LISTEN TO ME ON WRESTLE SPECTIVE RADIO!

Last night, Jason Mann of WrestleSpective and myself recorded an interview for WrestleSpective Radio, and since he is ninja-fast, it's already online!

We talk about TONS of things, including how we each got into wrestling, why we're defending the new TNA title, 1997 WWF (and why I believe it's the greatest year in WWF history), how I'm on an ROH DVD cover and I slam Jeff Jarrett for no apparent reason at the end of it all! Sorry bud.

Definitely check it out, I had a blast doing it - thanks to Jason for having me as well.

In other WrestleSpective news, I've been missing out on the Power Poll for the last little while, but I should be back on track very soon.

So yeah. You can hear the interview here, and you can visit WrestleSpective here! Do those things.

SO LONG, SUNSHINE: WILLIAM REGAL TO RETIRE (SOON)

Which I guess is a headline you could do for anybody. "John Morrison to Retire (someday, probably)".

But William Regal did announce at the RAW house show from London's O2 Arena that this current tour of the UK would likely be his last, as you can see for yourself in this video (originally found on Arda Ocal of Right After Wrestling's Twitter):

What may be the saddest thing (to me at least... I get emotional when wrestlers retire, okay?!/?!) is how close Regal was to the main event right before his second wellness strike. He was the King of the Ring, he was the RAW GM, and he was doing crazy shit like pulling RAW off the air and turning the lights off in the main events and generally drawing some serious heat. It really seemed like he was on his way to a legitimate push towards the World Title picture.

I had no idea of his struggle with drugs earlier in his career until I watched the McMahon DVD a few weeks ago. In the extras, Regal explains how fucked up he was when he started with the WWF and how Vince essentially turned his life around for him by firing him, and always offering a spot back in the company (and maybe he got him into rehab too, I kinda forget). Either way it's a really powerful interview that shows a side of him I'd never seen before. Well, obviously. I guess he wouldn't just show up on RAW after drinking Jericho's urine and be like, "ah yes, clean urine... I once had clean urine..." and break down crying.

Regal's done so much in his career it's fucking crazy. He's been wrestling for 27 years, won over 60 titles around the world and had a big hand in training the best wrestler in the world (not Skip Sheffield). He's also been one of the best stiff-looking, but not actually stiff-wrestling wrestlers ever, as evidenced in this match against Lance Storm where he goes absolutely batshit crazy, but Storm has mentioned on his website that he didn't feel a thing (if I remember correctly).

I hope he gets some kind of sweet sendoff. Maybe tearing the house down with Daniel Bryan, or getting some kind of title shot... whatever it is, I hope it's not taking a way-too-obvious blade job from Triple H, because that's been done already.

Here's to the reigning King of the Ring. Let's hope that once you do retire, you'll be just making Bryan Danielson clones in FCW. Instead of the default SVR CAW clones they've been churning out. We gotta change that clone setting. It's killing me. Killing. Me.

OKAY, WHO CAN MAKE THE BEST JOKE ABOUT THE NEW TNA WORLD TITLE?

Is this real life?

Really.

I'm a little late to the joke-party, but this new belt seems to be the billionth punchline to the forever-running joke that is TNA.

New TNA World Title recipe:

1 part Divas Championship

1 part World of Warcraft commemorative plate

4 parts sheriff badges

Fold in Jeff Hardy's armbands, let simmer for IWC to make fun of

11/08/10 RAW REVIEW: RAW VS. CONAN

Whenever I disappear for a month or so, I always have a hard time of getting back into the swing of things and shaking off the ring rust. Just yesterday I almost posted a blog that was about Tommy Dreamer posting pictures of his deformed penis on Twitter, but then I thought better of myself. These are the things I struggle with every day.

But last night I watched RAW, and that provided enough of a spark for me to get back on track and make "hilarious" observations and comments about professional wrestling today!

MONDAY NIGHT RAW - 11/08/10

LIKE: THE TEA PARTY

DISLIKE: THE WRESTLING

Photo - WWE.com

Well that seems totally back-asswards, doesn't it? Normally I hate the hokey comedy and just want more wrestling... turns out Santino is way the fuck funnier than David Otunga is a good wrestler (he's not a good wrestler).

Before I get to the Like/Dislike, I should mention that I missed the 9:00 airing of RAW and tuned into the replay at midnight. Well, I actually tuned in a few minutes in as I was watching the Conan season premiere, but I managed to flip over once in time to see John Cena reading an novelty-sized scroll, lol'd, then flipped back. Conan went to commercial and I flipped back to RAW in time to see John Cena shove David Otunga onto his bottom, and I lol'd again. I think it's fair to say that I made the right choice in my television viewing. Although I am curious if Cena was announcing a GHC Jr. Heavyweight Championship match or something.

I then wondered if I should do a "Flipping Between RAW and Conan" review each week by just catching the replay of RAW, kind of like what I did with Impact, but less funny (Conan is hilarious, but Impact... I mean c'mon).

LIKED

- Santino's Tea Party. Santino is essentially crazy over for being a stand-up comedian, it's incredible. His "ginger" tea line killed. If he could wrestle half as good as he cracks people up, he'd be WWE Champion. This, combined with Vladmir Kozlov's bowler hat and Sheamus' reactions made this the best segment of the night.

- Josh Matthews' "6 Divas, 1 cup" line. Sneaky.

- One time I just want Michael Cole to be like, "If I could have your attention please... I have just received an email from Triple H-- I MEAN THE RAW GM!! DAMNIT."

- Tyson Kidd's big somersault-plancha-to-hurricanrana on the outside.

- Natalya: "we're a family!!"

- The clip of the NXT wedding. That was better than most of what's happened on this show.

- Goldust can still go like a golden retriever out there. I wish I had a better joke to put in there but I don't. He's still the man. I love that he's actually in a feud right now. Seeing him lined up with his dad and brother on NXT was awesome, I hope there's something they can do together - a Cody/Goldust feud would probably cripple me emotionally for all of the touching moments it would have until Cody snaps and says he's ashamed of his older brother or something.

- lofl. Cena wins line of the night with the "CAB'S AH HERE" on his way up the ramp. Quoting Jersey Shore on your wrestling show - fine with me. Inviting Jersey Shore to your wrestling show - not so much.

- IS JOHN CENA REALLY BACKSTAGE JUST WATCHING WRESTLEMANIA COMMERCIALS?!?? LOFL. There was a little smile on his face after it ended, like he just does this to make himself feel better. Holy hell.

- The Miz and how he's getting some crazy reactions lately. Michael Cole and Alex Riley's giddy hug was pretty awesome too.

- Mark Henry getting fired up and forgetting that Husky Harris weighs a billion pou--DOESN'T MATTER HE SLAMMED HIM ANYWAY.

- Daniel Bryan is the saving grace of every episode of RAW.

- The main event. But sadly, I think the only reason it was god was because of how brutal the rest of the wrestling was.

- Seeds planted for Miz/Orton.

DISLIKED

- The wrestling. And this show. It sucked a big dink. And guess what - the crowd thought so too! Because they were as lifeless as Vince McMahon in a coma (real version, not dream version). The Divas match wasn't anything besides the Bellas bouncing on the apron (if their job isn't to pander to guest hosts, it's to bounce on the apron and wave), the tag match was unfortunately boring (I like both teams), and David Otunga wrestles like his body is working against itself. The main event, as I mentioned, was good, but it still had that thing where guys just all come in at the end and hit their finisher. I really feel like that only works when it's happening fast, and this was happening slow as all fuck.

- Back to David Otunga. Seeing him try and convey like six different emotions in that backstage segment with Wade Barrett where he just squinted his eyes and bit his lip was embarrassing to watch, and I've watched Al Snow sell the facials for eating his own dog.

- Why is it that the only stories that tag teams can tell are "tag team wins tag team titles" and "tag team splits up" - as pondered aloud (or in text) by K. Sawyer Paul at Footnotes of Wrestling (I think... maybe it was someone else. I spend so much time on his blog that I just assume that everything I talk about is stolen from there), ROH has NO trouble in telling different stories with tag teams. But here I am watching the Hart Dynasty breaking up for no apparent reason. The other thing is I'm pretty sure it's not hard at all to breathe life into the tag division. All it takes is one team to go "hey, we're going to be the most dominant team ever, try and stop us." Then other teams (picked up from developmental or the indies) try and stop them. It'd be great.

- I still can't get over the fact that Nexus started as incredible as it did, with shockingly real violence and chaos, and now they're having moments backstage like they were plucked from a shitty Friends episode where everyone is jovial and talking until someone walks in the room and everyone hushes because there's an awkward tension now!! Uh-oh guys, don't say anything about Wade when David's in the room because they're not getting along. Don't want to step on any toes. Also, don't mention Jen to Dawson when Joey's in the room, because shit will get awkward then too.

- The "Let's Go Cena/Cena Sucks" chant makes me wretch into my mouth when David Otunga is the one opposing Cena. When David Otunga is in the ring, NO ONE ELSE SUCKS. They're all just better than that sacka crap.

- Holy shit. How are you Mr. Perfect's son and you don't know how to take a German Suplex. I'm pretty sure that's how you were conceived.

- With CM Punk and Evan Bourne and Chris Jericho all missing from RAW, there is a giant black hole of suck that can't be repaired. Please come back soon. Please.

I'M BACK! IT FEELS LIKE I'VE BEEN AWAKENED FROM A COMA!

Nothing like that has happened in wrestling lately, has it? Nah, that'd be crazy!

SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE

I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHAT HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING

Photo - Stephanie McMahon's limbic system

Well, it's been a solid month, but I'm back. First thing I should probably get to - the WWE PPV Prediction Game. I totally dropped the ball on that one, not once, but twice. Travelling and keeping up with things like that are certainly not easy, but hopefully I'll have my shit in order for Survivor Series. If I don't, I give you permission to blind me with an urn that may or may not steal my soul and/or powers.

DANIEL BRYAN VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER

BRAGGING RIGHTS, RAW, SMACKDOWN

Photo - WWE.com

You don't need me to tell you how great this was several weeks after the fact, because you already know. Bryan Danielson is currently filling a Matt Hardy-sized void (he's still fat right? I've been gone for a while) in the WWE by putting on the kind of wrestling matches you don't see in this wrestling company. The kind of wrestling matches you see in this wrestling company have shoulder offense and David Otunga slow motion scoop slams. This match didn't have any of that! It had fans reacting and responding to legitimate wrestling moves and holds. For a match that had maybe a week of build, it tore the house down by telling a story in the ring.

I truly feel like this match will be the Dynamite Kid/Tiger Mask equivalent when we look back on this time and go "WOW, that was going on while I was watching John Cena sell an insult for three and a half minutes?!"

UNDERTAKER AND KANE

PUSHING THE LIMITS OF SANITY (UNTIL VINCE MCMAHON'S DREAM COMA ON RAW)

Photo - WWE.com

This feud bounced back and forth between being completely un-paul-bearable (lol?) to being legit viral video worthy. I can't tell if I loved it or hated it. The Paul Bearer promo that looked like it was edited by Tim Heidecker where he challenged Undertaker to a Buried Alive match was accidental comedy GOLD. But then all of the whiffed punches and punch-drunk selling that came in between the voodoo lightning bolts and arena-climbing took up so much time that I think I'll stick this in the "hated it" column. And that's hard for me to do, because so much of this was so camp and cheesy that it was fun to watch when you're blind drunk.

RING OF HONOR NEWS

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, FINAL BATTLE, TYLER/DAVEY

Incredible photo - Scott Finkelstein's Get Lost Photography

We're heading into yet another exciting couple of months for ROH, and I'll be seeing some of it live. I'll be hitting up both events next weekend - Survival of the Fittest in Michigan and the Daniels/Strong title match in Toronto, both of which I'm vibrating with anticipation for. Yep. Vibrating. I'll have some kind of preview up for those shows sometime soon.

While I was gone, a few awesome things happened, and one not so awesome thing happened. The not so awesome thing would be ROHBrazil's YouTube channel getting suspended. I was so psyched to throw on Tyler/Davey from a couple weeks ago and have a shouting match with my laptop (in excitement), but that didn't happen, DID IT?!

The awesome things, however, are these two badass hype videos. One is for the final encounter (or battle, I guess would be a better word) between Kevin Steen and El Generico at Final Battle - mask vs. career:

The other video is more of a music video. It's taken from Glory By Honor where the Kings of Wrestling had their theme music performed live by Cody B. Ware:

MATT HARDY RELEASED

CORE GROUP TO TNA?

Photo - MATTHARDYBRAND

There's nothing like leaving for a month and coming back to enough Matt Hardy YouTube videos to fill every pocket of your designer cargo pants. My personal favourite has to be this one, just for how it starts. I won't say how it starts since it caught me off guard and I spit up on my laptop in hysterics.

Now the question is, where does Matt go from here? Well, he wasted no time in telling us. After he assured us that he's doing great, he's better than ever. He's awesome. Never felt better - he's great guys! So great, so happy. So happy and great to be released - glad even! Guys, I'm fine. I love it. Fine guys. Never felt better, look at me. So happy. I'm fine. Fine. Great.

After he did that, he dropped some very subtle hints (watch carefully, you might miss the hints!) about where he may end up.

EDIT: I don't think I surveyed the situation properly to find my actual favourite Matt Hardy YouTube entry that went up while I was gone. Because I just watched this one. To quickly summarize, it begins with him in the shower and ends with him holding a gun over a bed full of money. And there's a giant broadsword. You're welcome.

ALSO THIS HAPPENED

HULK HOGAN RAPSTAR COMMERCIAL, FEATURING BROOKE HOGAN AND THE THING THAT MADE BROOKE HOGAN

Video courtesy of Kotaku - click image to watch

No, not Jimmy Hart - Hulk Hogan's genitalia! What a strange commercial. This, in addition to his "full-blown evil on your ass/draw money/start shootin'/fake ass wrestlin'" twitvid, and in addition to all of the insanity floating around TNA about concussions and brutal chairshots and "THEY" being these guys, goes to show that I haven't missed a thing in TNA in the last month. Business as usual.

That's definitely not all that happened this month. Smackdown! continued to produce the best mainstream wrestling show going, highlighted by a PPV-headlining-worthy main event contest between Alberto del Rio and Rey Mysterio. Evan Bourne and CM Punk were both injured, thus making RAW about 500% less watchable over the next few months. Lita ruined a game of diva-twister, Mark Henry revealed he needs to write "R" and "L" on each of his hands, Johnny Knoxville pulled some pranks, Undertaker was murdered and Freddie Prinze, Jr. is back with WWE as the resident medical doctor, specializing in Stephanie McMahon's fucked up dreams.

I love pro wrestling.

FINDING MY SMILE ONCE AGAIN + MY FAVOURITE THINGS OF RIGHT NOW

Yes, it's true. I'm away yet again. This time it'll be an entire month (gone 'til November like Wyclef) of infrequent posts, but hopefully I'll be able to get some stuff up every now and then. It'll likely be random stuff and not many reviews, although I will be keeping up to speed with what's going on in the wrestling world via Wrestling Bay (highly recommended for those who don't have a DVR/miss a lot of wrestling on TV).

So while I find my smile, I'll leave you with some of my favourite things of right now:

NUMBER ONE

FOOTNOTES OF WRESTLING

By K. Sawyer Paul

Footnotes of Wrestling Tumblr

K. Sawyer Paul on Twitter

This recommendation (a truly sincere one - definitely check this out) comes via the Drop Toehold Tumblr, which I just added to the sidebar. It also deserves it's own exclusive post, but since I'm trying to get a bunch of stuff in here at once, this will have to do.

Reading this blog/tumblr/whatever I should call it fills me with the same elated relief and simultaneous jealous rage that I was be filled with (to the absolute brim) when I discovered FanHouse's Brandon Stroud's wrestling recaps. I was both relieved that there was another wrestling fan on the internet writing about wrestling in the exact same way I felt, and jealous that this writer is so good and I could never capture that same profound style.

While I admired Stroud for his ability to write about wrestling in a hilarious AND positive way (I find it so impossibly difficult to be funny without being negative when it comes to wrestling, it's literally what I strive for), I admire Paul for his knowledge, grace, honesty and focus. Those aren't words you hear in describing a wrestling blog almost EVER. And I mean that.

Nothing makes me happier than finding a blog/writer/tumblr/twitter/ANYTHING that talks about wrestling in a way that speaks to me. Nothing makes me angrier than a blog that is constantly reprimanding wrestlers or companies like a fucking parent, or being overly, gimmickly (not a word) negative in constant failed attempts at being funny for people who don't know what funny is when it comes to wrestling, or anyone that places themselves above wrestling or being a wrestling fan or being an indy wrestling fan or not liking what they see on TV.

This guy does none of that. He offers observations and solutions and just general thoughts about wrestling that never feel like he's turning his nose up at it, or even upset with it. I can't stress this enough. Another one of my goals when I started my blog was to be as positive as possible, because the IWC/wrestling blogosphere is running rampant with unjust negativity, snarkiness and cynicism that drives me up the wall.

This post has turned into quite the virtual BJ, but I can't help it. Just go there and read everything he's written and promise to come back to my blog and don't leave me forever. That's all I ask.

NUMBER TWO

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

As sung by Michael P.S. Hayes - Watch now on YouTube

Via Fuck Yeah Wrestling!

Between this video, the Freebirds' montage from the WWE Allied Powers DVD and the "I'm A Freebird, What Was Your Excuse" video/story from the Rise and Fall of WCW DVD (or maybe it was from a Legends' Rountable, can't remember), I've discovered that Michael P.S. Hayes may be the world's most accidentally hilarious man. Watch all of these things if you can find them.

NUMBER THREE

THE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS & JIM CORNETTE'S 25TH ANNIVERSARY SCRAPBOOK

Available at Cornette's Collectables

I've had this book for a quite a while now, but I've only been able to really dig into it while I'm travelling, since there's tons of downtime. It's the perfect book for that, since it's a book that essentially documents the Midnight Express' life on the road, with thorough (almost entirely complete) results of their entire career together. From the gates they were pulling in, to pictures of paystubs and authentic show posters and newspaper clippings to stories of riots and ribs and all that you could want in a wrestling book, it's like readable crack cocaine. It's incredible to see that these guys were on the road pretty much every day out of the year, wrestling every night of the week (twice a night some nights) and driving from city to city in between that. Just insane. It's hard enough travelling that much period, so add in getting the shit kicked out of you daily and you've got a rough life on the road.

Those are some things I'm digging right now. I'll be back in full effect soon - but first, I'ma get the Prediction Game post up for Hell In A Cell tomorrow night.

09/24/10 SMACKDOWN! REVIEW: PAUL BEARER RISES FROM THE DEAD, ALSO, CROWD IS DEAD

Well, well, well... that crowd was certainly dead. RIP that crowd. Yeah.

SMACKDOWN! 09/24/10

WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF JUMPING THE SHARK?

Photo - WWE.com

Swimming under it? It jumps you? Whatever it is, the Paul Bearer angle tonight did exactly that.

For me, this feud has been a butt-ton of overly serious gibberish that makes my eyes un-focus (whenever Kane starts riffin' over Garage Band violins). But tonight, with Paul Bearer sitting up from within that red casket, everything felt... well, perfect. And if "jumping the shark" is a ridiculous moment in a story in an attempt to gain viewership, but ultimately is the moment you can pinpoint as the story's demise (did I get that definition right?), then this is most definitely the opposite, where this ridiculous moment took a shitty story and made it AWESOME.

This is what the feud should be. Forget the long, drawn-out, unbelievably serious promos, and bring on the cartoony, over-the-top absurdity. Forget the trying-to-hard-to-be-creepy Kane laughing/appearing/reappearing devoid of logic, and bring-on Undertaker bowing to the power of Paul Bearer's urn.

As the show went off the air with Kane screaming - ahem... "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!HSJQJHK" and Undertaker was on bended knee with Paul Bearer vibrating with voodoo powers, I was loving it. Now this feud makes sense to me.

No matter how good Kane was at shouting the gibberish, it was still gibberish, and I couldn't get behind it. I liked that he and Undertaker were using their "powers," but I didn't like it when they talked about their "powers" as if there is an actual laundry list of "powers" that they each have ("Okay, body-swapping? Check. Lightning from my hands? Check. Druids? WAIT WHERE ARE MY DRUIDS") - it just seemed out of place.

But now with Paul Bearer here (so fitting with 'Taker's career potentially winding down - I'd have even accepted a grey-haired Paul Bearer - wait, is he immortal?), this feud has had a firecracker of pure drugs shot up it's ass and I'm now excited for whatever unthinkable lunacy is gonna go down at Hell In A Cell.

OTHER THINGS THAT HAPPENED

- Christian was put out by Alberto Del Rio (he is getting quite the unfortunately fortunate rub from guys getting injured at bad times, isn't he?)

- Chris Masters took Kane TO THE LIMIT for some reason. Whatever works, I s'pose?

- Kaval and Chavo Guerrero had a short, but fun match. I wonder when Kaval will get his first big win - losing to Chavo seems kind of random since the focus didn't seem to be on either guy, really. Maybe I missed something. Ah well. Still got to see some good action (best on the show, or at least on par with the tag match).

- Rhodes/McIntyre def. The Hart Dynasty to retain the WWE Tag Team Championships. Two things: 1) As mentioned by Storm on the POW, aren't the Harts RAW guys? Details can be added to the list of Victims of the WWE's Rebranding. And 2) Arda Ocal of Right After Wrestling pointed out something Grisham said, where he essentially asked if Cody and Drew could become a great team... AND THEY'RE THE TAG CHAMPS.

- MVP did something while I was in the other room.

- Jack Swagger had his clothes stolen by the Dudebusters and Hornswoggle, who are essentially doing the same angle that Jesse and Festus were doing the last time Smackdown! switched networks.

- CM Punk def. Luke Gallows in a match that could've meant a hell of a lot more if Big Show didn't obliterate (whilst having a big headband-wearing slobbery laugh) the SES for months. Derp.

- Other stuff? I kinda forget. Oh right, Big Show squashed Vance Archer and Cu--zzzzzzzzzzzz. Actually it wasn't that bad. Fun, but served no point in my mind except for being fun to watch a big fat guy slap a medium muscly guy in the chest. And there's nothing wrong with that.

The focus of this show was obviously Taker/Kane/Bearer, especially with Undertaker doing a lot of emoting in a purple stairwell throughout the show.

I feel like I would punch my future-self in the nutsack region if he knew that I thought the saving grace of an episode of Smackdown (the wrestling show) was a promo between Kane, a casket, Paul Bearer and the Undertaker with his tongue sticking out. But it's just true.

And finally, that crowd... HO BOY. Was there a gas leak or something? They were sitting on their hands for the whole show, until the final segment. Yipes. I think they were even editing out the "WHAT" chants during Del Rio's promo, or there was just some seriously bizarre deadpan reactions from the crowd. Really weird.

Can't believe Hell In A Cell is nine days away. Could you imagine spending $110 on the WWE in two weeks time? Hot damn.

Oh, almost forgot. Watch this super creepy (to me at least) video of Paul Bearer getting covered in cement... during, uh... rehearsal, I guess? Check it: