Sunday, May 30, 2010


More specifically, the dancing asshole.


Alex Wright is the last man to have pulled off this gimmick perfectly. Since then, every dancing asshole (Heartthrobs, Jeff Hardy) have totally missed the mark. Take a look at this and try and tell me this wouldn't get over today:

Isn't he such a doucher? It's amazing.

So I propose a modernized version of this complete tool. And there is seriously no better time than now to reboot the dancing asshole, because the dancing asshole is alive and well in America today:

That's right.

I am demanding a club-trolling, Guidette-creeping, fist-pumping, dancing Guido (using that term affectionately) asshole in wrestling today.

The Alex Wright dancing asshole reboot would center around an Italian-American (Guido) who does nothing but go to clubs, work out, party, tan and embarrass himself in the public eye. The dude would be a complete trainwreck of a human being, but still manage to get with the sluttiest girls and this would enrage the fans. The essence of this character is embodying the entire appeal of Jersey Shore, where everyone on that show has no real redeeming qualities, yet you can't look away.

He would always get that fake-fight rage whenever someone makes fun of him, where he'd get mad and loud and huff and puff have to have his Guido friends hold him back, even though he clearly has no real interest in actually fighting. And he'd talk about how much he respects and loves his mother a lot, but would continuously objectify women.

A terrifying amalgamation of these "people":

Anything that is preempted by a fist-pump taunt that lasts for way too long.

Our dancing asshole would debut in backstage segments, generally just appearing for comic relief, and not really as a wrestler. He'd just keep turning up, sometimes with a Guidette, sometimes just on his iPod fist-pumping. Eventually someone (say Kofi Kingston) would ask who he is, he'd say his name, and Kofi would make fun of his gelled hair.

During one of Kofi's matches, the Guido would attack him and start fist-pumping to his own theme music over Kofi's prone body (similar to the way Alex Wright dances over the Cruiserweight Title in this video, with people booing him out of the building).

He could feud with Kofi to help him establish more sides to his character (not strictly comedy jobber, but more of a wrestler who gets heat because he's so ridiculous). He could also have some kind of talk show where he invites people on to fist-pump, until he takes them out, then fist-pumps over their body.

I truly believe that the dancing asshole gimmick can get heat when done right. When done wrong (Heartthrobs) it can just be embarrassing. But Guido culture (can I even use the word culture for that?!) has become so popular lately that it'd hard to mess this up.

He could either be totally wasted as a comedy jobber, or actually cheered for being too much like the cast of Jersey Shore, which is wildly popular. Or the gimmick could be taken on by the wrong dude, and would fail. You definitely need the right guy for this character.

So until we get this 2010 Alex Wright-style wrestler, I'll be waiting patiently for Jersey Shore Season 2. Or maybe I'll just watch Alex Wright dance on YouTube all day.

1 comment:

  1. dude, with posts like this you will be writing for WWE in no time.

    serious, your thumb is on the pulse of the new new generation!!!!