FANTASY BOOKING: (AN UNORIGINAL IDEA) PRO WRESTLING - IN THE OLYMPICS!

WHOOOOA! Right? That's just CRAZY!

Clearly this has been thought of before. I'm not going to make a big huff about how I think pro wrestling could be done in the Olympics (hint: it can't!), but all of the excitement of the Men's Hockey starting today has me fired up like Brent Albright.

So, for some nerdy shits and giggles, let's pretend (because wrestling is pretend) that pro wrestling IS in the Olympics, ENTIRELY in kayfabe.

Some simple rules and restrictions: each nation needs a team captain, head coach, trainer, 5 singles wrestlers (including captain), 2 tag teams and one women's wrestler. Your staff can be retired from active competition, but your wrestlers have to be active as of today.

This is ridiculous so don't judge me.

TEAM

CANADA

STAFF

HEAD COACH: Bret "Hitman" Hart

TRAINER: Lance Storm

TOWEL BOY: "Mississauga's Own" Santino Marella

TEAM MASCOT: The Mountie

MEN'S SINGLES

CAPTAIN: Chris Jericho

"The Rated R Superstar" Edge

Christian

Kenny Omega

Robert Roode

TAG TEAMS

"The Hart Dynasty" David Hart Smith & Tyson Kidd

"Steenerico" Kevin Steen & El Generico

OLYMPIC DIVA

Natalya Neidhart

MEDALS AND HIGHLIGHTS

GOLD in Submission Wrestling

Got screwed everywhere else

TEAM

USA

STAFF

HEAD COACH: Hulk Hogan Mr. America

CO-TRAINERS: Stone Cold Steve Austin & "Nature Boy" Ric Flair

TOWEL BOY: Tazz

TEAM MASCOT: "The Patriot" Del Wilkes

MEN'S SINGLES

TEAM CAPTAIN: "The Game" Triple H

John Cena

"Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels

Kurt Angle (Where are YOUR Gold Medals?!)

"The Phenomenal" AJ Styles

TAG TEAMS

"ShoMiz" The Big Show & The Miz

"American Wolves" Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards

OLYMPIC DIVA

Mickie James

HIGHLIGHTS AND MEDALS

GOLD in Squash Matches

GOLD in Glass Ceiling (Long Track)

Finished last in Maintaining-Kayfabe Marathon

TEAM

JAPAN

STAFF

HEAD COACH: Kenta Kobashi

TRAINER: Antonio Inoki

TOWEL BOY: Danshoku Dino

TEAM MASCOT: YOSHIHIKO

MEN'S SINGLES

TEAM CAPTAIN: Jun Akiyama

KENTA

Naomichi Marufuji

Go Shiozaki

Takeshi Morishima

TAG TEAMS

"Kensuke Office" Kensuke Sasaki & Katsuhiko Nakajima

Yoshinobu Kanemaru & Kotaro Suzuki

OLYMPIC DIVA

Awesome Kong

HIGHLIGHTS AND MEDALS

GOLD in Freestyle Wrestling

GOLD in Fighting Spirit Long Program

DNF in Backstage Comedy Skits

TEAM

UNITED KINGDOM

STAFF

HEAD COACH: Johnny Saint

TRAINER: Finlay

TOWEL BOY: Hornswoggle

TEAM MASCOTS: The Highlanders

MEN'S SINGLES

TEAM CAPTAIN: William Regal

"The Celtic Warrior" Sheamus

Desmond Wolfe

Drew McIntyre

Paul Burchill

TAG TEAMS

"British Invasion" Brutus Magnus & Doug Williams

"Irish Airborne" Dave & Jake Crist

OLYMPIC DIVA

Katie Lea Burchill

HIGHLIGHTS AND MEDALS

GOLD in Chain Wrestling

GOLD in Twisty-Wrist-Flippy-Move Program

Finished last in World Title Picture

TEAM

MEXICO

STAFF

HEAD COACHES: The Guerrero Family

TRAINER: Jorge Rivera

TOWEL BOY: Chavo Guerrero

TEAM MASCOT: Aldo Montoya

MEN'S SINGLES

TEAM CAPTAIN: Rey Mysterio

Hernandez

Mistico

Ricky Marvin

Laredo Kid

TAG TEAMS

"The Mexicools" Juventud Guerrera & Psicosis

"The Colons" Primo & Carlito (posing as Mexicans! ... my imagination is running thin)

OLYMPIC DIVA

Vickie Guerrero

HIGHLIGHTS AND MEDALS

GOLD in Lucha Libre

GOLD in Arm Drag Decathlon

GOLD in Unnecessary Boobies

TEAM

GHANA

Photo courtesy of Scott Finkelstein's Get Lost Photography

STAFF

HEAD COACH: Prince Nana

TRAINER: Prince Nana

TOWEL BOY: Mr. Ernesto

TEAM MASCOT: Jade Chung

MEN'S SINGLES

TEAM CROWN JEWEL: Jimmy Rave

Claudio Castagnoli

Bison Smith

Alex Shelley

Kofi Kingston

TAG TEAMS

"The Hired Magnum" Joey Ryan & Erick Stevens

OLYMPIC DIVA

Sara Del Rey

HIGHLIGHTS AND MEDALS

GOLD in Men's Singles

GOLD in Tag Team Wrestling

GOLD in Women's Singles

GOLD in Eight-Man Elimination Tag Team Wrestling

GOLD in the Olympic Battle Royale

Disqualified for paying off judges

TEAM

PARTS UNKNOWN

STAFF

HEAD COACH: Ultimate Warrior

TRAINER: Gangrel

TOWEL BOY: Giant Gonzalez

TEAM MASCOTS: The Executioner, Doink, Dink, Phantasio,

MEN'S SINGLES

TEAM CAPTAIN: The Undertaker

Fake Undertaker

Kane

Imposter Kane

Delirious

TAG TEAMS

"Demolition" Ax, Smash & Crush

"The Fake Imposter Brothers of Destruction" Fake Undertaker & Imposter Kane

OLYMPIC DIVA

Chyna

HIGHLIGHTS AND MEDALS

GOLD in Menacing Face Relay

GOLD in Vague Promos

GOLD in "LOOK AT HIS EYES" Michael Cole Emoting Competition

Medal Ceremony made awkward when lights dim and smoke fills room in place of having a traditional national anthem.

I'd watch. The opening ceremonies would be worth it alone.

What do you think? Any changes to the teams? Events? This is stupid? I know.

FANTASY BOOKING: THE HEARTBREAK KID AND THE AMERICAN DRAGON

With Bryan Danielson's name change making the rounds on the internet recently, I thought I'd post the idea I've had for quite a while. It's SUPER nerdy (I guess all fantasy booking is). But I love it.

When I thought of it, Danielson hadn't signed with the WWE yet. And when I was thinking of who would work in this angle, I was like "well, Danielson would be perfect, but that'll never happen." Lo and behold...

SYNOPSIS

Shawn Michaels takes his pupil, Bryan Danielson, under his wing, leading him to glory as the Money in the Bank winner. But when Shawn Michaels shocks the world and wins the WWE Championship, OPPORTUNITY STRIKES for the American Dragon.

THE MENTOR

SHAWN MICHAELS

THE PUPIL

BRYAN DANIELSON

Photo courtesy of Scott Finkelstein's Get Lost Photography

PART ONE

Bryan Danielson, after having success on the NXT brand, would debut on RAW. He would play a similar role that CM Punk did in the early days of his WWE run - just your standard babyface (point and smile!).

It would be mentioned that Danielson was trained by Shawn Michaels, but not really used as something to drive his character just yet.

PART TWO

After a few months or so on RAW with no interaction with HBK, who could be occupied with other things, Danielson earns a spot in the Royal Rumble, along with Michaels.

In the Rumble, a bond would be formed between the two. Danielson would enter early in the Rumble, and be that plucky underdog survivor, lasting the longest. At one point, late in the match, Danielson would find himself being double-teamed by the tandem of Big Show and The Miz. Shawn would be the next entrant, and he would make the big save, right as it looked like ShowMiz would be taking Danielson out.

Together, Shawn and Danielson would be a house of fire, eliminating ShowMiz, as well as a few others, before they both get separately eliminated.

PART THREE

On RAW, Danielson would thank Shawn for watching his back, and Shawn would say something to the effect of "he always looks out for his own." It would be a touching moment, and hearts would be warmed across the internet.

Later in the night, ShowMiz would attack Danielson, which lures Shawn out for the save. Danielson and HBK would team up and feud with ShowMiz, and other teams, right up until WrestleMania. The focus would be Shawn mentoring Danielson, while everyone else says that Danielson is getting special treatment because of his relationship with HBK.

PART FOUR

Both Shawn and Danielson would be entered in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, as well as whichever team they happen to be feuding with at the time. At times in the match, Danielson and HBK would work together, at other times, they'd find themselves at odds - but all in the spirit of competition. The match would be spectacular as usual, and would conclude with Danielson and HBK both climbing opposite sides of the ladder. When they both reach the top, they would realize it was down to them-- and HBK would drop down, allowing Danielson to have his moment.

They celebrate together, as Shawn essentially passes the torch to his student.

PART FIVE

The next night on RAW, Danielson asks Shawn for some advice - when should he cash-in his title opportunity? Shawn says that Randy Orton, the current WWE Champion, has been running around like he owns the place for far too long, and he deserves to have the wool pulled over his eyes for once. He says that Danielson now has the greatest opportunity of his career and he needs to use it when he has the most to gain, and Orton has the most to lose.

Danielson and HBK would continue to team, until an injury sidelines Danielson, and Shawn is targeting by Randy Orton, the WWE Champion. Orton says that Shawn threw the MITB match because he knew that if he won, he'd be the first man to lose a MITB cash-in against Orton.

The two would feud, leading to a Career vs. Title match at SummerSlam. Rumours would be running rampant that Shawn was looking to take time off, but Shawn would win.

PART SIX

Shawn would continue to feud with Orton, even defeating him in a rematch. One night on RAW, Orton would orchestrate a 3-on-1 main event, unless HBK can find a partner. The match begins with Michaels on his own, and Legacy just rips right through him, until Bryan Danielson makes his big return.

They manage to fight back, and defeat Legacy, but Shawn is badly beaten.

As Danielson and HBK celebrate, Danielson quietly hands over his briefcase behind Shawn's back. The bell rings, and Shawn turns around, looking completely betrayed. Danielson takes Shawn down with shocking aggression, and goes crazy with the MMA elbows, until the referee is forced to stop the match and declare Bryan Danielson WWE Champion.

THE FINISH

Danielson would tell Shawn he was just following his own advise - strike when your opponent has the most to lose, and you have the most to gain. Danielson would also say that he never needed Michaels' help, especially for him to let him win at WrestleMania. In fact, he was insulted, and knew right then and there that Shawn's time would come.

The two would feud all the way to WrestleMania, which would culminate in a Mentor vs. Pupil, Career vs. Title match, with Danielson winning in dramatic fashion, and Shawn bowing out on the grandest stage of them all.

Dave Meltzer is forced to give the match twelve stars.

FANTASY BOOKING: SAVING STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

With the announcement of Stone Cold Steve Austin guest hosting RAW, I began to pray that the ultimate feud could finally happen. But that would require Austin to return to the WWE for more than one night, and be willing to wrestle again. So, that's why this is fantasy booking and not real life booking.

Bottom line is this - this feud is probably at the top of my wish list in terms of feuds I would ever want to see. It makes so much sense, and would Punk so over, and I would cream my jeans if it ever happened.

ON WITH THE SHOW.

SYNOPSIS

CM Punk has built his Straight-Edge Society to a fever pitch, and he now is determined to save his biggest soul - Stone Cold Steve Austin.

STRAIGHT-EDGE SAVIOUR

CM PUNK

BEER ENTHUSIAST

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

PART ONE

CM Punk continues to save more members of the WWE Universe, building a Straight-Edge Society that have an eery similarity to the Twelve Apostles. He transforms each one of them by shaving their heads and having them come to the ring with him when he's about to save someone new.

Then, one week, Punk ends up pulling a young fan from the crowd in a Rey Mysterio mask. As he's about to shave his head, Mysterio comes out and says Punk has crossed a line, and he's had enough of his bogus crusade.

PART TWO

Punk and Mysterio have a feud that leads all the way up until a big Hair vs. Mask match at WrestleMania. In the weeks leading up, Punk continues adding people to his Straight-Edge Society.

PART THREE

Two weeks before WrestleMania, Stone Cold Steve Austin hosts Monday Night RAW. Austin has several segments on the show interacting with people from his past like Bret, Shawn, Vince, Triple H, Jericho and so on, but there would be no interaction between him and Punk.

Instead, Punk would do commentary on the main event, since Mysterio is participating. The match ends with Austin coming out to dole out Stunners to all heels involved, then comes the usual beer-bash. Once the beers start flying, Punk stands up and the camera zooms in as he gives Austin some cut-eye. End show.

PART FOUR

Next week on RAW, Punk claims he'll save his final soul. He ends up pulling a fan in an Austin shirt out of the crowd. He berates him for supporting a man who makes money off of his dependancy on alcohol. He shaves his head. The fan thanks him for making him look more like the Rattlesnake. Punk takes offense, and sicks his Straight-Edge Society on the Austin fan. Consider him unsaved.

PART FIVE

At WrestleMania, Punk loses to Mysterio and has his head shaved with his Straight-Edge Society looking on. It looks crazy and everyone rejoices.

During the show, Austin makes some sort of appearance. He stuns the crap outta some people and gets tossed some Steveweisers, starts downing one, but spits it out instantly... not in his usual way. He looks at the cans. Each one has sXe marked all over it. It's non-alcoholic beer.

Punk's music hits and out walks a newly-shaven CM Punk, surrounded by his not too happy Straight-Edge Society. Austin, near-beer still dripping from his near-beard ((goatee) - holy fuck whatta pun), and the ring is divided in half. On one side - Stone Cold. On the other, CM Punk and an army of sXe skinheads.

In a flash, Punk and his cronies beat Austin down until Punk is handed a barely-standing Stone Cold - to put him out with a GTS. Punk declares, while dousing Austin in beer, that he will now perform his greatest miracle - he will SAVE STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN.

PART SIX

The rest is really up to Austin and Punk. They'd go on to have epic promo battles (this is such a cop out for fantasy booking, but like I could come up with better shit for them to say than they could). It would involve Punk constantly trying to save Austin, only for Austin to explode and take out his SES before Punk can narrowly escape.

THE FINISH

A big match, probably at SummerSlam, between Austin and Punk. All signs point to Austin winning until Punk's disciples hit the ring. Austin clears them all out, only to eventually fall to a GTS.

Punk celebrates, until he turns around into a furious Steve Austin. Austin swings at Punk, but his Straight-Edge Society spills into the ring again, but this time, Austin takes everybody out - including Punk. Austin heads to the back.

... and returns with a beer truck. Yes. Been done before. But it's never meant more than right now. Austin douses every single one of Punk's converts, and Punk himself, in actual beer. People rejoice.

Yay!

FANTASY BOOKING: TEAM SWAGGER

I'm finally moved into my place and ready to haphazardly fantasy book an angle I randomly thought of yesterday.

SYNOPSIS

Jack Swagger reforms Team Angle with Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin, but under the name Team Swagger, and finally completes a worthy undefeated run on a major brand.

"THE ALL-AMERICAN AMERICAN"

JACK SWAGGER

THE WORLD'S GREATEST TAG TEAM

SHELTON BENJAMIN AND CHARLIE HAAS

PART ONE

Jack Swagger's demeanour during his last attempt at an undefeated run would return. He would confidently declare that he would not lose a match in 2010, and would then officially be the "UNDEFEATED All-American American."

A face would interrupt him, asking why anyone should take him seriously. He went on a one-match undefeated streak last time he told the world he would be undefeated for the rest of the year, how the hell does he expect to go undefeated for an entire year? Swagger exits sheepishly.

PART TWO

Swagger, laying low for a couple weeks, would make an unannounced return by sitting front row at ECW for a Shelton Benjamin match. Then, later in the week, he would do the same for a Charlie Haas match. A backstage segment would follow with Josh Matthews trying to catch up with Swagger before he leaves. When asked what he was doing in the crowd, Swagger continues walking. When asked how he thinks he'll manage a 365 day undefeated streak after he failed in his last attempt, Swagger stops and says, "I'll have help."

PART THREE

Swagger would remind everyone before his first match that they're about to witness the beginning of his 2010 undefeated streak.

Swagger would control the majority of the match, until he gets rolled up for a near fall. While arguing with the official, two men dressed in those classic red, white and blue hoodie/jumpsuits (or even black and purple to match Swagger), would take out Jack's opponent, letting him pick up the win.

After the match, Swagger would introduce Shelton and Charlie as "The All-American American..." Team Swagger.

PART FOUR

Swagger would continue to win for weeks, maybe longer, until he crosses paths with the original face who opposed him and his idea to go undefeated for 2010. Swagger would then feud with whoever filled this face role for a few PPVs, having the classic lone babyface vs. heel team, strength in numbers type program, that culminates is Swagger defeating his foe cleanly.

PART FIVE

Swagger would claim questions of his ability to go undefeated for a year are now gone, as he defeated the only person to ever oppose him. With 2010 finally beginning to wind down, he has run out of competitors and will now turn his sights to the WWE Champion. He would say he's beaten everyone there is to beat, so he only has one man left to beat... and that's just who interrupts him --

WARNING: ABOUT TO JUMP THE SHARK

Instead of the WWE Champion coming out - it's KURT ANGLE (okay, so it's a stretch, but it'd be perfect)! Angle says Swagger's right - he's gone one more man to beat. But it's not the WWE Champion - it's Kurt Freakin' Angle! Angle says he needed to return to put an end to Swagger's streak, which he's only had thanks to two men he knows all too well.

Angle would bring up how Team Angle was actually a gift to him, not Swagger. So the Olympic Hero is going to beat The All-American American for stealing HIS team, for stealing HIS fireworks, and for misrepresenting HIS country.

THE FINISH

Swagger and Angle would have a similar feud to Swagger's last one, but with Angle looking much stronger. The feud would culminate in a one on one match between the two near the end of the year, where Swagger would go over, setting him up perfectly to face the WWE Champion.

And then WWE would have to finally release a Kurt Angle DVD so I could wet myself whilst watching it, because it would be the greatest DVD they've ever not released because this is a made up storyline and now I'm no longer excited.

- mitts