WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF JUMPING THE SHARK?
Photo - WWE.com
Swimming under it? It jumps you? Whatever it is, the Paul Bearer angle tonight did exactly that.
For me, this feud has been a butt-ton of overly serious gibberish that makes my eyes un-focus (whenever Kane starts riffin' over Garage Band violins). But tonight, with Paul Bearer sitting up from within that red casket, everything felt... well, perfect. And if "jumping the shark" is a ridiculous moment in a story in an attempt to gain viewership, but ultimately is the moment you can pinpoint as the story's demise (did I get that definition right?), then this is most definitely the opposite, where this ridiculous moment took a shitty story and made it AWESOME.
This is what the feud should be. Forget the long, drawn-out, unbelievably serious promos, and bring on the cartoony, over-the-top absurdity. Forget the trying-to-hard-to-be-creepy Kane laughing/appearing/reappearing devoid of logic, and bring-on Undertaker bowing to the power of Paul Bearer's urn.
As the show went off the air with Kane screaming - ahem... "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!HSJQJHK" and Undertaker was on bended knee with Paul Bearer vibrating with voodoo powers, I was loving it. Now this feud makes sense to me.
No matter how good Kane was at shouting the gibberish, it was still gibberish, and I couldn't get behind it. I liked that he and Undertaker were using their "powers," but I didn't like it when they talked about their "powers" as if there is an actual laundry list of "powers" that they each have ("Okay, body-swapping? Check. Lightning from my hands? Check. Druids? WAIT WHERE ARE MY DRUIDS") - it just seemed out of place.
But now with Paul Bearer here (so fitting with 'Taker's career potentially winding down - I'd have even accepted a grey-haired Paul Bearer - wait, is he immortal?), this feud has had a firecracker of pure drugs shot up it's ass and I'm now excited for whatever unthinkable lunacy is gonna go down at Hell In A Cell.
OTHER THINGS THAT HAPPENED
- Christian was put out by Alberto Del Rio (he is getting quite the unfortunately fortunate rub from guys getting injured at bad times, isn't he?)
- Chris Masters took Kane TO THE LIMIT for some reason. Whatever works, I s'pose?
- Kaval and Chavo Guerrero had a short, but fun match. I wonder when Kaval will get his first big win - losing to Chavo seems kind of random since the focus didn't seem to be on either guy, really. Maybe I missed something. Ah well. Still got to see some good action (best on the show, or at least on par with the tag match).
- Rhodes/McIntyre def. The Hart Dynasty to retain the WWE Tag Team Championships. Two things: 1) As mentioned by Storm on the POW, aren't the Harts RAW guys? Details can be added to the list of Victims of the WWE's Rebranding. And 2) Arda Ocal of Right After Wrestling pointed out something Grisham said, where he essentially asked if Cody and Drew could become a great team... AND THEY'RE THE TAG CHAMPS.
- MVP did something while I was in the other room.
- Jack Swagger had his clothes stolen by the Dudebusters and Hornswoggle, who are essentially doing the same angle that Jesse and Festus were doing the last time Smackdown! switched networks.
- CM Punk def. Luke Gallows in a match that could've meant a hell of a lot more if Big Show didn't obliterate (whilst having a big headband-wearing slobbery laugh) the SES for months. Derp.
- Other stuff? I kinda forget. Oh right, Big Show squashed Vance Archer and Cu--zzzzzzzzzzzz. Actually it wasn't that bad. Fun, but served no point in my mind except for being fun to watch a big fat guy slap a medium muscly guy in the chest. And there's nothing wrong with that.
The focus of this show was obviously Taker/Kane/Bearer, especially with Undertaker doing a lot of emoting in a purple stairwell throughout the show.
I feel like I would punch my future-self in the nutsack region if he knew that I thought the saving grace of an episode of Smackdown (the wrestling show) was a promo between Kane, a casket, Paul Bearer and the Undertaker with his tongue sticking out. But it's just true.
And finally, that crowd... HO BOY. Was there a gas leak or something? They were sitting on their hands for the whole show, until the final segment. Yipes. I think they were even editing out the "WHAT" chants during Del Rio's promo, or there was just some seriously bizarre deadpan reactions from the crowd. Really weird.
Can't believe Hell In A Cell is nine days away. Could you imagine spending $110 on the WWE in two weeks time? Hot damn.
Oh, almost forgot. Watch this super creepy (to me at least) video of Paul Bearer getting covered in cement... during, uh... rehearsal, I guess? Check it: