SMACKDOWN! REVIEW - 07/30/10: I CAN'T THWIM

This show was filled with ups and downs and dips and dives.

SMACKDOWN! 07/30/10

LIKE: WRESTLING-FOCUSED

DISLIKE: LIVE MONTAGES

Photo - WWE.com

LIKED

- The actual wrestling! This show had a bizarre balance of fun, solid wrestling mixed with show-ruining plotholes and strange storyline choices. But, the wrestling itself, was really fun. Drew's shoulder-breaker-with-the-steel-steps-as-his-knee was a huge highlight in his match with Christian. Dolph/Kofi was not quite as exciting, at least in the crowd's eyes, but still a good back an forth battle. Rey/Swagger had plenty of brawling through the arena and the powerbomb-into-the-guardrail from Swagger scared some children. Great stuff to watch.

- Kofi Kingston showing he hates Vickie Guerrero as much as we do.

- "Dashing" Cody Rhodes' grooming tips. HOLY HELL. Best thing going anywhere and everywhere. He is SO funny it hurts. I was shocked to hear that some people actually don't like this. But I suppose that's the point. I can't help but love it.

- CM Punk's fourth-quarter football-coach rally-the-troops promo... although I guess it was more "threaten" than rally. Untouchable on the mic, as always.

- Big Show's "I'm a dead bear" face when his fat hand got stomped on. What a drooly freak.

- The Alberto Del Rio videos. Not sure if he totally understands what his new name is. Or maybe his accent is so smooth that I can't understand him.

- Jack Swagger's hop, skip and a jump out of Rey's headscissors to fling himself into the water.

DISLIKED

- Kane's bullshit live montage soliloquy of BULLSHIT. It was agonizing to watch. Anyone seen the South Park where they make fun of wrestling? That was this. And do we really need to turn his promo into a montage as it happens? Aren't we going to have weeks of montages anyway? The music during the promo is so awful. It just slaps you in the face saying THIS IS FAKE LOL.

- Kane's accusation of Rey Mysterio being Undertaker's attacker not being questioned by the announcers AT ALL. He's built a career on being a FUCKING PSYCHOPATH - maybe we shouldn't believe everything that comes out of his goddamn mouth.

- Kofi Kingston getting DQ'd for fighting. He didn't break a count. Didn't use a weapon, give a low blow, hit the ref, ANYTHING. He got disqualified for literally being aggressive. Even if the argument is he didn't take heed of the ref's warning, why would he get a warning? FOR FIGHTING TOO HARD?! "Whoa, hold on Kofi, this is fake, remember? You're disqualified." How can that happen on the same show that Kane promises to KILL a man?! GAH.

- The camera that was waiting for Swagger and Rey as they came out of the arena. Was there any need to have that special extra camera just so we could confirm that this is indeed fake? Why couldn't that initial camera that was following them just keep following them? Why was that camera out there, in kayfabe? Filming... NOTHING!? This show was full of small details that took you out of the show and made you think about how this is fake.

I am hating on this show pretty hard, but when these little things add up and up and up, it gets hard to ignore and takes away from the good stuff, and there was some really good stuff. And it's even more frustrating when this show is normally not filled with this kind of stuff.

I totally get why a lot of these things are done. It's entertainment, and they love telling us that now. Sure, cool, I get it, high five. But can't it be entertainment that doesn't constantly rub it in my face that it's fake? People don't like their TV shows and movies with plot holes and inconsistencies, so why would we like our wrestling, ahem, action-entertainment, that way?

I feel like all of my sentences in this review have ended with a question mark.

PRO WRESTLING GUERRILLA: SEVEN - STARTS... NOW!

Unless if you're minutes away from Reseda, CA, then this won't help put anymore butts in the seats, but hey, it's an excuse to get #PWG trending, right?

The card is stacked, as usual, and features Scott Lost's final match, as well as the return of some indy darling who doesn't have "it." Check it:

PWG: SEVEN

TEN YEARS OF SCOTT LOST

Photo - ProWrestlingGuerrilla.com

SCOTT LOST RETIREMENT MATCH

"The Professional" Scott Lost

VS.

Scorpio Sky

PWG WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP

Champion Davey Richards

VS.

Challenger Chris Hero

PWG WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP - THREE-WAY GUERRILLA WARFARE MATCH

Champions ¡Peligro Abejas! (El Generico & Paul London)

VS.

Challengers The Cutler Brothers (Brandon & Dustin)

VS.

Challengers The Young Bucks (Matt & Nick Jackson)

BRYAN DANIELSON RETURN MATCH

"American Dragon" Bryan Danielson

VS.

Roderick Strong

SINGLES MATCH

Chris Sabin VS. Akira Tozawa

SINGLES MATCH

Brandon Bonham VS. Brian Cage

SIX-PERSON TAG TEAM MATCH

Brandon Gatson, Johnny Goodtime & Candice LeRae

VS.

"Pretty" Peter Avalon, Malachi "CK" Jackson & Ryan Taylor

SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW - 07/30/10 (NO SPOILERS)

I'm excited to sit down and watch a full, non-streamed or downloaded episode of Smackdown! for the first time in a few weeks. Been busy the last few Fridays, but tonight I get to reunite with my old friend dorkiness. Unless if there is a better word to describe "getting drunk by yourself on a Friday night watching naked men pretend to fight each other and avenge their undead, yet vegetable, brothers."

SPOILER-FREE SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW

Thanks to LordsOfPain.net

NO DISQUALIFICATION

Rey Mysterio VS. "The All-American American" Jack Swagger

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Champion Kofi Kingston

VS.

Challenger Dolph Ziggler

WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP

Champion Layla

VS.

Challenger Tiffany

SINGLES MATCH

Drew McIntyre VS. Christian

SINGLES MATCH

Big Show VS. Luke Gallows

And I can only assume we'll be hearing from this man:

Photo - FUCK YEAH WRESTLING! Tumblr

FUNNIEST SHIT OF ALL TIME: OH SHIT! IT'S VINCE RUSSO!!!

I don't know how he does it, but Monkey Man has scored once again with a video I haven't seen. And I love it. This Mike Tenay sound bite should be used anytime something fucked up happens on Impact. Or it should at least appear in a Botchamania or two. Someone alert Maffew.

THE WRESTLE SPECTIVE POWER POLL: 07/28/10

Every week I, along with several other wrestling blogs (including my blogging Browen Wilson, TH of The Wrestling Blog), will be sending in my top ten wrestlers to WrestleSpective. My votes are compiled with those of the other bloggers and that gives us the Power Poll. Here's this week's rankings (go to WrestleSpective to view the full write-up, and check out all of the other awesome wrestling content there - you'll find it especially awesome if you're a stat-geek (or any other specific-type-of-wrestling geek) like me):

NUMBER ONE THIS WEEK

THE MIZ

Photo - TheMiz.net (but I actually found it at the FYeahTheMiz Tumblr)

NOT RANKED THIS WEEK

TOMMY WRIGHT

WRESTLESPECTIVE POWER POLL: 07/28/10

1. The Miz (3)

2. Randy Orton (4)

3. Sheamus (2)

4. Kane (1)

5. Rey Mysterio (8)

6. Rob Van Dam (5)

7. John Cena (6)

8. Chris Jericho (10)

9. Big Show (NR)

10. Wade Barrett (7)

And, to compare, here's who I voted for and why (in kayfabe and out):

PIZZABODYSLAM POWER POLL VOTES: 07/28/10

1. Randy Orton

- IN KAYFABE: Def. Jey Uso; debuted the first-ever bitchslap-to-RKO Tekken combo on the Miz; oh yeah, he also RKO'd the WWE Champion, NBD.

- OUT OF KAYFABE: Remains the most undisputedly over face on either show; said STUPID STUPID STUPID again (is there a Facebook page for that yet?!)

2. The Miz

- IN KAYFABE: Pinned Earth-12's Superman, John Cena; attempted a second MITB cash-in; got posterized with Orton's bitchslap-to-RKO combo.

- OUT OF KAYFABE: He's the best heel promo on RAW and elicits a reaction out of everyone in the arena, be it an irritated boo or a smarky "YAARRRGH!!!"

3. Rey Mysterio

- IN KAYFABE: Scored two falls over Jack Swagger to earn a shot at Kane's World Heavyweight Title at SummerSlam; outsmarted Kane after the match (although outsmarting Kane is kind of like if you mislead a slow child for fun, just to laugh at him).

- OUT OF KAYFABE: Had yet another great match with Swagger; sells the Swagger ankle lock like he's caught in a rusty bear trap.

4. Wade Barrett

- IN KAYFABE: Lead his team of "renegades" to 7 straight pinfalls over RAW Superstars in a 7-on-7 match.

- OUT OF KAYFABE: Spoke in his brown-note baritone (which will make you crap yourself if you have your subs turned on).

5. Big Show

- IN KAYFABE: Unmasked Joey Mercury only one week after unmasking CM Punk (next week he'll have to start unmasking Rey Mysterio fans to keep the streak going); he also squashed that freshly shaven Joey Mercury.

- OUT OF KAYFABE: I can't really say anything about Big Show I'm excited about out of kayfabe. He's all smiley and pointy. He's okay. Just... well, as long as he's in multiman matches where he can come in and have people bump like flies around him, then cool. But if he just owns the SES week-in week-out for no reason, then count me out.

6. Edge

- IN KAYFABE: Outsmarted Great Khali (although outsmarting Khali is kind of like if you played a prank on a foreign boy, just to laugh at him); speared Khali, causing John Cena to shit his jorts.

- OUT OF KAYFABE: Made fun of Khali essentially out of kayfabe, saying that everyone is scared of how big and strong he is, but he's clumsy and awkward and never wins. Well said, friend. Well said.

7. Dolph Ziggler

- IN KAYFABE: Def. Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.

- OUT OF KAYFABE: Did it in spite of getting SCREWED; still getting that Vickie Guerrero heel rub (ewww) that garners heat so well (Edge, Eric Escobar (er...)).

8. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes

- IN KAYFABE: Teamed with Drew McIntyre in a winning effort over Christian and Matt Hardy.

- OUT OF KAYFABE: Is my favourite promo in the company right now (please forgive me, Punk!) and has theme music that would make Jon Bon Jovi weep with envy; seriously, this is the best gimmick change since Batista put himself in Kanye West's clothes (no-homo).

9. Sheamus

- IN KAYFABE: Is the WWE Champion; teamed with the Miz to def. Jericho and Cena; narrowly avoided being the 8th champion to lose his title to a suitcase-brandishing Superstar.

- OUT OF KAYFABE: I've been liking the interaction between him and the Miz, but I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop... I'm really middle of the road with him. It's a shameful thing, I know.

10. Evan Bourne

- IN KAYFABE: Was the last member of the RAW team to fall to the Nexus in 7-on-7 competition.

- OUT OF KAYFABE: No one is as exciting to watch as him in a WWE ring today; and unlike Brandon Stroud, I LIKE how he sells so NYAH!

WRESTLESPECTIVE INFO TO KNOW:

WrestleSpective - The Blog

WrestleSpective Radio - The Podcast (now on iTunes!)

WrestleSpective Power Poll Voters - The Twitter Feeds

SHAWN MICHAELS TO BEGIN USING THE INTERNET!

As originally tweeted by NoDQ.com:

I don't know why I find this so exciting but I sure FRIGGIN' do. I look forward to getting more videos of Shawn Michaels firing a crossbow then speaking to me.

He's come such a long way since...

And now Matt Hardy has some company on YouTube (which is extremely needed because he appears to be going completely insane). Maybe we'll get some Matt Hardy/Shawn Michaels video responses back and forth. Or maybe this is the thing that's going to change Matt Hardy's life!

UPDATE: And he's on Twitter! And Facebook! EEE!

CM PUNK LOVES REPRESENTING HIS FAVOURITE WRESTLERS

As evidenced by this photo recently RT'd by Sara del Rey:

And this famous shot of him repping Colt Cabana:

And that time he revealed how much he likes Jeff Hardy:

Photo - WWE.com

ROH ON HDNET 07/19/10: STEEN/CORINO V. CABANA/ GENERICO - NO RULES

This match, as you would know if you saw it last Monday, had everything a brawl could ever ask for. Fighting in the crowd, chairs, tables, Kevin Steen licking stuff, guardrails used as makeshift tables, chairs used as makeshift tables, tables used as makeshift top turnbuckles, a red-hot crowd, and one of the most precarious top-rope table spots I've ever seen to end a match - did I mention Kevin Steen licking stuff?

If you missed it, check it out right here:

ROH ON HDNET: 07/19/10

KEVIN STEEN & STEVE CORINO V. EL GENERICO & COLT CABANA (NO RULES)

I'm also super excited for two more ROH related things - one being Christopher Daniels vs. Roderick Strong, which aired last night and should be up this Thursday on ROHBrazil's YouTube Channel. The other is an apparent "major announcement" regarding Glory By Honor IX (as mentioned in the latest Newswire). I have no idea what it will be. I can't decide whether they would announce Bryan Danielson as appearing (if they're able to get him to) beforehand, or want to keep it as a surprise for that MASSIVE pop.

With Terry Funk already appearing, rumours of Bryan Danielson returning, and a looming Daniels/Davey or Daniels/Tyler match, GBH9 from New York has the makings of a very special show.

Pre-order Glory By Honor IX from GoFightLive.TV

UPDATE ON DOLPH ZIGGLER GETTING SCREWED

If you read my RAW review, you know of my "Dolph Ziggler is getting screwed" theory. Here's what I wrote, if you missed it:

- Is Heath Slater just straight-up stealing Ziggler's finish? First they ban his gloves and now they're letting any old ginger do his move? Dolph Ziggler is getting SCREWED.

At first it was just a loose theory. But then I saw THIS:

- Two WWE Superstars celebrate birthdays today as Triple H turns 41 years old while Dolph Ziggler hits 30.

HE SHARES A BIRTHDAY WITH THE DESTROYER. Of COURSE he's getting screwed! Imagine being the lone guy that shares a birthday with Triple H. Your party would be most definitely crashed. NO ONE TAKES A BIRTHDAY AWAY FROM THE GAME!

Seriously, I imagine all the cool people went to Dolph's party and Triple H got mad and banned gloves and told Heath Slater to do the Zig Zag. Next he'll Pedigree a jar of hair gel.

Don't worry Dolph, I'm looking out for you. HHHappy Birthday.

07/26/10 RAW THOUGHTS: BUILDING FOR SUMMERSLAM

This show was all about SummerSlam and whether or not Cena's unlikely Avengers can co-exist and whether or not John Morrison and R-Truth's relationship will overcome these troubled times.

MONDAY NIGHT RAW

07/26/10

Photo - WWE.com

QUICK THOUGHTS

- John Cena screaming "DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU RIGHT NOW" into Chris Jericho's face was both scary and awesome.

- Randy Orton killed it once again tonight. After a Flawless Victory over Jey Uso, Orton delivered a hilarious bitch-slap/RKO combo to the Miz, followed by a taunt that I thought was just an internet joke (STUPID STUPID STUPID) followed by almost saying MOTHERFUCKER on PG TV.

- Michael Cole has received another manager. Botchamania has received more content.

- I hope Ranjin Singh turns on Khali again next week, then appears weeks later at his side with no explanation. Actually, I don't give a shit, because Ranjin Singh could never truly turn anyone on with those sideburns. LOL?!?!s.d,x

- Is Heath Slater just straight-up stealing Ziggler's finish? First they ban his gloves and now they're letting any old ginger do his move? Dolph Ziggler is getting SCREWED.

- Definitely saw that Nexus clean sweep coming, but that's not a bad thing. All just smart build for the PPV. Less obvious smart build for the PPV: notice how the Nexus were in the corner that faces the camera? Normally that's reserved for the babyfaces in tag matches so they get more face time. But since the Nexus are relatively new to WWE TV and will be on PPV in a few weeks, they get the extra face time.

- I sincerely hope and pray that Bret Hart's last moment in a WWE ring isn't being pinned by Darren Young. If that happens, I bet that in the future if you ask someone "what best sums up the WWE's PG era?" that person will respond by showing you a picture of stupid crappy Darren Young pinning my goddamn hero Bret Hart.

- I love this power that Miz has over Sheamus with his looming idle threats of "Are you kidding me?! Should I cash in right now?!" I hope this dynamic continues and doesn't just end with Miz being the first MITB cash-in failure.

- Jericho playing up the babyface spots in the tag match (top rope dropkicks, that big "C'MON"s to the crowd) was cool to see. At first it felt totally weird after seeing him as a heel for so long. But then it just felt cool. Kinda like when Davey Richards would get fired up in a match where he's still generally a heel.

- No one is more excited for a hot tag than John Cena. Not even the chubby jiggling sweaty kids in the crowd.

- And, as evidenced by his reaction, no one is more scared of Edge's spear than John Cena.

WWE BANS GLOVES!

Or maybe just Dolph Ziggler's gloves. That brings our list of total banned items to...

BANNED FROM WWE

- Dolph Ziggler's gloves

- Chops

- Piledrivers

- Unprotected chairshots to the head

- Bleeding by blading

- Bleeding by accident

- Bleeding to make a match better

- Jim Ross' voice

- Footage of Shawn Michaels

- Hulk Hogan

- Ric Flair

- Neckties

- Spitting in John Cena's face

- Matt Hardy's ego

- Regular boring old SummerSlam baseball caps

- There was a time when guns weren't even banned, guys

Strangely enough, they lifted their Randy Savage ban.

OVERHAULING THE DANIEL BRYAN MANLINESS METER

It took me a while, but I've finally made the necessary changes to the Daniel Bryan Manliness Meter I have listed in the sidebar. Every DB is now a BD (as it should've ALWAYS BEEN!), and I can now begin cataloging the American Dragon's latest BDMM reports, which you can now read here.

To commemorate the overhauling of the Daniel Bryan Manliness Meter to the Bryan Danielson Manliness Meter, I present you with the second greatest picture that ever lived:

Photo - Christine Coons (Taken from her K & S WrestleFest photo gallery!)

ROH: TRIPLE SHOT IN THE MIDWEST BEGINS + THE 7/20 VIDEOWIRE

Beginning tonight in Louisville, Ring of Honor is burning through the midwest with three completely stacked cards that culminate in Chicago with one of the best top-to-bottom shows on paper I've ever seen, complete with the big Kevin Steen vs. Tyler Black title match. BROTHER, BROTHER, BROTHER... this will be crazy.

And by crazy, I mean Kevin-Steen-crazy. He has been a whole new brand of psycho, wanting to help Tyler Black in his own fucked-up way. Don't believe me? Take a look at the GREATEST promo I've ever seen Kevin Steen deliver (and I say this with no hyperbole whatsoever) here in the July 20th ROH VideoWire:

ROH VIDEOWIRE: 07/20/10

KEVIN STEEN IS CRAZY FOR REAL, GUYS

WHAT A LUNATIC

I have admittedly been neglecting ROH on my blog ever since I watched DBD8. I've been meaning to put a review up, but I almost ask, "what's the point?" I don't think any combination of words I throw together could explain how incredible Tyler/Davey was. But who knows - maybe I'll try my best and you'll see a review in the next few days.

Speaking of Tyler/Davey, that match had a perfect build. It was tailored to the guys in the match, what with the simple, old-school sit-down interviews leading up to the match, the AWESOME hype videos (that fantastic Michael Jordan-monologued one has since vanished from YouTube), the "who's heel who's face?" dynamic that played out flawlessly in the match... it was perfect.

This Steen/Tyler build has been quite the opposite. Not in terms of quality, because you know it's been awesome if you just watched that Steen promo, but in terms of style. Instead of doing an MMA-inspired build with realistic interviews, Kevin Steen's psychotic behaviour has taken over this feud. It's great that ROH can build to two separate matches that both feel BIG and don't feel like you just watched the same feud twice in a row.

Enough fanboy babble. Take a look at these monster cards and try and tell me that Chicago won't be one of the best shows this year (okay NOW enough fanboy babble):

TONIGHT - "THE BLUEGRASS BRAWL" IN LOUISVILLE, KY

Tickets + Info

MAIN EVENT - NON-TITLE CHALLENGE MATCH

ROH World Champion Tyler Black

VS.

ROH World Tag Team Champion Claudio Castagnoli

SPECIAL TAG TEAM ATTRACTION

The Briscoes Brothers VS. The American Wolves

SIX-MAN-TAG TEAM BOUT

Roderick Strong & the House of Truth (with Truth Martini)

VS.

Austin Aries & The All-Night Express

PICK 6 CONTENDERS SERIES

(4) "That Young Knockout Kid" Chris Hero VS. Colt "Boom Boom" Cabana

WOMEN OF HONOR

Sara del Rey VS. Daizee Haze

SINGLES MATCH

Delirious VS. Mike Mondo

PLUS

- Two other bouts featuring top talent from OVW!

Collinsville, you have this rematch to look forward to, you lucky fools!

HATE: CHAPTER II

KEVIN STEEN VS. EL GENERICO

JULY 23RD - COLLINSVILLE, IL

Tickets + Info

SPECIAL CHALLENGE - TAG TEAM ATTRACTION

GenerationMe (formerly The Young Bucks) VS. The American Wolves

SIX-PERSON TAG TEAM WAR

ROH World Tag Team Champions the Kings of Wrestling & Sara del Rey

VS.

The Briscoe Brothers & Amazing Kong

TRIOS GRUDGE MATCH

ROH World Champion Tyler Black, Jerry Lynn & Delirious (with Daizee Haze)

VS.

Austin Aries & The All-Night Express

SINGLES MATCH

The Necro Butcher (with Prince Nana) VS. "Skullkrusher" Rasche Brown

HATE: CHAPTER II

Kevin Steen VS. El Generico

PICK 6 CONTENDERS SERIES

(1) Roderick Strong (with Truth Martini) VS. Colt "Boom Boom" Cabana

GRUDGE MATCH

Erick Stevens VS. Grizzly Redwood

PLUS

- House of Truth

JULY 24TH - CHICAGO RIDGE, IL

Tickets + Info

ROH WORLD TITLE MATCH

Tyler Black defends VS. Kevin Steen

SPECIAL ATTRACTION - TAG TEAM CHALLENGE

ROH World Tag Team Champions The Kings of Wrestling

VS.

GenerationMe (formerly The Young Bucks)

TAG WARS 2010 OPENING ROUND

Colt Cabana & El Generico VS. The American Wolves

PICK 6 CONTENDERS SERIES

(1) Roderick Strong (with Truth Martini) VS. Austin Aries

TAG WARS 2010 OPENING ROUND

The All-Night Express VS. Jerry Lynn & Delirious (with Daizee Haze)

SUPERCARD OF HONOR V REMATCH

Sara del Rey (with Shane Hagadorn) VS. Amazing Kong

TAG WARS 2010 OPENING ROUND

Necro Butcher & Erick Stevens VS. "Skullkrusher" Rasche Brown & Grizzly Redwood

TAG WARS 2010 OPENING ROUND

The Briscoe Brothers VS. The House of Truth (with Truth Martini)