Friday, September 3, 2010


Didn't take long for someone to make a Mexican JBL reference, did it? Leave it to mah BOYEEE Christian. (I will never speak that way again, promise. Please still come to my blog. On with the review.)

SMACKDOWN! 09/03/10
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This week I'm trying something new: listing parts of the show from top to bottom - top being the best, bottom being the worst. Let's see how this goes.


- Alberto Del Rio. Does anyone NOT see this guy as a bonafide Superstar yet? He gets massive reactions for being so new, it's mental. Maybe that's because he is king shit (that's a good thing, according to what the kids say). Arda Ocal was absolutely right when he said on Right After Wrestling that Del Rio could have the World Title right now and no one would blink an eye. He's just got that presence about him. Not to mention he puts on a sick looking armbar.

- Cody Rhodes' promo cutting deep for Matt Hardy. Just hilarious. He draws true contemptible heat just for being such a cock. Saying Matt had been eating a "Hardy" amount of food made me bust a Hardy-sized gut in laughter.

- CM Punk's facials after losing to Big Show, and once again after giving Luke Gallows the GTS. I hate that they are getting completely buried by the Big Show, but if it's all leading to something - like the SES breaking up/getting rejuvenated in some way - then it's cool with me. But the way he sold that loss just in his breathing and eyes alone (this is turning a tad erotic) was phenomenal.

- Christian vs. Drew McIntyre. Great opening match, and really the best match of the night. The entire finishing sequence was well done, from the perfectly executed stomach breaker by Drew to the lightning-fast jackknife pin - entertaining stuff to watch.

- The idea of Hornswoggle being electrocuted for real.

- Matt Hardy selling the shit out of his ankle

- Undertaker selling this shit out of his vegetation

- Matt Hardy selling the shit out of his titties (I totally believed them!)

- Christian's promo. He was funny and opposed Del Rio well - I also liked Del Rio's "another place, another time" comment.

- Dolph's Masterlock reversal. That was a hard fucking landing. Masters may have smashed the brain off the inside of his skull.

- Michelle McCool's push-ups on Kelly Kelly's face. Scott Steiner should incorporate that into his workout.

- Jack Swagger's shit-eating grin push-ups (this was a push-up heavy show).

- Cody Rhodes taking a boot while skinning the cat.

- Kane. While I, like the rest of the sane world, is not fully behind the Kane/Taker feud, Kane can at least deliver the content of the feud on the mic like a pro, even if the content of the feud is a bag of dinks.

- MVP's shit-eating grin elbow drop on Jack Swagger, Sr. (in a neck brace). Between punching Swagger after legitimately losing an amateur wrestling challenge last week (what a crybaby) and attacking Swagger's dad this week (what a pussy)... will anyone ever like MVP?

- The idea that Kelly Kelly could not reverse the face push ups.

- The idea that Jack Swagger can either be completely dominating and destroy your ankle without a second's notice, or be pushing his dad around in a wheelchair and running away from MVP (who he beats almost daily).

- Can't decide if "stealing powers" is a fucking awful idea for a feud to be based around, or so totally over the top and ridiculous that it's great. I'm leaning towards fucking awful.

- Big Show dominating Gallows/Punk. Even if I can appreciate where the story might be going, I still don't like to see this.

- Grisham wondering if Big Show could beat Gallows and Punk when he's already beaten Gallows, Punk AND Mercury at SummerSlam

- Kane's laugh.

- Stupid Big Show's stupid smiling and stupid pointing. Him and all of the babyface Divas just can't get enough smiling and pointing.

- Okay I decided. I don't like the content of the Kane/Taker feud (surprise!). I'm cool with Undertaker and Kane having powers. Shoot fire from your hand, lightning from your balls, disappear, reappear, swap bodies, you name it. But once you start outright talking about your powers, you're starting to lose me.

- Matt Striker acting a fool and ruining any chance that someone might go see Legendary. The way he went on and on about it during the Hardy/Rhodes match, while key parts of the match were unfolding, was un-be-fucking-lieve-a-fucking-ble (has anyone ever inserted two F words into a word before? I JUST DID). Not only that, but 100% of the rest of the shit that comes out of his mouth makes my skin crawl.

- The segment of Hornswoggle getting electroshock therapy. If you didn't see it, let me fill you in. Hornswoggle is backstage with someone who is apparently some kind of doctor. The doctor refers to Hornswoggle as "Mr. Swoggle" (as if "Hornswoggle" wasn't ridiculous enough). Attached to Mr. Swoggle's face are wires. Teddy Long says he promised Hornswoggle he'd help him learn to speak or something. There is a See 'N Say involved. Hornswoggle doesn't want to get electrocuted, but somehow a fist-bump from Teddy Long is enough to persuade him. He begins to get electrocuted until he takes the wires off of his face and puts them on the doctor's face who he then electrocutes until smoke comes out of him. The scene then fades to black and somewhere a writer is feeling a sense of accomplishment, because he just managed to get a big pile of shit on national television.


So there you have it. My first review of a wrestling show in descending order of awesomeness. Not sure if I'll stick with this or go back to the old Like/Dislike. Do you care? Lemme know.

Now I'm going to wash the image of Hornswoggle out of my mind by finishing watching this week's ROH On HDNet. G'night.

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