Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Photo - WWE.com

I know why. He's just looking out for us. He doesn't want us to turn into a bunch of druggies (Jeff Hardy), cowards (Rey Mysterio), or violence condoning horrible human beings (John Cena)! This sentiment was probably put best by Mario of the POW (...and I quote):

"...in his major feuds, CM Punk plays what should be a face role and yet comes off as a perfect villain.

Jeff Hardy: Punk says that a wrestler who rode to the main event with a drug problem shouldn't be hailed and that he needs guidance in order to see the light.

Undertaker: Punk says that Undertaker uses parlor tricks and mind games to win his matches instead of actually trying to beat his competitors in a legitimate, honest way.

Rey Mysterio: Punk says that Rey hides behind a mask, ashamed of what he is, and that Rey also promotes this carefree attitude that could spiral down the path of drug abuse.

John Cena: Punk says that vengeance done unto violence is not the answer and that, no matter how horrendous a human being (or human beings) may be, setting out to end their careers is never the way to go. Basically promoting the idea of "turning the cheek."

And yet, through all of this, he's the bad guy."

Speaking of the bad guy, I'd pay to see a CM Punk/Scott Hall feud in some bleak future where we live in a world where Scott Hall is still alive and CM Punk is crazy enough to wrestle him.

RAW THOUGHTS - 12/20/10
Photo - WWE.com

- CM Punk's commentary. For example, him calling John Cena's chair stunt on Barrett "cruel and unusual punishment" was so bang on it's not even funny (it is though because I laughed). Or, to Natalya: "Did one of the Harts just call me crazy?" Or when he kept reprimanding John Cena for his actions. Even when he went "what is going on?" during the fat joke battle, because when he wonders that aloud, I fully believe it's just the truth and he doesn't know what's going on, as if he's an old man that just stumbled behind the booth and put on a headset.
- CM Punk's attack on John Cena. He was going off on him on commentary for so long that when he finally clobbered Cena with that chair, I felt pretty damn satisfied. His reasoning for it (as mentioned above) is genius, and 100% logical. This feud is going to dance in my dreams like visions of sugarplums for hopefully MONTHS.
- The Austin crowd. They were losing their shit the whole night. I can't stress enough how much more fun it is to watch any wrestling show when the crowd is throwing Cody Rhodes' tantrums of joy for everything that happens.
- Daniel Bryan vs. William Regal. Just seeing these two guys walk out to the ring erased the fact that I just watched Alicia Fox and Melina tickle each other for three minutes. What followed was a fantastic match that saw holds and exchanges (European uppercut trading? Mat wrestling? COME ON BAYBAYY) that Monday Night RAW has maybe NEVER seen. What followed that, however, was such a weird scene. So we saw a brilliant, rough, technical bout between a mentor and his pupil, followed by a man being mouth raped by twins with Michael Cole shouting "kiss them! kiss the girls!" into his headset like a horny freshman. ... weird.
- Randy Orton speaking like wrestling's Christian Bale. He can be so breathy and creepy and low-voiced, and pervertedly interested in the WWE Title. I love it.
- The short and super fun mixed tag match. Maryse forcing Santino to Cobra himself was gold. Or, if you're a tag team champion like Santino is, copper.
- LOFL AT THAT CENA WALKING SEGMENT. Accepting flowers, giving them to some girl, taking a drink of some drink, CM Punk going "FLOWERS?!" - why is this RAW so awesome?! Is there a gas leak in here??!?!
- John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler. GREAT match with a crowd that was rioting throughout the entire thing, thanks Vickie Guerrero drawing more heat than maybe ever before. Vickie Guerrero heat might actually real life scientific heat within the building it's so intense. Lawler and Cena were slaying with their fat jokes (let's all laugh at the fat girl!), and Punk's frustration was boiling under his skin. The actual match itself was awesome, and not unlike the Cena/Swagger match that happened some year or two ago on RAW when Swagger was ECW Champ. The action was totally different, but it felt so similar to me in that Cena was taken to the limit by a young guy on the cusp of the main event.
- Part of me is starting to love that Sheamus thinks everything is pathetic.
- Main event six man tag. I don't know what it is, but I love watching 61 year old Jerry Lawler wrestle. I also love watching Randy Orton Angle Slam people, and you can feel people in attendance go... "Angle... slam? hurr?".
- I could go on and on, but really, I just had a fun time watching this show, which is all I ask from the thing that so often take's out it's wiener and slaps me in the face for liking it.

- Opening segment. The ghosts of Christmas whenever thing was... uh... weird. Were we supposed to believe that Miz set that up? To help illustrate his hate for Orton? Or Riley set it up to surprise Miz? Or... were we just supposed to think that this is a skit we're watching and writers wrote it and wrestling's fake who cares go to sleep.
- Whatever happened in that Divas' triple threat match. Pretty sure Alicia and Melina did about twenty seconds of "k you go here no no here yeah k now get me, no i get you" WHAT THE FUCK.
- Tony Atlas' dream segment with Tamina stepping all over Santino. This was bizarre. And if you don't get the Tony Atlas joke, download the December 13th podcast of Right After Wrestling. Yeah.
- The whole cutting between like three or more backstage vignettes IN A ROW that they've never done before until this year. They're so weird. It makes it feel a billion times more like a sitcom. We're just missing the three second guitar riff and drum fill that divides scenes in Friends.
- Cena dancing and singing. I wish they just cut to the The We Hate Cena guy nodding knowingly.
- HAHA WTF. I think we needed some kind of identifying word in there. "As far as tonight is concerned… The King is DEAD. LONG LIVE THE … KING!!"
- I would say I hated John Cena's comedy routine tonight, but I can't. Because it's all a part of what fuels CM Punk's rage against Cena (much like the rage much of the IWC feels when Cena does his goofy shtick). He's either insufferably goofy or filled with preacher-voice violent rage. And CM Punk is here to put a stop to all of that. Fucking. Sweet.


  1. I was at that RAW, and oh my goodness it was loud when Vickie tried to speak. It was fairly amazing.

  2. 'The King is dead, long live the King' is a popular phrase used by monarchies during transition of rulership.

  3. Well aren't you smart with all of your booky books and historical knowledge?!

    ... I feel shame.