Tuesday, July 6, 2010


Line of the night definitely goes to Arn Anderson, because I thought he told Sheamus he'd be a "great white shark patrolling an empty butthole."

RAW 07/05/10
Photo - WWE.com

- Wade Barrett back and back on the mic. I really wish he was the only one allowed to speak for the Nexus, because when he hands the mic over to someone else, it's like charisma is going extinct.
- The Cutting Edge. Jericho and Edge can go back and forth SO much better as heels than when one is playing the role of the face. It's just that much more believable. Although I don't understand why Edge had to devalue Bourne by making fun of Jericho because he "barely beat him" last week. He can totally be painted as the underdog, but we don't need to paint him as a jobber. Thankfully, that was all washed away when he hit the ring like Spiderman, caused some shit, then BAMF'd out of there in the craziest ring exit I've ever seen.
- The tag match that followed. If you add up the story between Edge and Jericho making reluctant tags (good continuity from WWE? WHAT?!), Bourne playing the face in peril with Orton waiting to explode on the apron, and just the fun action in the ring in general, you have yourself an awesome free TV match. That, plus Bourne getting the win (instead of Orton), and I was even cool with the RKO afterwards, because the crowd essentially sat more stunned than excited, which reveals their love for Bourne. All around, great stuff for me.
- Maryse (Mary$e?) and Teddy. Awesome dynamic. Still would have preferred Miz and Maryse, but Miz can hold his own enough, which I suppose is the point. I really feel like Maryse could be much more of an asset (I'm talking like a big wig here, and I hate it) as a valet than as a wrestler. She dresses unlike ANY of the other Divas and sticks out like a sore thumb, making her super unique. But when she wrestles, it's just kind of... well, whatever. Point is, I really like the pairing and I hope it takes Ted to a new level. If that doesn't work, I know what will.
- John Cena nearly swearing on television was a breath of fresh air.
- Chris Jericho attempting to no-look pat Sheamus on the shoulder and missing made me bust a gut.
- Jerry Lawler and Arn Anderson showing Michael Cole how you really emote.
- Uso's promo style. Don't know what it is about them, but I like it.
- Alicia Fox hobbling away and mocking the crowd.
- And finally, the absolute destruction of Darren Young. I wouldn't have blinked an eye had Cena ripped his head clean off. I wouldn't have even complained that Danielson got fired for something way less violent. I would've probably just filled to the brim with joy and keeled over on a rainbow. Cena threw a European Uppercut and I almost swallowed my tongue. I think watching Darren Young take that beating was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I could win the lottery tomorrow and still be like, "while I do enjoy these infinite riches, Darren Young dying at the hands of retard-strength John Cena is still better."
- Also, as TH pointed out, John Cena's murderlating of Darren Young does prove that they are in fact two different people. Either that, or it's like Infinite Crisis, and John Cena had to kill the Earth 2 version of himself in order to survive.

- The ghost of Daniel Bryan. Seeing the Nexus all lined up in the ring reminds me of Danielson. I think my brain sometimes even places him there and I'm like, "Oh hey - there he is! Oh wait, it's just my mind playing a dirty trick on me. Stupid brain!" Even when he shows up in video packages or chants, I'm always reminded that he was fired for no reason and the best angle they'd done in years was instantly ruined.
- The anonymous GM, the email alert noise, Michael Cole, and Michael Cole's laptop. It's all so ridiculous. Why do the lights flicker when Michael Cole gets an email? Why do they have to play that sound? The fans are BOOING that sound! How insane is that? I can't stand it. You know it's bad when it's the only part of the show I was embarrassed to sit through with other people in the room. And this show had Santino, Kozlov, Khali and Ranjin dancing over William Regal's prone body.
- The tone that the anonymous GM places over the entire show. Somehow, because this email-based general manager is so lame, the whole show feels lamer. Knowing that at any second Michael Cole could pull himself out of his chair and start talking even more gives the show this looming feeling of crap at all times.
- The phrase "AND I QUOTE." And, for that matter, the word "email." Yep. The word email is now ruined for me, because the way everyone uses it on the show now, uses it as if email was invented yesterday, when we all know Bret Hart lead us unto the Computer Age YEARS ago.
- The hinting of Stone Cold Steve Austin being the Anonymous RAW GM. Because it made me think of Steve Austin sitting at home emailing with Michael Cole, and a little part of me died.
- The Miz's rap. Apparently it didn't go bad enough the first time.
- I think it's time to update this MVP "Don't Try This" ad that they keep running. It looks SO outdated. Why is he just crouching in a broken home? I also love the "Don't Try This" ads that don't really show any wrestling, so it seems like they're telling you not to try emoting in the rain, or crouching in some rubble. Two things you probably shouldn't try either. Unless if you're an aspiring dink.
- Eve asking Alicia if she's okay when she hurt her ankle. You're FIGHTING. The Gracie's have taught you NOTHING!

Next week is a pretty strange mixed bag: A 7-on-1 match, Edge vs. Orton and Carol Brady! No other show on television today can give you seven men fighting one man, a dance off between a real giant and a Russian, an omnipresent authority figure, and TV's most famous mom!

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