WHO'S NEXT?!
PEOPLE WHO COULD BE THE ANONYMOUS RAW GM
Photo - WWE.com
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN
GM Experience: Co-General Manager of RAW with Eric Bischoff (April 28, 2003 - November 16, 2003), Sheriff (December 29, 2003 - March 29, 2004), able to twist Vince McMahon's arm from time to time (all the time).
Internet Experience: Tweets hilarious uncle-like stories all the time, but just figured out how to reply to his followers.
Relationship with Michael Cole: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zu8Ojt-tUw0#t=5m08s
Other Telltale Signs: If he writes like he talks (which he does), then those catchphrases that slipped into the anonymous GM's emails may be a bigger sign than we think.
WHO'S NEXT?!: Not him. Let's be serious. Would they really give away who the GM was so early? I'm willing to bet this is the start of a series of teases towards who the GM is. Plus, he lives at a ranch. If you lived at a ranch would you want to sit around emailing Michael Cole? In Austin's words, EH-EH. (You can replace the word "ranch" with any other sort of dwelling and this statement remains true).
THE ROCK
GM Experience: None - but he did mention hosting RAW sometime in the future.
Internet Experience: He uses it mostly to watch 90's cage fighting.
Relationship with Michael Cole: Based on the number of times that the Rock's insinuated that Cole is a homosexual, I'm going to say they aren't on instant-message-once-a-week terms.
Other Telltale Signs: The Anonymous GM has put John Cena in a 7-on-1 (6-on-1 thanks to John Cena beating Darren Young so hard his hair went limp) handicap match, and Cena is always the first to harumph and grumble about the anonymous GM and the internet. Maybe this is how we'll start building for the Rock/Cena WrestleMania match! Because nothing says classic feud like anonymous email general manager ft. Michael Cole's glasses.
WHO'S NEXT?!: At first, I thought there was absolutely no chance that Rock could be the GM. But then I remembered how he mentioned that he wanted to entertain the fans in a whole new way, no just as a regular guest host. And I remember a rumour of him taking over the entire summer for WWE (which obviously hasn't happened). So there is that slight chance, but overall, I still don't think we'll see Rocky being revealed as Michael Cole's pen pal.
TRIPLE H
GM Experience: Purely sexual.
Internet Experience: None.
Relationship with Michael Cole: Years of endless bullying with Shawn Michaels.
Other Telltale Signs: He's not on TV right now, which is usually a good indicator that a wrestler is just waiting to be used as a big surprise. He also loves - and I believe he himself coined this term (not really) - backstage powerz. And finally, he's in charge for real, so he may as well be in charge for fake too!
WHO'S NEXT?!: Not Triple H. He'll be coming back to wrestle, not manage generally.
SHAWN MICHAELS
GM Experience: Commissioner (November 23, 1998 - June 26, 2000). He also makes his own rules, and subsequently breaks them.
Internet Experience: Uh…
Relationship with Michael Cole: Years of endless bullying with Triple H.
Other Telltale Signs: He loves his family and being retired and has no interest in returning! So it's gotta be him, right (wrong)?!
WHO'S NEXT?!: Not HBK. But if he did come back, he'd bring suck it back with him (by telling his family to suck it (ew)).
PAUL HEYMAN
GM Experience: Smackdown! GM (July 18, 2002 - October 19, 2003), ECW "Representative" (June 13, 2006 - December 4, 2006), ran the original ECW.
Internet Experience: Posts photos of sexy ladies on his website.
Relationship with Michael Cole: Shared a broadcast booth some time ago... (I think? Did they? My brain is failing me.)
Other Telltale Signs: Is a hot topic in the dirtsheets these days with TNA fighting to bring him in to take the reigns of their ReCW (a WrestleSpective-coined term) angle. How shocking would it be to see Heyman swerve everyone and show up on WWE TV?
WHO'S NEXT?!: While Heyman does love a good shocker (and not a Matt Hardy shocker) every now and then, I wouldn't hold my breath. TNA probably shouldn't either.
DANIEL BRYAN
GM Experience: None. But he conceptualized EVOLVE with Gabe Sapolsky just before being snatched up by the WWE.
Internet Experience: He's a self-admitted caveman when it comes to the internet. But Mickie James is teaching him how to use Twitter. So it'll be okay.
Other Telltale Signs: The anonymous GM has had a ton of interaction with the Nexus, his old stable, which also (in kayfabe) are the reason he was removed from WWE TV.
WHO'S NEXT?!: In kayfabe this would make no sense. Danielson has stated publicly how he's not a twitter geek, he's a vegan and loves reading books. He also would have no correspondence with his sworn enemy (mine and yours too) Michael Cole. And why would Vince McMahon appoint him as the GM? Too much evidence points towards him not being the GM.
ABRAHAM WASHINGTON
GM Experience: Not a lick. Doesn't even really have wrestling experience. Come on now.
Internet Experience: Couldn't even guess.
Relationship with Michael Cole: I seriously know nothing about this guy.
Other Telltale Signs: That one rumour a while back that he was going to be the RAW GM, until Bret Hart was given that position.
WHO'S NEXT?!: Maybe this guy? If it is him, when they reveal it, he'll get a bigger groan then when Mike Adamle was named the new GM and suddenly appeared in the ring and was like "how ya doin' dave."
UNDERTAKER
GM Experience: None, but he has had plenty of experience torturing GM's like Vickie Guerrero.
Internet Experience: I'm still waiting for the day when he's on Twitter just being like "just saw toy story 3 w/ 'chelle, very touching. off to bed - g'night creatures!!!"
Other Telltale Signs: He could be using his voodoo to flick the lights when he sends an email.
WHO'S NEXT?!: Not my Uncletaker.
EVIL DOINK
GM Experience: None.
Internet Experience: Maybe some "To Catch A Predator" shit. He seems like the type.
Relationship with Michael Cole: Probably not good, since when he was on RAW a couple weeks ago, the entire announce team went overboard with the personal hate ("Go back to where you came from!", "Where did they dig Doink up from?", "I thought to see Doink nowadays you had to bring a flashlight and a shovel.")
Other Telltale Signs: It would explain the insane booking, at least.
WHO'S NEXT?!: A boy can dream...
MICHAEL COLE
GM Experience: Is the current "official spokesperson" for the anonymous GM.
Internet Experience: HATES THE INTERNET WITH THE FIRE OF 1000 SUNS (but uses it for email)
Relationship with Michael Cole: When he does his fake laugh into the camera, all I see is pure, rich, unconditional self-hatred.
Other Telltale Signs: WWE loves doing that thing where they're like "who's the secret mystery guy?! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG"
WHO'S NEXT?!: My money is on Michael Cole. He seems like a dark horse in this situation, what with all of these big names missing from TV and just waiting to return (HHH, Undertaker, Vince, etc.), but like I said, they really do love their "swerves" that aren't really swerves.
But maybe it's some kind of co-GM scenario:
BATISTA, TED DIBIASE, SETH GREEN, ZZ TOP, SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, JEREMY PIVEN, SGT. SLAUGHTER, FREDDIE PRINZE, JR., FLOYD MAYWEATHER, JR., DUSTY RHODES, BOB BARKER, TRISH STRATUS, CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER, AL SHARPTON, BEN ROETHLISBERGER, NANCY O'DELL, SNOOP DOGG, KYLE BUSCH & JOEY LOGANO, OZZY & SHARON OSBOURNE, RICKY HATTON, RODDY PIPER, JESSE VENTURA, VERNE TROYER, MARK CUBAN, DENNIS MILLER, JOHNNY DAMON, TIMBALJEKJIWALJCEIN3HEHUIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
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