ROYAL RUMBLE REVIEW: DESTINY DEF. FAITH

That makes it sound like this PPV was headlined by strippers.

But what it really means is that CM Punk had faith and was eliminated by John Cena and his leprechaun companion, while Alberto Del Rio fulfilled his destiny by winning the Royal Rumble (but you already knew that). And you probably already knew that I was going to say "but you already knew that."

ROYAL RUMBLE WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO

IT'S HIS DENSITY DESTINY!!

Photo - WWE.com

Has one Royal Rumble match ever had so much comedy? Between Hornswoggle's slapstick, Santino's near win, and Cena and Orton's utterly heatless staredown(s!), no gut was left unbusted last night.

In addition to the comedy, there was also wrestling.

WWE 2011 ROYAL RUMBLE

LIKED...

Photo - WWE.com

EDGE VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER

Holy BALLS does Dolph Ziggler bump like Shawn Michaels or what? I'm sure I'm not the first guy to draw that comparison, but watching him fly around the ring reminds me of early HBK (I just watched the '92 Rumble where he bumped like a fish out of water for the whole thing). He might wrestle with more conviction than anyone on the roster right now, save for the ROH alumni I mark like a fangirl (I'm a boy) for.

Ziggler brought out the best in Edge last night - but y'know what brought out even more "the best" (that doesn't make sense) in Edge last night? NOT USING THE SPEAR. With the spear banned, Edge was forced to find new (or old) ways to win, and that made him more entertaining in the ring than he's been in a long time. Maybe that's because he's been in the ring with Kane for a long time. But that's beside the point.

The point is, this was the hottest match bell-to-bell of the entire night. And Dolph Ziggler will find himself in more World Title matches as the year goes on, because he's doing what very few guys can do - overcome brutal gimmicks (Spirit Squad, Dolph Ziggler, etc.) with unmistakeable talent.

ROYAL RUMBLE (FIRST HALF)

When the Royal Rumble kicks off with something that would crash the ROH Message Board ten times over, you know you're in for a good match. Or at least good first half, as was the case last night (for me). You don't need me to tell you how fun it was to watch Punk and Bryan go at it (and when William Regal was thrown in the mix I think my boner leapt off and did a dance), or John Morrison's THE FLOOR IS LAVA THE FLOOR IS LAVA elimination save, or Miz eliminating Cena, or Santino's charisma overdose at the end, or Booker T (holy--) or Diesel (--fuck) or anything, because you know how awesome these things were.

THE BOOKING OF: NEXUS = FOUR STEVE AUSTINS, JOHN CENA = BRET HART

Kind of.

You get to see this every now and then in the Rumble. Punk did it last year. Austin did it in '97. A heel clears the ring and starts chucking jobbers as they come in, one-by-one, until they finally run into their ultimate foe. For Punk (2010) it was Triple H. For Austin, it was Bret. And for Nexus, it was Cena. The entire lead up to that, including Booker T lighting up the entire crowd until they were completely deflated when Mason Ryan eliminated him, was perfect.

ALBERTO DELLLL RIIIIIIOOO!

I could feel the rage-sweat beading on the brows of smarks everywhere when it really seemed like Orton or Cena would win. And then I could hear the nervous sigh of relief when Del Rio dumped Orton over the top, and Ricardo Rodriguez made the six and a half minute winning call.

To point out how crazy this win is, Del Rio debuted in the WWE on August 20th, 2009 - four months and ten days before winning the Royal Rumble. Yokozuna is the only man in history to do it faster, and Del Rio did it about a half-year faster than some UFC guy named Brock Lesnar.

In other Rumble trivia, Del Rio is undefeated in Royal Rumble competition, alongside Lesnar and uh, Vince McMahon (he only has two Royal Rumble functions - go the distance and win or blow both quads).

RANDY ORTON, SOULLESS INDIVIDUAL

I like it when Randy Orton RKO's stupid people. Or when he gets so mad in the ring that smarks thinks he's mad for real. Or when he pitches Alex Riley over the top rope like he's DJ Jazzy Jeff. Or when he gets a look on his face that he might do something psycho like disembowel Vickie Guerrero. But...

2011 ROYAL RUMBLE

DISLIKED...

Photo - WWE.com

RANDY ORTON, HEATLESS INDIVIDUAL

When Randy Orton isn't turbo-RKOing eight people at once, apparently people (and I) don't give a shit about him. I already mentioned it once, but could you believe your eyes (and ears) when the smoke cleared in the Rumble, bodies were everywhere, and John Cena and Randy Orton both turned around to face each other one-on-one... to DEAFENING SILENCE.

Hold that exchange up against Punk and Cena from earlier in the Rumble, or Edge and Ziggler's entire match, or 51-year-old Kevin Nash getting a LET'S GO DIESEL chant, or anything, and you've got a staredown (actually, two staredowns) that no one cares about.

This nose-to-nose showdown acted like a real-time poll of WWE fans everywhere - do you want to see this match at WrestleMania? The answer was a very disinterested "uh, no thank you."

ROYAL RUMBLE (SECOND HALF)

Before I start, I should say that I enjoyed the match overall. It's impossible not to. It's the most fun thing ever and no amount of giggly Hornswoggle offense could ruin it.

But between Randy Orton and Dolph Ziggler inexplicably entering the match (which was totally no sold by the announcers for some reason), a ton of WrestleMania sign-pointing, the Cena/Orton silent staredown (seriously, people didn't even boo to be like "WE DON'T WANT THIS"), and a really tame final four (devoid of any anticipation or drama, until the hilariously done Santino spot), the second half of the match really lost steam for me.

AWESOME KONG?

I don't need to write about this, because K. Sawyer Paul already put it perfectly.

But I should mention that Eve crying after winning the Divas Title was oddly sad. Maybe she just shattered her knees on that moonsault.

THE MIZ VS. RANDY ORTON

I've already touched on Randy Orton (I bet there's a lot of girls out there that want to touch on Randy Orton), but I have this to say about the match itself: I watched it last night and can't remember a thing about it. Pretty much my reaction to this match was the equivalent of the fans' reaction to the Cena/Orton staredown.

As for tonight, WWE has announced that Alberto Del Rio will decide which champion he will face at WrestleMania. Apparently they forgot about their own Road to WrestleMania, which generally features two more matches when another ten guys get a shot at the title.

WWE PPV PREDICTION GAME: ROYAL RUMBLE

First, some quick results from TLC, which I totally forgot to post, because I am a space cadet.

WWE TLC PREDICTION RESULTS

1. (21 PTS) Arn Anderson

T2. (19 PTS) Canadian Vampire

T2. (19 PTS) Monkey Man

T4. (18 PTS) PIZZABODYSLAM

T4. (18 PTS) TheTazDevil

T4. (18 PTS) TOH

T4. (18 PTS) Masa

T4. (18 PTS) Kastrada

9. (17 PTS) Sly Dogg

T10. (16 PTS) PSO CheZi

T10. (16 PTS) Don Owens

12. (15 PTS) SETUP DISK

13. (12 PTS) Miko

14. (11 PTS) Heel Appeal

15. (0 PTS) Mario

And now...

WWE ROYAL RUMBLE (EVENT #8)

PICK DEADLINE: SUNDAY, JANUARY 30TH - 7:59:59 P.M. (EASTERN TIME)

Photo - Unchained Wrestling Wallpapers

It's going to work a little bit differently this time around.

In predicting the Royal Rumble winner, you have five points. You can bet them all on one guy, or you can spread them out however you like. You can put say three points on Cena, one point on Barrett and one on Repo Man if you want. Then there will also be other bonus points up for grabs too, because I LOVE POINTS YOU GUYS!!

The rest of the matches will work the same as usual. There are three matches left, so you have the numbers 1-3 to assign as confidence points to your picks - if your prediction is correct, you earn that number of points. You cannot use the same number twice. Any match added DURING the PPV will not count.

ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH
Winner:
Longest Time Spent in Rumble:
Most Eliminations:

(Those extra predictions are worth one point each)

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
The Miz (c) VS. Randy Orton

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Edge (c) VS. Dolph Ziggler

DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP
Natalya (c) VS. Lay-Cool

PIZZABODYSLAM'S PICKS

ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH
Winner: John Cena (4), John Morrison (1)
Longest Time Spent in Rumble: John Morrison
Most Eliminations: Sheamus

3 - Edge
2 - Lay-Cool
1 - The Miz

And you can view the current standings here.

KANE AND THE ROYAL RUMBLE: HE'S GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO

Photo - WWE.com

Poor Kane.

He's always just been there. Just waiting around in a room panting, sometimes laughing, always requesting red lights ("guys, I love this space, it's great... but could it be a little more red? - You have LIGHTS? I LOVE IT LETS RUN WITH IT FOREVER"). And if he wasn't there, just as you were thinking "hey, I don't think we've seen Kane this we--" KABLAMMY - out lumbers Kane.

But for all of the time he's spent just being there, looking unexplainably wet, and sounding laboured in his evil breathing, and sometimes crying - he always had one thing going for him: The Royal Rumble.

Kane, if you haven't seen a Royal Rumble (or heard Michael Cole talk about the Royal Rumble) in ten years, holds the record for most eliminations in a single Rumble: 11 (should be 12 for making Drew Carey piss his ski pants and Plinko himself over the top rope). He holds another record for appearing in 12 consecutive Rumble matches (14 total - yet another record). That 2001 Rumble was easily his best - he was the last to be eliminated, he logged the most time out of everyone and he managed to eliminate the unstoppable ex-tag team force of Al Snow and Steve Blackman.

Kane even eliminated Fatu as Dr. Isaac Yankem, D.D.S. in the 1996 Royal Rumble. Unfortunately, he eliminated no one as Fake Diesel the following year, because he was a wrestler with the word "fake" in his name. He was also a wrestler with the word "Diesel" in his name.

With all of these notches on his belt (er, leggings, whatever), Kane has built himself up to be a legitimate threat every time the Rumble comes around. Here's where the sad part comes in.

If you're in the Royal Rumble, that means two things: one - you're fighting for your shot at a World Title at WrestleMania. Two - you're not the World Champion.

For 14 years, and every consecutive year since 1999, Kane has not been the World Champion or #1 Contender come January - Road to WrestleMania time. That is kinda sad, isn't it? For a guy who's been there for fucking ever, and before that he was a Fake Diesel and an evil dentist and a Christmas tree, and yet somehow managed to get and stay over for those twelve years, he's just been the "Royal Rumble Guy." And not even because he's won one!

Not only that, but Triple H has competed in nearly half the number of Rumbles that Kane has, and he holds the record for most cumulative time spent in the Royal Rumble Match, beating Kane by like fifty minutes. That's a long fucking time.

So here's what I see happening this year for Kane, who must be excited for the one thing he's portrayed at being good at. Kane isn't doing anything right now. He's just pokin' around wrestling when's he's told to. This is what happens when you murder the Undertaker, you've got nothing left to do. So you just move on and be a normal wrestler. What a weirdo.

Anyway, Kane needs something to do. And what I think he's going to do, because he's got nowhere else to go, is pad those Rumble stats.

Kane will need something new to brag about, Michael Cole will need something to go hoarse about, and Kane (the word Kane is losing it's meaning) only four eliminations away from tying Shawn Michaels' all-time elimination record of 38. I think Kane's story for the 2011 Royal Rumble is pretty clear.

He obviously will do the "Three Faces of Glenn Jacobs" and enter three separate times as Kane, Isaac Yankem and Fake Diesel.

SO WHO WILL BE THE EXTRA 10 IN THE 40-MAN ROYAL RUMBLE?

Today, Joey Styles tweeted that for the first time ever the Royal Rumble match would be open to 40 competitors, instead of the traditional 30. I thought this was Joey Styles trying to get a rise out of the fans, up until it was officially announced on WWE.com.

So with ten extra guys entering the Rumble this year, a lot of people are speculating who will be returning, debuting or making surprise appearances. However, while I do believe there could be a handful of surprises, people shouldn't be expecting any more than usual. Here's a list of the currently active male wrestlers on the WWE roster:

RAW

1. CM Punk

2. Daniel Bryan

3. Darren Young

4. David Hart Smith

5. David Otunga

6. Heath Slater

7. Husky Harris

8. Jey Uso

9. Jimmy Uso

10. John Cena

11. John Morrison

12. Justin Gabriel

13. Mark Henry

14. Michael McGillicutty

15. Primo

16. R-Truth

17. Santino Marella

18. Sheamus

19. Ted DiBiase

20. Tyson Kidd

21. Vladimir Kozlov

22. William Regal

23. Yoshi Tatsu

24. Zack Ryder

SMACKDOWN

25. Alberto Del Rio

26. Big Show

27. Chavo Guerrero

28. Chris Masters

29. Cody Rhodes

30. Curt Hawkins

31. Drew McIntyre

32. Ezekiel Jackson

33. Jack Swagger

34. JTG

35. Kane

36. Kofi Kingston

37. Rey Mysterio

38. Trent Barreta

39. Tyler Reks

40. Wade Barrett

So if you don't count the NXT Rookies (which you shouldn't, since getting a spot in the Rumble would be a much greater prize than getting a shot at the Tag Titles), everyone who is injured or taking time off, and the four men competing in the World Title matches, you have every one of the forty available spots filled in the Rumble.

Now surely not every one of these guys is going to be in the Royal Rumble. I couldn't imagine that they would extend the number of entrants just so we could see Darren Young and JTG get awkwardly clotheslined over the top rope by a returning Great Khali.

Speaking of Big Great Collie, why don't we take a look at who else could make an appearance:

INJURED RESERVE/TAKING TIME OFF/MISSING FROM TV

Evan Bourne - Recovering from shoulder surgery

Two days ago, Bourne tweeted that he's still unable to get in the ring. He'd be an awesome surprise, but we might have to wait until closer to WrestleMania to see Airbourne again.

Goldust - Torn rotator cuff

Last word was that Goldie would be out for at least three months, and he was sidelined in December.

Michael Tarver - Wrestling at FCW

Tarver appears to be nearly fully healed from his groin injury and is working at Florida Championship Wrestling in preparation for his return.

Skip Sheffield - Fractured ankle

Skip is still a few months away from a full recovery, as he was given an approximate six month return date in August.

The Great Khali - 1st Runner-Up on Bigg Boss!

What!? He didn't win?! He should've nailed that girl with a big chop to the head. Well, with Khali now done with the Indian Big Brother (which looks about a billion times more epic than the American version), he could most certainly be making an appearance at the Rumble this year.

Triple H - Career ended by Sheamus' BARR HAAAANDS Currently taking over the friggin' company

Hunter seems like a pretty obvious go-to surprise for the 40-man Royal Rumble. He's got a score to settle with Sheamus, and at least one more WrestleMania match before he starts removing the Vincent K. McMahon nameplate from his office door.

Christian - Torn pectoral muscle

Hopefully he's all healed up so he can win this thing. Or just face Edge at some point. Please guys. PLEASE.

Finlay - Old

And working as an agent mostly right now.

Joey Mercury - Recovering from pectoral surgery, working as a trainer at FCW

Don't hold your breath for Mercury.

The Undertaker - Dead

He was murdered by Kane so he won't be in the Rumble.

Speculation is just that - speculation. And, if you remember John Cena and Edge, you know that WWE superstars can have freakish recovery times. So maybe the Undertaker could recover from death and return at the Royal Rumble, I DON'T KNOW.

Those are the guys we know about. What about the ones who you may not be expecting?

POTENTIAL SURPRISES

Jerry Lawler

He's been wrestling a heck of a lot on RAW lately, and maybe a Rumble appearance could continue his involvement in the ring... and maybe even be the next step in getting him that ever elusive WrestleMania match?

Hornswoggle

I hope they don't do this to us. If they do, I hope he gets a Grizzly Redwood like elimination.

Beth Phoenix

Last year Beth Phoenix became the first woman to eliminate a competitor in the Royal Rumble match. This year, she probably won't be in it. But...

Awesome Kong

She was just signed - could Awesome Kong make a crazy-ass debut in the 39-man 1-woman Rumble?! Probably not. But a boy can dream.

Booker T, Sting, Goldberg, your favourite WCW wrestler...

I think everyone expects/hopes for some kind of big return here, given the impending announcements for the 2011 HOF in Atlanta. I don't see it, but I've been wrong before (always).

MizGirl

The Miz has gotta face someone at WrestleMania, right?!

So who is your extra ten? Who are your surprise non-WWE-employed entrants? Who doesn't make the cut who is on the roster? Make your picks in the comment section below.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON WIKIPEDIA: LAUNCHING PADS

Welp, I've done it again. It's three in the morning and my eyeballs are so dry from scouring through Wikipedia that they're scraping the backs of my eyelids. The lengths I go to for professional wrestling. Not even professional wrestling - writing on the internet about professional wrestling. Somewhere my dad is crying.

WOW that got dark fast. Okay, moving on to the post. This one is all about answering this question: what is the most successful way to launch a wrestler's career?

There are a ton of little ways to put your name on the WWE map, but there are only a few things that could be singled out as the one catalyst that sent a wrestler on his way to a World Championship. Such as...

WINNING THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

CURRENT CHAMPION: KOFI KINGSTON

Photo - WWE.com

They've always said that the Intercontinental Title is the belt you win when you're being groomed to be a World Champion. But is it a surefire way to actually become one?

Number of Intercontinental Champions: 66

Number of Intercontinental Champions that have been a WWE World Champion: 23

Success Rate: 34.8%

Believe it or not, out of all of the "launching pads" I looked at... winning the Intercontinental Championship had the lowest success rate. I guess for every Bret Hart and Chris Jericho you had about three Alberts. I was going to use Bob Holly's name in there and make fun of his "Sparky Plugg" gimmick, but I try to avoid making fun of him since he's so fucking crazy. Please don't cover me in fire ants and alcohol Thurman!

BEING THE SOLE SURVIVOR IN A SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH

LAST SOLE SURVIVOR: KOFI KINGSTON

Photo - WWE.com

When Rocky Maivia debuted at the 1996 Survivor Series and was the sole survivor in his match, he was put over so hard that my ten year old self just accepted his future as a World Champion as complete fact. I probably wrote about it in my diary. JOURNAL I MEAN. I was a big loser. Thankfully I grew up into a cool guy who has a wrestling blog with stats and percentages smattered all over it.

Number of Sole Survivors: 22

Number of Sole Survivors that have been a WWE World Champion: 8

Success Rate: 36.3%

If you can overcome the odds and win your match when your team has failed you, you might have a decent shot at becoming WWE Champion some day. But if you could manage be the sole survivor at TWO separate events, then you're literally guaranteed a world title, as every man who has that feat under their belt, has a belt. Randy Orton did it three years in a row for fuck's sake! That was a little overkill. So maybe this is how Bart Gunn could make his big comeback.

So far, the percentages have been a little low. There's gotta be a better way to get yourself on the fast track to the World Title. And there's no faster track than the bearskin rug, right?

JOINING THE KISS MY ASS CLUB

LAST MEMBER: MICK FOLEY

Photo - Life.com

I think there might be a better success rate if we could find out who the members are of the Bearskin Rug Club...

Kiss My Ass Club members: 5

Kiss My Ass Club members that have been a WWE World Champion: 2

Success Rate: 40%

To be fair, Shawn Michaels and Mick Foley had already won their World Titles before joining this esteemed club. And to be fairer, this one was a joke so let's keep moving.

BEING CROWNED KING OF THE RING

REIGNING KING: SHEAMUS

Photo - WWE.com

Now we're getting into the more proven methods. This tournament was at one time a starmaker. Bret Hart, Steve Austin, you name it. Careers get made with that crown. So do royalty based gimmicks. King Harley Race. King Booker. King Sheamus. King Stone Cold Steve Austin.

King of the Ring Winners: 18

King of the Ring Winners that have been a WWE World Champion: 9

Success Rate: 50%

BAM. Now we're talkin'. If you win the King of the Ring tournament and the guy who won it last year still hasn't captured the World Title, you're in luck FELLA. That success rate could even be bumped up by counting Harley Race as a World Champion, but he never won the WWE strap, and he won his World Titles before coming to the WWE. But that doesn't matter in my flawed study here, since I'm just counting World Champs no matter when you won it. Don't judge me.

Now, I think there's a match coming up this month that might take the cake. And I only say cake because I'm watching the Food Network and my wires are crossing.

WINNING THE ROYAL RUMBLE

LAST RUMBLE WINNER: EDGE

Photo - WWE.com

This one should be obvious. Outlasting 29 other top contenders (or, if not top contenders, then fat jobbers that get put over as "who's gonna throw HIM over the top rope?!?") and winning the Rumble automatically puts you in a World Title match, so from there, all you gotta do is win it.

Royal Rumble Winners: 20

Royal Rumble Winners that have been a WWE World Champion: 17

Success Rate: 85%

Crazy high. You have to look all the way back to 1994 to find a Royal Rumble winner who has never won a WWE World Championship, and that was Lex Luger, and he was only half a Rumble winner. But this is still not the most successful World Title "launching pad" for a wrestler...

WINNING THE MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH

LAST WINNER: THE MIZ

Photo - WWE.com

This is the newest and most foolproof way to get a World Championship around your waist, over your shoulder, dangling in your hand, or hooked on your trunks like a floppy codpiece (if you're MNM).

Money in the Bank Winners: 7

Money in the Bank Winners that have been a WWE World Champion: 6

Success Rate: 85.7%

Mr. Kennedy really fucked that one up. So, technically, cashing in a Money in the Bank Briefcase is where it's at. But there's actually an even better method to guaranteeing a World Championship for yourself, and you don't have to go and beat the crap out of yourself in a fifty man ladder match or whatever it is:

BEING STRAIGHT-EDGE

THE ONLY THREE TIME STRAIGHT-EDGE WORLD CHAMPION IN WWE HISTORY: CM PUNK

Photo - WWE.com

Straight-Edge Superstars in the WWE: 1

Three-time Straight-Edge World Champions: 1

Success Rate: 100%

THE 2010 BRAIN BUSTER AWARDS - HONOURABLE MENTIONS

I've already sent in my votes for the first ever Brain Buster Awards over at WrestleSpective. You can too. It's as easy as clicking these very words, the internet will do the rest.

But this post isn't about winners. It's about those that missed the cut, but deserve to be mentioned. Honourably (which is why you'll notice that there's no mention of TNA here).

So let's get to it - my Honourable Mentions for the 2010 Brain Buster Awards:

BEST ANGLE - HONOURABLE MENTION

SHAWN MICHAELS AND BRET HART FRIGGING HUG EACH OTHER

Photo - WWE.com

The above picture was from an alternate universe up until earlier this year, when our past universe and present universe intersected at the same point on the January 4th edition of Monday Night RAW.

Seriously. Think about that. This is FUCKING CRAZY. Normally you "never say never" in the wrestling business, but you also say "don't screw me out of my title for real on worldwide pay-per-view in my home country and expose the business for all to see." If you would've told anyone in 1997 (or any year up until this year, for that matter) that Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels would hug on TV, they would slap you in your dirty mouth.

WHY IT DIDN'T GET MY VOTE: This was huge. Beyond huge. In fact I'm watching this back and my entire body is one giant goosebump. My original reasoning for not voting for this was that it seemed too real, or just kind of "above" anything else that happened this year. Daniel Bryan returning, Nexus debuting, all of these things felt like they happened within the realm of the "WWE Universe." While this moment seemed entirely different.

Pretty stupid reasoning, considering how jacked I am after rewatching this segment. Holy crap. I don't care if that hug was the most unnatural thing ever (together they looked like an old dog trying to climb a tree or something), it was the most heartwarming thing to happen in pro wrestling this year (ever?).

BEST PROMO - HONOURABLE MENTION

THE MIZ, CHICKEN CRUMBS & MVP (PART ONE | PART TWO)

Photo - WWE.com

In 2010, The Miz was a golden promo factory. From everything he did on NXT, to "HOW. DARE. EVERYONE?!" to his first promo as WWE Champion. But this promo in particular sticks out as his rise to glory. It's a big middle finger to everyone who ever doubted him, centering around how he was banned from the WWE locker room for eating chicken over a referee's bag, spilling crumbs inside. He also calls out JBL (who is either able to play the biggest, most convincing cock in the world, or just is the biggest cock in the world) for how he belittled him at every turn. It must feel pretty good to hold that WWE Title.

The promo itself is (wait for it) awesome. Just the idea that they let him take this promo all the way from the locker room out to the ring is a testament to how much faith they have in Miz on the mic. It might seem condescending saying how he can "walk AND talk" is exceptional, but it's true. Some guys can't even stand and talk.

WHY IT DIDN'T GET MY VOTE: This entire promo felt real. Like it was coming from the heart. Even MVP brings it, and that almost never happens. But when you look back at 2010, there were just too many great promos to be able to include this one. Not only that, but this was just the beginning for the Miz. The amount he grew from the start of the year to the end is pretty shocking, even for him. It also has MVP in it, so that took it down a notch.

MOST EPIC FAILURE - HONOURABLE MENTION

KANE, EDGE & PAUL BEARER

Photo - WWE.com

Why is it that I can suspend my disbelief and accept that Kane can shoot fireballs, but I can't suspend my disbelief and accept that Edge can get away with kidnapping... or even the idea that Kane would give a shit?

But it's not even the idea of logic or reason that makes this an epic failure. It's almost the opposite. I just can't understand who this is for. It's not funny (it's weird), or compelling (do people care what happens to Paul Bearer?), or logical (Edge's master plan = convoluted and already a failure), or anything (it's nothing). It's at best a terrible waste of pizza and chicken wings.

Just like Colt Cabana said in his podcast, how he'll never think of grapes and not think of Matt Hardy, I will never think of chicken wings and not think of Paul Bearer. What a bizarre idea. Seriously. Can you picture the writer's meeting? It's like one of the writer's has some kind of disturbing food fetish and was like, "what if we covered him in chicken wings and pizza... awww yeah." SO WEIRD. In fact, that writer might play a creepier Kane than Kane ever could.

To go off for a second here, Kane went from being SUPER dominant over the Undertaker, to running around crying every week for a month. I feel like I could write forever about this, so I should probably stop. Does Edge take Paul Bearer to the hotel with him? Drive him to the events? Are they constantly running from Kane up until show time? Surely this is more exhausting for Edge than it is Kane. OKAY I'LL STOP

WWE MATCH OF THE YEAR - HONOURABLE MENTION

THE 2010 ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH

Photo - WWE.com

I've been going back and watching Royal Rumble matches at random lately. How we sat through twenty years of men holding each other against the ropes, I don't know. This match was a great example of what the Royal Rumble could and should be (in 2010, at least).

A match with 30 guys in it is the perfect opportunity for the WWE to exercise their "Action Entertainment" muscle. When you see Randy Orton and John Cena in an Iron Man Match, going at it for sixty minutes, and there's different stories and moments and fully-thought out sequences the entire way through - that's a great example of "Action Entertainment" (JBL trying to run over John Cena with a car like we're in a live CSI episode, not a great example).

From CM Punk's in-match sermons; to Beth Phoenix eliminating Khali; to Shawn Michaels' DX-imploding, Undertaker-chasing, elimination-fest; to Edge's bearded return, this match was full of everything you could ask for (and not an hour of stomping and rope-hugging).

WHY IT DIDN'T GET MY VOTE: When it comes down to it, even though we're in the age of multiman matches and themed PPVs and whatnot, I still feel like a traditional one-on-one or two-on-two match should take the honour of MOTY, unless of course there's an undeniably incredible multiman match. This Rumble match was close - it's not like it was just a MITB spotfest with no story, no no... what made this match so good was the stories told within it.

INDEPENDENT MATCH OF THE YEAR - HONOURABLE MENTION

KEVIN STEEN VS. EL GENERICO - ROH FINAL BATTLE 2010

This is obviously hyperbole and not fair and so on and so forth. But I don't care. I just hope I don't let my fanboy brain hype this match up so high in my imagination that I'm let down by-- what am I saying this will rule holy crap I can't waitjdjhvsbhfjhkzj,bnf,zn.

WHY IT DIDN'T GET MY VOTE: It, uh, hasn't happened yet.

BEST MEN'S WWE WRESTLER - HONOURABLE MENTION

ALBERTO DEL RIO

Photo - WWE.com

I was ready to just give Alberto the vote. There are only a handful of WWE wrestlers I can say that genuinely entertain me every time they appear on the screen, and he is one of them (but you already knew that). He's damn near flawless in the ring, and I think his genetic fibre is made of CHARISMA.

WHY HE DIDN'T GET MY VOTE: The only thing holding him back was time. Del Rio debuted in August, and while he was thrust into the main event picture (the only place he belongs), he hasn't really had a high profile match outside of his Smackdown! main event against Mysterio (and one more against Mysterio and Edge). But I will put money on him being the biggest thing to happen to WWE next year.

BEST MEN'S INDEPENDENT WRESTLER - HONOURABLE MENTION

TYLER BLACK

Photo - Scott Finkelstein's Get Lost Photography

Even the haters have to admit that Tyler Black had a stellar year. And even if you don't accept that, he still made headlines. Check out this brief Tyler Black timeline:

- Won the ROH World Championship from Austin Aries at ROH's 8th Anniversary Show

- Successfully defended vs. Roderick Strong & Austin Aries at the Big Bang

- Successfully defended vs. Roderick Strong at Supercard of Honor V (took out three refs between the two of them)

- Successfully defended vs. Davey Richards in the Match of the Year at Death Before Dishonor VIII

- Signed a WWE contract as the ROH World Champion

- Cut the best promo of his life

- Lost the ROH World Title to Roderick Strong at Glory By Honor IX

How can you discount a guy who can draw such polarizing reactions from a crowd at any given time. From the massive pop for his finishing sequence at 8th Anniversary where he won the strap, to the violent boos from the New York and Toronto crowds where NO ONE was on his side. And in the midst of all that, he wrestled in the greatest match of 2010 (in my humble fanboy opinion). AND that's not even counting all of the events in between the iPPVs. Holy.

SO WHY DIDN'T HE GET MY VOTE: While Tyler may have done all that, there where other guys who stepped up and came into their own this year that needed to be recognized. But if Tyler Black shows up on RAW tonight and does something cool then I'll change my vote. Because that'd be crazy.

BEST TAG TEAM & WOMEN'S WRESTLER - HONOURABLE MENTION

THE HART DYNASTY & NATALYA

Photo - WWE.com

Why they are getting an honourable mention should be pretty obvious. For the start of the year, with Uncle Bret by their side, they were the hottest face stable going (maybe the only one... but whatever!). They would get big pops for their wins, and just look super fucking cool walking out together, and with Bret Hart and Natalya at ringside.

But then for the rest of the year, Tyson and DH were barely used, potentially because they had no one to wrestle besides the Uso's, who get crowd reactions like Dana White gets the internet.

For Natalya, it was the opposite. She started the year pretty much as a valet for the Harts. That worked totally well and stuff, but why they weren't using her in the ring as well is beyond me. She is a breath of fresh air in the Divas divison - she uses suplexes! But it wasn't until the past little while that she had the spotlight all to herself.

WHY THEY DIDN'T GET MY VOTE: While all three of them had bright spots throughout the year, consistency was definitely an issue (although that's not their fault in the slightest).

These are the ones that didn't make my ballot (I feel like a big loser calling it a ballot). Want to see what ones could have? Go and put in your votes for the 2010 Brain Buster Awards, and then sometime after the deadline on December 22nd, check out who and what came out on top as voted by you and the Power Poll voters.

Now I'm going to prepare* for the three hour Slammy edition of RAW.

* = get blind drunk.