WHOA: EPIC UNDERTAKER VS. STING PROMO SHOT

Via Arda Ocal's Twitter

Image - @TheRaviKhanna

No idea if this is fake or real or fan-made or fan-found or whatever, but HOLY JESUS. If your body didn't go fully erect as one giant goosebump after viewing this, you can DDT yourself and forget ever being a wrestling fan again.

Or maybe you just don't like Sting or something.

EDIT: I threw this up here in a mark-out frenzy and didn't even take a second to think about this.

Undertaker vs. Sting has been a rumour (pipedream?) for a while now, and this image looks ridiculously professional - is it legit? I don't know. But what I do know, is that this promo aired on RAW last night:

Sorry for the crude nature of the video, it's all I could find for now.

I think the answer is obvious. Even the "2 21 11" numbers form in such a way that the letters "STING" could replace them.

Sting has always been against coming to WWE, but maybe after seeing the sendoff and Hall of Fame treatment guys have been getting as of late, he won't be afraid of the Sting character being bastardized by Vince McMahon for the years of opposing the WWF that Sting has done. Is that sentence worded properly? I can't tell because I'm having SENSORY OVERLOOOAD

FUCK IT I LOVE IT

LAST EDIT I PROMISE: Wow. Immediately after posting this, the rumour mill is SWIRLING (spinning? Do rumours swirl? FORGET IT) that the "2 21 11" mystery man is...

(this is going to spoil it for you)

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(so stop scrolling if you don't want to be spoiled)

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(although spoilers in wrestling don't really make sense because how can you spoil something that hasn't happened yet)

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(but this is still a spoiler)

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(so stop right now)

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(if you've read this far you clearly want to be spoiled so here it comes)

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(or what if I just keep going on like this forever?)

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(how far would you keep scrolling?)

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(you'd probably just scroll to the bottom like a smart person)

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(okay here we go)

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THE UNDERTAKER. Wait, what? Not Sting? I should've seen that coming. Apparently, the website for the arena that's hosting the February 21st RAW is advertising the return of the Undertaker, and dirtsheets everywhere are reporting this as the answer to the "2 21 11" mystery. But I won't give up hope. That poster is too awesome to just die on the internet and not come to life and entertain the shit out of me.

Not only that, but maybe... just maybe (this is me refusing to let go), the WWE is getting better at swerving the internet, by sending out false rumours, like Wade Barrett being set to face Undertaker at WrestleMania, or the Undertaker being the man in the "2 21 11" promo, or whatever else. Maybe they're trying to keep a lid on this surprise.

I just don't see that being the Undertaker. I guess I should. Just why the fuck do we need a mysterious hype video for the Undertaker? He comes and goes all the goddamned time! I only know one dark brooding character that hangs out in the rain in a black trenchcoat, and that's my perverted neighbour at my window I mean Sting.

I want shit like this to happen every year (even though it's not happening this year). People from all over the fucking world want to come and end Undertaker's Streak like it's some kind of Super Smash Bros. BRAWL event and Sting is Snake hiding in a cardboard box giving me a nerd boner the size of GIGA BOWSER. I want to see someone draw up a poster for next year's 'Mania with Kenta Kobashi looking into a broken mirror with Undertaker's distorted reflection looking back at him, and "STREAK" written in blood or some crazy fucking shit. Or maybe a poster where Undertaker perched atop a skyscraper looking over whatever city the next 'Mania is in and in the fog behind him is a shadow in the exact shape of BATMAN AND THE LIGHTS ON THE BUILDING SPELL OUT "STREAK" AND I'M THE REFEREE AND AHAHHHHHHHAHAHAHJDKHVBEHR,.JF

I hope Sting comes some day. If only so we could finally get that Sting/Undertaker/Cena rematch we've been clamouring for since the first one happened - remember that?

WRESTLEMANIA WEEK: WRESTLEMANIA XXVI REVIEW

I want to start off by saying I had a whole mess of fun watching the show last night. But I always somehow get myself all riled up by reading other people's thoughts before I put my own input in, and it almost ruins it for me. I think some people are forgetting what wrestling is/what it's about, and just want CM Punk to kiss them on the lips.

I love Punk too, (and would also accept his tender embrace) but let's have some perspective, shall we?

WRESTLEMANIA XXVI

LIKED: MAIN EVENTS

DIDN'T LIKE: NO BLOOD :(

Photo - WWE.com

LIKED

- WrestleMania. That definitely sounds like a redundant nerdy statement (i heart wreslemaenia!1), but I just do. I love how it's something people dress up for. And how huge it is. And how it really does feel like the most important thing ever for wrestling fans, with the week-long festivities, the Indy shows that surround it, and all of the bright lights, loud noises and fanfare that make it into the SPECTACLE (GRANDEUR MAJESTY MICHAEL COLE) that it is. It's nice having something so huge in a fake sport that feels real.

- New outfit day!! I become tickled pink and giddy with the sort of excitement my dad would disown me for when a guy comes out in a new outfit. Be it Miz's badass jacket, Cody looking like a naked Ken doll with a smoothed-off crotch area (was he wearing clothes, couldn't tell), Kofi's silly hair, Swagger's All-American American (American) robe, Punk's AWESOME GI JOE trunks, or Undertaker's ill-ass new sleeveless cloak, I was playing Project Runway special guest judge as they all came out, and loving it.

- Legacy Three-Way. It was stomp-central for a good part of it, but things took off once Cody and Ted started going at it. Cody's expertly timed dive on an almost-not-looking Ted was sweet, as was the entire finish sequence.

- MITB fear of death. I always just assume someone is going to slip and break their neck in these matches. Bourne's one-footed SSP to Christian was fucking insane, as was anything else he did in this match. This match had plenty to watch with Kofi on stilts (and nearly snapping his ankle in the rung of a ladder), Kane's chokeslam to Bourne to the outside, Matt Hardy taking a painful looking tumble through a ladder... good god.

- Jack THWAGGA! He didn't seem to do too much in the match, and him winning was totally unexpected. He... will probably be the first failed cash-in. Goddamn.

- The backstage Slim Jim segment. Mae Young, Mene Gean in a dress, oh man. I loved it. So funny. I couldn't stop laughing. Haaaaaaaa... dasdafdfasdasaddsffffffffffffff

- Punk/Mysterio. As much as I wanted it to go on forever and have Punk win in the end, you can't really lose when you watch these guys wrestle. A lot of fun spots, including the ending.

- Bret Hart treating Vince McMahon like Mick Foley and pummelling him with a chair for what must've been longer than the opening tag match.

- Bret Hart giving Vince McMahon the Sharpshooter at WrestleMania. If you travelled back in time with footage of this and showed it to a furious 12-year old me, I would've cried tears of sweet justice.

- The Main Events. Each one delivered. Edge/Jericho was fantastic, Cena/Batista was way better than their SummerSlam match, and Shawn/Taker was fucking glorious.

- Cena's unrecognized fucking crazy feat of strength when he stood up with Batista wrapped around his back. Then he FU'd the shit out of him. I got a hernia watching it on PPV.

- Cena celebrating in the arms of his haterzzzz.

- I totally thought Undertaker had blew his knee at the start. I am a big fat mark.

- And the first few minutes of this match were HOT AS FUCK. I feel like that might've been forgotten once the whole thing was over, but I loved it.

- Shawn's moonsault to Taker's legs through a table. I don't care where he meant to hit him, the fact that it looked like he did crazy damage to the leg he'd been working over all match was awesome.

- The redo of "I'm sorry, I love you" as "STAY DOWN... STAY DOWN... STAYD--JUMPINGTOMBSTONE"

- Shawn's farewell, and more importantly, what wasn't seen as he went backstage.

DIDN'T LIKE

- Guys who didn't get a new outfit to satisfy my bizarre self.

- I definitely wanted that big, oddly-placed rectangle of a screen on the Mania set to be a big drawbridge that lowers for the main event wrestlers to come out of or something. Can't you make me an electronic HD screen drawbridge, Vince?! GOD.

- The opening tag match. It was alright and all, and it made so much sense that ShoMiz won, but it was so so short, and I thought Miz and Morrison would pull out all the stops facing each other at WrestleMania in the opening match. Definitely expected at least one springboard 450 dive by Morrison. :(

- Orton beating Legacy. I really liked the match itself, and given the circumstances, probably neither Ted nor Cody should've won. But what does the story here tell us? Orton took these guys under his wing, slapped them around for 18 months then beat them at WrestleMania. "See, I AM better than you guys!" ... well, yeah!

- Jack Swagger cracking a safe on top of a ladder.

- How MITB is being under-utilized. I already hate myself for even saying that. But seriously. The match was fun and crazy and all, but every year the story just seems to be about pointing at the briefcase in the weeks leading up to WrestleMania, then a guy wins. I really think they could tie in some storylines that make it more interesting, and really make people give a damn who wins. We already care, but it'd be nice to have a story too. Maybe the new MITB PPV will change that.

- How obvious it is that Swagger will be the first to fail. His entire gimmick as of late has been that of a dude who fails at every turn. Getting beat-up by Santino, starting undefeated streaks that last not even one match... c'mon, he is cashing-in and losing any day now. If I get proved wrong, I'll be the happiest man not named Jack Swagger.

- Triple H/Sheamus. Had it's moments, but I was mostly bored. Sorry Trips. I don't know why they had to set this up as "if you don't beat me you're fading into obscurity, heh heh." And then he doesn't beat him.

- Vickie Guerrero's fucked up pin at the end, and the ref who REFUSED TO COMPROMISE HIS INTEGRITY and just count the goddamn three. "Uh, yer shoulder's up. ... sorry."

- I hate to say this... because Bret Hart has been my hero since I've been Sharpshooting guys with my action figures. But I really wish that match went differently. I loved seeing Bret make Vince tap out, and I loved the Sting/RVD like beatdown he put on him with the steel chair. But with the new no-blood rule, it's hard to not hold this match up against Shawn/Vince from WM22 where Vince was beaten within an inch of his life and go... "Shouldn't Bret get more revenge than Shawn?" It's such a petty thing, but it definitely took away from the match for me. I wanted to see Vince essentially wearing his skin inside out, but I should've known I wasn't getting that going into the show. And the whole convoluted "I hired your family" "Well I KNEW you hired my family so I convinced them to turn on you!" explanation. This feud needed a whole lot less of weird explanations after-the-fact and a whole lot more of Bret wiping Vince's blood on his chest. OKAY I'M DONE!

- Cena haterz.

- Michael Cole.

PHEW! All done. Like I said, I had a ton of fun watching this show. Really nothing more fun than watching Mania with a bunch of friends who also like wrestling.

Photo - WWE.com

2010: UNDERTAKER WINS AT WRESTLEMANIA!

UNDERTAKER

UNDEFEATED FOREVER!!!

Guys, I'm going out on a limb here. I think he can do it.

18-0.

It's crazy shit, I know. But I'm going to be bold and be the first person to predict that the Undertaker will win a match at this year's WrestleMania!

In fact, I'll just lay out my Undertaker WM predictions for the rest of his career. But first, his history:

PAST

VII: def. Jimmy Snuka

VIII: def. Jake Roberts

IX: def. Giant Gonzalez via DQ (They prolly had to keep Gonzalez strong)

XI: def. King Kong Bundy

XII: def. Diesel

13: def. Sycho Sid for the WWF Championship

XIV: def. Kane

XV: def. The Big Bossman via hanging

X-Seven: def. Triple H in his only career loss

X8: def. Ric Flair

XIX: def. The Big Show and A-Train (with the help of good friend Nathan Jones!)

XX: def. Kane

21: def. Randy Orton

22: def. Mark Henry

23: def. Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship

XXIV: def. Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship

XXV: def. Shawn Michaels in a "bet you'll cry when we're gone and retired" match

FUTURE

XXVI: def. CM Punk

- We finally get our big Punk/Undertaker match. But this time, the angle is all about Punk trying to prove to everyone that the Undertaker is on drugs, because clearly, if you believe you're a deadman, you're high as a kite. Punk's straight-edge army is built around wanting to expose the Undertaker, and the Phenom has to fight off Luke Gallows, and a (re)returning Nick Dinsmore (formerly Eugene).

XX-Seven: def. John Morrison

- Morrison gets his biggest match to date against an aging Undertaker. They steal the show. Morrison is further pegged as this generation's Shawn Michaels.

XXVIII: def. Kurt Angle

- Angle returns after leaving TNA, and is crazier than ever. Taker wins and Angle has a temper tantrum.

XXIX: def. Sheamus

- Sheamus has gone on a Triple H style reign of terror and won the World Titles a combination of eleven times in three years, as well as accumulating a WM streak of 3-0. Undertaker defeats him, looking super slow, despite being on a Road to WM-only schedule.

XXX: def. Kane

- Kane comes out of early retirement to lose to his brother for a third time at WrestleMania. The Kane character is then "killed off" in some kind of absurdly firey pyro explosion, because Vince McMahon is becoming senile.

31: def. Bryan Danielson

- Bryan Danielson has become the biggest star since John Cena, but Taker still goes over him because the streak cannot end! Danielson taps to the weakest looking Hell's Gates, because the Deadman is barely mobile. Wrestling fans everywhere shed a tear.

32: def. AJ Styles

- Vince McMahon has bought TNA, and NEEDS to bury all of their talent! So what better way than having their last champion lose to a fully-grey, wheelchair-sporting Undertaker in two minutes flat! 24-0!

XXXV: def. Vince McMahon

- After taking three years off, Undertaker comes back looking like an actual Dead Man to face a completely senile Vince McMahon in a feud that makes no sense. Undertaker wins when he collapses in the ring and is placed on Vince McMahon by the official, as Vince yells for the referee to do so, because Undertaker is actually dead, but Vince won't let the streak die (and is batshit crazy). Long live the Undertaker('s streak!)! Vince McMahon lives on because he is fucking immortal.

XXXVI: def. Kane and Vince McMahon

- Turns out that Vince is somehow crazier than anyone ever could have imagined, as he worked Undertaker's death for publicity, and one year later, Taker returns to get his revenge in a feud that still doesn't make sense, because Kane is there, who died a couple WrestleMania's ago. All three men die of a triple-threat heart attack.

The show goes on for the big main event of Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre for the WWE Championship though!