No one gets me fired up like Hawk. He can make complete gibberish sound threatening, and not in an Ultimate Warrior way, because his gibberish was never threatening. It was a different kind of gibberish. Space gibberish. Hawk's is real life fucking street gibberish. You don't entirely know what he means when he says it, but you know that if you piledrive him, he'll stand right back up and break your arms, or at the very least dump Henry Godwinn on his head.
Friday, October 28, 2011
FUNNIEST SHIT OF ALL TIME: HAWKAMANIA
My buddy Mike showed me this. It wouldn't be fair to keep such glorious things as Road Warrior Hawk talking about his hamster and stroking Jim Neidhart's beard to myself. SCARY HUH GENE
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE VI - TITLE FOR TITLE, CHAMPION VS. CHAMPION, THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE, SUNDAY AFTERNOON
Hello! And welcome back to my wrestling blogging website, which apparently only has content once a season that recaps whatever happened while I was gone for that time. I'm sorry I leave you so often, sweet blog. You still love me, right? Why don't we make love anymore? WHATS HIS NAME?
I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING
So I'm back again. But let's be honest, I'll probably be gone tomorrow and you won't see me 'til Since I've Been Gone VII - Adrian's Revenge.
SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE VI
Photo - WWE.com
So after five of these recaps, you might remember that I tend to miss something big while I'm gone. Miz cashing in, WrestleMania XXVII, a nude Tayne John Cena, y'know the important stuff. This time around, I think I caused the thing I missed:
MATT HARDY
OUT-CRAZY'S THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR
WOW. BUDDY. Okay, um, Matt. I want to talk to Matt. Not Matthew. Is Matt in there? No Matt? Only Zuul?
Okay, Zuul, remember in my last blog how I gave you a Coach Taylor pep talk on how you can't let the Ultimate Warrior out-crazy you, and you need to get out there and be the best idiot you can be?
"I think [the Ultimate Warrior] showed up with a YouTube account to remind us that Matt Hardy eating grapes and tazing women isn't enough to out-crazy the Ultimate Warrior. Jesus, even John Cena is out-crazying Matt Hardy! What happened Matt? Get on YouTube and show us what you're made of already! I do appreciate you burning your garbage and blowing up aerosol cans or getting bumshit hammered or giving cooking lessons to nobody, but do you think that's enough to keep up with the Ultimate Warrior swearing at a fictional lazy person? Or John Cena getting as naked and veiny as he possibly can and tweeting a picture of himself? NO. NO MATT. NO.
You need to pull yourself up by the cargo pant pockets and prove just who really is the craziest fucking idiot on the Internet. Grab your flipcam, kiss your brother, throw Shannon Moore into a pile of syringes, I don't care. Just be the best idiot you can be. I believe in you." - Me, August 17th, 2011
Remember when I said that?! DUDE I thought you were just going to post a video of you masturbating to your own action figure or something! I didn't think you'd actually take my advice to heart! You don't need to out-crazy the Ultimate Warrior or nude Cena, you're your own crazy idiot and that's okay! Whatever happened to grapes? I thought they were the best thing ever?! STICK TO THE GRAPES MATT
Suicide videos and angel blood and DUIs aren't wrestling-crazy; they're actual-crazy. I just wanted you to take my rallying speech and go slip on a banana peel and make me laugh. But no, all you heard was CLEAR EYES FULL HEARTS CAN'T LOSE GO CRAZY VEEE ONEAHHHHHH BE WELL AND UNTIL THEN
KEVIN NASH
HAS AN OLD PERSON MOMENT AND TEXTS HIMSELF
Photo - WWE.com
A large part of me wishes that Kevin Nash texted himself from his own phone and has actually been at home this whole time, and what we've been seeing on TV every Monday since SummerSlam is the maniacal fantasies inside Kevin Nash's mind as he's at home playing with his wrestling toys on his 18-wheeler shaped bed in Tampa. It'd be like the movie Identity (if anyone saw that and can replace the fat mental patient with Big Daddy Cool Diesel). That would at least explain what's been happening over the past few weeks.
So I know I've been gone for a while, and please correct me if I'm wrong here, but this is how I see Kevin Nash's return to the WWE thus far:
- Returns at Royal Rumble, doesn't pull anything, takes that as a sign to make a full comeback
- Thinks about it for half a year (presumably in his 18-wheeler shaped bed in Tampa)
- Texts himself "omg cm punk wtf you're dead lol"
- "Sticks" CM Punk (his hilarious words, not mine)
- Thinks he made wrestling cool again by saying things like "hit the weights" and "get a clue" to CM Punk
- Got into a pretend car accident
- Got spotted by security cameras texting himself (embarrassing)
- Got hired by John Laurinaitis
- Was put into a match against CM Punk by Triple H
- Was replaced in the match against CM Punk by Triple H with Triple H
- Was punched by Triple H and fired by Triple H
- Tried to attack Triple H in the Triple H vs. CM Punk matches at Night of Champions, got sledge'd by Triple H and Triple H pinned CM Punk
- Attacked Triple H at Vengeance
- Attacked Triple H on Raw
- Triple H Triple H Triple H Triple Triple H
- Triple HHHHHHHHHHHHHH Triple HHHHHHH
- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
- HHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH HHHH
- HHHHHH Triple H
- HHHHHHHHHHH
- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Soooo... yeah. At least CM Punk remained cool through all of this.
...
But then again, who the fuck would, when Triple H literally replaces the guy you're feuding with with himself so he can beat you, and STILL smash the guy you were feuding with in the face, and then go on to fight the guy you were feuding with while you team with Triple H and you're the one getting pinned in your tag team match holy goddamned what the serious fuck.
WWE SUBTLY STATES IT'S OPINION ON OCCUPY WALL STREET
SUBTLETY STILL NOT WWE'S STRONG SUIT
Photo - WWE.com
Hey, I wonder what WWE thinks of the Occupy Wall Street movement. I wonder if they support it, or if think everyone is a big annoying pussy for standing up against oh why would I even finish this thought. I find it completely MIND BLOWING that they would bury their entire roster (save for Triple H who, if you have never seen WWE, is REALLY AWESOME) in favour of making a shitty statement against protesters. If you haven't already, read Razor (of Kick-Out!! Wrestling)'s Fair To Flair article on the subject.
MARK HENRY AND BIG SHOW EXPLODE THE RING
THE SIMPSONS ALREADY DID IT
Photo - WWE.com
The instant Mark Henry and Big Show hit the canvas and smashed the ring into obliteratitry, the internet smashed itself into obliteratitry by shouting about Brock Lesnar and Big Show already breaking the ring eight years ago. This is a classic case of The Simpsons Already Did It, as told by South Park.
Because the WWE has been around for *checks watch* fucking ever, they've done everything. In fact, the entire business of wrestling used to be based on doing the exact same thing night-in, night-out in a different city every day (twice on Sundays © Ric Flair). But now, because the WWE is a global brand on TV in over 38796 countries (did you know?) unleashing anywhere from 6-12 hours of BRAND NEW programming every insufferable week, things kind of end up repeating once you do that for over fifty years (the revolutionary force in sports entertainment).
By the way, not only did Brock Lesnar and Big Show ALREADY explode the ring eight years ago, I'm pretty sure Kevin Nash has hit Triple H with a sledgehammer before. If exploding the ring is the point you're going to raise in support of "WWE has no new ideas" you are weird.
FURTHERMORE, if two people that weigh as much as Brock Lesnar and Big Show combined broke the ring with a superplex, then that ring better fucking explode when Big Show and Mark Henry do the same thing. If anything we should be praising WWE for establishing something eight years ago and following through on it. Ha?
FAIR TO FLAIR QUARTERLY #2
NOW OUT!
I can't do my first post in two months and not mention Fair To Flair. The second issue, which Jason Mann and I previewed a few months ago in this podcast, is now available to order in both physical and digital formats. AND you can also preview the articles that make up the new Quarterly by going here. I, once again, am not a part of this one, but wholeheartedly support it.
FTF has also expanded to include Garcian Smith (hey!). And one day I'll show up there again! Holy crap I've been gone forever.
DAVID OTUNGA GETS NEW GIMMICK
AND A THERMAL COFFEE MUG
This is only important because he is hilarious. BOWTIE
ALSO
OTHER THINGS
Photo - WWE.com
Considering my last post was August 17th, I've missed like 90 hours (barely exaggerating) of WWE TV. And that doesn't even count other promotions, OR things that don't happen on-screen, which means I've missed A LOT. Like Cody Rhodes bringing back the classic Intercontinental Title or ROH's debut TV show or Raw becoming a SuperShow or Smackdown remaining a Normalshow or Super Dragon returning or Teddy Hart inventing a promotion that is exactly like the kind of promotion Teddy Hart would invent or the WWE launching a cable network in like five months or James Storm winning the TNA Title or TNA still being a thing or Jim Ross being humiliated (hey another thing the Simpsons WWE already did) or John Morrison almost certainly tweeting about his plan to masturbate or Evil Sin Cara or Camo Big Show or Rise Above Hate Anti-Bully Bully John Cena or Wax Undertaker or Chocolate Kane or Cyborg Alex Riley okay I'm making some of these up but I missed SO MANY THINGS. SO MANY.
See you in fourteen months or whenever.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE V - WTF THOUGHT I WAS DEAD LOL EDITION
Hello anyone who has stuck with me despite my sporadic, lengthy and unexplained disappearances. If you continue to read my blog (or Tumblr or Twitter or anything I do on Fair To Flair) even after I abandon it for weeks upon weeks of International super-benders, you are my hero and I thank you. But, I can't promise it won't happen again. I could up and leave at anytime. I'm like your step dad. Unless if you have a step dad that really does leave you all the time. In that case, I'm something less offensive. Because I'd never really leave you! I love you! C'mon, let's go have a catch.
I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING
SUMMERSLAM 2011 JOHN CENA EXPOSES SELF ON TWITTER
But then after that I gotta go out for smokes (don't wait up). Love you!
SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE
Photo - WWE.com
During my leave of absence (fifth one, if I counted correctly), as per usual, something HUGE happened and I missed it. For once can't nothing happen while I'm gone? Just send Melina out there to make faces for a few hours, no one will notice a difference. WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S FIRED?
While I try to accept this tragic loss, let's recap what I missed on my four previous wrestling-less sabbaticals:
SIBG 1: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler, MOTY at Bragging Rights
SIBG 2: The Miz cashes in, wins WWE Title
SIBG 3: Matt Hardy gets dreadlocks
SIBG 4: WrestleMania XXVII
SIBG 5: The biggest event of the summer, not without controversy or John Cena putting it all out there for the WWE Universe...
WE CAN ALL SEE YOU NOW EW
Photo - John Cena's outbox of shame
Here's the part where I, a grown-up man (as grown-up as a wrestling fan on the Internet can be), talk about John Cena's penis (which conveniently rhymes; I expect him to use it in one of his rapping songs [he still does rap songs, right?]). Well, not really his penis. More like his penis region.
For those who don't know (and if you don't know, it's probably a testament to your character as a citizen of the world), John Cena tweeted a very sexualized picture of himself (uh, on purpose). It depicts him completely naked in the mirror, with the photo cutting off just before U Can't See his penis.
I'm not going to call this appalling or offensive or whatever, but I will give you my first, immediate thought:
THIS IS FUCKING WEIRD.
It literally gave me the "heebie jeebies" (eye cancer).
I just found it so bizarre, ESPECIALLY because it came in a string of tweets where he was answering fans' questions, some of which were asking about a future heel turn. He responded in classic John Cena form by saying, essentially "I am me. I do what I do, and you decide my fate" blah blah blah, where he says he's always the same and it's up to the fans whether they like him or not. Then he tweets a picture of his cock. HE'S GONE FULL HEEL! OR AT LEAST HALF-CHUB HEEL.
The weirdest part about it is how WWE TV and John Cena himself have made a point of letting us know that children love John Cena. Obviously women love Cena too, but it's the children that Cena has literally (literally literally!) defended on television. He's given speeches about how proud he is to be a hero to children and how if kids like him it shouldn't be a detriment to him as a man. This all happened recently. He's a saviour to Little Jimmies everywhere, and maybe he wanted to show us his Little Jimmy I DON'T KNOW. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.
Let me put it this way. Had Shawn Michaels tweeted a picture of his penis region (or say, posed in Playgirl), I would be totally on board, because he is called a Sexy Boy; I know what I'm getting into. But if John Cena tweets a picture of his SuperDick, I might go, "hey, um, what the FUCK?!"
I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if Hulk Hogan or Steve Austin tweeted a sexualized naked picture of themselves to their fans, but my brain won't allow me to ruin all of wrestling for myself, so that's not happening. And it's one thing if it was a picture (like this one, or this one) that was dug up and posted on the internet by rabid fans. This was tweeted straight from the SuperHorse's fingertips.
Very strange and out of character both in and out of character.
Also very veiny.
The end.
SUMMERSLAM 2011
THE SECOND BIGGEST EVENT OF THE SUMMER
Photo - WWE.com
While I would love to write several paragraphs about Sheamus vs. Mark Henry or John Cena vs. CM Punk or Kelly Kelly impressing the shit out of everybody, I've already wasted about 90,000 words on John Cena's upper taint. So, instead, I'll point you in the direction of some fantastic reviews of the show, and then you can come back here to read about the most important figures in pro wrestling today, the Ultimate Warrior and Matt Hardy.
THE BEST AND WORST OF SUMMERSLAM 2011 BY BRANDON STROUD (WITH LEATHER)
I rep Brandon Stroud on this blog just a little bit less than Matt Hardy, but it's still an embarrassing amount. Go read his reviews. Derrick Bateman reads them. Do it for Derrick Bateman. Do it for Chicks and America. Do it for Maxine. That last part is for people who follow NXT, which may or may not include Derrick Bateman or Brandon Stroud or myself even.
SUMMERSLAM 2011 BY RAZOR (FAIR TO FLAIR, KICK-OUT!! WRESTLING)
In addition to abandoning this blog for several weeks, I also went missing from Fair To Flair. Thankfully, fellow FTF contributor Razor was there to make fun of WWE Cock Rock and Cee Lo Green, as well as give a very positive and fair (to flair) review.
HOW TO MAKE SOME FANS HAPPY, HOW TO MAKE SOME FANS UPSET BY K. SAWYER PAUL (FAIR TO FLAIR, INTERNATIONAL OBJECT)
In addition to changing gimmicks at blinding speed, K. Sawyer Paul has also provided the most succinct review of SummerSlam in two clever posts. He's also been taking over the sidebar of Fair To Flair with exactly what he promised - the best wrestling stories on the Internet. I can wholeheartedly say that if The Dirtsheets was a VHS tape of wrestling news, I'd be taping over that shit with Int'l Object even if I wasn't a part of FTF.
THE MASKED MAN (GRANTLAND, UH, TWITTER)
He doesn't have an article on SummerSlam, but his thoughts on Twitter are absolutely worth scrolling through. The Masked Man has brought wrestling writing to mainstream sports blogs like Deadspin, as well as Grantland, where he writes about wrestling alongside the likes of Chuck Klosterman and Bill Simmons. He also gives roommate reactions on Twitter, which provides such gems of insight as "He looks like a date rapist (roommate on The Miz)".
EDIT: Grantland just posted The Masked Man's SummerSlam article, Back to Unreality.
SEVERAL SUMMERSLAM POSTS! BY TOM HOLZERMAN (FAIR TO FLAIR, THE WRESTLING BLOG)
I'd be hard-pressed not to mention my blogging Brosa Mendes who wrote a review of SummerSlam, as well as individual posts about Sheamus/Mark Henry, Kelly Kelly and Commercials on PPV. If you want to read about SummerSlam, TH has every angle covered.
ULTIMATE WARRIOR
SMOKING ASS, OR SOMETHING? I DON'T KNOW. SOMETHING ABOUT A GENIUS REAPER.
I think he showed up with a YouTube account to remind us that Matt Hardy eating grapes and tazing women isn't enough to out-crazy the Ultimate Warrior. Jesus, even John Cena is out-crazying Matt Hardy! What happened Matt? Get on YouTube and show us what you're made of already! I do appreciate you burning your garbage and blowing up aerosol cans or getting bumshit hammered or giving cooking lessons to nobody, but do you think that's enough to keep up with the Ultimate Warrior swearing at a fictional lazy person? Or John Cena getting as naked and veiny as he possibly can and tweeting a picture of himself? NO. NO MATT. NO.
You need to pull yourself up by the cargo pant pockets and prove just who really is the craziest fucking idiot on the Internet. Grab your flipcam, kiss your brother, throw Shannon Moore into a pile of syringes, I don't care. Just be the best idiot you can be. I believe in you.
RING OF HONOR + PRO WRESTLING GUERRILLA
TV TAPINGS, DBD IX, STEEN VS. FINLAY
Photo - ROHWrestling.com
ROH taped their first show for the Sinclair Broadcasting Group this past weekend. I didn't read spoilers, since I will be able to watch the show on my actual TV (September 24th), which makes me happy. Okay, I did read one spoiler, but it had nothing to do with match outcomes, so that's fine.
Ring Of Honor also announced the first match for Death Before Dishonor IX in New York this September, which will feature Roderick Strong and Eddie Edwards in a "Ringmaster Challenge" match, that has nothing to do with both guys getting managed by Ted DiBiase and wearing white boots. It's a Two Out of Three Falls match where the first fall can only be won by pinfall, the second fall can only be won by submission, and the third fall, if necessary (it'll be necessary), will be a 15 minute Iron Man match. This will be the kind of match for fans with workrate boners, and they're letting you know ahead of time.
PWG's 2011 Battle of Los Angeles is happening this Saturday, with Kevin Steen vs. Fit FUCKING Finlay as the most notable match on the card. I don't think there's anything left to say. This is going to be the realest shit ever forever hyperbole ever.
HULK HOGAN
REGRETS INVESTING IN MEATBALL MACHINE
Thank you dirtsheets for providing me with this headline, and the endless laughter. You will never top this. Never.
...
That is all.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
CM PUNK AND CHUCK TAYLOR: KINDRED SPIRITS
If you haven't seen it already, here is CM Punk surprising Cousin Sal's son on Jimmy Kimmel Live (hilarious):
As awesome as that was, I don't think anyone will ever top Chuck Taylor when it comes to harassing small children in pro wrestling:
On second thought, no one will ever top this guy. BOOK THIS DAD
Friday, July 15, 2011
07/11/11 RAW REVIEW: CM PUNK = VOICE OF THE VOICELESS (ICE CREAM BARS HAVE NO VOICE)
This review is also posted at Fair To Flair, a new pro wrestling website with essays and articles and podcasts and an actual book (think Internet you can touch!) that we release four times a year, which we call the Fair To Flair Quarterly. You can purchase the first Quarterly here (in both book and digital book formats), and listen to a podcast detailing the upcoming second Quarterly here.
I'm a regular contributor at FTF (mainly for Raw reviews, like this one) along with co-founders Jason Mann of Wrestlespective, K. Sawyer Paul of Footnotes of Wrestling, as well as Razor of Kick-Out!! Wrestling and my blogging Dick Bro-go TH of The Wrestling Blog.
MONDAY NIGHT RAW 07/11/11
LIKED...
Photo - WWE.com, Edit - F Yeah WWE Wrestling
Dear readers of Fair To Flair and lovers of pizza and body slams (what a maneuver!) everywhere,
I refuse to review anything on Raw this week involving CM Punk.
There’s a point in my wrestling-watching life when I go back and rewatch certain promos and get the same amount of goosebumps each time, and simply can’t say anything about it to make it better/funnier/more interesting/etc.
Instead, I will just link you to some CM Punk gifs (like this one or this one or this one or this one and look at this one or maybe even just this one jpeg where six months ago CM Punk told us not blink for the next six months holy crap), watch the PPV on Sunday, and feel like I’m eleven years old again discovering my body getting caught up in pro wrestling.
Signed,
Mitch (PIZZABODYSLAM)
CM PUNK TALKED ME INTO THE BUILDING
Okay, I lied. Sometimes you gotta say just one thing about thing you love so much you don’t want to ruin it by saying too many things about it. So, ahem:
I LOVE THIS.
I wish I had video of myself on the literal edge of my seat as Punk managed to go from funny to serious in a totally non-John Cena way, and from loved to hated in a totally organic way, even if he was just running down the city they were in. It was so perfect. I shrieked when Cena punched him. I’ve watched it at least three times since, and I (as mentioned above) still get goosebumps.
That’s all I want to say. I don’t want to dissect or analyze or speculate or fantasy book or do anything that could ruin Sunday for me. So I’m going to close my eyes and plug my ears until then, goodbye.
But first, large men falling down:
MARK HENRY VS. BIG SHOW: RAMPAGE WORLD TOUR
Anyone else love this feud?
Like, just the feud. I don’t mean the matches or the anticipation I feel when either one of them is about to do something (I feel nothing). I mean the actual concept of this feud, where both Mark Henry and Big Show, week-in and week-out attempt to destroy something more hilarious (like Mark Henry throwing a man just INTO THE AIR) or participate in some hilarious stunt that escalates by the week. It’s like they’re picking who hits first in baseball by going hand-over-hand on a bat until one of them sneaks their fat finger on the top of the handle. Except the bat is Drew McIntyre.
Can I ask what exactly we are to believe Big Show and Mark Henry fell on, if not just cardboard boxes with a tablecloth on it? I love the wrestling logic of the black tablecloth, as if it’s supposed to make whatever compressible material they have beneath it disappear. Why couldn’t they have fallen on that spark machine that’s always found near the stage? That’s fun AND illogical. Everyone loves sparks. Everyone except Jeff Hardy, if you remember that one time when he danced out too many fireworks.
KELLY KELLY IS MY FAVOURITE KIND OF HILARIOUS: ACCIDENTALLY!
Four seconds into her match on Raw she managed to find herself on the ground with her arms wrapped around her own body in a “quit hugging yourself” bully-type move. YOU ARE THE CHAMPION. No champion of anything, potentially even the World Self-Hugging Champion, could manage to fall down, get spun around and tied up in a Johnny Saint knot four seconds into a match.
Then again, no champion of anything would rub their butthole in the face of their opponent. Okay, maybe John Cena and Randy Orton would, but apparently they can get away with it.
Kelly Kelly also may have legitimized the wrestling stomp. The way she was selling the stompdown the Bellas were giving her, it was as if they were stomping her organs into OBLITERATITRY. Thank God Eve was there to save her jump on her own face.
Honourable Mention: R-Truth and spiders, apparently.
He insinuated that if the Money In The Bank briefcase has any spiders in it, he will shit himself. I probably would too. Because what the actual ****, RON
MONDAY NIGHT RAW 07/11/11
DISLIKED...
DAVID OTUNGA, TAG TEAM CHAMPION
OH. MAN. You suck. You might be the worst tag team wrestler to ever hold the belts like three times or whatever unbelievable number it is.
John Cena, famous serial murderer of World Tag Team Champions, is down in the corner and the referee has his back turned. Here’s your chance, David. C’mon buddy, take it to ‘im! Use that handicap advantage like the Tag Team Champion you are! Here we gooooo AAAANNND! WOW. Wow. Just a soft little kick. One little tap. Like a gentle nudge. The referee is still turned around, you could go back and…no? You’re good? Okay. Cool. Cool.
Maybe, instead of Googling yourself, you should Google tag team wrestling and learn how to **** a person up when you have the chance, and then John Cena wouldn’t wrestle you to death and blow you a tiny kiss at the end of it all.
YOU WANNA TOUCH MY SISTER?!?!??
Such a weird thing to say.
The Bella Twins deliver promos like evil, teenaged Sweeney Sisters. The teenaged part is when they start the promo with “Wait, hold on, um, hellooooo…wow” and reference Katy Perry Proactiv commercials. The Sweeney Sisters part is when they trade one-liners and look to the crowd for a reaction, and generally receive none, and mix up Kelly Kelly with Katy Perry. The evil part is how you can look but you can’t touch (but you probably could).
But, I will give them credit: they annoy the ever-loving shit out of me. So, kudos?
Yes, kudos. I’ve decided they get the kudos. Because Melina also annoys me to no foreseeable end (what were those melty crazed duck faces she was making at the start of the match?), but is never on TV so my hate for her goes unsolved. At least I get to see the Bellas get slapped around every once and a while.
The only kudos I’ll give Melina (I’m giving a lot of backhanded kudos here) is that she sold Kelly Kelly’s Fame-Asser/Rocker Dropper finisher like instant death. The way she laid there made me wish she stayed there like CM Punk did that one time, except the show would have to continue and everyone would have to wrestle around her.
MICROPHONE PARADE
Seven guys lining up to interrupt each other is funny any way you look at it.
Logically, in order to come out in time, they had to be near each other backstage before they went out. I like to think that they asked each other what they had to say, then started scrambling for loose microphones because they disagreed with one another.
Part of me wishes this was a never-ending microphone parade (it almost was), and they just ran out the rest of the show with the Great Khali taking exception to something Mason Ryan said in disagreement with Black Ref who came out to challenge Man Mountain Rock who interrupted the ramblings of me who took this joke too far.
Honourable Mention: Dolph Ziggler has charisma I swear.
Did anyone watch that season of NXT where he was constantly ad-libbing from the stage and elbow-dropping novelty foam hats? He’s hilarious! Let him say things and act the way he normally would instead of having him make bad breath/possum diaper vomit jokes.
I have no real knowledge as to how much of any wrestling promo is scripted or not scripted. But just based on how humans work, I can confidently say that some people are better at being given “lines” and delivering them, while other people are better at saying what they want to say. Or something. I don’t know. Line?
Honourable Honourable Mention: I almost forgot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)