Themed WWE pay-per-view events in 2009/10: 14 out of 27
H1N1 eat your heart out.
We need to seriously take a step back and address this situation. Themed PPVs have taken over the wrestling world, and we as a people need to stop them!
The only non-major events without a theme are Backlash, The Bash and one event that's TBA for the summer. I totally assume that eventually every PPV will have a theme. Problem is, I don't know what themes could even be left to theme an event with.
I'm not sure who we have to thank (read: blame) for the themed events. Lockdown first showed up in 2005... but Taboo Tuesday made it's first appearance in 2004, but that's not quite the same idea I suppose, or at least not as ridiculous.
Then again, Survivor Series has been going since forever, and I'd definitely count it as a themed event.
One way or another, something spawned a whole new gaggle of themed events. Some were accumulated over time, but a good handful have popped up in the last couple years.
Bragging Rights - RAW vs. Smackdown! Matches
Breaking Point - Submission Matches
Elimination Chamber - Elimination Chamber Matches
Extreme Rules - EXTREME Matches
Hell in a Cell - Hell in a Cell Matches
Night of Champions - Championship Matches
Survivor Series - Elimination Matches
TLC: Tables, Ladders and Chairs - Tables and/or Ladders and/or Chairs Matches
Here's what I propose for the future:
BACKLASH BECOMES...
REMATCHLASH
It's already a given that the card usually features rematches from WrestleMania, so why not do the same thing we did with No Way Out? Rename it to say exactly what will happen on the show!
THE BASH BECOMES...
WWE ON A POLE
The Bash would transform completely to feature three main event matches with things on a pole! It could be ANYTHING. Cena vs. Orton - WWE Title on a pole. Undertaker vs. Batista - Casket on a Pole. DX vs. Legacy POLE ON A POLE.
SUMMERSLAM BECOMES...
VAMPIRESLAM
SummerSlam has always been the WrestleMania of the summer - but lately the WWE has been looking for more LA connections. Let's just get it out in the open already, hitch our wagon to Twilight's star and bring the tween-age (just coined that term) celebs with us!
ROYAL RUMBLE BECOMES...
ROYAL RUMBLES
That's right - THREE ROYAL RUMBLES! Hey, it's a spectacular match, so three is better than one ALWAYS, right?! And all the winners go on to...
WRESTLEMANIA BECOMES...
SEASON FINALE MANIA
Our fans are complete retards and need to know that WrestleMania means the end to all feuds. There would be three main events all dubbed "Season Finales" and John Cena could hype it as usual by saying stuff like "our feud ends at Season Finale Mania!" and "after Season Finale Mania, we will start hating different people!" Because...
THE TBA EVENT IS...
WRESTLING IS FAKE, GUYS!
And that's what these events are telling us. Gimmick matches were always added because the story took the wrestlers to them, not because the events was named after them and they had to do it. This foolproof idea has been nearly ruined by themed events, because the event is now about the match type and not the story.
I hope they can at least start to deliver wild and crazy events (I was a big fan of the Orton/Cena Iron Man match, which was full of super unrealistic drama) so I can watch and not shake my head in shame as a fan of pro wrestling.
It's time for a vaccine for this PPV Theme Epidemic. For me, it's just a little more sports in my sports entertainment.
How about you?
- mitts
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