SMACKDOWN REVIEW 4/22/11: TEEK TACK. TEEK TACK.

I love the way Alberto Del Rio says pretty much any word. He said "grandfather clock" with the emphasis on "grandfather." WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY.

This Smackdown review is also posted at Fair To Flair, where I joined forces with Jason Mann of Wrestlespective, Razor of Kick-Out!! Wrestling and K. Sawyer Paul of Aggressive Art to form a pro wrestling Secret Avengers team of nerds. Check out FTF, as well as all of their individual blogs and podcasts, and we're all on tumblr too (links at the bottom). Credit to Jason for once again editing this way-too-long three-day-late mess of links and swear words.

BEGIN

FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN 04/22/11

LIKED...

Photo - WWE.com

ALBERT OF THE RIVER LIKES TO PARTY

I love that Alberto Del Rio just holds parties all the time. And I love that, for no apparent reason, his promo was scored by a guy (who was nowhere to be seen) noodling around on a Spanish guitar.

This is a new thing. It wasn't until Matt Hardy turned evil and started delivering resentful promos to his brother Jeff, while childhood pictures magically appeared on the screen accompanied by ominous tones. And this wasn't like when Sycho Sid or Mankind would come to the ring and start cutting a promo over top of their music that was still playing. This is new music being played over his promo, as if he told the guys in the truck "hey, I think my words would be more effective if paired with some bass synths." And Matt Hardy can't cut a promo over his own music because his music is just a man shouting.

Aside from the music, I like how a bad guy holding a party (or funeral or fiesta or whatever) in honour of a good guy always means prop comedy. Moreso, I like in wrestling logic how, instead of preparing for a match or training or anything that would make sense, we are supposed to believe that wrestlers are running around backstage cutting together video packages to show to their enemies, or ordering props and writing jokes about the people they hate. "Cardio? Oh no, I'm trying to hunt down a grandfather clock so I can illustrate the end of Edge's career." Because in wrestling, that is INFINITELY more important than any real athletics.

WRESTLERS VS. ENTERTAINERERS

As much of an Action Soap Opera Entertainment Movie Thrillride the WWE has become, there always remains a few WWE-bred guys who wrestle like wrestlers and don't entertain like entertainerers. Chris Masters is one of these guys. He throws chops like he's trying to hurt you. He sells the Future Shock DDT like rigamortis. And, conversely, Drew McIntyre (somehow) always seems to quietly have the most entertaining match on any given Smackdown.

This match was a good break from The Corre saying or doing anything.

CODY RHODES VS. REY MYSTERIO

When watching Smackdown, Cody Rhodes appearing on screen usually elicits a "YEAHHF" out of me. Whether he's wrestling, or emoting, or handing out paper bags to the audience, or supplementing his lisp with a cracking puberty voice, he usually ends up being my favourite part of the show.

The match was good. That nice tilt-a-whirl backbreaker move Jericho would frequently use against Rey was cool too. And if it weren't for the two commercial breaks and the clunky ending, I would have preferred this match to their WrestleMania match. Even still, it was pretty close.

The brawl afterward was unusually calm and paced like a regular match (I suppose to spell out what their Falls Count Anywhere match will look like at Extreme Rules), and had my eyes glazing over until Rey pitched Cody over the barricade like he was DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Honourable Mention: Remember those old-style video packages I was talking about?

Yeah, well it happened again. This gets an honourable mention for a) me being proven right and b) the package having to be edited HILARIOUSLY because of how half-baked the original promo was.

R-Truth: "i'm so happy!!"

Morrison: "give me the thing that made you happy"

R-Truth: "no"

Morrison: "you smoke and drink water"

R-Truth: "k"

FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN 04/22/11

DISLIKED...

Photo - WWE.com

SOFTCORRE

My least favourite instances featuring The Corre:

• Backstage segments that occur seemingly for no other reason than to showcase the zero charisma they all possess.
• Justin Gabriel touching Heath Slater's chest for an inappropriate amount of time.
• Wade Barrett's underwater punches.
• The things they say and do
• I'll stop now
• Their matching shirts
• Okay now

My favourite instance featuring The Corre:

• When the Big Show pitched Justin Gabriel over the top rope like he was DJ Jazzy Jeff.

BRODUS CLAY

Why can't he just look like a normal, intimidating dude, and not like if King Hippo and King Koopa three-way impregnated a Super Mario 2 turnip? Does he need a spiky mohawk that wouldn't have even been cool ten years ago? JUST STOP IT. And, we all know when you go "SHHEEEEE" you really mean "SHIIIIIIT" so don't write "SHEEEEEE" on your stupid shirt or it'll look like you're saying "SHEEEEE" which makes no sense.

You didn't always look this dumb. A quick Google image search brings up a handful of photos of you without your SHEEEETY mohawk (and for some unknown reason, a mugshot of Brian Christopher). Incidentally, a quick Wikipedia search reveals that you were the timekeeper for Extreme Chick Fights.

...sheeee.

MICHAEL TROLL

Michael Cole operates on a whole new plane of obnoxiousness previously undiscovered by the human race. I don't know how he's able to do it. Maybe it's the countless years of people hating his fucking guts when he just had to grin and bear it. I always wondered when he'd snap and go postal and just machine gun everybody to death, so maybe this is a nice way to keep that from happening. By letting him be a full-blown prick to everyone by channelling the fourteen years of pent-up rage.

Some of you might be thinking "why is this a BOO! if he's doing his job by getting you to hate him?" And that is true. He is perfectly irritating and couldn't be better suited for his role. But there's only so much applauding you can do, and there's only so much you can take before you're just like, "you've done a wonderful job FUCKING ANNOYING ME GOODBYE TV OFF."

Honourable Mention: Booker T

Booker T: "You know something, I've been watching this Justin Gabriel and I've noticed that Justin Gabriel, he's a high flyer."

I just picture Booker studying charts and algorithms before coming to this conclusion.

FAIR TO FLAIR CREW

Fair To Flair - On Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook

Jason Mann - Wrestlespective, on Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook

K. Sawyer Paul - Aggressive Art, on Twitter, on Tumblr

Razor - Kick-Out!! Wrestling, on Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook

02/25/11 SMACKDOWN REVIEW: NO RUMBLE! NO CHAMBER!

Cody Rhodes was a quote machine on Friday. I'm pretty sure whenever I'm upset about something from now on, I'm going to exclaim "NO RUMBLE NO CHAMBER!" and then kick the ropes and do a back bump.

Here are my thoughts from this past Friday's SmackDown. You can find these pretty much exact same words over at Fair To Flair, where you can also find the inaugural Fair To Flair Show, which features me and the rest of the FTF guys (Jason Mann of Wrestlespective, Razor of Kick-Out!! and K. Sawyer Paul of Footnotes of Wrestling) talking about what we want out of the new site, what offends you in pro wrestling, WrestleMania XXVII, and a lot more, including the words "boobies" and "dink" as being said by me, burned into the Internet forever.

SMACKDOWN 02/25/11

LIKED

Photo - WWE.com

THE FATHER/SON SET-UP

Don't you love seeing a father and son bonding over a Rey Mysterio beatdown? I know I do! There's too many things I liked about this to mention BUT HERE I GO ANYWAY:

- Dusty's forehead looking like a quilt after decades of blading.

- Cody Rhodes looking like Horace Grant with his protective mask.

- Dusty calling his son by his full name.

- Cody saying "… everyone is staring at me."

ALL AMAZING. And then there's the attack itself, which went on way longer than I expected. Cody beat the crap out of Rey Mysterio to the point where he may need surgery five times on his left knee. Rubbing his face on the grate was good. Chucking him into the digital mirror was great. Unmasking him and kicking him in his BARE FACE was awesome. This is my favourite angle on SmackDown right now, with the Kelly Kelly/Drew McIntyre "will they won't they" relationship as a close second.

VICKIE GUERRERO NEEDS YOUR HELP

When I watched Edge raise the roof and Teddy Long do his Tom Cruise dance and everyone laugh and point at Vickie Guerrero for being fired, I tried to picture how I'd feel if I was watching this as a 12-year old, and I'm pretty sure I'd be doing a jig around my living room (until my dad saw me, which at that point I'd change the channel and talk about hockey). Vickie begging everyone for help and just getting laughed at was awesome. I hope she comes back somehow. Maybe not as an authority figure of some kind, because that's pretty much run it's course. But if she could come back and make Kelly Kelly cry again, I'd be up for that.

BIG SHOW… ANGRYYYY

My favourite kind of Big Show: angry babyface who chucks jobbers around like one of those pet monkeys who escaped it's owner and ripped the neighbours' hands and faces off. He also gets a plus for wearing the kind of jacket that every dad in my hometown wears. And the Pam Beasley scream he let out wasn't so bad either. Either way, I prefer my Big Show mad and dominating as opposed to goofy or heel and slow.

Honourable Mention: Wrestling. I wasn't glued to the action or anything, but it was all mostly pretty fun. Kane and Rey had a good opener that led to the angle of the night, Swagger and Kofi had a short, but solid match, and Vickie Guerrero got speared by Kelly Kelly. Kelly Kelly also kicked her match off with a Kenny Omega-like step dance. I've talked a lot about Kelly Kelly. Next time I'll talk this much about Kevin Kelly.

SMACKDOWN 02/25/11

DISLIKED

Photo - WWE.com

NARRATIVE OF CONVENIENCE

The WWE love to change the rules to fit whatever finish they've concocted up. And I, being the nerd that I am, am going to whine about it on the internet.

Fellow Fair To Flair contributor K. Sawyer Paul likes to call this the "Narrative of Convenience." Let me explain: Barrett and Show are on the outside and the count is around seven. Barrett slides back in the ring, halfway under the bottom rope, until Show grabs his leg and pulls him back out. Normally, that would break the count. But this time, Big Show just slid back in the ring and won by countout a second later. It's weird that they could've done this any number of ways without ignoring rules that have been in place for fucking ever (citation needed), and I'm left writing a paragraph about it like a sweaty dork.

WADE BARRETT'S PUNCHES

For a guy who's gimmick is a "bare-knuckle brawler," Barrett's punches look like the front crawl or something. They're really big and lumbering and make me not think he could actually win a "bare-knuckle brawl." Maybe a Brawl For All.

LAST MINUTE DEL RIO APPEARANCE

I wonder if this feud will ever become more than what it is right now. As it stands, I feel like I've seen the same clip a few weeks in a row, with Del Rio attacking Edge and slapping on the armbar. That's cool and all, and I love simple feuds where a guy just straight-up wants something another guy has, whether it's a title, a briefcase or Terri Runnels as your personal slave. But part of me feels like this could get a little more heat behind it. Having Del Rio attack Edge just before the credits roll, after not appearing on the entire show before that, doesn't seem like the best way.

Honourable Mention: I'm still mad about Tough Enough, stop reminding me that I'll be seeing Miss USA instead of Austin Aries and Joey Ryan.

Hey WWE, you might want to stock up on guys like Aries and Ryan. These are the kind of guys who have the same kind of dedication, talent and experience as guys like Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, and SO ON do, who are all dropping like flies. But no. You went with Rima Fakih. Thanks for that one.

And while I'm at it, I sure wish SmackDown would create some of it's own "can't miss" awesome moments like The Rock calling John Cena a kind of cereal or Triple H politely asking The Undertaker to suck him, instead of just replaying ones that happen on Raw for me to see. I'm definitely not taking away how sweet both of those moments were, and I completely understand why they get replayed on all the other shows… but let's get Del Rio doing something besides working Edge's arm for a series of weeks, and I'll be happy.

SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE PART III - THE TRILOGY!

I've made quite the habit of leaving and then making a triumphant return by writing a 300 page screenplay about what happened while I was gone. This post is the third in that vein, and completes the trilogy (until I go away and come back again, which will undoubtedly happen. I'm like your stepdad.). Also, I feel the need to point out that I had to look up whether to use "vein" or "vain" in that turn of phrase by going to a site called "UsingEnglish.com". Derp.

SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE

I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING

Photo - WWE.com

Every time I peace out for a while, something big seems to happen. The first time, the match of the year happened in Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler (not to mention Stephanie McMahon's fever dream of fucked up shit). The second time, the Miz cashed in his Money In The Bank briefcase and became WWE Champion. This time?

MATT HARDY GOT DREADS

STOP THE PRESSES

Photo - TNAWrestling.com

I'm about to be the eleventy billionth person to tell you that he looks like a fat Tyler Reks because (here I go) he looks like a fat Tyler Reks. Matt Hardy said he was going to reincarnate himself, but instead he just went to Sandals Jamaica. I hear the grapes are good there. But I think I prefer the Cher look myself.

Something actually big happened while I was gone (but I will admit I was most excited to write about Matt Hardy's new hair you guys):

CM PUNK IS NEXUS

AND NOT AGAINST THEM (WELL SOME OF THEM)

Photo - WWE.com

If anyone can take something shitty and turn it unshitty (I think there's a less crude, more fruity phrase for what I just said), it's CM Punk. He took Festus and gave us Luke Gallows. He managed to sit next to Michael Cole on commentary, and not just survive, but flourish. He took Darren Young and let him die because some birds just weren't meant to fly.

I fully expect Punk's alliance with Nexus to take the Punk/Cena feud to stupid-good heights. It's started off a bit slow with Punk being hurt, and with John Cena being a jackass. He's all over the map with his swearing and poop jokes and "now I'm inexplicably angry" voice - and by doing so, he's literally proving CM Punk right at every turn.

I'm pretty sure I called Cena out (not to his face, I would never do that in fear of THE POWER OF A THOUSAND SUNS RAININ' DOWN ON ME AND I WILL BE COMPRUHMISED) on his word being bullshit a while ago. Let's see if I can rustle that up:

"John Cena is a strange character. Going into a match, all he cares about is the WWE Title, the WWE Universe, the WWE, etc. It's the most important and most serious and most preacher-voice-worthy thing ever. He's our hero and will only settle for victory. Then the next night, after he loses, he jokes and plays it off and doesn't really care. He smiles and passes his loss off as nothing. How long can this go on before people are like "why should I believe that you care about something when you show time and time again that you don't?" Maybe I'm nitpicking, but the video package for Night of Champions had about twelve quotes from Cena saying THIS IS ALL I GOT!!! and then he lost but it doesn't matter." - Me, 09/21/10.

Anyway, I'm sure Punk will reach inside this one-part-goofy one-part-angry John Cena and pull out the same John Cena that Roddy Piper managed to one week before Survivor Series, and this feud will be epic. Until then, I'm just waiting for Cena to flub "CM Sucks" and say "Cena Sucks."

RAW VS. SMACKDOWN

SMACKDOWN SHINES, RAW DOES WHATEVER THE OPPOSITE OF SHINING IS

Photo - WWE.com

I was going to say sweat like some cheese you left out on the counter, but that was way too specific (even if it's kind of accurate).

Watching four hours of each show back to back makes this sentiment very clear: these are two HUGELY different wrestling shows. While RAW was fading countless backstage segments together, SmackDown was bringing the wrestling in fucking fistfuls. RAW seriously did this: -fade to- the Miz and Alex Riley arguing -fade to- CM Punk talking to a cameraman -fade to- Daniel Bryan, the Bellas and Tyson Kidd posturing -fade to- Randy Orton slow talking (he's got a David Caruso thing going right now) -fade to- commercial.

Meanwhile, SmackDown decided to have wrestling matches. Last week's show in particular was one of the best I've seen in recent memory. From Kofi's Intercontinental Title win(s) against Ziggler, to the 2 out of 3 Falls match between Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio, to the Fatal Fourway #1 Contender's match for the World Heavyweight Title (which featured Big Show ENTERTAINING ME FOR REAL), to even Edge vs. Kane in a Last Man Standing match, I was never not loving this show. The week before even had Trent Barretta jumping over the top rope to the outside like he's trying to put out an imaginary fire on his back - can this show do any wrong? Ever since they murdered Paul Bearer and let the wrestlers wrestle instead of rub food on each other, this show has been right back to where it's been in the past - golden.

RAW, on the other hand, has been less than golden. Maybe less than bronze. It's kind of just a waterlogged piece of driftwood right now. Aside from the Falls Count Anywhere match between John Morrison and The Miz, Miz cutting a scary real promo on the "WHAT" chanting crowd, and Shawn Michaels making a surprise appearance for his 2011 Hall of Fame announcement (and kicking Alberto Del Rio in the face so hard that I think in his time off he forgot that wrestling is fake)... what has there been? The answer is nothing. Or boring crap. I would have also accepted "stupid boring crap."

Having both Cena and Punk nursing injuries, and the fact that they're inexplicably demoting Daniel Bryan to "already in the ring" status for meaningless matches definitely does not help. But still, it's pretty bogus to see SmackDown own RAW in every conceivable way. Even the promo between Kingston, Ziggler and Swagger from two weeks ago was as good as any promo on RAW, and those guys aren't exactly known for their personalities.

MOVING ON

ROH ON HDNET

NO MORE?

Photo - Scott Finkelstein's Get Lost Photography

First it was taken from my precious YouTube. Now, right after I get HD (uh... but still not HDNet - but Jason Mann of WrestleSpective just got HDNet, so let's all feel his pain), the show gets dropped.

This is, in a (outdated) word, a bummer. I'm curious as to where ROH goes from here. Is anyone interested in putting their show on TV? Is ROH interested in being on TV (dumb question)? HDNet was definitely a great tool in promoting their iPPVs, if not through their actual show, then through the promos they were able to make and release online. Hopefully things bounce back and they're able to find a network that works well for them. If you're interested in hearing about this, you should check out today's episode of The Fight Show (literally airing as I type this) by searching for the podcast on iTunes. Until that goes up, you can check out these details from 411Mania.

THE CORE GROUP

TO TNA!

With every single one of these long-winded "since I've been gone" recaps, there's been more and more talk of the entire "core group" (Hardys, Helms, Moore, Kimo, etc.) showing up in TNA. And I think... seeing as I just witnessed Gregory Helms sign a contract on YouTube (the future is now!), my dreams are about to come true (unless if the contract was for somewhere else, but c'mon now). And just in time for me to DVR Impact and fast forward to whatever must-see, bonkers, accidentally-hilarious shit that these esteemed fellows come up with. Already Matt Hardy got dreadlocks and Jeff Hardy smoked a cigarette on the way to the ring at Genesis - I can't even begin to wonder what kind of Megazord of crazy that the core group will form when they get together.

Thank you, mythical wrestling gods, for answering my prayers. I only hope my DVR can process the lunacy that will inevitably come.

Welp, that's it. One more enormous return blog for you to read (or, more likely, scroll through and look at the pictures). Did I miss anything? If it's Matt Hardy related, it's okay, I think I got enough.

JET LAG MAY BE PILEDRIVING ME RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M BACK!

My return blog (y'know, the one where I recap all that's happened since I've been gone and ramble on for way too long) will be up once I'm done watching all that I missed on my new DVR/PVR/whatever it's supposed to be called (probably should just be "robot nerd machine" since it only records pro wrestling - and one episode of the Bachelor, but let's not talk about that).

So keep checking back for that, as it should be up soon. I'm currently watching the New Year's Eve episode of SmackDown, where Vickie Guerrero claims she suffers from vertigo, further confirming my theory that her character is partly inspired by "Lucille 2."

Anyway, it feels good to be back. Having my robot nerd machine record and play back all the wrestling I missed is strangely comforting. And I got a new haircut. It's changed my life you guys.

Credit - @ThingsColeSays

12/10/10 SMACKDOWN! NON-SPOILER PREVIEW

Match listing via LordsOfPain

Smackdown! has become a show that you tune in to see Alberto Del Rio, solid wrestling, things said in Spanish and then said in English immediately after, and Edge and Kane running. If you can manage to tune out anything featuring Edge, Kane, Paul Bearer, and/or a dummy dressed up as Paul Bearer, you'll see a great wrestling show. Then, weeks from now when you see the PPV, you'll get a hilarious video package for the Edge vs. Kane match, featuring a bunch of hijinks and pranks that you can digest in a matter of seconds and be on your way. This is the best way to watch this show. Trust me.

Here's what's up for tonight that you can get buck for:

MAIN EVENT TAG TEAM MATCH

"The Rated R Superstar" Edge & Rey Mysterio

VS.

Alberto Del Rio & World Heavyweight Champion Kane

SINGLES MATCH? (I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO CALL IT)

Hornswoggle VS. The Swagger Soaring Eagle

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Champion Dolph Ziggler

VS.

Challenger Kofi Kingston

SINGLES MATCH

Jack Swagger VS. Kaval

TAG TEAM MATCH

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov

VS.

Drew McIntyre & Chavo Guerrero

SINGLES MATCH

Unified Divas Champion Natalya VS. Layla

Drew McIntyre is a man with no allegiances! He will team with any man! So long as he doesn't point and smile on the way to the ring.

The wrestling should be great on this show. The Edge/Kane vignettes should be hilarious two weeks from now, but unbearable to sit through as they air. I wonder how the camera crew feels as they film them. Seriously. What would be even stranger is if this were real, and the camera crew (like think about it, a lighting guy, camera guy, sound guy, probably some kind of producer or director) were all standing there watching Edge blanket Paul Bearer in chicken wings, and just had to film it. And not do anything.

Thankfully, it's fake and they all just high five after they film it thinking it's a job well done.

09/24/10 SMACKDOWN! REVIEW: PAUL BEARER RISES FROM THE DEAD, ALSO, CROWD IS DEAD

Well, well, well... that crowd was certainly dead. RIP that crowd. Yeah.

SMACKDOWN! 09/24/10

WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF JUMPING THE SHARK?

Photo - WWE.com

Swimming under it? It jumps you? Whatever it is, the Paul Bearer angle tonight did exactly that.

For me, this feud has been a butt-ton of overly serious gibberish that makes my eyes un-focus (whenever Kane starts riffin' over Garage Band violins). But tonight, with Paul Bearer sitting up from within that red casket, everything felt... well, perfect. And if "jumping the shark" is a ridiculous moment in a story in an attempt to gain viewership, but ultimately is the moment you can pinpoint as the story's demise (did I get that definition right?), then this is most definitely the opposite, where this ridiculous moment took a shitty story and made it AWESOME.

This is what the feud should be. Forget the long, drawn-out, unbelievably serious promos, and bring on the cartoony, over-the-top absurdity. Forget the trying-to-hard-to-be-creepy Kane laughing/appearing/reappearing devoid of logic, and bring-on Undertaker bowing to the power of Paul Bearer's urn.

As the show went off the air with Kane screaming - ahem... "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!HSJQJHK" and Undertaker was on bended knee with Paul Bearer vibrating with voodoo powers, I was loving it. Now this feud makes sense to me.

No matter how good Kane was at shouting the gibberish, it was still gibberish, and I couldn't get behind it. I liked that he and Undertaker were using their "powers," but I didn't like it when they talked about their "powers" as if there is an actual laundry list of "powers" that they each have ("Okay, body-swapping? Check. Lightning from my hands? Check. Druids? WAIT WHERE ARE MY DRUIDS") - it just seemed out of place.

But now with Paul Bearer here (so fitting with 'Taker's career potentially winding down - I'd have even accepted a grey-haired Paul Bearer - wait, is he immortal?), this feud has had a firecracker of pure drugs shot up it's ass and I'm now excited for whatever unthinkable lunacy is gonna go down at Hell In A Cell.

OTHER THINGS THAT HAPPENED

- Christian was put out by Alberto Del Rio (he is getting quite the unfortunately fortunate rub from guys getting injured at bad times, isn't he?)

- Chris Masters took Kane TO THE LIMIT for some reason. Whatever works, I s'pose?

- Kaval and Chavo Guerrero had a short, but fun match. I wonder when Kaval will get his first big win - losing to Chavo seems kind of random since the focus didn't seem to be on either guy, really. Maybe I missed something. Ah well. Still got to see some good action (best on the show, or at least on par with the tag match).

- Rhodes/McIntyre def. The Hart Dynasty to retain the WWE Tag Team Championships. Two things: 1) As mentioned by Storm on the POW, aren't the Harts RAW guys? Details can be added to the list of Victims of the WWE's Rebranding. And 2) Arda Ocal of Right After Wrestling pointed out something Grisham said, where he essentially asked if Cody and Drew could become a great team... AND THEY'RE THE TAG CHAMPS.

- MVP did something while I was in the other room.

- Jack Swagger had his clothes stolen by the Dudebusters and Hornswoggle, who are essentially doing the same angle that Jesse and Festus were doing the last time Smackdown! switched networks.

- CM Punk def. Luke Gallows in a match that could've meant a hell of a lot more if Big Show didn't obliterate (whilst having a big headband-wearing slobbery laugh) the SES for months. Derp.

- Other stuff? I kinda forget. Oh right, Big Show squashed Vance Archer and Cu--zzzzzzzzzzzz. Actually it wasn't that bad. Fun, but served no point in my mind except for being fun to watch a big fat guy slap a medium muscly guy in the chest. And there's nothing wrong with that.

The focus of this show was obviously Taker/Kane/Bearer, especially with Undertaker doing a lot of emoting in a purple stairwell throughout the show.

I feel like I would punch my future-self in the nutsack region if he knew that I thought the saving grace of an episode of Smackdown (the wrestling show) was a promo between Kane, a casket, Paul Bearer and the Undertaker with his tongue sticking out. But it's just true.

And finally, that crowd... HO BOY. Was there a gas leak or something? They were sitting on their hands for the whole show, until the final segment. Yipes. I think they were even editing out the "WHAT" chants during Del Rio's promo, or there was just some seriously bizarre deadpan reactions from the crowd. Really weird.

Can't believe Hell In A Cell is nine days away. Could you imagine spending $110 on the WWE in two weeks time? Hot damn.

Oh, almost forgot. Watch this super creepy (to me at least) video of Paul Bearer getting covered in cement... during, uh... rehearsal, I guess? Check it: