NEXT WEEK: TAPING RESULTS (NO MATCH SPOILERS)

Taping results have been up for a while, but if you were looking for non-spoiler match listings, BUT non-non-spoiler segment summaries, then here it is:

MATCHES FOR 3/29 IMPACT

Dark Match: Daniels vs. Kazuchika Okada

Xplosion: Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love

Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D

Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick vs. Shannon Moore & Kazarian

First Blood: Tara vs. Daffney

AJ Styles vs. Jeff Jarrett

Handicap Match: Jay Lethal vs. Beer Money

D'Angel Dinero vs. Desmond Wolfe

Steel Cage Match: The Band vs. Eric Young, Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy

NOTABLE SEGMENT SUMMARIES FOR 3/29 IMPACT

- Team 3D challenge MCMG for their Tag Team Title shot because of a "Most Popular Tag Team" poll on TNAWrestling.com MCMG accept, but what's in it for them? Nothing.

- Hogan apologizes to Jarrett for Bischoff's doucheyness. Jay Lethal walks in and hilarity ensues.

- Jeff Hardy makes the call that his six-man match will be in a cage.

- The Pope sexually assaults Chelsea and stuffs money 'tween her boobies.

- Orlando Jordan is seen hanging about the ring, then is lowered to the mat covered in yellow tape. He crawled toward the announce table. Everyone chanted "that was creepy."

- Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson hype their Cage Match for Lockdown by having a Ladder Match next week. Just for anyone keeping score, that's two gimmick matches before a gimmick PPV that devalues cage matches for life.

I think I love this show just for the exercise I get smacking myself in the face whilst watching it.