12/10/10 SMACKDOWN! NON-SPOILER PREVIEW

Match listing via LordsOfPain

Smackdown! has become a show that you tune in to see Alberto Del Rio, solid wrestling, things said in Spanish and then said in English immediately after, and Edge and Kane running. If you can manage to tune out anything featuring Edge, Kane, Paul Bearer, and/or a dummy dressed up as Paul Bearer, you'll see a great wrestling show. Then, weeks from now when you see the PPV, you'll get a hilarious video package for the Edge vs. Kane match, featuring a bunch of hijinks and pranks that you can digest in a matter of seconds and be on your way. This is the best way to watch this show. Trust me.

Here's what's up for tonight that you can get buck for:

MAIN EVENT TAG TEAM MATCH

"The Rated R Superstar" Edge & Rey Mysterio

VS.

Alberto Del Rio & World Heavyweight Champion Kane

SINGLES MATCH? (I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO CALL IT)

Hornswoggle VS. The Swagger Soaring Eagle

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Champion Dolph Ziggler

VS.

Challenger Kofi Kingston

SINGLES MATCH

Jack Swagger VS. Kaval

TAG TEAM MATCH

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov

VS.

Drew McIntyre & Chavo Guerrero

SINGLES MATCH

Unified Divas Champion Natalya VS. Layla

Drew McIntyre is a man with no allegiances! He will team with any man! So long as he doesn't point and smile on the way to the ring.

The wrestling should be great on this show. The Edge/Kane vignettes should be hilarious two weeks from now, but unbearable to sit through as they air. I wonder how the camera crew feels as they film them. Seriously. What would be even stranger is if this were real, and the camera crew (like think about it, a lighting guy, camera guy, sound guy, probably some kind of producer or director) were all standing there watching Edge blanket Paul Bearer in chicken wings, and just had to film it. And not do anything.

Thankfully, it's fake and they all just high five after they film it thinking it's a job well done.

SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW - 07/30/10 (NO SPOILERS)

I'm excited to sit down and watch a full, non-streamed or downloaded episode of Smackdown! for the first time in a few weeks. Been busy the last few Fridays, but tonight I get to reunite with my old friend dorkiness. Unless if there is a better word to describe "getting drunk by yourself on a Friday night watching naked men pretend to fight each other and avenge their undead, yet vegetable, brothers."

SPOILER-FREE SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW

Thanks to LordsOfPain.net

NO DISQUALIFICATION

Rey Mysterio VS. "The All-American American" Jack Swagger

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Champion Kofi Kingston

VS.

Challenger Dolph Ziggler

WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP

Champion Layla

VS.

Challenger Tiffany

SINGLES MATCH

Drew McIntyre VS. Christian

SINGLES MATCH

Big Show VS. Luke Gallows

And I can only assume we'll be hearing from this man:

Photo - FUCK YEAH WRESTLING! Tumblr

SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW - 4/16/10

I will most likely be tuning in tonight. The main event is supposed to be great, according to Jericho himself.

I trust anything that man says.

SMACKDOWN! 4/16/10

Non-Spoiler Preview

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

World Heavyweight Champion "The All-American American" Jack Swagger

vs.

Chris Jericho

vs.

"The Rated R Superstar" Edge

SINGLES MATCH

JTG vs. Caylen Croft

NON-TITLE MATCH

Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Kane

SIX-MAN TAG

Rey Mysterio & The Hart Dynasty vs. CM Punk, Luke Gallows & Darren Young

NON-TITLE MATCH

Women's Champion Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James

SINGLES MATCH

R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler

SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW WELL IN ADVANCE

Just a quick note:

Seems like after last week's not-so-wrestling-focused show (but chock-full of juicy storyline progress), this week Smackdown! will be all about the wrestling matches themselves. At least, that's what it seems like on paper:

SMACKDOWN! 4/9/10

Non-Spoiler Match Listing

#1 CONTENDER TO THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

Edge vs. Chris Jericho

GRUDGE MATCH

Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy

NON-TITLE MATCH

World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison

STREET FIGHT

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

TAG TEAM MATCH

The Hart Dynasty vs. Trent Baretta & Caylen Croft

If Mysterio/Punk and Edge/Jericho get the first hour and second hour main event spots (which they obviously should) and get some time, along with the other matches on the card, you can bet your John Cena Bulldog Yarmulke that I'll be parked in front of the TV Friday night for good.

SMACKDOWN! 4/2/10 PREVIEW + AVOIDING SPOILERS AT ALL COSTS

It's impossible. I tried. And I've been spoiled. Hard. Just right in my face.

First, the spoiler-free match listing for tonight. Then, on to a rant about spoilers.

NON-SPOILER PREVIEW FOR SMACKDOWN!

TAG TEAM MATCH

"Ron-John" John Morrison & R-Truth vs. Cryme Tyme

NON-TITLE MATCH (I ASSUME)

Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy

SINGLES MATCH

The Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler

DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH

Tiffany & Beth Phoenix vs. "Simply Flawless"

SINGLES MATCH

CM Punk vs. The Undertaker

PLUS A CRAZY SPOILER!!!!!!!!!!!!(x infinity)

I'm not going to spoil the spoiler here. But I am just going to say: what the fuck.

I never read Smackdown! spoilers. It makes the show way more fun to watch. And when shit like this happens, it makes me want to never read anything on the internet ever again. I truly feel like it takes away from fun more than it adds to my fun. And I love fun. It's fucking fun.

So when EVERYWHERE is talking about a MAJOR spoiler, I try even harder to not read anything. But even that in itself is a kick in the balls, because once you see how CRAAAAAZY everyone is marking out for this spoiler, your mind starts to wander and try and figure just what few things could warrant this kind of reaction. So instead of tuning in to the show and just enjoying the hell out of it, you already have guesses of what will happen, and you totally expect The Great Khali to unify the World Heavyweight and Divas Titles (SPOILER!: that's not the spoiler).

What's worse is when you go to a blog (like I did two days ago) and it just up front tells you the spoiler on their front page with a big picture and headline. With no spoiler warning. Thanks for that. Not going to your blog ever again.

More often than ever am I considering turning on parental control for wrestling websites and trying to turn myself into a 100% mark again (like when John Mayer gave up Twitter for Lent). It would probably be way more fun. And you know how much I like my fucking fun.

So tune into Smackdown! tonight to see Vince McMahon shoot on Barack Obama and Drew McIntyre drop the Intercontinental belt to Mario Lopez.

Sorry I spoiled it for you.

SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW: 03/12/10

Friday nights have become a pretty sweet night for wrestling lately. With Smackdown! usually being top drawer (although it can most definitely fluctuate in quality), Dragon Gate USA has swooped in by delivering exhaustingly good PPVs that air on Fridays as well.

Those PPVs may come several months apart (I'm almost certain there's one for every season) but hey, it's still bolstered Friday nights if you're a fan of wrestling.

I caught last week's event not on the Friday, but on the Monday morning at 11. Watching a wrestling PPV replay at 11 in the morning on a Monday gives me two feelings:

1) When they would have school dances in elementary school but they would have to hold them between like 2:30 and 3:30 in the afternoon. So you felt all weird because it was dark and people were dancing like it was a club (but not really because clubs are somehow more lame).

2) That I have lost the will to live.

Seriously, a wrestling PPV REPLAY at 11:00 in the morning on a Monday?! What has my life become. Good god.

In spite of all of this self-hate, the PPV was pretty awesome (no surprise there), even for 11 in the morning. Davey/Mochizuki was my favourite from the show, and the Elimination Tag with the Bucks, Shingo/YAMATO & Doi/Yoshino was essentially at full-tilt from bell to bell. I started wheezing halfway through it.

Anyway, no DGUSA tonight. Just Smackdown:

SPOILER-FREE SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW

THE HIGHLIGHT REEL RETURNS

World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho welcomes his guest, Edge

SINGLES MATCH

R-Truth (with David Otunga) vs. WWE United States & Unified Tag Team Champion The Miz (with Daniel Bryan(!))

SINGLES MATCH

John Morrison vs. Unified Tag Team Champion Big Show

SQUASH SINGLES MATCH

WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Aaron Bolo

DIVAS MATCH

WWE Women's Champion Michelle McCool vs. Tiffany

TAG TEAM MATCH

Cryme Tyme vs. The Hart Dynasty

SINGLES MATCH

Kane vs. Luke Gallows

SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW: CHAMBER QUALIFIERS - 02/05/10

Looks like a fine upstanding card based around wrestling once again - could this be the first solid week of WWE shows this year (or longer)?! I hope so!

SPOILER-FREE PREVIEW

ELIMINATION CHAMBER QUALIFYING MATCHES

John Morrison vs. Kane

R-Truth vs. Mike Knox

CM Punk vs. Batista

Chris Jericho vs. Matt Hardy

Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH

Beth Phoenix & Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool & Layla

THE CUTTING EDGE

Tonight's guest: The Undertaker

Sounds like a show I could get drunk to and provide a silly review of.

SMACKDOWN! PREVIEW - 01/15/10

I'm heading out with friends after, so I'll most likely drink during the show and post some sort of haphazard drunk review later.

The following matches were taped in Green Bay, Wisconsin for tonight's SmackDown:

- Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison

- Fatal Fourway Match: CM Punk & Luke Gallows vs. The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme vs. Matt Hardy & The Great Khali. Winning team will be the #1 contenders for the Unified Tag Titles.

- Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler

- Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix

- Rey Mysterio vs. Batista in a Steel Cage match to determine who will challenge the Undertaker at the Royal Rumble

Hey, looks pretty good! My drunk self looks forward to a sloppy review.