Monday, February 28, 2011

02/25/11 SMACKDOWN REVIEW: NO RUMBLE! NO CHAMBER!

Cody Rhodes was a quote machine on Friday. I'm pretty sure whenever I'm upset about something from now on, I'm going to exclaim "NO RUMBLE NO CHAMBER!" and then kick the ropes and do a back bump.

Here are my thoughts from this past Friday's SmackDown. You can find these pretty much exact same words over at Fair To Flair, where you can also find the inaugural Fair To Flair Show, which features me and the rest of the FTF guys (Jason Mann of Wrestlespective, Razor of Kick-Out!! and K. Sawyer Paul of Footnotes of Wrestling) talking about what we want out of the new site, what offends you in pro wrestling, WrestleMania XXVII, and a lot more, including the words "boobies" and "dink" as being said by me, burned into the Internet forever.

SMACKDOWN 02/25/11
LIKED
Photo - WWE.com

THE FATHER/SON SET-UP

Don't you love seeing a father and son bonding over a Rey Mysterio beatdown? I know I do! There's too many things I liked about this to mention BUT HERE I GO ANYWAY:


- Dusty's forehead looking like a quilt after decades of blading.

- Cody Rhodes looking like Horace Grant with his protective mask.

- Dusty calling his son by his full name.

- Cody saying "… everyone is staring at me."


ALL AMAZING. And then there's the attack itself, which went on way longer than I expected. Cody beat the crap out of Rey Mysterio to the point where he may need surgery five times on his left knee. Rubbing his face on the grate was good. Chucking him into the digital mirror was great. Unmasking him and kicking him in his BARE FACE was awesome. This is my favourite angle on SmackDown right now, with the Kelly Kelly/Drew McIntyre "will they won't they" relationship as a close second.


VICKIE GUERRERO NEEDS YOUR HELP

When I watched Edge raise the roof and Teddy Long do his Tom Cruise dance and everyone laugh and point at Vickie Guerrero for being fired, I tried to picture how I'd feel if I was watching this as a 12-year old, and I'm pretty sure I'd be doing a jig around my living room (until my dad saw me, which at that point I'd change the channel and talk about hockey). Vickie begging everyone for help and just getting laughed at was awesome. I hope she comes back somehow. Maybe not as an authority figure of some kind, because that's pretty much run it's course. But if she could come back and make Kelly Kelly cry again, I'd be up for that.


BIG SHOW… ANGRYYYY

My favourite kind of Big Show: angry babyface who chucks jobbers around like one of those pet monkeys who escaped it's owner and ripped the neighbours' hands and faces off. He also gets a plus for wearing the kind of jacket that every dad in my hometown wears. And the Pam Beasley scream he let out wasn't so bad either. Either way, I prefer my Big Show mad and dominating as opposed to goofy or heel and slow.


Honourable Mention: Wrestling. I wasn't glued to the action or anything, but it was all mostly pretty fun. Kane and Rey had a good opener that led to the angle of the night, Swagger and Kofi had a short, but solid match, and Vickie Guerrero got speared by Kelly Kelly. Kelly Kelly also kicked her match off with a Kenny Omega-like step dance. I've talked a lot about Kelly Kelly. Next time I'll talk this much about Kevin Kelly.


SMACKDOWN 02/25/11
DISLIKED
Photo - WWE.com

NARRATIVE OF CONVENIENCE

The WWE love to change the rules to fit whatever finish they've concocted up. And I, being the nerd that I am, am going to whine about it on the internet.


Fellow Fair To Flair contributor K. Sawyer Paul likes to call this the "Narrative of Convenience." Let me explain: Barrett and Show are on the outside and the count is around seven. Barrett slides back in the ring, halfway under the bottom rope, until Show grabs his leg and pulls him back out. Normally, that would break the count. But this time, Big Show just slid back in the ring and won by countout a second later. It's weird that they could've done this any number of ways without ignoring rules that have been in place for fucking ever (citation needed), and I'm left writing a paragraph about it like a sweaty dork.


WADE BARRETT'S PUNCHES

For a guy who's gimmick is a "bare-knuckle brawler," Barrett's punches look like the front crawl or something. They're really big and lumbering and make me not think he could actually win a "bare-knuckle brawl." Maybe a Brawl For All.


LAST MINUTE DEL RIO APPEARANCE

I wonder if this feud will ever become more than what it is right now. As it stands, I feel like I've seen the same clip a few weeks in a row, with Del Rio attacking Edge and slapping on the armbar. That's cool and all, and I love simple feuds where a guy just straight-up wants something another guy has, whether it's a title, a briefcase or Terri Runnels as your personal slave. But part of me feels like this could get a little more heat behind it. Having Del Rio attack Edge just before the credits roll, after not appearing on the entire show before that, doesn't seem like the best way.


Honourable Mention: I'm still mad about Tough Enough, stop reminding me that I'll be seeing Miss USA instead of Austin Aries and Joey Ryan.


Hey WWE, you might want to stock up on guys like Aries and Ryan. These are the kind of guys who have the same kind of dedication, talent and experience as guys like Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, and SO ON do, who are all dropping like flies. But no. You went with Rima Fakih. Thanks for that one.


And while I'm at it, I sure wish SmackDown would create some of it's own "can't miss" awesome moments like The Rock calling John Cena a kind of cereal or Triple H politely asking The Undertaker to suck him, instead of just replaying ones that happen on Raw for me to see. I'm definitely not taking away how sweet both of those moments were, and I completely understand why they get replayed on all the other shows… but let's get Del Rio doing something besides working Edge's arm for a series of weeks, and I'll be happy.

Friday, February 25, 2011

THE 2/22 ROH VIDEOWIRE: PREVIEWING THE 9TH ANNIVERSARY SHOW

This weekend, Ring of Honor is celebrating their 9th anniversary with two shows - tonight in Dayton, and tomorrow in Chicago (and live on iPPV) for their actual 9th Anniversary Show. Both cards are pretty stacked, and considering that in the past while they've lost Kevin Steen, Austin Aries, Tyler Black, Delirious, Necro Butcher and others, that is impressive. Here's what's in the final VideoWire before the big event on Saturday.

ROH 02/22/11 VIDEOWIRE
PREVIEWING THE 9TH ANNIVERSARY SHOW

IN THIS VIDEO
- ROH World Champion Roderick Strong seals his promo with a kiss.
- Christopher Daniels and Eddie Edwards put over the importance of being a champion in Ring of Honor. Their match on Saturday will no doubt be a highlight for the weekend.
- The Kings of Wrestling don't think Kenny King is "tough enough" to hang with the ROH World Tag Team Champions.
- Rhett Titus and Kenny King, the All Night Express, RAP THEIR PROMO. NOT EVEN JOKING. DYING OVER HERE. Titus has got FLOW.
- Steve Corino turning over a new leaf. I love this story. Seeing Corino struggling to be the ultimate good guy is both hilarious, and maybe something that hasn't really been done before (someone will probably correct me on that). His "I can have a five star match... if you give me a two star curve" comment cracked me up. So did his teasing of the thumb in the bum. That really... cracked... me up. I hate myself.
- Truth Martini and Michael Elgin speak. Truth Martini might be the most hate-able man in wrestling. Whenever I see him, I want to punch him in the face. Then, I stop to think about how great he is at being a heel and looking like a guy you want to punch in the face. But then I still want to punch him in the face. And I want to punch myself in the face for thinking about Truth Martini for this long.
- Homicide brings the real talk to Roderick Strong. He also says he might do the "Homicide Shuffle" with Colt Cabana in Chicago, but he could say anything and I'd be scared.

No sign of the Briscoes or Haas and Benjamin, but an entertaining twenty minutes nonetheless.

Here are the cards, hype and tweets for this weekend.

Friday, February 25th
DAYTON, OHIO - "WORLD'S GREATEST"
SIX MAN MAIN EVENT - "WORLD'S GREATEST" COLLIDE
ROH World Champion Roderick Strong
ROH World Tag Team Champions The Kings of Wrestling
VS.
Davey Richards
"Wrestling's Greatest Tag Team" Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin
TOP CONTENDERS COLLIDE
Homicide VS. El Generico
SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST FINALS REMATCH
Eddie Edwards VS. Kenny King
SPECIAL CHALLENGE
Michael Elgin VS. ROH World TV Champion Christopher Daniels
SPECIAL ATTRACTION #1
Jay Briscoe VS. Kyle O'Reilly
SPECIAL ATTRACTION #2
Mark Briscoe VS. "The Prodigy" Mike Bennett
FOUR CORNER SURVIVAL
Colt Cabana
VS.
Rhett Titus
VS.
Mike Mondo
VS.
Andy "Right Leg" Ridge
TAG TEAM ACTION
The Bravado Brothers VS. Steve Corino & Grizzly Redwood

Saturday, February 26th
CHICAGO RIDGE, IL - "9TH ANNIVERSARY SHOW"
ROH WORLD TITLE MATCH - NO HOLDS BARRED BARRIO STREET FIGHT
Roderick Strong defends VS. Homicide
ROH WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
"The Kings of Wrestling" Chris Hero & Claudio Castagnoli
defend VS.
"The All Night Express" Rhett Titus & Kenny King
ROH WORLD TV CHAMPIONSHIP - 2/3 FALLS
Christopher Daniels defends VS. Eddie Edwards
FIRST TIME EVER - DREAM TAG TEAM MATCH
"The Briscoes" Jay & Mark
VS.
"Wrestling's Greatest Tag Team" Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin
SPECIAL ATTRACTION
Colt Cabana VS. Davey Richards
SPECIAL CHALLENGE MATCH
Michael Elgin VS. El Generico
WOMEN OF HONOR
Sara Del Rey VS. MsChif
FOUR CORNER SURVIVAL
Steve Corino
VS.
Kyle O'Reilly
VS.
Grizzly Redwood
VS.
"The Prodigy" Mike Bennett

TWEETS FOR THIS WEEKEND'S SHOWS

And finally, here are five reasons why you should order this show:

1. ROH's track record. They have literally never let me down when ordering one of their iPPVs.
2. Tag Team Wrestling. Two of the potential best matches on this card are tag team matches. You don't get that anywhere else.
3. GoFightLive allows you to watch at anytime. So even if you're someone who's looking to watch UFC that night, you can still get 9th Anniversary Show as soon as the next day (usually).
4. Christopher Daniels vs. Eddie Edwards. Their match at Supercard of Honor V was a phenomenal showcase of technical wrestling. It was one of those matches that makes you forget the pro wrestling is two guys cooperating, not two guys trying to out-wrestle each other. This match has the potential to steal the entire weekend to me.
5. There is selling.

This last point is a rebuttal to my good buddy TH over at The Wrestling Blog. He has been doing a series of posts titled "Intro to Match Analysis," and the latest one is all about selling. TH has this to say:

"Whenever I see a match featuring Shingo Tagaki or Davey Richards, and all they do is kick the other guy, take kicks and move around like nothing's wrong, it only reinforces that vile, four-lettered "f" word that haters of the artform bandy about like a sharp blade around the soft flesh of our fandom. Fake."

Now TH, we're still bros and all, but I can't help myself here.

I think a lot of people who write about wrestling on the internet have a list of keywords in their head when they watch wrestling. Where these keywords came from, I don't know. But typically these words are "storytelling," "psychology," and "selling." I think a lot of us love to use these words, and we also use these words incorrectly, probably because we just watch wrestling and that's it. I'm certainly not saying I know what these words mean more than anybody else, I don't. But I feel the need to defend Davey Richards and, similarly, ROH for a second.

I am not an authority on the matter AT ALL. I watch a lot of wrestling and love it and will be a fan until I die (probably of watching too much wrestling). I can watch Davey Richards and KENTA kick each other's faces off in a moment of "fighting spirit" and I can watch John Cena sell a stomp for forty-five seconds. The difference is that I see these two moments as two separate worlds.

I just see it as ROH (or Dragon Gate) putting themselves over as the "best wrestling in the world" and therefore you need to do more to their top guys to put them out. It's not a question of selling, it's a question of style. And if John Cena and Randy Orton started trading sequences of big moves like Roddy Strong hitting a Gutbuster, then a Sick Kick, then a Gibson Driver all in the span of three seconds, then yeah, that wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. It's the style of the promotion that drives the selling. To me. I don't know. Who the fuck am I to say. I've seen Rich Franklin knock Chuck Liddell out with a broken arm without flinching, so who knows what amount of selling is enough or not enough to make any kind of pro wrestling seem "real."

I feel dumber for writing this. But, I'd like to hear what TH has to say. I know he's a fan of ROH (and I turned this into an ROH-related argument only because he mentioned Davey, and I'm talking 9th Anniversary stuff here), although this seems to be more directed at Dragon Gate, which has the volume turned up even more on the "unbelievable" style of wrestling/selling/whatever you want to call it.

Anyway, with that said... E-FIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHT!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

2/21/11 RAW REVIEW: ON FAIR TO FLAIR

You can now read my thoughts on RAW (in a very simple "woo" vs. "boo" format) over at Fair To Flair. That's where most of my posts will be ending up. I thought of posting the review here in it's entirety as well, but you know that I'm way too lazy to do that. But, for fun, here's a preview of the things I say at FTF:

"Seriously though. Michael Cole calling out Jerry Lawler’s DEAD FOR ONLY A WEEK AND A DAY MOTHER was exactly the kind of crazy insensitive shit I want to see on my TV. I’m sure there are marks and smarks and whatever other words we can end in “arks” that are pulling their hair out over how wrong it is to bring up someone’s dead mother or someone else’s children or whatever the FRIG else - it’s what wrestling was practically founded on and I love it. Let’s get crazy unforgivably real and watch people fake-beat-each-other-up over it—it’s wrestling at it’s goddamned finest."

Other site notes: Elimination Chamber prediction results will be up shortly. I don't know if I'll do a review. I feel kinda weird doing one after doing a RAW review. And I don't want to waste any time that could be used watching Triple H crotch chop in slow motion.

BE FAIR TO FLAIR

I think I'm the last of the four of us to post this on our individual blogs, but Jason Mann of Wrestlespective, K. Sawyer Paul of Footnotes of Wrestling and Razor of Kick-Out!! are all joining forces and bringing you Fair To Flair. Why? Well, to be honest, I couldn't put it better than Jason did in the site's introduction. I'm PUMPED you guys. There will be articles, podcasts and a quarterly for purchase. This is the most grown-up thing I've done in my life and it's about fake fighting in your underwear, so that should give you a glimpse into my existence.

I'll still be posting here as well, much of which will also appear on Fair To Flair. My RAW review is one of those things (which will be up tomorrow morning).

If you are interested in pro wrestling discussion that isn't about news and scoops, or ratings and rumours, or spoilers and unjust cynicism, then look no further than Fair To Flair. If you like hyperbole and caps lock, then just stay here, because I have more of that than you could fit in a BILLION MATT HARDY TUMMIES LOL. See?

So always remember, be Fair To Flair.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

WWE PPV PREDICTION GAME: ELIMINATION CHAMBER

Standings will be updated soon to reflect the Royal Rumble results. Post your picks in the comment section below.

WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER (EVENT #9)
PICK DEADLINE: SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 20TH - 7:59:59 P.M. (EASTERN TIME)

There are five matches announced for Sunday. You have the numbers 1-5 to assign as confidence points to your picks - if your prediction is correct, you earn that number of points. You cannot use the same number twice. Any match added DURING the PPV will not count.

Also, with there being one open spot in the SmackDown Elimination Chamber match, if you can correctly predict who will replace Dolph Ziggler to fill that spot, you'll earn one bonus point.

And, just to be clear, you can predict the winner of the SmackDown Elimination Chamber match to just be "Dolph's replacement" or "the mystery entrant" or whatever. The bonus point is for correctly predicting who that'll be.

RAW ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH
John Cena
VS.
Randy Orton
VS.
King Sheamus
VS.
John Morrison
VS.
R-Truth
VS.
CM Punk

SMACKDOWN ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH
Edge (c)
VS.
Rey Mysterio
VS.
Wade Barrett
VS.
Kane
VS.
Drew McInture
VS.
???
WHO WILL BE THE MYSTERY ENTRANT?:

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
The Miz (c) VS. Jerry "The King" Lawler

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov
VS.
Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel

SINGLES MATCH
Kofi Kingston VS. Alberto Del Rio

PIZZABODYSLAM'S PICKS
WHO WILL BE THE MYSTERY ENTRANT?: Christian
5 - Alberto Del Rio
4 - John Cena
3 - The Miz
2 - Edge
1 - Santino/Kozlov

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

HOW FAR DO YOU WANT YOUR CURTAIN PULLED BACK?


That sounds kind of strange, and I'm sure Triple H could twist that into a kayfabe-breaking gay joke, but it's a serious question. How much do you let yourself know?

I've been completely burnt out on writing about wrestling for the past few days, and tonight I'm just going to watch some wrestling for the sake of watching wrestling and not to dissect and ruin it for myself. But this question just came to me, and I'm curious as to what people say.

For the longest time (I don't know how long, but long) it seemed that if you were a wrestling fan and had the Internet, you would want to know everything. I was definitely one of those people. I wanted to read every spoiler, every shoot interview, and seek out every single morsel of information about how wrestling works - how do matches get put together? How much do they call in the ring? What is calling it in the ring? Is Stone Cold really going to shoot Vince McMahon in the head on live television because I pissed my pants before Vince did. TELL ME EVERYTHING.

If you want to know something about the inner workings of wrestling, you can find it pretty easily on the Internet. That is cool. But only if you want to know that stuff.

I've come to the point where I don't want to know stuff. I want to keep the magic untouched and unmolested and unruined, so I can still watch wrestling and get the feelings it gave me when I was eleven. Lance Storm (who I site like a peer-reviewed journal on here) has said in many Q & A's on his blog that he doesn't want to reveal certain aspects of the business in order to protect it - even though he'll answer pretty much anything out of kayfabe. One person asked how near falls are best used int matches, and Lance said he wouldn't say. I like that there's some stuff we'll never know. Or if it does come out, I don't want to know it, so I'm going to go put on my Vader mask backwards and plug my ears until it's safe to stop.

How about you though? Do you keep things from yourself? If a spoiler on a dirtsheet comes up, do you click on it? Or do you avoid it in hopes of keeping some part of the magic of wrestling in tact. Whether it's a storyline spoiler or a taping spoiler or even a small note on why something happened during a match - they're all called a spoiler for a reason. They spoil wrestling (er, well, that's how I see it anyway).

It's a hard balance. I like reading about wrestling because I love it so much, but I don't want to take away what makes it great. But on the other hand, knowing more about the inner workings of a match can make you enjoy wrestling on a whole other level, which once again makes it one of the strangest and most unique forms of entertainment ever. Take Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker from WrestleMania XXV. In kayfabe, the point of a wrestling match is that the guys are supposed to hurt each other and try and win. But when Undertaker takes a nosedive over the top rope and accordions himself on his own head, you start to wonder if he's really hurt. This adds a whole other layer of drama to this match, where if you weren't aware of wrestling being "fake," you wouldn't understand.

Same for spotting things like guys calling things on the fly, or blading in a way that you could never, ever catch them. Those weird little things can make a match more interesting and more fun to watch, so there are pros to knowing more than the "average" fan.

Clearly, I'm on the fence. I have things I like knowing, and things I never want to know. What about you?

And if this is the first time you found out that wrestling is fake, I'm sorry. My grade three teacher had to apologize to me for saying Santa wasn't real, so I'll apologize to you. Thanks, Mr. Mac. Fuck.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

02/14/11 RAW REVIEW: FINALLY

If you are a regular reader of my blog (or maybe just a reader), you probably know by now that this isn't a place you come for up to the minute news, results and scoopz. Which is why it's Tuesday afternoon and I still haven't written a lick about The Rock returning last night on RAW.

Why even write anything? I would feel completely stupid writing about that. I'm pretty sure moments like that are just the kind you leave alone and let your 11-year-old self take over your body to get embarrassingly giddy on the couch. There is literally no reason to write about that show.

But here I go anyway because I apparently have a physical dependancy on wrestling.

MONDAY NIGHT RAW 02/14/11
LIKED...
Photo - WWE.com

FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK FOR JOHN CENA
It's taken me all of last night and all of today to figure out what to even say about The Rock. I could go on and on about how awesome it was to see him back on WWE TV. Or I could post entirely in caps to illustrate how much I marked out (I marked out in a much less cool way though. I'm pretty sure I just sat there and held my glowing face. What a nerd.). Or I could just stop writing about wrestling because those are the moments that make me want to just watch and never think past what I just saw.

Instead, I want to point out the best thing of it all - the impending face-to-face meeting between The Rock and John Cena. I want this to get fucking REAL. It's just been teased so far. People are likening this showdown to Hogan/Rock from nine years ago (holy fuck nine years). I agree.

I don't have anything to say. I have nothing to offer of intellect or insight or expertise or even humour. I'm just legitimately excited.

DANIEL BRYAN VS. THE MIZ
Match of the night. Bryan's little nod to the US Title, the belt he's yet to lose after taking it from the Miz, was awesome. There is so much there for a WWE Title feud it's not even funny. They have as good of a history (if not better) than Miz and Morrison. I want to see this. But I know that we won't, so I'll leave it at that.

The match itself was fantastic. As Mauro Ranallo put it, it's incredible that even with a silly gimmick where he is the "geek" boyfriend of several catfighting women, he can still get over with workrate alone. His bump onto the apron made me into a worrying mother. His sunset powerbomb to Miz from the top made me into a fucking believer that he could win. I don't think Miz has a better opponent than Daniel Bryan. I love the Miz, but when he opposes Bryan, I hate his STINKIN' guts. Well done.

JOHN CENA VS. CM PUNK
I've hit my maximum capacity for John Cena, "WWE Spokesperson." And I'll explain that more in a second. So when CM Punk interrupts Cena, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders (like I FU'd my feelings!). I love a heated, divided crowd where all the deep voices want CM Punk to win and all the high voices want John Cena to win. That helped this match big time. Fun start to the show, and good revenge for Punk after getting a Chyna-like low blow from Cena last week for no discernible reason.

Honourable Mention: The Miz cutting a promo on Jerry Lawler. And Eve's gravity-defying surfboard counter. And Orton/Sheamus. And John Morrison's never-ending beatdown of Michael McGuillicutty. And Dolph Ziggler being World Champion. There really wasn't a whole lot to hate about last night's show. And even if there was, The Rock used his TV-14 catchphrase voodoo power to wipe our minds clean!

MONDAY NIGHT RAW 02/14/11
DISLIKED...

THE INCESSANT GIGGLING
I can't even write about Michael Cole and his stupid giggling without raising my blood pressure. Maybe this is WWE's way of telling us not to watch so much WWE and we'll enjoy it more. Because if you look at it out of context, 4-7 hours a week of Michael Cole full-volume shouting at you and incessantly giggling is a torture no sane person would subject themselves to. BUT WE ALL DO. GODDAMN.

THE NEW NEXUS
They are bringing CM Punk down. I don't care about a youth movement or whatever, there's plenty of other young guys that are doing way better than these orange turds. They make me think about how wrestling is fake every time I see them. Mason Ryan stepping in the ring doing his twinkle-toes jiggle-in-place thing just to accept a weak beatdown from John Morrison and R-Truth was puzzling to watch. David Otunga and Michael McGuillicutty should be able to divert my attention just by being connected to Jennifer Hudson and Mr. Perfect, but instead all I can think of is Otunga's lip-biting and McGuillicutty's literally unbelievable promo on NXT.

JOHN CENA CAN STOP BEING A SPOKESPERSON NOW
I don't need John Cena to get me hyped for WrestleMania like he's Jeremy Borash telling the Impact Zone what to chant. He can just be concerned with his matches and who he's mad at and who he wants to fight. Because when he comes out and cuts a promo about Valentine's Day and the hottest deals you can find on WWE.com or whatever, I tend to forget that the Miz eliminated him from the Royal Rumble, the thing that he wanted to win so bad oh he didn't win he doesn't care anymore but Valentine's Day is here so let's talk about that. derp.

I like John Cena. I just want him to make me care about what he's supposed to care about and stop promoting things for the sake of promoting them. Maybe now that The Rock is here and has called him out, he can focus on that. It should be the realest shit to him, considering he's been calling Rock out for years now. Let's pray for some serious back and forth between these two, and not John Cena talking about The Rock like he's trying to sell his latest DVD.

Honourable Mention: Alberto Del Rio and Edge. I love both of these guys (er, more so Del Rio right now). And this is more of just a hope than a hate kind of thing. I want something more out of this feud, and I'm sure it'll come. I just felt like I watched a segment that's already happened when Edge came out and was like, "oh yeah, I got something to say, y'know what it is? PUNCH IN THE FACE!!!" maybe because that happens a lot. I just have high hopes for these two guys and I hope they can follow through.

Friday, February 11, 2011

HOLY DAMNIT I LOVE TWITTER

Sometimes, Twitter, I despise you. You suck me in for hours at a time. And if I've got tumblr and email and YouTube all rockin' tabs at the same time, it's like a gang of sweaty dorks beating me into Internet submission.

But then there are times like this where I thank Bret Hart for bringing us into the Computer Age:


WOW. The image of X-Pac in full gear "throwing a few women" in the shower and ordering them to shave their pubic hair before he let's them X-Factor him makes me fall down laughing.

PIZZABODY SLAM ON THE FOOTNOTES OF WRESTLING PODCAST

Listen to me and K Sawyer Paul of Footnotes of Wrestling talk about wrestling for over an hour (or you could plan your day more reasonably and listen to just a bit of it, because holy crap c'mon what). Click here to listen to the episode.

We talk about a lot of things, including:
- The impossible task of being a writer for a wrestling show
- Wrestlers as both the actor and the character in a story
- The WCW World Title being vacated eleventy billion times
- We mention Toronto a lot
- I read aloud the most offensively hilarious tweet by Kevin Nash and immediately regret it

Definitely check it out, and make sure to subscribe on iTunes.

Also, in case you missed it, I'm on tumblr now too. I can't talk about wrestling in enough different ways apparently. Maybe I'll just start postering telephone poles with top ten lists of my all-time favourite dropkicks or something.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

AWESOME VINCE MCMAHON & STEVE AUSTIN ANIMATION

My buddy Mike (World Champion of Something) sent this over to me this morning. He's a teacher's assistant, and a student in his animation class made this awesome video. Try and not laugh.


This project gets a grade A... can of whoop ass! Hahaha... hahaha... ha.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

02/07/11 RAW REVIEW: RYAN VS. TRUTH l

Here's what I thought of the RAW that emanated from somewhere in Wisconsin.

MONDAY NIGHT RAW 02/07/11
LIKED...
Photo - WWE.com

REAL THINGS!
It's the real things that make wrestling exciting. Do you think that opening segment would've been anywhere near as exciting had Punk not been busted open? When something happens that isn't supposed to, my ears perk up like a startled deer. Even when R-Truth forgot where he was (pretty mawnin' time?) and everyone made fun of him for the rest of the show, it made the entire night more entertaining. If these two things didn't happen, I feel like I would've been bored out of my skoll (that's me saying "skull" the way Randy Orton says it).

ALBERTO DEL RIO VS. SANTINO MARELLA
Two of my favourite guys wrestling over a really simple conflict from the Royal Rumble. There was nothing not to like about this. Also, Santino has somehow made it impossible for himself to not be over. He can be a total punchline and lose every match, but since that's his character, the crowd doesn't seem to care. Also, after a night of three Nexus matches, I accidentally cheered out loud when Del Rio came out, because he is, y'know, not completely boring.

BRYAN/LAWLER VS. MIZ/DIBIASE
I also liked how they set this match up with The King and The Miz going back and forth, but not as much as I liked the actual match. I also liked not having to see the Bellas (who are heel now so they do their sexy hip sway taunt with a MEAN FACE) when I see Daniel Bryan. Turns out that he can be exciting without the distraction of two skanks going "c'moon Dan-yullll... c'mon Dan-yull.." in weird unison.

Honourable Mention: Continuity. Mentioning Orton and Punk's past was a nice touch. But I also feel like rewarding WWE for remembering something they did and followed up on is dumb. It's like when people applaud when your plane lands.

MONDAY NIGHT RAW 02/07/11
DISLIKED...
Photo - WWE.com

MASON RYAN VS. R-TRUTH VS. MILWAUKEE
To be totally honest, when I started watching last night, I was wasn't planning on writing about the show. I just felt like watching it. Then this happened, and I swear to God, it played out like one of those old Wrestling Observer recaps of WCW Nitro 2000. Allow me to take a stab at it:

"Mason Ryan is in the ring and Michael Cole throws to a video of himself explaining why all the New Nexus members are in singles matches against the participants of the Elimination Chamber match. R-Truth is Ryan's opponent and he comes out and says "GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN - WHAT'S UP?!" and they're in Milwaukee. The crowd boos. Michael Cole starts burying R-Truth for getting the name wrong. R-Truth goes for the leapfrog off the corner to hop over Ryan, but he doesn't get all the way up and they just kind of collide. The crowd starts chanting "Milwaukee." After they die down, Michael Cole tries to get it started again by standing up and turning around and chanting it to no avail. Mason Ryan body slams R-Truth into the ropes three times. Ryan awkwardly applies the Brock Lock and wins. He then goes to get a chair, but the referee stops him and takes the chair away and throws it away twice with literally no struggle. Mason Ryan is like two Batista's stuffed into one body, and he had that chair snatched away from him twice by a scrawny ref. He goes in the ring and puts on that awkward Brock Lock again, and makes it more awkward by standing up with R-Truth dangling off of him, and doing almost a pelvic thrust type maneuver. The referee disqualifies Ryan after he already won and now R-Truth wins."

VINCE MCMAHON'S ANNOUNCEMENT
This was underwhelming in like ten ways. This was Vince's return to non-dream-sequence television for the first time in forever. And his announcement was an announcement... for an announcement! But, he gave us a hint. Since that guest host concept was so successful (read: not successful at all), we're getting one for WrestleMania. The live crowd was not too psyched about this, but who would be if a guy came out, essentially put down the Super Bowl (which your team just won), and announced that we'll get some sweet news next week. I couldn't believe that Vince looked surprised when people didn't go crazy for this. You'd think he'd have experience with making announcements since HE'S VINCE MCMAHON. I'm pretty sure he invented announcements (he didn't but I love hyperbole so much I want to marry it and tattoo it on my face forever infinity!!!!).

JOHN CENA
I can't even fully come up with a reason why. Maybe I was in a crabby mood. I just kind of felt my eyes glaze over when he did his "city of Milwaukee" promo. I don't think it's unreasonable to be a wrestling fan who writes about wrestling on the internet and not like it when John Cena leads an audience in a football cheer, punches CM Punk in the penis and beats everybody up with a steel chair.

Honourable Mention: The commentary. This has been said so many times it's barely worth mentioning. But sometimes I have one of those moments when I'm watching six women throwing themselves around the ring while Michael Cole is shouting about nothing and I wonder why the WWE think this is the best way to do it. Side note: if you watch Superstars after watching months of RAW and Michael Cole's infuriating, irrelevant commentary, your ears get this unmistakeable good feeling in them. It's because on Superstars, it's two jobbers (I mean this in the nicest way, as you'll see) wrestling each other, and because John Cena and The Miz aren't on this show, the announcers have no choice but to talk about the match. And because the two jobbers have no real storyline, they have no choice but to talk about the match. It's amazing to see WWE wrestling matches called as if they're just wrestling matches and nothing else. Watch this show and see what I mean.

The end!