Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Last night's show was pretty fun all around, but I do have a few annoyingly-ranty things to say. BEGIN.

RAW 07/19/10
Photo - WWE.com

- Wrestling! Between the opening triple threat (which admittedly, I was at first like, "what?! three guyz who lost last night are in a match to see who fights for the titel!>? GUYUHUHUH!" and then my nerd rage turned into leaping on the couch for the two RKOs) and the Sheamus/Bourne match, there we plenty of great wrestling to go around.
- Logic! When the anonymous GM set up a match on the spot, Evan Bourne didn't just come running out as if he'd just put down his script because hey, it's fake! They actually thought one step past the idea of "anonymous GM makes spontaneous match - BEGIN MATCH" - it was truly as if he had no idea he would be competing. KUDOS TO YOU, DOUBLE DOUBLE E!
- Randy Orton. People literally react to him as if he's a Dwayne Wade posterizing dunk. Hundreds of bro's high five each other and jump around when he does an RKO. It's amazing.
- John Cena using his acting "chops" (woo!). It was fucking staggering to watch a Cena promo that didn't end in evangelist shouting.
- The martial disputes that Edge and Jericho have in the ring.
- The Miz's cash-in tease. The Miz expertly played the part of a coward. I was marking out for the whole thing. I also think I should give Sheamus props for playing the part of a guy I want to see get his head smashed in so well.
- Gail Kim and the Bellas. It must be at least a little bit funny to you when your job sometimes is to show up to a pro-wrestling event to giggle in a dress and get yelled at on TV.
- Santino's handspring.
- "John Cena has designed a new coffee cup." ...
- If you can't beat 'em... assemble a hilarious team! I joke, but a gay little part of me loves the idea of John Cena assembling a secret team like an orange Nick Fury.

- I still feel like it would make sense to call the Nexus a renegade group if they didn't have their own graphics and t-shirts and titantron videos and shitty music shit. If they're going to be a renegade group, keep them that way. Make it truly seem like they don't belong. Don't create Nexus brand crap. Have them come out to complete silence. Think about logic and believability before you think about selling a fucking t-shirt. Maybe when you do that, you'll sell more everything everywhere. Instead of just being like "WELP HE NEEDS A T-SHIRT" because everyone has one, think about the fact that these guys are called (by YOUR announcers!) a RENEGADE GROUP. Not a PRETEND RENEGADE GROUP JUST KIDDING GIVE US YOUR MONEY.

And I won't even accept the idea that it makes sense because they can sell the shirt to those smarks who oppose Cena and stuff, because it's not like that at all. That idea made sense for when Miz had his anti-Cena shirt. Then you sell that shirt to the anti-Cena smarks and you sell the Cena shirt to the Cena marks and everyone in the world has a WWE shirt. This needs to be kept as a "hey, these guys are fucking with our shit and we can't get rid of them and they're the scariest group ever created" not "hey these guys are fucking with our shit let's make them some t-shirts."

- John Morrison is drifting into MVP-totally-wack-babyface territory. He needs a little somethin' somethin' to get back to where he once awesomely was.
- Sheamus, while he can speak on the mic with great confidence and say the words he's saying very well, never really says anything that interests me, or makes me go "whoa." He just kinda says shit, doesn't mess it up, and... yeah. That's it.
- The one thing I've noticed about why Miz is so good on the mic is that when he's being interviewed, he addresses the interviewer when he's talking to him and looks in his eyes, instead of staring off at invisible shit in the background like Sheamus. That bothers me to no FUCKING end. WHY ARE YOU DELIVERING YOUR INTERVIEW LIKE A FUCKING SOLILOQUY YOU BUMSHIT DOUCHEBAG.
- "Oh baby! Our General Manager has just emailed a match!" - Jerry Lawler
- NO. DO NOT GIVE RANDY ORTON A REY MYSTERIO TYPE FINISHER CATCHPHRASE. STUPID STUPID STUPID. He's the ONLY goddamn face that doesn't point and smile and he actually has an edge to him and that's why he's UNIVERSALLY over. People light their clothes on fire when he does that hump the canvas and punch it to death taunt. Randy, just say "RKO" in normal conversational speed. People already cheer RKO in every match he's in. You don't need to get that over, AT ALL. Having him say each letter individually with minutes of silence in between each one will be the first step in having the fans get bored of him. Please. PLEASE GUYS. HBGHSXWB*NWU.
- Wade Barrett may have bit off more than he could chew. And concussed Mark Henry. And maybe legit injured his back. Good god. Yeah. That second replay pretty much revealed that hey, putting Mark Henry on your shoulders, leaning him back and trying to whip him over your head and onto the ground will - guess what? - tear the SHIT out of your back.
- Great Khali as a part of Team Cena. Why. Just why. The only reason I can come up with is for him to get replaced by someone cooler as a surprise. Like, Nexus takes him out, then Cena needs a surprise replacement. It would add an extra dimension to the match, and would get Great Khali out of my face.

Don't let my rants fool you, because they are super specific and only really take up like two seconds of the show. I did enjoy RAW, but I also enjoy ranting about things that matter very little in the grand scheme of things.

1 comment:

  1. 1. My kingdom to see Nexus come out, dressed in street clothes, and beat the ever-loving shit out of somebody. Or maybe real renegades travel in their underpants and matching t-shirts. My experience with renegades has been relatively limited.

    2. Sheamus is a solid, journeyman type guy... but there doesn't seem to be a spark there, yet. Orton, on the other hand, is sparks all over the place. If they let him run with it, he could set the world on fire. And then RKO it.

    3. Having wrestled in the Greco-Roman unlimited weight-class, against somebody pretty close to Mark Henry's weight, while weighing about as much as Wade Barret... good griefus. While part of me was saying, "Holy shit impressive," part of me was just grabing my back and grimacing. I just hope his apparently massive balls didn't too far overstep the bounds of what his back could handle.