Monday, April 25, 2011


I love the way Alberto Del Rio says pretty much any word. He said "grandfather clock" with the emphasis on "grandfather." WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY.

This Smackdown review is also posted at Fair To Flair, where I joined forces with Jason Mann of Wrestlespective, Razor of Kick-Out!! Wrestling and K. Sawyer Paul of Aggressive Art to form a pro wrestling Secret Avengers team of nerds. Check out FTF, as well as all of their individual blogs and podcasts, and we're all on tumblr too (links at the bottom). Credit to Jason for once again editing this way-too-long three-day-late mess of links and swear words.


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I love that Alberto Del Rio just holds parties all the time. And I love that, for no apparent reason, his promo was scored by a guy (who was nowhere to be seen) noodling around on a Spanish guitar.

This is a new thing. It wasn't until Matt Hardy turned evil and started delivering resentful promos to his brother Jeff, while childhood pictures magically appeared on the screen accompanied by ominous tones. And this wasn't like when Sycho Sid or Mankind would come to the ring and start cutting a promo over top of their music that was still playing. This is new music being played over his promo, as if he told the guys in the truck "hey, I think my words would be more effective if paired with some bass synths." And Matt Hardy can't cut a promo over his own music because his music is just a man shouting.

Aside from the music, I like how a bad guy holding a party (or funeral or fiesta or whatever) in honour of a good guy always means prop comedy. Moreso, I like in wrestling logic how, instead of preparing for a match or training or anything that would make sense, we are supposed to believe that wrestlers are running around backstage cutting together video packages to show to their enemies, or ordering props and writing jokes about the people they hate. "Cardio? Oh no, I'm trying to hunt down a grandfather clock so I can illustrate the end of Edge's career." Because in wrestling, that is INFINITELY more important than any real athletics.


As much of an Action Soap Opera Entertainment Movie Thrillride the WWE has become, there always remains a few WWE-bred guys who wrestle like wrestlers and don't entertain like entertainerers. Chris Masters is one of these guys. He throws chops like he's trying to hurt you. He sells the Future Shock DDT like rigamortis. And, conversely, Drew McIntyre (somehow) always seems to quietly have the most entertaining match on any given Smackdown.

This match was a good break from The Corre saying or doing anything.


When watching Smackdown, Cody Rhodes appearing on screen usually elicits a "YEAHHF" out of me. Whether he's wrestling, or emoting, or handing out paper bags to the audience, or supplementing his lisp with a cracking puberty voice, he usually ends up being my favourite part of the show.

The match was good. That nice tilt-a-whirl backbreaker move Jericho would frequently use against Rey was cool too. And if it weren't for the two commercial breaks and the clunky ending, I would have preferred this match to their WrestleMania match. Even still, it was pretty close.

The brawl afterward was unusually calm and paced like a regular match (I suppose to spell out what their Falls Count Anywhere match will look like at Extreme Rules), and had my eyes glazing over until Rey pitched Cody over the barricade like he was DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Honourable Mention: Remember those old-style video packages I was talking about?

Yeah, well it happened again. This gets an honourable mention for a) me being proven right and b) the package having to be edited HILARIOUSLY because of how half-baked the original promo was.

R-Truth: "i'm so happy!!"

Morrison: "give me the thing that made you happy"

R-Truth: "no"

Morrison: "you smoke and drink water"

R-Truth: "k"



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My least favourite instances featuring The Corre:

  • Backstage segments that occur seemingly for no other reason than to showcase the zero charisma they all possess.
  • Justin Gabriel touching Heath Slater's chest for an inappropriate amount of time.
  • Wade Barrett's underwater punches.
  • The things they say and do
  • I'll stop now
  • Their matching shirts
  • Okay now

My favourite instance featuring The Corre:

  • When the Big Show pitched Justin Gabriel over the top rope like he was DJ Jazzy Jeff.


Why can't he just look like a normal, intimidating dude, and not like if King Hippo and King Koopa three-way impregnated a Super Mario 2 turnip? Does he need a spiky mohawk that wouldn't have even been cool ten years ago? JUST STOP IT. And, we all know when you go "SHHEEEEE" you really mean "SHIIIIIIT" so don't write "SHEEEEEE" on your stupid shirt or it'll look like you're saying "SHEEEEE" which makes no sense.

You didn't always look this dumb. A quick Google image search brings up a handful of photos of you without your SHEEEETY mohawk (and for some unknown reason, a mugshot of Brian Christopher). Incidentally, a quick Wikipedia search reveals that you were the timekeeper for Extreme Chick Fights.



Michael Cole operates on a whole new plane of obnoxiousness previously undiscovered by the human race. I don't know how he's able to do it. Maybe it's the countless years of people hating his fucking guts when he just had to grin and bear it. I always wondered when he'd snap and go postal and just machine gun everybody to death, so maybe this is a nice way to keep that from happening. By letting him be a full-blown prick to everyone by channelling the fourteen years of pent-up rage.

Some of you might be thinking "why is this a BOO! if he's doing his job by getting you to hate him?" And that is true. He is perfectly irritating and couldn't be better suited for his role. But there's only so much applauding you can do, and there's only so much you can take before you're just like, "you've done a wonderful job FUCKING ANNOYING ME GOODBYE TV OFF."

Honourable Mention: Booker T

Booker T: "You know something, I've been watching this Justin Gabriel and I've noticed that Justin Gabriel, he's a high flyer."

I just picture Booker studying charts and algorithms before coming to this conclusion.


Fair To Flair - On Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook

Jason Mann - Wrestlespective, on Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook

K. Sawyer Paul - Aggressive Art, on Twitter, on Tumblr

Razor - Kick-Out!! Wrestling, on Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook

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