FUNNIEST SHIT OF ALL TIME: HAWK DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS (IT'S VADER TIME)

(via Drop Toehold)

WWF WINGED EAGLE TITLE BELT SIGNATURE QUEST OF GLORY AND GEEKDOM: PROGRESS REPORT #1!

Remember my WWETBSQOGAG?! No? Read this!

There has been progress! Uh... well, kind of. Not really. But something worth reporting.

My last tally had me only at two signatures (Bret Hart and Ric Flair), with a potential Hogan signing on the horizon. Unfortunately, the Hogan signing didn't work out - but I did get a consolation prize (that was as good as the initial idea).

My girlfriend managed to score me a signed, personalized copy of Hogan's book for Christmas. So, maybe I can rip that page out and paste it on my belt!

Er... prolly not. But it's still sweet.

And, in similar news, this past weekend my buddy (hi steve) got Jim Cornette to sign a copy of his Midnight Express Scrapbook at the ROH 8th Anniversary Show. I'll look into getting pictures of those signatures up (including the belt), because I do have the technology (a camera).

So while my quest for glory and geekdom is at a standstill for my WWF Title Belt, it's quietly growing in book form.

I'm still crossing my fingers for more random encounters with former WWF Champions, so stay tuned. Here is where I stand (green = signed, red = deceased, black = current status):

BRET "HITMAN" HART

SIGNED

"NATURE BOY" RIC FLAIR

SIGNED

HULK HOGAN

BOOK - SIGNED, TITLE - NOT SO SIGNED

ANDRE THE GIANT

DECEASED

"MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE

CURRENTLY WORKING IN FILM/VOICE ACTING

ULTIMATE WARRIOR

STILL COMPLETELY INSANE

SGT. SLAUGHTER

RETIRED/WWE AMBASSADOR

UNDERTAKER

CURRENT WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION

YOKOZUNA

DECEASED

BOB BACKLUND

RETIRED

DIESEL

PLAYING IN SOME BAND OR SOMETHING

"HEARTBREAK KID" SHAWN MICHAELS

HIS CAREER... IS OVER

SYCHO SID

WTF @ THIS

"STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN

HOSTING RAW ON MARCH 15TH

OPERATION "RELIVE CHILDHOOD": THE 1997 ODYSSEY

THE BACKSTORY

1997 may be heralded as one of the greatest years of mainstream professional wrestling in the United States. This year was the build for some of the most memorable moments in WWF history.

So we (hi steve) have taken it upon ourselves to re-feel the feelings we had as 11 year olds (10 year olds for the first half of the year), when Stone Cold Steve Austin won the Royal Rumble and set up the Final Four main event, when Shawn Michaels lost his smile, when Bret Hart shoved Vince McMahon onto his rear end, and the infamous Montreal Screwjob.

Or how about Austin vs. Bret at WM13? Or the beginning of D-Generation X? The rise of The Rock? The debut of (THATS GOTTA BE) KANE?!

There are countless moments from 1997 that are worth rewatching - but rewatching them IN CONTEXT of the entire year's worth of programming? Now THAT is an odyssey.

THE MISSION

To rewatch every Monday Night RAW, every Shotgun Saturday Night, and every Pay-Per-View Event put on by the World Wrestling Federation in the year of 1997.

THE PARALLELS

The timing of this odyssey couldn't be more perfect. Watching Bret Hart "shoot" on Vince McMahon about being screwed by everybody (1997), only to tune into RAW to see the conclusion to this epic thirteen year story (2010) is fucking crazy.

Even watching RAW from '97, seeing what they were broadcasting in competition to WCW's nWo... then tuning into Impact to see The Band get back together, is madness in it's own right.

What's even more interesting is comparing the difference between what the WWF was then to what the WWE is now. Be it comparing production values (the grainy, call-it-as-we-see-it presentation of RAW IS WAR vs. the HD, action-entertainment style of RAW today), matches (the unpredictable, old-school, lengthy contests of '97 vs. the short, watered-down style of 2010), or feuds (the edgy, reality-based, emotional feuds of yesteryear vs. the ADHD, belt-hotshotting, scripted drama of the now) - the gap between the F and the E is much easier to take in when you follow both one week at a time.

ON DECK FOR TONIGHT

WRESTLEMANIA 13

We are already three months deep in our odyssey. Given that there's enough time, we'll be watching the biggest WWF PPV event of the year, and seeing how the event itself, as well as the build for it, stacks up against the WrestleMania that's set to take place 14 years later (a.k.a. 6 weeks from now).

Here's the card (no 13 year old spoilers here!):

FREE-FOR-ALL

Billy Gunn vs. Flash Funk (with Tracy and Nadine)

FATAL FOURWAY ELIMINATION TAG TEAM MATCH

The New Blackjacks (Windham and Bradshaw)

vs.

The Headbangers (Mosh and Thrasher)

vs.

The Godwinns (Henry and Phineas, with Hillbilly Jim)

vs.

Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Champion Rocky Maivia vs. Challenger The Sultan (with Bob Backlund and The Iron Sheik)

SINGLES MATCH

Goldust (with Marlena) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (with Chyna)

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

Champions Owen Hart and The British Bulldog vs. Challengers Mankind and Vader (with Paul Bearer)

SUBMISSION MATCH

SPECIAL REFEREE: Ken Shamrock

Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin

CHICAGO STREET FIGHT

The Legion of Doom (Hawk and Animal) and Ahmed Johnson

vs.

The Nation of Domination (Crush, Faarooq and Savio Vega, with Wolfie D, J.C. Ice and Clarence Mason)

MAIN EVENT: WWF CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Champion Sycho Sid vs. Challenger The Undertaker

So be prepared for the potential of a dual Monday Night RAW review coming each Monday. One from today, one from thirteen glorious years ago.

WWF WINGED EAGLE TITLE BELT SIGNATURE QUEST OF GLORY AND GEEKDOM: THE TALLY

With two signatures down and one pending (see previous post for what I'm talking aboot), here's what I'm looking at for the remaining signees:

Total Remaining: 12

Deceased: 2

Currently Active in WWE: 2

Currently Active/Working Elsewhere: 3

Retired/Other: 5

BRET "HITMAN" HART

SIGNED

"NATURE BOY" RIC FLAIR

SIGNED

HULK HOGAN

PENDING

The Remaining:

ANDRE THE GIANT

DECEASED

"MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE

WORKING IN FILM/VOICE ACTING

ULTIMATE WARRIOR

CURRENTLY INSANE

SGT. SLAUGHTER

RETIRED/WWE AMBASSADOR

UNDERTAKER

CURRENT WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION

YOKOZUNA

DECEASED

BOB BACKLUND

RETIRED

DIESEL

CURRENTLY WORKING FOR TNA UNDER THE NAME "KEVIN NASH"

"HEARTBREAK KID" SHAWN MICHAELS

CURRENTLY SELLING NEON WRISTBANDS

SYCHO SID

CURRENTLY PRETENDING TO BE IN TNA

"STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN

WORKING IN FILM

WWF TITLE BELT SIGNATURE QUEST OF GLORY (AND GEEKDOM. MOSTLY GEEKDOM.)

When ROH announced that they'd be coming to Toronto for Death Before Hishonor VII's two-night weekend, I was all kinds of excited. But when they announced that Bret Hart and Ric Flair would be attending, I pretty much ruined my jeans and computer chair.

I'd always wanted to buy a replica belt, and now I had the perfect excuse. Getting the WWF Championship (Winged Eagle design) signed by not only two of the greatest of all-time, but two men who actually wrestled for and exchanged that very belt, would be so cool. So I bought it, they signed it, and I went home happy as Michael Cole calling a Batista Bomb.

But now the plot thickens. Hulk Hogan will be making an appearance in Toronto soon to promote his new book, and I could very well ask him to sign the belt as well. Thus making it signatures from Flair, who then dropped the belt to Bret, who then dropped the belt to Hogan (er... well Yokozuna then Hogan... but it was in the same night, so wah).

So with Bret, Flair and Hogan already on the belt... why stop there? Why not see if I can get the signature of every still living man who held that very design of the WWF Title?

I don't expect to really do it. I'm sure someone else already has. But fate has knocked on my door -- I already had tickets to the ROH shows before Bret Hart and Ric Flair were announced as appearing. I found out about the Hulk Hogan signing because my girlfriend works for the company hosting it. I didn't seek out these opportunities - they found me.

See? Fate. I can't wait until Diesel starts dating my aunt or something.

- mitts