SMACKDOWN REVIEW 4/22/11: TEEK TACK. TEEK TACK.

I love the way Alberto Del Rio says pretty much any word. He said "grandfather clock" with the emphasis on "grandfather." WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY.

This Smackdown review is also posted at Fair To Flair, where I joined forces with Jason Mann of Wrestlespective, Razor of Kick-Out!! Wrestling and K. Sawyer Paul of Aggressive Art to form a pro wrestling Secret Avengers team of nerds. Check out FTF, as well as all of their individual blogs and podcasts, and we're all on tumblr too (links at the bottom). Credit to Jason for once again editing this way-too-long three-day-late mess of links and swear words.

BEGIN

FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN 04/22/11

LIKED...

Photo - WWE.com

ALBERT OF THE RIVER LIKES TO PARTY

I love that Alberto Del Rio just holds parties all the time. And I love that, for no apparent reason, his promo was scored by a guy (who was nowhere to be seen) noodling around on a Spanish guitar.

This is a new thing. It wasn't until Matt Hardy turned evil and started delivering resentful promos to his brother Jeff, while childhood pictures magically appeared on the screen accompanied by ominous tones. And this wasn't like when Sycho Sid or Mankind would come to the ring and start cutting a promo over top of their music that was still playing. This is new music being played over his promo, as if he told the guys in the truck "hey, I think my words would be more effective if paired with some bass synths." And Matt Hardy can't cut a promo over his own music because his music is just a man shouting.

Aside from the music, I like how a bad guy holding a party (or funeral or fiesta or whatever) in honour of a good guy always means prop comedy. Moreso, I like in wrestling logic how, instead of preparing for a match or training or anything that would make sense, we are supposed to believe that wrestlers are running around backstage cutting together video packages to show to their enemies, or ordering props and writing jokes about the people they hate. "Cardio? Oh no, I'm trying to hunt down a grandfather clock so I can illustrate the end of Edge's career." Because in wrestling, that is INFINITELY more important than any real athletics.

WRESTLERS VS. ENTERTAINERERS

As much of an Action Soap Opera Entertainment Movie Thrillride the WWE has become, there always remains a few WWE-bred guys who wrestle like wrestlers and don't entertain like entertainerers. Chris Masters is one of these guys. He throws chops like he's trying to hurt you. He sells the Future Shock DDT like rigamortis. And, conversely, Drew McIntyre (somehow) always seems to quietly have the most entertaining match on any given Smackdown.

This match was a good break from The Corre saying or doing anything.

CODY RHODES VS. REY MYSTERIO

When watching Smackdown, Cody Rhodes appearing on screen usually elicits a "YEAHHF" out of me. Whether he's wrestling, or emoting, or handing out paper bags to the audience, or supplementing his lisp with a cracking puberty voice, he usually ends up being my favourite part of the show.

The match was good. That nice tilt-a-whirl backbreaker move Jericho would frequently use against Rey was cool too. And if it weren't for the two commercial breaks and the clunky ending, I would have preferred this match to their WrestleMania match. Even still, it was pretty close.

The brawl afterward was unusually calm and paced like a regular match (I suppose to spell out what their Falls Count Anywhere match will look like at Extreme Rules), and had my eyes glazing over until Rey pitched Cody over the barricade like he was DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Honourable Mention: Remember those old-style video packages I was talking about?

Yeah, well it happened again. This gets an honourable mention for a) me being proven right and b) the package having to be edited HILARIOUSLY because of how half-baked the original promo was.

R-Truth: "i'm so happy!!"

Morrison: "give me the thing that made you happy"

R-Truth: "no"

Morrison: "you smoke and drink water"

R-Truth: "k"

FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN 04/22/11

DISLIKED...

Photo - WWE.com

SOFTCORRE

My least favourite instances featuring The Corre:

• Backstage segments that occur seemingly for no other reason than to showcase the zero charisma they all possess.
• Justin Gabriel touching Heath Slater's chest for an inappropriate amount of time.
• Wade Barrett's underwater punches.
• The things they say and do
• I'll stop now
• Their matching shirts
• Okay now

My favourite instance featuring The Corre:

• When the Big Show pitched Justin Gabriel over the top rope like he was DJ Jazzy Jeff.

BRODUS CLAY

Why can't he just look like a normal, intimidating dude, and not like if King Hippo and King Koopa three-way impregnated a Super Mario 2 turnip? Does he need a spiky mohawk that wouldn't have even been cool ten years ago? JUST STOP IT. And, we all know when you go "SHHEEEEE" you really mean "SHIIIIIIT" so don't write "SHEEEEEE" on your stupid shirt or it'll look like you're saying "SHEEEEE" which makes no sense.

You didn't always look this dumb. A quick Google image search brings up a handful of photos of you without your SHEEEETY mohawk (and for some unknown reason, a mugshot of Brian Christopher). Incidentally, a quick Wikipedia search reveals that you were the timekeeper for Extreme Chick Fights.

...sheeee.

MICHAEL TROLL

Michael Cole operates on a whole new plane of obnoxiousness previously undiscovered by the human race. I don't know how he's able to do it. Maybe it's the countless years of people hating his fucking guts when he just had to grin and bear it. I always wondered when he'd snap and go postal and just machine gun everybody to death, so maybe this is a nice way to keep that from happening. By letting him be a full-blown prick to everyone by channelling the fourteen years of pent-up rage.

Some of you might be thinking "why is this a BOO! if he's doing his job by getting you to hate him?" And that is true. He is perfectly irritating and couldn't be better suited for his role. But there's only so much applauding you can do, and there's only so much you can take before you're just like, "you've done a wonderful job FUCKING ANNOYING ME GOODBYE TV OFF."

Honourable Mention: Booker T

Booker T: "You know something, I've been watching this Justin Gabriel and I've noticed that Justin Gabriel, he's a high flyer."

I just picture Booker studying charts and algorithms before coming to this conclusion.

FAIR TO FLAIR CREW

Fair To Flair - On Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook

Jason Mann - Wrestlespective, on Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook

K. Sawyer Paul - Aggressive Art, on Twitter, on Tumblr

Razor - Kick-Out!! Wrestling, on Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook

02/25/11 SMACKDOWN REVIEW: NO RUMBLE! NO CHAMBER!

Cody Rhodes was a quote machine on Friday. I'm pretty sure whenever I'm upset about something from now on, I'm going to exclaim "NO RUMBLE NO CHAMBER!" and then kick the ropes and do a back bump.

Here are my thoughts from this past Friday's SmackDown. You can find these pretty much exact same words over at Fair To Flair, where you can also find the inaugural Fair To Flair Show, which features me and the rest of the FTF guys (Jason Mann of Wrestlespective, Razor of Kick-Out!! and K. Sawyer Paul of Footnotes of Wrestling) talking about what we want out of the new site, what offends you in pro wrestling, WrestleMania XXVII, and a lot more, including the words "boobies" and "dink" as being said by me, burned into the Internet forever.

SMACKDOWN 02/25/11

LIKED

Photo - WWE.com

THE FATHER/SON SET-UP

Don't you love seeing a father and son bonding over a Rey Mysterio beatdown? I know I do! There's too many things I liked about this to mention BUT HERE I GO ANYWAY:

- Dusty's forehead looking like a quilt after decades of blading.

- Cody Rhodes looking like Horace Grant with his protective mask.

- Dusty calling his son by his full name.

- Cody saying "… everyone is staring at me."

ALL AMAZING. And then there's the attack itself, which went on way longer than I expected. Cody beat the crap out of Rey Mysterio to the point where he may need surgery five times on his left knee. Rubbing his face on the grate was good. Chucking him into the digital mirror was great. Unmasking him and kicking him in his BARE FACE was awesome. This is my favourite angle on SmackDown right now, with the Kelly Kelly/Drew McIntyre "will they won't they" relationship as a close second.

VICKIE GUERRERO NEEDS YOUR HELP

When I watched Edge raise the roof and Teddy Long do his Tom Cruise dance and everyone laugh and point at Vickie Guerrero for being fired, I tried to picture how I'd feel if I was watching this as a 12-year old, and I'm pretty sure I'd be doing a jig around my living room (until my dad saw me, which at that point I'd change the channel and talk about hockey). Vickie begging everyone for help and just getting laughed at was awesome. I hope she comes back somehow. Maybe not as an authority figure of some kind, because that's pretty much run it's course. But if she could come back and make Kelly Kelly cry again, I'd be up for that.

BIG SHOW… ANGRYYYY

My favourite kind of Big Show: angry babyface who chucks jobbers around like one of those pet monkeys who escaped it's owner and ripped the neighbours' hands and faces off. He also gets a plus for wearing the kind of jacket that every dad in my hometown wears. And the Pam Beasley scream he let out wasn't so bad either. Either way, I prefer my Big Show mad and dominating as opposed to goofy or heel and slow.

Honourable Mention: Wrestling. I wasn't glued to the action or anything, but it was all mostly pretty fun. Kane and Rey had a good opener that led to the angle of the night, Swagger and Kofi had a short, but solid match, and Vickie Guerrero got speared by Kelly Kelly. Kelly Kelly also kicked her match off with a Kenny Omega-like step dance. I've talked a lot about Kelly Kelly. Next time I'll talk this much about Kevin Kelly.

SMACKDOWN 02/25/11

DISLIKED

Photo - WWE.com

NARRATIVE OF CONVENIENCE

The WWE love to change the rules to fit whatever finish they've concocted up. And I, being the nerd that I am, am going to whine about it on the internet.

Fellow Fair To Flair contributor K. Sawyer Paul likes to call this the "Narrative of Convenience." Let me explain: Barrett and Show are on the outside and the count is around seven. Barrett slides back in the ring, halfway under the bottom rope, until Show grabs his leg and pulls him back out. Normally, that would break the count. But this time, Big Show just slid back in the ring and won by countout a second later. It's weird that they could've done this any number of ways without ignoring rules that have been in place for fucking ever (citation needed), and I'm left writing a paragraph about it like a sweaty dork.

WADE BARRETT'S PUNCHES

For a guy who's gimmick is a "bare-knuckle brawler," Barrett's punches look like the front crawl or something. They're really big and lumbering and make me not think he could actually win a "bare-knuckle brawl." Maybe a Brawl For All.

LAST MINUTE DEL RIO APPEARANCE

I wonder if this feud will ever become more than what it is right now. As it stands, I feel like I've seen the same clip a few weeks in a row, with Del Rio attacking Edge and slapping on the armbar. That's cool and all, and I love simple feuds where a guy just straight-up wants something another guy has, whether it's a title, a briefcase or Terri Runnels as your personal slave. But part of me feels like this could get a little more heat behind it. Having Del Rio attack Edge just before the credits roll, after not appearing on the entire show before that, doesn't seem like the best way.

Honourable Mention: I'm still mad about Tough Enough, stop reminding me that I'll be seeing Miss USA instead of Austin Aries and Joey Ryan.

Hey WWE, you might want to stock up on guys like Aries and Ryan. These are the kind of guys who have the same kind of dedication, talent and experience as guys like Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, and SO ON do, who are all dropping like flies. But no. You went with Rima Fakih. Thanks for that one.

And while I'm at it, I sure wish SmackDown would create some of it's own "can't miss" awesome moments like The Rock calling John Cena a kind of cereal or Triple H politely asking The Undertaker to suck him, instead of just replaying ones that happen on Raw for me to see. I'm definitely not taking away how sweet both of those moments were, and I completely understand why they get replayed on all the other shows… but let's get Del Rio doing something besides working Edge's arm for a series of weeks, and I'll be happy.

09/24/10 SMACKDOWN! REVIEW: PAUL BEARER RISES FROM THE DEAD, ALSO, CROWD IS DEAD

Well, well, well... that crowd was certainly dead. RIP that crowd. Yeah.

SMACKDOWN! 09/24/10

WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF JUMPING THE SHARK?

Photo - WWE.com

Swimming under it? It jumps you? Whatever it is, the Paul Bearer angle tonight did exactly that.

For me, this feud has been a butt-ton of overly serious gibberish that makes my eyes un-focus (whenever Kane starts riffin' over Garage Band violins). But tonight, with Paul Bearer sitting up from within that red casket, everything felt... well, perfect. And if "jumping the shark" is a ridiculous moment in a story in an attempt to gain viewership, but ultimately is the moment you can pinpoint as the story's demise (did I get that definition right?), then this is most definitely the opposite, where this ridiculous moment took a shitty story and made it AWESOME.

This is what the feud should be. Forget the long, drawn-out, unbelievably serious promos, and bring on the cartoony, over-the-top absurdity. Forget the trying-to-hard-to-be-creepy Kane laughing/appearing/reappearing devoid of logic, and bring-on Undertaker bowing to the power of Paul Bearer's urn.

As the show went off the air with Kane screaming - ahem... "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!HSJQJHK" and Undertaker was on bended knee with Paul Bearer vibrating with voodoo powers, I was loving it. Now this feud makes sense to me.

No matter how good Kane was at shouting the gibberish, it was still gibberish, and I couldn't get behind it. I liked that he and Undertaker were using their "powers," but I didn't like it when they talked about their "powers" as if there is an actual laundry list of "powers" that they each have ("Okay, body-swapping? Check. Lightning from my hands? Check. Druids? WAIT WHERE ARE MY DRUIDS") - it just seemed out of place.

But now with Paul Bearer here (so fitting with 'Taker's career potentially winding down - I'd have even accepted a grey-haired Paul Bearer - wait, is he immortal?), this feud has had a firecracker of pure drugs shot up it's ass and I'm now excited for whatever unthinkable lunacy is gonna go down at Hell In A Cell.

OTHER THINGS THAT HAPPENED

- Christian was put out by Alberto Del Rio (he is getting quite the unfortunately fortunate rub from guys getting injured at bad times, isn't he?)

- Chris Masters took Kane TO THE LIMIT for some reason. Whatever works, I s'pose?

- Kaval and Chavo Guerrero had a short, but fun match. I wonder when Kaval will get his first big win - losing to Chavo seems kind of random since the focus didn't seem to be on either guy, really. Maybe I missed something. Ah well. Still got to see some good action (best on the show, or at least on par with the tag match).

- Rhodes/McIntyre def. The Hart Dynasty to retain the WWE Tag Team Championships. Two things: 1) As mentioned by Storm on the POW, aren't the Harts RAW guys? Details can be added to the list of Victims of the WWE's Rebranding. And 2) Arda Ocal of Right After Wrestling pointed out something Grisham said, where he essentially asked if Cody and Drew could become a great team... AND THEY'RE THE TAG CHAMPS.

- MVP did something while I was in the other room.

- Jack Swagger had his clothes stolen by the Dudebusters and Hornswoggle, who are essentially doing the same angle that Jesse and Festus were doing the last time Smackdown! switched networks.

- CM Punk def. Luke Gallows in a match that could've meant a hell of a lot more if Big Show didn't obliterate (whilst having a big headband-wearing slobbery laugh) the SES for months. Derp.

- Other stuff? I kinda forget. Oh right, Big Show squashed Vance Archer and Cu--zzzzzzzzzzzz. Actually it wasn't that bad. Fun, but served no point in my mind except for being fun to watch a big fat guy slap a medium muscly guy in the chest. And there's nothing wrong with that.

The focus of this show was obviously Taker/Kane/Bearer, especially with Undertaker doing a lot of emoting in a purple stairwell throughout the show.

I feel like I would punch my future-self in the nutsack region if he knew that I thought the saving grace of an episode of Smackdown (the wrestling show) was a promo between Kane, a casket, Paul Bearer and the Undertaker with his tongue sticking out. But it's just true.

And finally, that crowd... HO BOY. Was there a gas leak or something? They were sitting on their hands for the whole show, until the final segment. Yipes. I think they were even editing out the "WHAT" chants during Del Rio's promo, or there was just some seriously bizarre deadpan reactions from the crowd. Really weird.

Can't believe Hell In A Cell is nine days away. Could you imagine spending $110 on the WWE in two weeks time? Hot damn.

Oh, almost forgot. Watch this super creepy (to me at least) video of Paul Bearer getting covered in cement... during, uh... rehearsal, I guess? Check it:

09/03/10 SMACKDOWN! REVIEW: JUAN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD

Didn't take long for someone to make a Mexican JBL reference, did it? Leave it to mah BOYEEE Christian. (I will never speak that way again, promise. Please still come to my blog. On with the review.)

SMACKDOWN! 09/03/10

REVIEWING THE SHOW IN ORDER OF AWESOMENESS

Photo - WWE.com

This week I'm trying something new: listing parts of the show from top to bottom - top being the best, bottom being the worst. Let's see how this goes.

AWESOME

- Alberto Del Rio. Does anyone NOT see this guy as a bonafide Superstar yet? He gets massive reactions for being so new, it's mental. Maybe that's because he is king shit (that's a good thing, according to what the kids say). Arda Ocal was absolutely right when he said on Right After Wrestling that Del Rio could have the World Title right now and no one would blink an eye. He's just got that presence about him. Not to mention he puts on a sick looking armbar.

- Cody Rhodes' promo cutting deep for Matt Hardy. Just hilarious. He draws true contemptible heat just for being such a cock. Saying Matt had been eating a "Hardy" amount of food made me bust a Hardy-sized gut in laughter.

- CM Punk's facials after losing to Big Show, and once again after giving Luke Gallows the GTS. I hate that they are getting completely buried by the Big Show, but if it's all leading to something - like the SES breaking up/getting rejuvenated in some way - then it's cool with me. But the way he sold that loss just in his breathing and eyes alone (this is turning a tad erotic) was phenomenal.

- Christian vs. Drew McIntyre. Great opening match, and really the best match of the night. The entire finishing sequence was well done, from the perfectly executed stomach breaker by Drew to the lightning-fast jackknife pin - entertaining stuff to watch.

- The idea of Hornswoggle being electrocuted for real.

- Matt Hardy selling the shit out of his ankle

- Undertaker selling this shit out of his vegetation

- Matt Hardy selling the shit out of his titties (I totally believed them!)

- Christian's promo. He was funny and opposed Del Rio well - I also liked Del Rio's "another place, another time" comment.

- Dolph's Masterlock reversal. That was a hard fucking landing. Masters may have smashed the brain off the inside of his skull.

- Michelle McCool's push-ups on Kelly Kelly's face. Scott Steiner should incorporate that into his workout.

- Jack Swagger's shit-eating grin push-ups (this was a push-up heavy show).

- Cody Rhodes taking a boot while skinning the cat.

- Kane. While I, like the rest of the sane world, is not fully behind the Kane/Taker feud, Kane can at least deliver the content of the feud on the mic like a pro, even if the content of the feud is a bag of dinks.

- MVP's shit-eating grin elbow drop on Jack Swagger, Sr. (in a neck brace). Between punching Swagger after legitimately losing an amateur wrestling challenge last week (what a crybaby) and attacking Swagger's dad this week (what a pussy)... will anyone ever like MVP?

- The idea that Kelly Kelly could not reverse the face push ups.

- The idea that Jack Swagger can either be completely dominating and destroy your ankle without a second's notice, or be pushing his dad around in a wheelchair and running away from MVP (who he beats almost daily).

- Can't decide if "stealing powers" is a fucking awful idea for a feud to be based around, or so totally over the top and ridiculous that it's great. I'm leaning towards fucking awful.

- Big Show dominating Gallows/Punk. Even if I can appreciate where the story might be going, I still don't like to see this.

- Grisham wondering if Big Show could beat Gallows and Punk when he's already beaten Gallows, Punk AND Mercury at SummerSlam

- Kane's laugh.

- Stupid Big Show's stupid smiling and stupid pointing. Him and all of the babyface Divas just can't get enough smiling and pointing.

- Okay I decided. I don't like the content of the Kane/Taker feud (surprise!). I'm cool with Undertaker and Kane having powers. Shoot fire from your hand, lightning from your balls, disappear, reappear, swap bodies, you name it. But once you start outright talking about your powers, you're starting to lose me.

- Matt Striker acting a fool and ruining any chance that someone might go see Legendary. The way he went on and on about it during the Hardy/Rhodes match, while key parts of the match were unfolding, was un-be-fucking-lieve-a-fucking-ble (has anyone ever inserted two F words into a word before? I JUST DID). Not only that, but 100% of the rest of the shit that comes out of his mouth makes my skin crawl.

- The segment of Hornswoggle getting electroshock therapy. If you didn't see it, let me fill you in. Hornswoggle is backstage with someone who is apparently some kind of doctor. The doctor refers to Hornswoggle as "Mr. Swoggle" (as if "Hornswoggle" wasn't ridiculous enough). Attached to Mr. Swoggle's face are wires. Teddy Long says he promised Hornswoggle he'd help him learn to speak or something. There is a See 'N Say involved. Hornswoggle doesn't want to get electrocuted, but somehow a fist-bump from Teddy Long is enough to persuade him. He begins to get electrocuted until he takes the wires off of his face and puts them on the doctor's face who he then electrocutes until smoke comes out of him. The scene then fades to black and somewhere a writer is feeling a sense of accomplishment, because he just managed to get a big pile of shit on national television.

WHY GOD

So there you have it. My first review of a wrestling show in descending order of awesomeness. Not sure if I'll stick with this or go back to the old Like/Dislike. Do you care? Lemme know.

Now I'm going to wash the image of Hornswoggle out of my mind by finishing watching this week's ROH On HDNet. G'night.

SMACKDOWN! REVIEW - 07/30/10: I CAN'T THWIM

This show was filled with ups and downs and dips and dives.

SMACKDOWN! 07/30/10

LIKE: WRESTLING-FOCUSED

DISLIKE: LIVE MONTAGES

Photo - WWE.com

LIKED

- The actual wrestling! This show had a bizarre balance of fun, solid wrestling mixed with show-ruining plotholes and strange storyline choices. But, the wrestling itself, was really fun. Drew's shoulder-breaker-with-the-steel-steps-as-his-knee was a huge highlight in his match with Christian. Dolph/Kofi was not quite as exciting, at least in the crowd's eyes, but still a good back an forth battle. Rey/Swagger had plenty of brawling through the arena and the powerbomb-into-the-guardrail from Swagger scared some children. Great stuff to watch.

- Kofi Kingston showing he hates Vickie Guerrero as much as we do.

- "Dashing" Cody Rhodes' grooming tips. HOLY HELL. Best thing going anywhere and everywhere. He is SO funny it hurts. I was shocked to hear that some people actually don't like this. But I suppose that's the point. I can't help but love it.

- CM Punk's fourth-quarter football-coach rally-the-troops promo... although I guess it was more "threaten" than rally. Untouchable on the mic, as always.

- Big Show's "I'm a dead bear" face when his fat hand got stomped on. What a drooly freak.

- The Alberto Del Rio videos. Not sure if he totally understands what his new name is. Or maybe his accent is so smooth that I can't understand him.

- Jack Swagger's hop, skip and a jump out of Rey's headscissors to fling himself into the water.

DISLIKED

- Kane's bullshit live montage soliloquy of BULLSHIT. It was agonizing to watch. Anyone seen the South Park where they make fun of wrestling? That was this. And do we really need to turn his promo into a montage as it happens? Aren't we going to have weeks of montages anyway? The music during the promo is so awful. It just slaps you in the face saying THIS IS FAKE LOL.

- Kane's accusation of Rey Mysterio being Undertaker's attacker not being questioned by the announcers AT ALL. He's built a career on being a FUCKING PSYCHOPATH - maybe we shouldn't believe everything that comes out of his goddamn mouth.

- Kofi Kingston getting DQ'd for fighting. He didn't break a count. Didn't use a weapon, give a low blow, hit the ref, ANYTHING. He got disqualified for literally being aggressive. Even if the argument is he didn't take heed of the ref's warning, why would he get a warning? FOR FIGHTING TOO HARD?! "Whoa, hold on Kofi, this is fake, remember? You're disqualified." How can that happen on the same show that Kane promises to KILL a man?! GAH.

- The camera that was waiting for Swagger and Rey as they came out of the arena. Was there any need to have that special extra camera just so we could confirm that this is indeed fake? Why couldn't that initial camera that was following them just keep following them? Why was that camera out there, in kayfabe? Filming... NOTHING!? This show was full of small details that took you out of the show and made you think about how this is fake.

I am hating on this show pretty hard, but when these little things add up and up and up, it gets hard to ignore and takes away from the good stuff, and there was some really good stuff. And it's even more frustrating when this show is normally not filled with this kind of stuff.

I totally get why a lot of these things are done. It's entertainment, and they love telling us that now. Sure, cool, I get it, high five. But can't it be entertainment that doesn't constantly rub it in my face that it's fake? People don't like their TV shows and movies with plot holes and inconsistencies, so why would we like our wrestling, ahem, action-entertainment, that way?

I feel like all of my sentences in this review have ended with a question mark.

RAW IS SMACKDOWN! REVIEW

I wish a volcano would ruin thousands of people's travelling plans every week. I also wish Will Forte and Kristen Wiig were GMs every week. I also wish we could have comedy as funny as R-Truth exploding out of his shoes every week.

04/19/2010 RAW

LIKE: MACGRUBER

DIDN'T LIKE: MICHAEL COLE

LIKED

- MacGruber. This may have been the first time since William Shatner that RAW killed with the comedy segments. Nothing is funnier than blowing R-Truth up. But at least he died doing what he loved. Asking everyone WHATS UP WHATS UP.

- Punk/HHH back-and-forth. Why is it that these two have such great chemistry? And when Rey came out and clipped off a clump of Punk's hair i, I made one of those girlish involuntary shrieky-noises that I wish I could've taken back right after it came out of my mouth.

- John Cena's unintentionally hilarious promo via satellite. It was like a press release. Or an update from a field reporter. It treaded into "hostage video" territory when he explained that everyone is safe and they are being treated well. I hope the starting of Extreme Rules is a montage of John Cena swimming across the Atlantic Ocean and performing good deeds and feats of strength for strangers along the way.

- Swagger/UNCLETAKER. Was not expecting to see the Undertaker. Swagger took Undertaker to the limit for his first match since WrestleMania, and looked like a champ. He dominated him at times throughout the match, and I'm pretty sure it went like 15 minutes. Great stuff. Early prediction for Extreme Rules: Swagger retains.

- Jericho's interactions with Punk (with his hair wrapped up in a towel). "Yeah, I beat those guys too." So funny.

- 6-Man Tag. Fun match with some great action and a hot-ass finish for a crowd pogoing out of their seats. They are always way hotter for a finish when Punk takes it, because he draws heat like a volcano that prevents air travel.

DID NOT LIKE

- McIntyre/Hardy. Only because it's happened a few times already, and McIntyre has gone over Matt super cleanly every time. Matt Hardy was throwing wild, desperate, end-of-a-Rocky-movie punches at like the one and a half minute mark of a three minute match.

- Michael Cole.

That's about it. This show was really fun to watch and not take super seriously, especially knowing that it was all done pretty much on the fly.

Also, keep checking back for when I set up the Prediction Game for Extreme Rules - it's going to be a running season up until WrestleMania 27.

This post is dedicated to R-Truth, who rode it 'til the wheels fell off.