Tuesday, February 15, 2011


If you are a regular reader of my blog (or maybe just a reader), you probably know by now that this isn't a place you come for up to the minute news, results and scoopz. Which is why it's Tuesday afternoon and I still haven't written a lick about The Rock returning last night on RAW.

Why even write anything? I would feel completely stupid writing about that. I'm pretty sure moments like that are just the kind you leave alone and let your 11-year-old self take over your body to get embarrassingly giddy on the couch. There is literally no reason to write about that show.

But here I go anyway because I apparently have a physical dependancy on wrestling.

Photo - WWE.com

It's taken me all of last night and all of today to figure out what to even say about The Rock. I could go on and on about how awesome it was to see him back on WWE TV. Or I could post entirely in caps to illustrate how much I marked out (I marked out in a much less cool way though. I'm pretty sure I just sat there and held my glowing face. What a nerd.). Or I could just stop writing about wrestling because those are the moments that make me want to just watch and never think past what I just saw.

Instead, I want to point out the best thing of it all - the impending face-to-face meeting between The Rock and John Cena. I want this to get fucking REAL. It's just been teased so far. People are likening this showdown to Hogan/Rock from nine years ago (holy fuck nine years). I agree.

I don't have anything to say. I have nothing to offer of intellect or insight or expertise or even humour. I'm just legitimately excited.

Match of the night. Bryan's little nod to the US Title, the belt he's yet to lose after taking it from the Miz, was awesome. There is so much there for a WWE Title feud it's not even funny. They have as good of a history (if not better) than Miz and Morrison. I want to see this. But I know that we won't, so I'll leave it at that.

The match itself was fantastic. As Mauro Ranallo put it, it's incredible that even with a silly gimmick where he is the "geek" boyfriend of several catfighting women, he can still get over with workrate alone. His bump onto the apron made me into a worrying mother. His sunset powerbomb to Miz from the top made me into a fucking believer that he could win. I don't think Miz has a better opponent than Daniel Bryan. I love the Miz, but when he opposes Bryan, I hate his STINKIN' guts. Well done.

I've hit my maximum capacity for John Cena, "WWE Spokesperson." And I'll explain that more in a second. So when CM Punk interrupts Cena, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders (like I FU'd my feelings!). I love a heated, divided crowd where all the deep voices want CM Punk to win and all the high voices want John Cena to win. That helped this match big time. Fun start to the show, and good revenge for Punk after getting a Chyna-like low blow from Cena last week for no discernible reason.

Honourable Mention: The Miz cutting a promo on Jerry Lawler. And Eve's gravity-defying surfboard counter. And Orton/Sheamus. And John Morrison's never-ending beatdown of Michael McGuillicutty. And Dolph Ziggler being World Champion. There really wasn't a whole lot to hate about last night's show. And even if there was, The Rock used his TV-14 catchphrase voodoo power to wipe our minds clean!


I can't even write about Michael Cole and his stupid giggling without raising my blood pressure. Maybe this is WWE's way of telling us not to watch so much WWE and we'll enjoy it more. Because if you look at it out of context, 4-7 hours a week of Michael Cole full-volume shouting at you and incessantly giggling is a torture no sane person would subject themselves to. BUT WE ALL DO. GODDAMN.

They are bringing CM Punk down. I don't care about a youth movement or whatever, there's plenty of other young guys that are doing way better than these orange turds. They make me think about how wrestling is fake every time I see them. Mason Ryan stepping in the ring doing his twinkle-toes jiggle-in-place thing just to accept a weak beatdown from John Morrison and R-Truth was puzzling to watch. David Otunga and Michael McGuillicutty should be able to divert my attention just by being connected to Jennifer Hudson and Mr. Perfect, but instead all I can think of is Otunga's lip-biting and McGuillicutty's literally unbelievable promo on NXT.

I don't need John Cena to get me hyped for WrestleMania like he's Jeremy Borash telling the Impact Zone what to chant. He can just be concerned with his matches and who he's mad at and who he wants to fight. Because when he comes out and cuts a promo about Valentine's Day and the hottest deals you can find on WWE.com or whatever, I tend to forget that the Miz eliminated him from the Royal Rumble, the thing that he wanted to win so bad oh he didn't win he doesn't care anymore but Valentine's Day is here so let's talk about that. derp.

I like John Cena. I just want him to make me care about what he's supposed to care about and stop promoting things for the sake of promoting them. Maybe now that The Rock is here and has called him out, he can focus on that. It should be the realest shit to him, considering he's been calling Rock out for years now. Let's pray for some serious back and forth between these two, and not John Cena talking about The Rock like he's trying to sell his latest DVD.

Honourable Mention: Alberto Del Rio and Edge. I love both of these guys (er, more so Del Rio right now). And this is more of just a hope than a hate kind of thing. I want something more out of this feud, and I'm sure it'll come. I just felt like I watched a segment that's already happened when Edge came out and was like, "oh yeah, I got something to say, y'know what it is? PUNCH IN THE FACE!!!" maybe because that happens a lot. I just have high hopes for these two guys and I hope they can follow through.

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