VIDEOS 2009: FEATURING TIGERDRIVER98

2009 had some badass montages/video packages/tributes. But only one was really anything special (to me), from the WWE. The majority were done by some talented dudes online... maybe WWE should keep their eyes open?

TIGERDRIVER98

PWG essentially has a free hype man in TigerDriver98, because his videos fucking rule. Check these out:

PWG: DDT4 2009

HYPE VIDEO

PWG: THE SECRET OF GUERRILLA ISLAND

HYPE VIDEO

PWG: JOEY RYAN VS. CHRIS HERO

A TALE OF TWO CHAMPIONS

PWG: EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT

MUSIC VIDEO

PWG: NINETY-NINE

HYPE VIDEO

He also did some awesome profile videos for the 2009 Battle of Los Angeles:

"MR. WRESTLING"

KEVIN STEEN

"THE PROFESSIONAL"

SCOTT LOST

THE HUMAN

TORNADO

PWG: BATTLE OF LOS ANGELES 2009

HYPE VIDEO

He needs to get paid for this.

THATWRESTLINGSHOW

Some really great tributes and hype videos from TWS:

THANK YOU NIGEL

NIGEL MCGUINNESS TRIBUTE

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

BRYAN DANIELSON TRIBUTE

CHRIS IS AWESOME

CHRIS HERO HYPE VIDEO

FINAL BATTLE 2009

ARIES VS. BLACK HYPE VIDEO

If WWE can't get a hold of either of these guys, they should just hire the Hockey Night In Canada dude, because he is a damn genius.

HNIC OPENING VIDEO

GAME ONE - STANLEY CUP FINALS 2009

HNIC OPENING VIDEO

GAME SIX - STANLEY CUP FINALS 2009

HNIC OPENING VIDEO

GAME FOUR - STANLEY CUP FINALS 2009

You might need to be a hockey fan to be as into those as I am though.

Here's the only WWE mention...

WWE: THE GARDEN

MUSIC VIDEO

And last, but not least, and not even a montage of any kind...

BRYAN DANIELSON AND PAUL LONDON

THE HYBRID DOLPHINS - JOIN THE SWARM!

Actual comic genius.

There you go. A shit ton of videos from the past year, and I'm most definitely missing a bunch. Probably WWE ones. Anyone think of any others?

LETDOWNS 2009: UNDERTAKER - PUNK FEUD NEVER REALLY HAPPENS

I'm going to write this one up as I watch RAW, since it just had the flattest opening I've seen since LAST WEEK. Moving on.

So... if THIS is the beginning of your feud...

How do you never manage to have a match?!

Yes, they had matches. But they never had THE match. They did have some amazing build up to that first match though. I mean, check this shit out.

So naturally, I was more than psyched for Breaking Point, where I expected a pretty damn sweet match.

WWE BREAKING POINT

CM PUNK VS. THE UNDERTAKER - SUBMISSION MATCH

I get that the idea was to piss people off. But we did not get the main event Punk/Taker match we all wanted to see. But, after a week or so, I could let it slide. The feud was still going on.

SMACKDOWN!

CM PUNK VS. THE UNDERTAKER

This was the middle of the feud. It was okay, but we're looking for the big PPV quality match here. And by this time, the feud took a bizarre turn and was more about Vince, Teddy and Scott Armstrong the nameless referee with a name, then it was about Punk and Taker. Taker was starting to give his ever so bland "im gon take ur soul" promos that didn't help either. And this was that one weird week where he randomly got self conscious and died his beard and sideburns jet black.

But I could let it all slide. Because it was meant to lead to the perfect blowoff...

WWE HELL IN A CELL

CM PUNK VS. THE UNDERTAKER - HELL IN A CELL

Somehow the match opens the show and goes maybe 8 minutes, ending with 'Taker decisively beating Punk. END FEUD.

WTF GUYS.

We can blame it on Undertaker's health. We can blame it on flimsy rumours that Punk mouthed off about what he wears. But the blame game does not give me the epic Undertaker/CM Punk encounter that I was promised when 'Taker used his voodoo evil powers to swap bodies with Jeff Hardy.

I would even tolerate this move if it meant putting either one of the guys in a new, better feud. But it didn't at all. Punk feuded with Scott Armstrong and R-Truth, and the Undertaker just cut vague promos on nobody about how he's taken souls for a few weeks.

This feud just had so much potential, and it evaporated like a fart on a windy day.

I got depressed just writing about this. But, the upside is, RAW has started to redeem itself with a pretty great six-man tag, thanks to Evan Bourne owning souls like Undertaker.

RAW PREVIEW 12/21/09 - NOW WITH LESS WRESTLING!

If I saw these things listed as a preview for a television program, I don't think I would ever guess it was a wrestling show:

- Hosted by Johnny Damon

- Secret Santas!

- "Little People's Court"

- Mae Young might appear!

Okay, with the Mae Young thing I'd know it was wrestling (although it's just a rumour). Maybe I meant "I don't think I would ever guess it'd be something I would like to see ever."

In all seriousness, there is nothing announced for this show. If you like wrestling, you literally have no reason to tune in. And yet we all will.

There is something wrong with me.

MOMENTS 2009: JIMMY RAVE, COLT CABANA RETURN TO ROH

If your nipples don't poke right through your shirt after watching this, then you need to get your pulse checked. Or at least your nipples.

The reaction of the crowd is incredible. Being there live must've been fucking awesome.

FML 2009: JOHN CENA DROPS BLADE

WWE BREAKING POINT

JOHN CENA VS. RANDY ORTON - I QUIT MATCH

Okay, not that blade. But there is like NO photo evidence of this damned blade drop. I know I saw it! You saw it... right? RIGHT?!

Well, anyway... the point is John Cena brought a razor blade to the ring, and it wasn't for a shave. It was for BLOOD.

This can mean a couple things.

1. They (uh, WWE) planned to have blood in this match.

2. John Cena (and Orton) planned to secretly blade.

3. It was just extra free Gillette blades. I'm sure he's got jean shorts just FULL of 'em.

I'm leaning towards two.

Although Cena does have quite the reputation for being a company man, he also loves wrestling. And if you love wrestling, you love your favourite wrestler covered in blood.

If this is true, it would mean that John Cena is awesome. Bret Hart bladed in a match when it was against company policy because he knew what was right. Blood makes emotional, hard fought matches have that much more credibility and drama.

Blood would have made this match make way more fucking sense. I think everyone knows that. It's an I Quit Match. Randy Orton TORTURED (Michael Cole's words, not mine) Cena.

TORTURED. AND DID NOT BLEED.

This match's potential flew out the window the second I saw that blade come spiralling out of Cena's John Deere wristband. When Mike Chioda pocketed the razor it was like he was my mom putting Donkey Kong Country on top of the fridge so I couldn't play it. Just robbing us of our FUN.

Hold up. Found a clip. But it's doing something experimental with a half-green squished type thing going on.

Either way, check it out here.

ELABORATING ON... SHEAMUS: "WWE CHAMPION"

Guys.

I will agree. He looks unique. He's got a cartoon-style muscly body and the most contrasted orange-on-white ginger-hair-to-skin ratio I've ever seen on a human being. He talks really well (although, apparently his accent is put on, which explains why it sounds kinda bizarre), and he doesn't look awkward or uncomfortable on camera or in the ring.

But I can't figure out how people are just accepting the way this lad's being booked. I mean, look:

SHEAMUS TIMELINE

- He "runs through" ECW by defeating jobbers, Goldust, and Shelton Benjamin.

- Shows up on RAW, shoves Mark Yeaton, kicks Jerry Lawler, retires Jamie Noble, who hadn't appeared on TV in weeks.

- Wins "Breakthrough Battle Royal" by eliminating Kofi, who had just eliminated Randy Orton.

- Defeats SANTINO MARELLA

- Gets knocked on his ass by gangly weirdo Mark Cuban

- Wins WWE Championship when John Cena falls through a table.

SHEAMUS

"DOMINATING" WWE CHAMPION

So they then run all of these video packages showing how crazy and dominant and scary Sheamus is. But if anyone were to look at this objectively, they would realize that Sheamus as literally not defeated ANYONE of any kind of importance, with John Cena excluded, because he wasn't pinned, he fell through some furniture.

I'm not trying to whine or be a douchey little smark. I'm just pointing out what feels like the obvious to me, but no one else.

If the angle was "Sheamus is crazy dude, clearly… he destroyed Jamie Noble and attacks people, and has looked impressive in every match, and now he got a lucky break beating Cena. But hey, he has yet to prove himself. He isn't "dominating" until he handily defeats some big names." - then sure. I'm on board. But it's not.

To compare, let's look at a guy who in the past 17 years had the fastest beeline to the WWE Championship: Brock Lesnar (won the title 160 days after his debut - Sheamus? 166.)

Brock showed up similarly to Sheamus. He went nearly undefeated, he attacked people, and was put over as being a crazy bastard (primarily because looking at him, he just clearly was a freak). How does his track record compare to Sheamus' before winning the WWE Title?

BROCK LESNAR TIMELINE

- DESTROYS three men by attacking them for his debut

- Defeats Hardy Boys in singles matches, and a tag match with Paul Heyman as his partner

- Wins King of the Ring by defeating Bubba Ray, Booker T, Test and finally RVD in the finals (no match touches the 10 minute mark).

- Defeats the biggest name of all in the DESTRUCTION of "The Immortal" Hulk Hogan. He wipes the Hulkster's blood on his goddamn chest.

- Decisively defeats The Rock at Summerslam for the WWE Title.

BROCK LESNAR

ACTUAL DOMINATING WWE CHAMPION

If Brock was dominating, how in the hell could Sheamus be dominating? I know we're supposed to forget things from like a year ago, and suspend disbelief… but I didn't think suspending disbelief applied to LOGIC.

What I think has happened is, the main event scene has been so stale for so long that fans and critics alike were ready to give ANYBODY a go as champion, who's name isn't Triple H, Randy Orton or John Cena. I think the standards for matches have been so dummed down, the standards have been lowered so much, that when Sheamus won, it was not only exciting for a lot people, but it was also a "great match."

For me, it's a tough thing to complain about, because everybody is ready to jump down your throat saying it's pushing new talent, blah blah blah. I'm all for pushing new guys. But I'm not all for booking that is so flimsy you can't help but writing a whole frigging blog about it and feel like you just wasted your afternoon DAMNIT THURSDAY RAW THURSDAY.

Check out this blog about wrestlers who sprinted to the WWE Title. I was shocked to see Sheamus was number five.

ROH FINAL BATTLE 2009 iPPV REVIEW

I'll let the hoards of whiners whine about the production/booking/whatever else they can whine about (they are whiners), and I'll just list my favourite moments from what was a crazy entertaining show that I ended up paying only five bucks for, since I split it with two pals (pals > whiners).

FINAL BATTLE 2009 MOMENTS!

- Hearing Dave Prazak accidentally spoil Sweeney's return when the GFL stream went up early - I marked the fuck out then, AND when he came out.

- The spots in the opening fourway (Omega's Kota Ibushi-style moonsault to the floor, Claudio's UFO on Titus, and the match-ending gravity-defying deadlift German Suplex)

- Bison Smith hurling a returning Pelle Primeau to the outside, chest-first

- ALL of Hero/Kingston, including the sickest looking head-first bump (through a goddamned crowd barrier) I've ever seen.

- ALL of the Bucks/Steenerico match, including the Godfather (movie, not wrestler)-like Superkicks of death to Kevin Steen

- Kevin Steen making me cry

- I should clarify that. His retirement speech had me nearly in tears (I can admit it I am A MAN) and then I'm pretty sure I screamed bloody murder when he nutted Generico. More importantly, their hug was the realest thing I ever did see, and this heel turn (FULL BLOWN, he went crazy and gay and evil all at the SAME TIME. Almost positive he licked fans who gave him the finger, on their fingers), -- was the best heel turn I've ever seen.

- Roddy essentially throwing Kenny King up in the air and having him land on himself, squishing his head. Yikes.

- AAA match was fun, really too bad the tag match couldn't happen, woulda torn the roof off the place.

- Surprise Teddy Hart/Jack Evans spotfest, which is what they would've done in a match anyway, so it works even better having them just put on a show - some mind blowing shit here.

- Briscoes winning the Tag Titles - did not expect this, but it was a great match - and the Kings of Wrestling reuniting was fucking crazy. 2010 will be awesome.

- Main Event was GREAT, I think it was better appreciated on the stream than in attendance, at least from what I read. Aries' played me like a fiddle. I was %100 positive his shoulder was fucked and the match had to end. I am a mark.

I will order any iPPV they put on. Even though there were some technical issues, I felt they were forgivable and understandable for the most part. Should make the next one (if there is one) that much better.

HOW BUDGET IS THE 2010 ROYAL RUMBLE COMMERCIAL?!

Christ.

LIVE 2009: ROH: VIOLENT TENDENCIES - 06/26/09

I was lucky enough to see about six nights worth of live wrestling this year (5 ROH, 1 WWE), which is about double of what I saw last year. Here's what I saw, starting in chronological order, in Detroit...

This was the first ever ROH (or wrestling in general) show that I'd ever gone to outside of Canada. It was the first cage match I'd ever seen live. And it was the first time ever seeing KENTA live, and the show opened with him and Cary Silkin, as well as the rest of the roster, coming out for a Misawa tribute, as it was the first show since his death.

MATCH OF THE NIGHT

AMERICAN WOLVES VS. STRONG & KENTA

AMAZING match. If I hadn't lost my voice already by this point of the show, it was done for after this match. So much fun, and just full-tilt from bell to bell.

What truly made this match even more exciting was that it was originally supposed to be KENTA and Danielson against the wolves, but just a week or two before the match, Danielson suffered a staff infection, and was swapped out for Roddy. So, everyone was officially like "PFFT, they're not winning. F THIS." But this match was done so well and just so damn exciting that there were several points where the entire crowd was on their feet, thinking that the Wolves were going to lose.

It was awesome to see KENTA live. You can feel his kicks in your chest like a bass drum at a concert.

HIGHLIGHTS

- The preshow card featured a guy named "Samson" who I haven't seen since, who was amazing. He's a huge Ezekiel Jackon size dude (maybe not that big), with the nickname "The Gangsta". He stepped into the ring looking like a fucking psycho badass... but when his opponent took a swing at him, he screamed and cowered like a little girl. And he would tell the guy he was going to shit on him. It was amazing.

- Albright busts the back of his head open at some point in his match, but finishes the thing.

- Nigel wrestled essentially his only match as a face.

- Steenerico/HoT has a super exciting last few minutes of a match-ending sequence.

- Austin Aries hires Joey "The Hired Magnum" Ryan to ensure that he wins the Six Man Mayhem match, and cuts a hilarious pre-match promo, calling Detroit "Detroilet," and telling Joey "you wax my moustache, I'll wax yours."

- Colt Cabana's "welcome back" chant.

- Cage match ending in complete chaos with an Age of the Fall invasion from all entrances of the arena, after Tyler lands a splash from the top of the cage through a table.

Overall, it was a super fun night, with a pretty ridiculous cast of characters sitting in front of us in the first row, cracking wise (not actually wise). Also got to see Ric Flair for the first time. Woo.

Here's the full card:

OPENER

Silas Young vs. Grizzly Redwood

TAG TEAM MATCH

Erick Stevens & Brent Albright vs. Kenny King & Rhett Titus

GRUDGE MATCH

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Nigel McGuinness

TAG TEAM MATCH

Kevin Steen & El Generico vs. The House of Truth

SIX MAN MAYHEM

Austin Aries vs. Joey Ryan vs. Petey Williams vs. Delirious vs. Sami Callihan vs. Rasche Brown

GRUDGE MATCH

D-Lo Brown vs. Colt Cabana

ROH WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

The American Wolves vs. Roderick Strong & KENTA

MAIN EVENT STEEL CAGE MATCH

Tyler Black vs. Jimmy Jacobs

WHOA: BRET HART SIGNS SHORT-TERM WWE CONTRACT (RUMOUR?)

SNAP.

BRET "HITMAN" HART

RETURNING?

I don't know what to think but I know I'm excited and feeling a little weird and maybe nervous and I don't know what else.

On the one hand, I'd be so excited to see Bret work with the Hart Dynasty and help elevate them in any way. On the other hand, I fear for him being brought back for one match. I like the memory of Bret as it is, and his style doesn't exactly suit a Hulk Hogan-esque comeback for a boot and a legdrop.

The article from the Observer speculates that Bret could be in a GM-type role, maybe even for Smackdown! and I'd be totally up for that. When I met Bret in Toronto for Death Before Dishonor weekend, he seemed about his wits (don't know why I feel the need to mention that), and would do a great job in an authority role.

Apparently the deal he signed goes into effect one the first day of 2010, so time will tell if this is true, and what exactly he's going to be doing. Like the article says, should be pretty obvious that he'd debut or host the Jan. 4th edition of RAW, which will go head to head with TNA's Live Monday iMPACT for the first time ever.

2010 could be an exciting year for Wrestling if Bret Hart is somehow involved in a WrestleMania program. I've been predicting ever since the start of the JeriShow/DX feud that DX would do something with The Hart Dynasty and the Tag Straps... and after reading Smackdown! spoilers, I can't be that far off.

MOMENTS 2009: TAKING A SUICIDE DIVE FROM DAVEY RICHARDS

This is clearly a more personal moment, but I'm pretty positive that once everyone sees this match on DVD (and more specifically the part where Davey dives into the third row (and I assume I go down even though I was barely hit (I was a whole mess of drunk and excited))), this will be a big moment for not just me.

First off, Davey Richards vs. Austin Aries for the ROH World Title in Novi, Michigan is hands-down the best match I've ever been lucky enough to see live. And I've seen Wolves vs. KENTA/Strong, Hero/Storm, two Nakajima matches, Briscoes/Steenerico, Steenerico/Young Bucks... the list goes on (and will probably be mentioned again when I post about my favourite matches of the year). This match tore the goddamn house down.

I'm excited (and nervous) to see me get taken out by Davey, because I'm pretty sure I'm the only idiot to end up with his legs in the air, except for Davey. Could look a tad embarrassing.

But I EMBRACE it. Because that match, and moment, goes down as one of the best things I've ever experienced in my way too many years as a pro wrestling fan.

Since there are no pictures of this event anywhere, here is a sweet video of Davey's top ten moves:

RAW: A SAD MAN'S REVIEW 12/14/09

YES I TUNED IN. MOVING ON.

I wrote stuff down as the show went on, but I'll just separate it into what I did and didn't like just so it's not an assault of text on the eyes.

LIKED

- Dennis Miller failing. Nobody knows what incontinent means. Maybe it's a title.

- Oh boy. K Kwik just forgot the shit out of his lines.

- Ever so slowly planting the Jericho vs. Big Show seeds. They do have really great chemistry.

- Christian is the most believable face on the roster.

- BIG GREAT COLLIE

- Holy crap Evan Bourne in a segment not featuring Hornswoggle - do my eyes deceive me?!? WHOA DOUBLE DIVE KOFI AND BOURNE --I THINK THURSDAY RAW THURSDAY HAS SEEPED BACK INSIDE OF ME

- Too bad Bourne took the pin, but it makes the most sense. I really hope that he can keep himself involved with Kofi and maybe get the same rub Kofi got from Punk when they teamed for that brief time.

- There can't be anyone more universally hated than Vickie Guerrero.

- Santino is never not funny holy poops.

- THE SHOW TRIPLE H

- I really want to try and compile every guest host fuck up into one glorious montage of baffoonery.

- Holy hell. Shawn Michaels challenging the Undertaker gave me instant nipple erection and I don't care who knows it. That was really sweet.

- Bret Hart? I uh… really? Crazy if this was done to set something up.

- Jericho is hilarious. I'm into the DX/JeriShow segment and I don't give a hoot how many times Jericho is kicked off RAW.

DIDN'T LIKE

- Khali and Kane teaming together after Kane viciously injured Khali to put him out of action (stretcher'd out no less)… is completely fucking stupid. I just hate when the plotholes are so goddamned big that you could drive a big gay DX tank through them.

- I feel for Dennis Miller… there can't be anything worse than bombing for three hours straight.

- What's weird about Sheamus is how they talk about how dominating he is… when he really hasn't defeated anyone of any importance. He beat Goldust and other jobbers on ECW. He retired Jamie Noble who hadn't appeared on TV for like ever. He beat Santino. He beat Cena when he fell through some furniture. If the angle was "can Sheamus prove himself after barely earning the title?" I would be more into it. Instead, it's "holy fack Sheamus is a crazy monster of domination who can stop him?!" and I curl up in a ball and cry.

- Punk wins a Slammy for retiring Jeff Hardy. AMAZING. WAIT WHAT?! COMMERCIAL?! YOU FOOLS! Whoa okay we're back and he's still going to talk. Sweetness. No one is better than Punk on the mic. Bahaha… Charasmatic Enabler. I forgot about that.

- John Cena is the most clean cut super babyface in the history of wrestling. He comes out wearing a bright orange t-shirt that says "never give up" and his signature taunt is the "A-Okay!" sign.

- I sadly already know Cena wins this since I tuned into the replay while the live feed was just finishing up.

- Holy FUCK was that horseshit. As I was typing the above, thinking the match was just getting started, Cena taps Punk. BAHAHAH THE GIRL CRYING CHANTING CENA. Oh man… but seriously, wish I coulda timed that match. Right after Punk put himself over so hard talking about winning the World Title twice, retiring Jeff Hardy and winning MITB twice… Cena taps him in like two minutes tops. Might even be less.

- To add to the part about Cena being 100% clean cut babyface… he also apologizes to everyone for losing. Sowwy fans.

- Triple H mentions the winner's prize money?! I… WHAT.

So, you may have noticed that there are about as many things under the "liked" category as the "didn't like"... but it's not quite accurate. Most of the things under I liked were things like Dennis Miller fucking up, or unintentionally funny shit happening that makes me laugh. This show overall was a rough three hours to get through, and I literally fell asleep watching it.