But, if I do somehow let my year-end deal get cut short, there is a contingency plan (it's better than Edge's current master plan of dumping chicken wings on Paul Bearer then pinning himself at Survivor Series). It's the first annual Brain Buster Awards!
2010 BRAIN BUSTER AWARDS
BROUGHT TO YOU BY WRESTLESPECTIVE
Image - Jason Mann
The nominations were decided by the WrestleSpective (now Future Endeavours) Power Poll voters, which includes me, and my blogging Chris Jeri-bro (have we used that one?!?) TH of The Wrestling Blog, who I feel like I owe about 1,004 bro-altered nicknames after weeks of missing the Power Poll. Don't worry, bro. I'll get on that in bro time. No time. Whatever.
Back to the BRAIN BUSTAHHHH!!! Awards. You can vote right now by heading over to WrestleSpective and checking on the nominations. I've already sent in my votes, which I'll have a post up about soon - but first, let's get to what's gone down in the wonderful, wacky, don't-tell-my-dad-I-still-watch-it world of wrestling, since I've been gone.
SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE
Photo - WWE.com
This is hopefully not going to be a monster of a post that Michael Cole puts over to win the Rumble, when you know that everyone's going to band together to throw it over the top rope, but this post will take a bit longer than usual as a lot has happened in the three weeks that I've been gone. Daniel Bryan got his own dressing room for god's sake! And he may have inherited Lance Storm's genitalia.
Either that or submissions are an aphrodisiac. Anyway, what else happened? I know something cool must've happened. What was it again? I remember it being pretty awesome. OH RIGHT
AWWWWWEEESOOOMMMMMMEE
THE MIZ CASHES THE F IN
Photo - Mike-Mizanin.org
The absolute hardest thing about following wrestling while on the road is avoiding spoilers. Because I can't watch anything live, everything has to be downloaded and watched later. Then, without fail, since all I do is watch and talk about wrestling all day everyday, I'll accidentally go to a site, or receive an email, or whatever, and something will get spoiled. Needless to say, Miz becoming WWE Champion was spoiled for me.
I can only imagine how much more awesome it would've been watching it without knowing what would happen. It didn't ruin it for me by any means, in fact it may have saved me from going into cardiac arrest at the prospect of him losing.
But let's take a step back for a second. I'm sure you've already asked yourself this, but did you ever think this guy...
Photo - TheMiz.net
Would EVER be WWE Champion? Even as recently as last year he was still pegged as the Jannetty to Morrison's HBK, what with his douchey gear and stupid face and everything else. But now he's the friggin' Shawn Michaels, and Morrison is the Jannetty, hanging out with R-Truth (the Leif Cassidy, I suppose? All of these comparisons are making my brain hurt).
With Miz as champion, A-Ri by his side, and Michael Cole taking RKOs like his face has magnetic properties that attracts it to the canvas, RAW's main event scene has had a Costco-sized injection of fresh air shot into it. Combine that with John Cena giving Nexus a hilarious taste of their own medicine (which I'll get to in a second), CM Punk on commentary and Bryan Danielson wrestling ANYBODY, and RAW has been more entertaining in the past two weeks than it has been in months.
And one quick thing on Michael Cole. He is giving the kinds of heel promos that Sheamus and Kane and Wade Barrett and every other heel on the roster who speaks at that exact same pacing and pausing that you can't help but tune out, wishes they could give. Last week on RAW he had the crowd frothing at the mouth just by acting like the little prick he is. I don't tune in to hear Cole commentate, but I sure as hell tune in to see him get beat the fuck up. Good. Friggin'. Job.
JOHN CENA IS FIRRRRRRREEEED
KIND OF
And I don't care. Leading up to Survivor Series, all I wanted was two things: one - for John Cena to make good on his promise, and beat the holy piss out of Wade Barrett, and two - for the stipulation, no matter the outcome, to be honoured.
Now, with Cena running around RAW, showing up even though he's fired, you'd think I'd be working myself up into big old smarky stink (I honestly thought I would be too!). But no. This is way better than Cena going away for a few months and coming back anyway, while Nexus wrestles Sheamus or something and creates a series matches entirely comprised of stomps and shoulder moves. I would like to see John Cena beating up a lip-biting David Otunga in his hotel room on repeat for the rest of my life than any amount of Nexus wandering around with nothing to do.
And really, as far as John Cena not beating the holy piss out of Wade Barrett at Survivor Series like he promised, they've just prolonged that, which will make for a great moment when it happens.
So give me John Cena smashing Justin Gabriel's haircut into a car window and winking into the camera, give me John Cena taking advantage of technicalities and bending real life laws, and I'll thank you for not giving me Nexus vs. anyone but John Cena.
THE CORE GROUP
REALLY RAISES IT'S STOCK
So Shane Helms rips on Shawn Michaels, a completely shmammered Jeff Hardy shoots on CM Punk, and Matt Hardy continues his crusade of fucking insanity. I wish I could just spend one night at BCR just to see the kinds of conversations these guys have. Oh wait, I already know!
I will start watching TNA the day that the Hardys, Helms, Shannon More and Kimo are a stable. I am more than positive that they'll create more segments of accidentally entertaining TV than the amount of taunts they do per second.
MVP RELEASED FROM WWE
BAWWWWWLIN
Photo - Online World of Wrestling
I hate on MVP a lot. But I will say that him teaming with Kaval was the coolest shit he's done since his real talk promos about getting out of jail. So it sucks that it seems like he was onto something cool before being released, but in all honesty, I'd had enough of his smiling, pointing, indiscriminate offense, slow-motion wrestling, stutter-step-run-to-the-ropes, and just about everything else for a while now. Hopefully this also means I'll stop having to see him crouch in rubble and point at himself every fifteen minutes too.
ROH FINAL BATTLE 2010
CARD GETS FLESHED OUT, SITE LAUNCHED
The feud that's been one year in the making (more if you count them teaming before then) is coming to a violent, bloody, emotional end in eight days. Kevin Steen and El Generico's Fight Without Honor at Final Battle may not be the main event of the card, but it's the match I believe that most people are invested in, what with the Mask vs. Career stipulation, and all of the incredible build up since last year's event.
In addition to that almost certain show-stealer, we've got Davey Richards vs. Roderick Strong for the ROH World Title, The Kings of Wrestling with Shane Hagadorn taking on The Briscoes and their old man, Eddie Edwards vs. a returning Kenny Omega, legends Christopher Daniels and Homicide going at it, and a BLOCKBUSTER Women of Honor tag match in Daizee Haze & Awesome Kong teaming to face the "Queen of Wrestling" Sara Del Rey and Serena Deeb.
And there's still Colt Cabana vs. TJ Perkins, and The All Night Express (easily my favourite new tag team name of the year) vs. the tandem of Kyle O'Reilly and Adam Cole, who I saw for the first time in person a few weeks back at ROH in Toronto, and these guys know how to fucking BRING IT.
Do as I do and order Final Battle from Go Fight Live. No one knows how to hype a supercard like ROH, and likewise, no one knows how to deliver like them either.
Also, in one final ROH note, they have moved their Toronto date that was originally scheduled for April 30th, to the next weekend. Why? Maybe because the UFC will be debuting at the Rogers Centre, looking to obliterate their live attendance record by drawing over 50,000 people. Good move, ROH. Now I don't have to make an awkward decision (although to be fair, I'd still go for ROH).
OTHER THINGS HAPPENED TOO
FELLA
Photo - WWE.com
There's still a whole butt load of stuff that happened that I won't get to. Sheamus won King of the Ring (see absurd photo above), Tyson Kidd and DH Smith had a great match on Superstars (and Tyson debuted a new bodyguard on RAW that Brandon Stroud hilariously summed up here), there is dissension in Nexus, Survivor Series also happened (with a stellar Bryan/Dibiase match and a polarizing opening video - I was totally gay for it), Nick Dinsmore will be taping a match for ROH (can't wait to see him as anything but a retarded man), and TNA still exists I think.
But the last thing I want to get to is this:
EDGE VS. KANE
VS. ME
Photo - WWE.com
Just in time for the year end awards, this feud slid in to be the worst thing ever. Literally everything about this feud is excruciating to me. The promos; Kane weirdly passing himself off as a good person in that one promo; Paul Bearer's weird faces; Edge's master plan consisting off covering Paul Bearer in pizza and chicken wings, leaving him in a minivan, then trying to jump on Kane; Edge pinning himself at Survivor Series; the referee counting the pin, which I guess technically makes sense, but they seem to forget about all kinds of other rules, so why couldn't they have forgot this one?; seriously, Paul Bearer's weird faces.
But, the one saving grace of this feud, are the video packages. Not because they're good, but because they are hilarious on a level that even they couldn't possibly understand. If I were to just watch this feud in video packages, I'd be screaming for more, because it is fucking MENTAL.
That's pretty much it. So much can happen in three weeks of pro wrestling. But, obviously, so much more can happen in a year. Which means I'll be getting to my Year In Review any day now, so keep checking back for that. PEACE.
*slow clap*
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