PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME REGRET THIS, TNA

I think I'm going to sit down and try and make it through a full episode of Impact for the first time since January 4th. I don't know anything about tonight's card. Matches, announcements, whatever.

I'll probably do some kind of review as I go as well.

Hopefully I don't tap out too early.

UPDATE: I turned it off and played scrabble at 9:30.

CASUAL VIEWER COMMERCIAL BREAK iMPACT! REVIEW (2)

10:19

A man sandwiched between an old man and a small wide man is worried about someone at home not calling him. He says he wants to scout the glistening man in the hexagon. I've now learned that this man has only initials for a name.

A man called Abyss (didn't give a last name) climbs in the hexagon but he appears to be replacing the professional wrestler who should be in this match, because this Abyssman has no wrestling outfit and was forced to wrestle in his everyday work uniform. He must work at a loading dock.

As the men are fighting a large television type screen shows some stripper type women pulling one of the stripper woman's hair and the Abyssman gets punch in the penis and the other man is declared winner.

A hooded man then shoves the initial man down.

Channel change

CASUAL VIEWER COMMERCIAL BREAK iMPACT! REVIEW

9:50

Tuned in for the first time during the show.

A man called Pope and a skeleton are making friends in some kind of roped hexagon.

Jean-clad beard men charge the hexagon and trouble is a foot for the skeleton and Pope, but they're saved by a tall shirtless man named Matt and his bald friend.

The broadcast team say that they are all now partners and the crowd is rejoicing.

Channel change