BEING JOHN MALKOVICH JIM JOHNSTON: CHRIS HERO

I intended for this to be a recurring post about what music I think certain wrestlers should have (er, ignoring copyrights) instead of their current crappy theme. However, this one's different (from the zero I've posted), as Chris Hero's music is pretty perfect. His might stand out the most out of all of the new ROH themes that have come along since their deal with HDNet.

CURRENT THEME

"CHRIS IS AWESOME" - VIRO THE VIRUS

So with his current theme being awesome, it seems to makeless sense to post this. However I think it'd be badass if he came out to Nas' "Hero" if he were to ever turn full-blown babyface. People would cream themselves everytime the word "HERO" is sung at the chorus. I mean, I know I would.

PROPOSED THEME

"HERO" - NAS FT. KERI HILSON

WHOA: DAVEY RICHARDS VS. KOTA IBUSHI SET FOR EVOLVE INAUGURAL SHOW

This will be amazing.

DAVEY RICHARDS

INVOLVED IN EVERY OTHER 2009 MOTY CANDIDATE

KOTA IBUSHI

DOES IMPOSSIBLY AMAZING THINGS IN JAPAN

Put them together and what have you got? A badass, highly anticipated main event for EVOLVE's first show (January 16th, 2010 in Rahway, NJ).

- mitts

MOVING DAY + RAW 11/30/09 PREDICTIONS

I'm moving places tomorrow. Part of me is super excited, because the place is a palace compared to the hole in the ground I currently "live" (read: rot away in the dark) in. The other part of me is not as excited, only because, as everyone knows, the actual act of moving sucks my butt.

But hopefully I'll give myself a break from packing to sit down and watch RAW. I missed last week, which on paper (or laptop screen) sounded like one of the more fresh and exciting shows in quite a while. Here's my very serious predictions for tonight's show, which I don't think has anything announced for it yet.

TONIGHT'S GUEST HOST

VERNE TROYER

- Sheamus will wrestle and beat someone, hopefully of importance, since he's only been doing squash matches on TV, and now has a WWE Title match on PPV

- Michael Cole will fake laugh

- Triple H makes a trifecta of "jokes" - one gay, one Mini-Me "tripod" reference, and one accidentally gay about himself

- Big Show will pick up Verne Troyer and potentially do a horrible "Fat Bastard" impression

- Kofi Kingston will continue to be awesome

- John Cena will be dismissive and goofy, but then DEADLY SERIOUS AND SHOUTING

- Evan Bourne will wrestle in the best match of the night

I bet I go at least 4 for 7.

- mitts

ROH ON HDNET: 11/23/09 - BUCKS/WOLVES

Well holy damnit.

I was away all week, with very limited internet, but still managed to hear about how great this match was. I read so much hyperbole (or what I thought to be hyperbole) that I worried my expectations would be raised impossibly high, and it wouldn't live up. Not only that, but sadly I don't get HDNet, so I also feared that watching the match on YouTube alone in my room (I have friends I swear guys) would take away from what a lot of people were championing as one of the top TV main events of the year.

Instead of that happening, I almost felt weird about how giddy I was lying on my bed with my laptop, popping (trying not to use wrestling lingo too much in fear of sounding like a dink) over just about every fast-paced move in this match, to the point where I damn near scared the cat-piss out of my cat, and I don't even own a cat.

Okay, hyperbole aside, the match truly delivered and legitimately excited me enough to exclaim out loud, despite being huddled away in my room. It was also nice to see the Philly crowd, who were pretty flat up until the main event, get rowdy for the Bucks and the Wolves.

If you didn't see it, see it here and try and tell me that at least one of your nipples didn't get hard. I dare you.

- mitts

THE GREATEST PICTURE THAT EVER LIVED

Hello. ENOUGH SMALL TALK.

I would like to present this picture that I hold near and dear to my heart:

I snapped this gem at the Smackdown tapings in September when THEANIMALDAVEBATISTA made his big return after leaving RAW. A dude in the front row clearly took offence to this (a.k.a. he gave him the finger all night), and Big Dave responded in shocking fashion.

Two fingers up is the new two thumbs down!

So now that I've dangled this carrot in front of your face (Batista = a carrot in this analogy), feel free to stop by to read my occasional blabberings about my favourite pastime since I was but a wee boy sitting crosslegged three inches from the TV screen (as long as TSN didn't preempt it with goddamned CURLING) - pro wrestling.

- mitts